Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or Excel Saga. They are the works of Rumiko Takahashi, and Koushi Rikudou the respective copyright holders and creators.
Author's Note: WDTDR (Where Does the Darkness Reside) was my former pen name just incase anyone was wondering where the Mini-Series villain came from…as far as where the plot is going…well that's a secret.
Mini-Series: Nabeshin and Rikudou vs. WDTDR!
"Just a little further," a man donning a pink/red blazer, royale blue dress shirt, banana yellow tie, and khaki pants muttered to himself as he crawled through a tight air duct with only the flame from his sterling silver lighter to light his way.
"To think that bastard thought he could get away with something so ballsy! These fan fiction writers have gone too far, but he has got to be the worst! NO ONE CLAIMS WORK THAT ISN'T THEIR OWN FOR PROFIT! ESPECIALLY NOT SOMETHING I'M MAKING MONEY OFF OF!" the man bellowed as his giant globe shaped brown afro shook with his gyrations.
"SHHHH! He'll hear you, Nabeshin!" another man donning a forest green dress shirt with the selves rolled up, a white t-shirt, and a pair of worn and faded blue jeans stated from behind the first. His messy brown hair nearly obscured his square face from view and his oversized rectangular glasses gave him the appearance of an otaku.
"Shut up Rikudou! Do you have any idea of what will happen if he actually manages to succeed!? There will be pandemonium! Fan fiction writers will be claiming characters and works as their own all of the time! Can you imagine what the world would be like if every Ranma ½ fan fiction was published as an original work!?" Nabeshin exclaimed as Rikudou shivered at the thought before they came upon an air vent which a small shimmer of light filtered through. "Here we are, let's handle this quickly," Nabeshin muttered to himself as struggled to reach his arm into his blazer pocket.
"This damn air duct is too tight!" he snapped in frustration as pulled his hand back and stared down through the grates into the room. Looking down all he could see was a single white gem on an onyx pedestal, which appeared to be where the light was being emitted from, and an onyx throne adorned with various ancient carvings from early civilizations.
"Are you ready Rikudou?" Nabeshin questioned as he heard the man behind him grunt affirmatively. "Alright, let's do this," the afro man muttered to himself.
"SLAM! BAM!"
"Alright!" Nabeshin muttered to himself as he landed on the marble floor of the near pitch black room with a loud echo. Quickly moving to the side he narrowly avoided Rikudou who leapt down right after him.
"Where Does the Darkness Reside! We're here to make you pay for copyright infringement and claiming both the Excel Saga characters and Ranma ½ characters as your own property! Come on out, we know you're here!" Nabeshin bellowed as he whipped sterling silver Beretta out of his blazer pocket and cocked back the hammer. Looking around the room Nabeshin noted that aside from the small area the jewel lit up everything in the room was completely pitch black.
"So you've finally come have you? However I do not see Takahashi-senpai…how disappointing. At first I thought this might be a challenge, but the two of you alone are nothing more than a nuisance to me."
"Rikudou, where's that coming from!?" Nabeshin snapped as his counter part retrieved his own sterling silver Beretta out from behind his back.
"I don't know, I can't see a thing!" Rikudou exclaimed as he and Nabeshin pressed their backs together in an attempt not to be caught from behind.
"Put your glasses on you blind bat!" Nabeshin snapped as the two men began to turn while director lit his lighter again.
"They are on!" Rikudou snapped back.
"My, my, are you two still arguing like children? How sad."
"Director there he is!" Rikudou snapped as a figure suddenly appeared atop the throne.
"What is that!?" Nabeshin snapped as he turned around to face a figure donning a long elegant black cloak with a hood with which it hid its face behind. Its body seemed to be wrapped in silver and platinum chains which glistened in the light produced by Nabeshin's lighter and the gem. Behind its back was a giant round object wrapped in canvas by a brown rope.
"So you've come to make me pay for copyright infringement, have you? Well unfortunately I do not have the time to waste on you gentlemen. Please excuse me, but I have to give my permission to make Excel Saga an epic crossover with Ranma ½. However, I do invite you to "play" with an associate of mine. Perhaps you may recognize him from years past, but his works never really got off the ground, so perhaps not. Either way, I'm sure my alter and deceased ego, Bad Guy, should be more then enough to entertain you!" a disembodied voice stated as it began to laugh manically and the figure before Nabshin and Rikudou fazed out like an apparition.
"WAIT! ONLY I CAN GIVE PERMISSION TO MAKE EXCEL SAGA ANYTHING!" Rikudou cried out, but it was too late because the figure had already gone.
"Hehe, let's play a game! I want to play a game! How about we play…KILL THE ORIGINAL CREATOR!" a sadistic child's voice snapped before it began to laugh manically.
"Get it together Rikudou! This is going to get nasty quick!" Nabeshin snapped as he felt a cool breeze whipped through the air.
"Right, I'll kill that thieving bastard later!" Rikudou snapped back as the watched the gem in the center of the room begin to crack forming spider web like fractures. Suddenly it exploded into thousands of tiny pieces as a bright white light exploded out of the pedestal blinding the two men.
"Damn that's bright," Nabeshin muttered to himself as light started to die down and both men slowly opened their eyes to see another mysterious figure standing before them. It looked to be a child donning a majestic white cloak which seemed to have an ethereal glow about it. From under the hood they could see long strands of jet black wavy hair wrapped around a slightly chubby child like face. The face seemed to have an angelic like quality to it, with full pouty snow white lips that formed into a sadistic smile which seemed strangely sweet. Rouge coloured skin shown from underneath the hood as the figure flashed the two men a sadistic smile with its ivory teeth. On its back was a giant round object which was similar to the one Where Does the Darkness Reside carried, but it had far more protrusions which looked like giant spikes.
"Let's play," the child like figure whispered as the tarp wrapped around the object mysteriously fell away to reveal a giant crescent shaped platinum blade with spikes that dripped some kind of liquid. It wasn't until a droplet of the liquid hit the ground and sizzled that the two men realized that it was acid.
"This is going to take a while," Nabeshin deadpanned as he slanted his eyes and took aim at the smirking deceased fan fiction author ego.
Ranma Saga
Chapter 2: Agent Hyatt's Arrival!
"MENCHI I'M HOME!"
At the sound of the ear piercing shriek a small albino puppy visibly shivered and bolted off to cower in a corner within a three room apartment. While the puppy knew it was impossible to hide in the dinky main room, mainly due to the fact that there was nothing in the room aside from one decrypted wooden bookshelf, a rolled up futon, and a worn wooden table, she secretly hoped that today of all days her master wouldn't find her.
"Um, who's Menchi?" another female voice questioned as the sound of footsteps entering the house could be heard reverberating through the narrow hallway.
"Oh, just my emergency food ration. MENCHIIIII!" a familiar and horrifying, in Menchi's case, voice called out again as the pup tried to flip up the bookshelf in order to hide underneath it. Unfortunately, try as she might, Menchi couldn't even get it to budge and thus resigned herself to being salivated over if her master had not had anything to eat.
"What do you mean emergency food ration? Granted Menchi does sound like some kind of dish, but the way you're calling out for it it sounds more like a dog's name," the unfamiliar voice commented as a pair of women stepped into the main room. The blonde immediately spotted the shivering albino puppy and gazed upon it with hunger in her eyes and drool running down the side of her mouth.
"There you are Menchi! I hope you got nice and fat while I was gone!" Excel exclaimed as she bounded over to the pup and scooped it up in her arms.
"Um, like I said, what do you mean emergency food rations?" Ranma-chan deadpanned as Excel licked the dogs head over and over again while naming various dishes she could use the poor pup for. "Are you seriously planning on eating your dog!?" Ranma-chan exclaimed wide eyed and in disgust. Granted she had eaten her fair share of bizarre dishes, but she would never ever ever ever ever ever ect. eat a dog! They were far too tough on the teeth…
"What? You don't like dog?" Excel questioned with quizzical expression on her face as she set the puppy down and watched it dart off into the kitchen at light speed. "Don't be in such a rush to be cooked Menchi! I don't know if I want to eat you tonight!" Excel cried out as a small whimper could be heard from the kitchen and seconds later an albino pup could be seen sprinting out the kitchen like it was on fire.
"Riiiight," Ranma-chan drawled as she rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Anyway, no I don't eat dog," she stated firmly as Excel simply shrugged in response.
"Suit yourself; I guess that just means more for me then. Although I pretty sure after your third day with no food you'll be begging for a bite!" Excel exclaimed as she grabbed the rolled up futon tucked a way in the corner of the room and unrolled it. "Anyway, I'm going to bed. We've got to get some sleep while we can because tomorrow we've got to get up bright and early for our part-time jobs!" Excel stated excitedly as tore off her uniform and revealed a red lace bra and panty set which clung tightly to her toned form.
Ranma-chan immediately whipped her head away as a small trickle of blood made its way out of her nose and down her lip. She wasn't sure how much she was blushing, but due to the heat she was feeling she had to assume she was as red as a tomato. "W-W-W-What part-time job?" the red head questioned as she heard Excel yawn and smack her lips.
"At a fast food joint! Anyway, what's wrong Ranko-chan?" Excel questioned from her futon as she looked up to see the red heads back to her. 'I wonder why she isn't facing me,' the blonde thought to herself with a quizzical expression on her face. She then looked down at her near nude lithe form and frowned. "I-I-Is it that you find my near nude sexy body repulsive!?" Excel exclaimed in horror as Ranma-chan whipped around and shook her head vehemently while keeping her eyes tightly shut. "Then what could it…ohhhhhh! We can share a futon Ranko-chan! I forgot that I didn't have a spare!" Excel stated as the red head suddenly stiffened like a board.
"I-I-I-I don't think that's a good idea," Ranma-chan stuttered out as she started to back away from the frowning blonde. "I think I'll just sleep in the kitchen," Ranma-chan offered as she just about broke off into a sprint.
"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Excel bellowed as she grabbed the red head by the hand and yanked her down into the futon. "I forgot to pay my heating bill so we were going to have to use body heat to keep warm anyway, so it was either you or Menchi. To be honest Menchi, while full of nutrition, probably wouldn't be as warm," Excel stated as she ripped off Ranma-chan's kung fu shirt and pants practically leaving her in the buff as her braless chest bounced reflexively from the sudden and sharp inertia.
'Holy! She's huge!' Excel thought to herself with a frown as she started down at the stiff red head's voluptuous form. 'She wasn't even wearing a bra and she was that big!?' Excel continued to think to herself as Ranma-chan bolted out of the futon and over to her duffle bag from which she extracted another pair of boxers, the pair she'd been wearing having been ripped off along with her pants, and a white tank top.
"What were you thinking!?" Ranma-chan snapped slipped on the articles just in time before Excel yanked her down again and turned off the lights.
"AH SHUT UP! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO BE EMBRASSED ABOUT!? YOU'RE HUGE! WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE FOR A RACK LIKE THAT!" Excel bellowed as she closed her eyes and began to snore almost immediately.
'It's going to be a long night,' Ranma-chan thought to herself as Excel reflexively mashed her body into the red heads back sending chills up and down Ranma-chan's spine. 'A very very long night,' she thought to herself as a small trickle of blood ran out of her nose and down her pink lips.
--
"WELCOME TO WACKY G'S! Can I take yooour ORDER!" Excel yelled through the inner com causing many of the fast food establishment's patrons to cover their ears and wince.
"Did you have to do that?" Ranma-chan question as she glared at Excel, which was made all the more menacing due to the fact that she had deep dark bags under her eyes. She had hoped that her ice cold shower that morning might have taken some of the edge off the fatigue she felt, but it was to no avail. 'Besides, it's not like I can take a hot shower. Who knows if this ditz would walk in on me or not,' Ranma-chan thought to herself with a deep sigh as she watched Excel prepare to yell into the inner com again.
"Of COURSE! Enthusiasm is the corner stone of GOOD CUSTOMER SERVICE!" Excel replied, once again yelling into the inner com.
'I'm going to kill her before the day is over, I just know it,' Ranma-chan thought to herself as she turned back to her register and exhaled an exasperated sigh. Glancing down at her baggy off white and navy blue polo shirt and too tight khaki pants Ranma-chan wondered how things had gone from bad to worse so quickly. 'I thought having three finances, possibly more, was bad but this definitely takes the cake,' the red head thought to herself as she adjusted her navy blue visor and scanned the fast food eatery once again.
The walls were an off white color with various generic designs adoring them ranging from crude shapes to faces of a blue and white jester, who happened to be the mascot, and various wildlife. The tables were constructed out of recycled plastic, and were off white as well. The tiled floor was also off white and navy blue and the cheap booths and plastic chairs were also navy blue.
"This place sucks," Ranma-chan muttered to herself as she once again tried to rub the sleep out of her eyes. Sparing another glance toward Excel, who was currently bouncing up and down for no reason, Ranma-chan felt a slight twinge of jealousy weasel its way into her. 'I am so buying my own futon before we go home,' the red head thought to herself as she looked over Excel once more. Somehow the blonde had managed to procure a polo that was a little too small for her bust, and a pair of khaki pants that were almost tighter than Ranma-chan's. All in all she looked pretty similar to a striper dressed up in fast food garb, which seemed to garner a majority of the men's attention as they specifically requested for her to take their orders.
"Ah it ain't so bad, and it does pay slightly more than minimum wage. Besides, we could be working a in a grocery store," Excel commented as another patron stepped forward to tell her his order.
Ranma-chan shuddered upon hearing the words 'working' and 'grocery store' in the same sentence. 'Well at least I haven't hit rock bottom yet,' the cobalt blue eyed girl thought to herself as a portly man donning a navy blue business suit stepped forward to her register.
"Hi, welcome to Wacky G's. What do you want?" Ranma-chan deadpanned as the portly man stroked his clean shaven and plump face as if deep in thought.
"Let's see, I think I'll have a number 7 and a number 8…no, no maybe not. Hmmm," the portly man stated as he began to rub his stomach in a circular motion. "What do you recommend?" he asked as Ranma-chan rolled her eyes.
'To be honest, even I wouldn't touch any of this crap with a ten foot pole. I can't tell him that though,' Ranma-chan thought to herself with a frown before she looked up at the overhead chart and picked a random number. "I'd have to say that the number 3 is pretty good," the red head offered as the portly man simply nodded in response.
"Uh hum, well since you suggested it in that case I'll take the number 9," he replied causing Ranma-chan to face fault.
'That bastard did that on purpose,' she thought to herself as her eyebrow twitched in frustration and a vein protruded out of her forehead. "Of course sir, your order will be ready in a moment," Ranma-chan said through gritted teeth.
"Right, and do you think you could have your friend bring it to me?" the portly man inquired as he handed Ranma-chan his credit card and allowed her to swipe it.
"I'll look into it sir," Ranma-chan replied, once again, through gritted teeth as he handed the man back his card and went to retrieve his order. 'Fat bastard, just for that you're getting something "special" with your fries,' Ranma-chan thought to herself as got some fries out of the deep fryer. Clearing her throat the red head summoned up phlegm from the back of her throat and spat a loogie into the container before going to retrieve the rest of his order.
"Hey Excel you've got-"
"SENPAI!"
"Ahem, Senpai, the gentleman in the blue suit would like you to deliver his order to him."
"Did he say anything about a tip?"
"…No."
"Is that so? Okay…no."
"Okay…Number 9 with a side of fries!" Ranma-chan yelled as he placed the order on the receiving end of the silver counter top and walked off.
"I wanted it to be-" the portly man started as he walked up to the counter before he was cut off.
"You givin' up a tip?" Ranma-chan questioned flatly as the portly man looked shocked for a moment and then simply nodded in response. "Okay…SENPAI, TIP!" Ranma-chan bellowed as Excel suddenly appeared behind her. "Yah!" Ranma-chan exclaimed in shock as she tried to figure out just how the blonde was able to move so quickly without her even sensing it.
"Here you are sir," Excel stated as she handed the tray to the man and smiled congenially.
"T-T-Thank you," the man replied as he too wondered how the blonde popped up so quickly. After handing her the tip, which was only about 500 yen, he headed over to a table and continued to ponder whether or not it was humanly possible for someone to move that quickly.
"HA! Now I have enough to buy that bentou!" Excel exclaimed as she eyed the bill hungrily.
"Whatever, I just want to make it through the last fifteen minutes," Ranma-chan muttered to herself as she fought the urge to fall asleep standing up. 'I just want things to go smoothly from here on out.'
"HEY! SOMEONE SPIT IN MY FRIES!"
"Damn it all."
--
'Odd, why is Ranko-kun not picking up her cell phone?' Il Palazzo thought to himself as he snapped his sleek silver cell phone shut. 'Oh well, back to the interview I suppose,' he thought to himself as he turned back to his newest applicant. "Okay, what do…the words 'World conquest' mean to you?" Il Palazzo questioned from atop his throne as he leered over his glasses trying to look intimidating. Looking down from his position in his rather comfortable chair he inspected his newest prospect of an agent and another chance to prove his sexual orientation was not what people perceived of it as being.
"It means conquering half of the world!"
"Wha? Ahem, interesting," Il Palazzo muttered as he cocked an eyebrow in confusion. For some reason that didn't make any sense to him, but he decided to let her finish before calling for his signature rope.
"To conquer the world, you conquer half of it! To conquer the half, you conquer that half…"
Two Hours Later
"…Then you conquer one entire city!" an airy feminine voice finished.
"Right…very well. You shall be inducted into our ranks as a member of our organization for the promotion of the supreme ideological ideal on earth…ACROSS! Your code name shall be…HYATT, like the hotel chain!" Il Palazzo bellowed dramatically as he waved his hand even more dramatically.
"Hail Il Pal-ACK!" a young woman with dark brown wavy hair coughed out as blood and bile were expelled from her throat. The chocolate brown eyed and buxom young woman would have been the ideal vision of beauty had she not been currently writhing on the floor and coughing out blood. By the time she finished convulsing her entire uniform, which consisted of the colours red and black spandex suit with a low cut 'v' down the center of the chest which displayed her ample bosom, was soaked with blood.
"Um…riiight," Il Palazzo muttered to himself as he stared down at the lifeless corpse before him.
--
"So what's your name?"
"I can give you my code name."
"What's your age?"
"Unspecified."
An unshaven young man donning a navy blue baseball cap simply sighed as he adjusted his black leather biker coat, pristine white dress shirt, and black tie. "Look, you either tell us something or were going to lock you up," the man said as he scooped his cup of coffee off of the black plastic table and took a sip.
"Who thought that poor customer service was considered a capital offense?" Ranma-chan muttered to herself as she stared down at the plastic handcuffs that currently bonded her hands together. Still dressed in her Wacky G's uniform she felt an odd mixture of frustration, embarrassment, and fatigue wash over her.
'I just want some sleep!' she thought to herself as she stared up at the dank and dreary ceiling of the small room she was currently sitting in. The metallic chair she was sitting in made her butt hurt and Excel's constant humming was beginning to grate on her nerves. 'I should have just married Kasumi.'
"Look lady, you and your friend are in a lot of trouble so I suggest you talk and that you do it quick!" another man, more than likely in his mid to late forties, snapped as he slammed his hands down on the table and glared at Excel who continued to hum as if oblivious to what was going on. This seemed to only frustrate the portly man even more as he balled up his fat hands into fist and shook them at the duo.
Ranma had to fight the urge to laugh as he watch the man's stomach sway and bounce under his coffee stained white dress shirt with each movement. The fact that his pants looked like they were about to explode off of him didn't help, and neither did the fact that he had a huge bald spot in the back of his head which strangely resembled a smiley face.
"So are you going to talk," the younger of the two officers questioned as he turned toward Ranma-chan who simply sighed in response. Shaking his head solemnly the young man took off his baseball cap, brushed back a few stray strands of his red/orange locks, and put his cap back on. "Okay, but don't say that we didn't give you a chance," the man stated as he got up and walked behind Ranma-chan and Excel.
"Come on you two, let's go," the man said as he helped the duo out of their seats and lead them out of the room, with Excel still humming her annoying little tune.
--
"This has got to be the stupidest plan I've ever heard of, and I've heard a lot of stupid plans before. In fact I've even acted on some of them, but this has to be one of the stupidest," Ranma-chan muttered from his position beside Excel. Both were currently dressed in orange jumpsuits and their faces were covered in dirt.
"Well since it doesn't look like they're going to just let us leave it's not like we've got any other choice. Besides, I think that this cheap metallic spoon, which already broke four times causing me to cut my self and bleed all over my uniform, is actually pretty useful as a makeshift shovel," Excel commented as she chucked another spoonful of dirt back behind her head.
Ranma-chan looked down the tunnel they had dug out from within their cell and noticed that they had actually gotten pretty far. 'We've got to at least be outside of the main section of the prison by now,' the red head thought to herself as she continued to dig out the earth that blocked her way from freedom. 'I probably could have just ripped the bars open back there, but then I would've had to deal with the guards and guards equals guns. Even I can't dodge a series of bullets,' the red head thought to herself as she considered using her Mouko Takabisha, but immediately realized that the cave they had dug out would probably cave in on them.
"I wonder how Lord Il Palazzo is doing," Excel muttered to herself with a worried expression on her face as she continued to dig. "He's probably taking my absence really hard right about now," she continued to mutter as Ranma-chan rolled her eyes and focused on the task at hand.
"Hey wait a minute! Is that light!?" Excel exclaimed as she pointed to a small hole of light shining above their heads.
"Well I'll be," Ranma-chan muttered to herself as she smirked for a moment but then immediately frowned. 'Wait, something isn't right…this is far too convenient,' she thought to herself as she started to continued to dig ahead, ignoring the hole. However, as her luck would usually have it, things didn't go the way she wanted them to.
"FREEDOM!" the blonde exclaimed as she punched through the dirt sending it exploding upward and creating a small crater size hole where the two girls currently stood. "Yes!" Excel exclaimed with a dreamy expression on her face and in her emerald eyes as she gazed up at the sun and used her arm to shield her eyes.
'Oh…I haven't felt the warmth of the sun for soooo long…its warm light…it ultraviolet rays which cause skin cancer among many obsessive tanners or those not intelligent enough to put on sun block. Yes those intense rays which have been intensified due to the fact that the ozone is eroding into oblivion. It's so wonderful!' Excel thought to herself with a distant smile on her face before she heard the clicking sound of several M-16's being cocked and ready to fire.
"Like I said, this has to be the stupidest plan ever…and you have to be the stupidest partner ever!" Ranma-chan snapped as she glared at Excel while several more men dressed in green prison guard garb glared down at the duo over their guns.
"Oops…hehe."
--
'What am I going to do with the body?' Il Palazzo wondered to himself as he gazed down at Hyatt's lifeless corpse. 'I could burn it, but that would be far more trouble then it's worth…hmmm, if only Excel-kun was here I could have here deal with it,' Il Palazzo continued thinking to himself as he brought a hand up to his chin and began to stroke it pensively.
"GASP!"
'So she's still alive? Well at least I don't have to worry about disposing the body anymore, but since I've already hired her I guess I'll just have to hope that this doesn't happen to her often,' Il Palazzo thought to himself.
Meanwhile Hyatt immediately shot up with a concerned expression on her face. "For how long did I remain unconscious/dead!?" she exclaimed as the silver haired man cocked an eyebrow and then looked down at his watch.
"I believe you were out three hours…plus," he deadpanned as he looked up to regard Hyatt who had a book, which read "Memories of Heaven", and pencil in her hands.
"Let's see…I do believe that's a do record for me!" she exclaimed joyously as she scribbled in the new information she had received.
"Um, does this happen often?" Il Palazzo questioned as Hyatt simply nodded in response. 'Damn it all, I don't need dead and dying women! Now I'll look like a necrophile!' the golden eyed Overlord thought to himself with a scowl as Hyatt continued.
"Yes, in fact it does. However, I have been able to revive myself up until now. It is my goal to avoid my final collapse until this city has been conqueredUAHK!" Hyatt stated as she coughed out more blood and started to shiver.
"Hyatt," Il Palazzo began with a warm smile as he gazed down upon the woman's weak form.
"Yes, Lord Il Palazzo?" Hyatt questioned weakly as she looked up at the Overlord with a dreamy expression on her face.
"We'll limit ourselves to just making introductions today. Go ahead and take the rest of the day off…" Il Palazzo offered as he watched Hyatt slump down on to the floor. 'I need to be alone right now anyway…this is not going to look good at the next company meeting.'
"A-A-Are you sure?" Hyatt questioned weakly as she slowly pushed herself to her feet.
"Yes, I'm absolutely sure," Il Palazzo responded as he fished out the brown haired young woman's application and began to review it once again.
"Well then allow me to be rude enough to accept your kind offer," Hyatt replied as she stumbled off and out of the lair.
"Do you know where your own hideout is at?" Il Palazzo inquired as Hyatt simply nodded dumbly.
"Yes, I believe I can find it," she called back before leaving the Overlord alone in the lair.
"Okay let me see…ah! I forgot to include anything about preexisting medical conditions, shame on me! Better add that for next time," Il Palazzo thought to himself as he tucked the application away again. 'Well at least I have Ranko-kun, and Exc…Ranko-kun is fine.'
--
"And I thought Pop was stupid," Ranma-chan muttered to herself as she shook her head in disbelief. "Senior, I mean Excel, is dumber by a long shot," Ranma-chan said to herself as she gazed down upon the women gathered in the prison cafeteria from a top at cheap plastic table in the center of the room. 'How she ever got this many women to join her cause still amazes me though. Maybe she's not as dumb as she looks, or there just dumber,' the red head thought to herself as she looked over a group of rather butch women packed like sardines in the cafeteria listing to Excel's motivational speech.
"Okay! Let's do this! A we women of conviction and valor or not! CHARGE AND TAKE NO PRISONERS!" Excel cried out as she thrust a broken mop the reeked of mildew into the air. As if on cue the group of women roared in support of their newly appointed leader and a turned to raise hell. "Okay, now we make a break for it!" Excel exclaimed as she jumped off the table and dashed out the door with Ranma-chan close behind.
"Is it really okay for us to use them like that?" Ranma-chan questioned as Excel nodded in response while they ran down the drab grey corridors of the prison. They passed cell after cell before Excel spoke up once again.
"While I regret not being able to aid them in their struggle, we have a higher mission to accomplish. It's with a heavy heart that I leave them behind, but I must be at Lord Il Palazzo's side in order to save this corrupt world!" Excel stated as she turned toward Ranma-chan with tears in her eyes. This of course took Ranma-chan back only for a moment before she slanted her eyes at Excel.
"Those have got to be some of the fakest tears I've ever seen. Who the hell taught you how to act?" Ranma-chan questioned as Excel face faulted in mid-stride.
"Was my acting really that bad!?" she exclaimed as she recovered and started sprinting again.
"It was B movie at best," Ranma-chan deadpanned as she continued to run, passing Excel and running meters ahead of her. 'Well at least I can finally go home and get some sleep,' Ranma-chan thought to herself with a soft smile as she rounded a corner and headed toward the entrance/exit of prison. However, true to her luck, things weren't going to be that easy.
"THERE THEY ARE! THE ONES WHO STARTED THE RIOT!" a prison guard snapped as he took aim with his M-16.
'Today really is not my day,' Ranma-chan thought to herself as she ducked into the warden's office at the last possible second while bullets whizzed through the air. "Now what am I going to do?" she muttered to herself as she considered using the Mouko Takabisha, but knew that it would take to much time to get it off and that he'd probably be full of holes despite his lighting quick agility. After all, there was only so much room in the corridor. However, as she continued to think, Excel suddenly crashed through the window into the warden's office with a familiar albino puppy in hand.
"MENCHI!" she exclaimed joyously as she held the dog up and looked upon her longingly. "I missed you so much; I can't believe you came all the way here for me!" Excel exclaimed as she nuzzled the dog to her face. However both Ranma and Menchi knew this wasn't the case, the prior due to the fact that she could see the horrified look in the dog's eyes.
"Arf, arf, arf, arfffff! (translated: Why does this always happen to me? I finally thought I had gotten away from this crazy ditz! All of that work constructing a make shift jackhammer only to be caught by a dog catcher, given to the warden as a pet, and then to be found by her again.)" Menchi moaned as Excel placed him on her shoulder and turned her attention to Ranma-chan.
"Soooo, how we gettin' outta here?" Excel inquired as Ranma-chan shook her head in disgust.
Looking around the drab room which contained a single wooden office desk, a mildewing black swivel chair, and a run down book shelf Ranma-chan tried to devise a plan by with which to escape. After a moment of deep thought, well deep enough for Ranma, she realized that most wardens keep a spare gun in the drawer of their desk. Quickly sprinting over to the desk the red head yanked open the middle drawer to find a black revolver ready for use, along with a few pencils and pink erasers.
"Hey, have you ever used a gun before?" Ranma-chan inquired as she looked over at Excel. Granted she had already lost her honor, but she wasn't going to become a killer.
"Let me see," Excel said taking the gun out of Ranma's hand and inspecting it like a professional before nodding. "Nope!" Excel exclaimed in the same bubbly tone of voice she always used as Ranma-chan face faulted into the warden's desk.
"Great, just great," Ranma-chan muttered to herself as she watched Excel carelessly toss the revolver aside. However, what the blonde failed to realize that the gun was already cocked and ready to fire. As soon as the gun hit the ground a bullet exploded out the chamber and ricocheted within the office for a moment, causing Ranma, Excel, and Menchi to dive under the desk for cover, before it zipped out of the room. Seconds later the sound of the bullet hitting metal could be heard followed by a loud explosion and blood curdling screams.
"…Wow," was all Ranma-chan could muster by way of a response as she slinked out from under the desk and made her way towards the door to assess the extent of the damage. What she saw in the hall would be one of the few things that would haunt her nightmares forever.
"I think I'm going to be sick!" the red head exclaimed as she dashed over to the tin garbage can by the warden's desk and promptly lost her lunch.
"Oh it can't be that bad!" Excel reprimanded as she stole a glance outside only to running back in the office and hunch over beside Ranma-chan.
Menchi, seemingly being the only intelligent one in the group, simply closed her eyes and headed out of the office in the opposite direction of where the duo had looked.
"I think we should get going now," the red head offered as she grabbed a tissue of the warden's desk and wiped her mouth.
"Yeah, but let's use the back door this time," Excel replied upon recovering. Both nodded in agreement, and closed their eyes as they headed out of the office and in the opposite direction of the carnage.
--
"Man, I've got to get a job pretty soon. I'm almost out of funds," a young man, around his mid-twenties, muttered to himself as he brushed back a stray strand of his shoulder length jet black locks. His face was set into a moody glare which made him appear five years older then he actually was, and it didn't help the his slightly slanted eyes gave him a slightly perturbed look to being with. As far as his clothing was concerned he was currently donning a navy blue polo and tan khaki pants, the polo being about a size too big.
"If that idiot next door disturbs my sleep one more time, I'm going to ask the manager to kick him or her out! That racket's keeping me up at night," he continued to mutter to himself as he continued down the empty streets with only the street lights to illuminate his path on the sidewalk.
After passing a few more houses the young man turned into what looked to be a motel/apartment complex and promptly fished a set of keys out of his pants pocket. Just as he headed toward the stairs that led to him apartment he came upon a young woman slumped against the jet black railing of the stairs.
'Who would be out here at this time of night,' the man wondered to himself as he cautiously stepped forward. It was then that he noticed a beautiful woman donning a large pair of glasses, a white blouse, and a short black skirt. However what really caught his attention was the trickle of blood running out the corner of her mouth down then her face.
"Hey what are you doing out here! Hey are you okay!?" the man yelled as he rushed over to the downed woman and shook her.
"Uhhhh…a field of beautiful flowers…just across the stream," the young woman muttered as her wavy brown locks fell around her face and she opened her eyes to reveal a pair of chocolate brown orbs.
"Wha?" the young man questioned dumbly as the woman shook her head.
"Sorry, nothing. I'm just a little anemic…hey, would you mind taking me up to my apartment on the second floor?" the young woman inquired as the man nodded dumbly as he helped her up before placing her arm around his neck and starting up the stairs. "Thank you very much, you're very kind," the young woman said as they made it to the top floor.
"Don't worry about it," the raven haired man replied as they started to head down the hall. Looking out the corner of his eye to inspect the woman in his arms once more his eyes locked onto the one area of female anatomy that caught most men's eye. 'SHE'S HUGE!' the young man thought to himself as he felt beads of sweat start to form on his brow.
'Wow, not only does she have a cute face but her rack is fantastic!' he thought to himself with a semi-dreamy expression on his face as he continued to guide the young woman along. However he soon felt like a heel for getting an eye full of a woman who was in obvious need of help, and decided to quickly whip his head away before she saw him.
"So, um, which place is yours?" he questioned as they reached the last two apartments.
"Oh, apartment 204," the young woman replied weakly before the young man came to an abrupt halt.
"YOU'RE THE PERSON WHO LIVES THERE!? IT CAN'T BE!" the raven haired man bellowed in disbelief as he stared at the brown haired woman incredulously.
"Yes, I'm living there from today on," the young woman responded weakly as the young man cocked an eyebrow in confusion.
"You mean you just moved in?" he inquired as the young woman nodded her head slowly. "Well then what about the previous occupant. What happened to them?" the dark eyed man asked as the young woman sighed.
"I didn't hear anything about a previous occupant. I was simply told to retire to my hide- I mean my company housing," the young woman stated simply as they approached the last apartment and she fished out her keys from her skirt pocket. "Thank you for bringing me here-"
"Wantanabe Toru," young man offered as he watched the brown haired young woman unlock the apartment door.
"Well thank you Wantanabe-san, by the way my name is, uh, Chihaya Ayasugi. Goodnight," the young woman said as she smiled warmly at Wantanabe before shutting the door behind her.
"So I see, there was no one living there, and even if there was I doubt Ayasugi-san would have been the one to disrupt my sleep on so many nights. Besides, the voice I heard was much louder and much more annoying, and it sounded like a virtual war zone in there…perhaps I am being haunted by a spirit!" Wantanbe exclaimed as he quickly rushed into his apartment, which happened to be right next door, and slammed the door shut.
Meanwhile "Ayasugi" was busy getting ready for bed as she reached for the only available futon and prepared for bed. After changing into her night ware, which consisted of a thin white night gown, she proceeded to extract various prescription bottles out of her purse.
"I suppose it's time for my cocktail," she said to herself as she reached for a bottle of water and started to pour pills out of the varying containers into her hand. By the time she had finished pouring out the pills her hand was almost overflowing with them as she raised her hand to her mouth. After popping in all of the pills she reached for the bottle of water and took a swig before gulping down the medicine.
"Wow, what a buzz. It looks like I'll live to see another sunrise after all," "Ayasugi" said to herself as she removed her glasses revealing herself to be none other than agent Hyatt.
"Okay, now it's time for bed," the brunette mumbled to herself as she fought through her slightly groggy state and reached for the lamp switch which she promptly yanked causing the room to become in shrouded in darkness. After plopping down on to her pillow Hyatt prepared to get some much needed sleep…at least until she was interrupted by the chanting of what sounded to be a devout Nichirin Buddhist.
Reaching for a pair of ear plugs she promptly popped them into her ears while muttering, "That's just my luck, I just move into an apartment and my sleep is already being disturbed by a devout Nichirin Buddhist practicing the Lotus Sutra. Oh well…"
Meanwhile, back in Wantanabe's apartment, Wantanabe sat in the lotus position with a pair of prayer beads laced around his hands as he continued his mantra. "Nam-Myo-Ho Ren-Ge-Kyo," the raven haired man continued to chant while he thought 'The racket I've been hearing the past couple of nights must have been the work of spirits. But I have done nothing to deserve this haunting!'
It wasn't until three o'clock in the morning that Wantanabe fell asleep in the lotus position.
--
"Things sure have gotten more difficult lately haven't they, Menchi?" Excel questioned as the dog simply pouted in her arms. "The worst part is Ranko-chan is such a prude, she won't even walk with us," Excel said as she heard a sharp in take of breath from the metallic fence beside her. "She just thinks she's so cool because she can run on top of fences, but guess what…she's now where near as cool as Il Palazzo-sama," Excel whispered/hissed to the dog as she heard another sharp in take of breath from her side.
"I can hear you, ya' know?" Ranma-chan questioned as she glared at Excel who simply continued to clutch Menchi to her chest and ignored the red head. The cobalt blue eyed girl could only grit her teeth in response as she continued to run a top the fence while the light of street lights guided her way down the grey lifeless streets. To her side was a small river that at one point she would have been afraid to fall into, but now she could careless since she was stuck as girl at the moment anyway.
"GRBBBBBB!"
"I guess I'm getting kinda hungry," Excel said as she looked down at her quivering stomach, while Menchi visibly stiffened for a moment before she desperately thrashed in Excel's arms.
"Aw, calm down Menchi! I'm not going to eat you…you're emergency food rations, remember?" Excel said as the pup tried to decide whether or not that was a good thing. "Anyway, I think I need a rest, my legs are killing me," Excel stated as she prepared to sit on the sidewalk for a moment.
"Come on, we're not that much further from your place," Ranma-chan said as she leapt of the fence and stared down at Excel who was currently petting Menchi while sitting on the sidewalk.
"GRRRRRRRRRBBBBBBBBB!"
"It seems that Ranko-chan is even hungrier than me," Excel commented mostly to herself as a sly smile spread across her face while Ranma-chan blushed as red as a tomato.
"Whatever, come on. I'll carry ya' then, I just want to get somethin' to eat and then go to sleep," Ranma-chan stated as she swiftly scooped a surprised Excel up in her arms and bounded onto the fence again.
"HEY WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOIN'!? ONLY IL PALAZZO-SAMA CAN CARRY ME LIKE THIS, AND SINCE HE HASN'T DONE IT YET THAT DEFINITELY MEANS YOU CAN'T DO IT BUSTER!" Excel yelled into the night as Ranma-chan gritted her teeth and leapt off the fence once again.
"What are you yellin' for!?" she snapped as Excel leapt out of her arms and began to pout like a child.
"I wanted my first time to be with Il Palazzo-sama!" Excel snapped as Ranma-chan gritted her teeth to the point that it sounded like nails running across a chalk board.
"This ain't sex! I was just carryin' ya'!" Ranma-chan snapped back as the fires of rage flared up in her eyes.
"SOMEONE LIKE YOU COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND! IL PALAZZO-SAMA WAS SUPPOSED TO CARRY ME LIKE THAT ON OUR WEDDING NIGHT!" Excel snapped as she glared daggers into the red head.
"OF ALL THE STUPID THINGS I'VE EVER HEARD, THAT'S GOT TO BE THE DUMBEST!" Ranma-chan snapped back as she noted a yellow taxi cab heading down the street.
"IT IS NOT STUPID, YOU'RE STUPID!" Excel snapped back as she continued to glare at Ranma-chan.
"Whatever, forget it you stupid ditz let's just grab a cab and go home," Ranma-chan muttered as she tried to wave the cab down. Unfortunately she forgot that she was still dressed in her prison garb.
"Hey, why ain't he stoppin'?" Ranma-chan inquired as she waved her hand more frantically.
"Maybe it's because we're dressed like prisoners, and there's a giant sign that reads "Don't pick up hitchhikers, they may be escaped convicts"," Excel read off as the cab prepared to blow by them.
"SLAM!"
"One that's one way to flag a cab I guess…remind me not to call you stupid again," Excel said as she chuckled sheepishly while looking at Ranma-chan's fist embedded in the hood of the cab. The driver too, who looked to be about forty or so with a receding hair line, simply stared wide eyed at the red head who yanked her fist out of the giant dent and walked over to the passenger's seat.
"Come on, get in. We're goin' home," Ranma-chan muttered as she opened the door and slid into the cab before slamming it shut while Excel followed suit with Menchi in her arms. However as soon as the cab started up again the sounds of sirens could be heard and with seconds the duo was surrounded by SDF (Japanese Special Defense Forces) vehicles.
"Damn it all," Ranma-chan muttered to herself as she kicked the driver out of the cab and shifted over to the driver's seat before slamming her foot on the accelerator.
--
"Hail Il Palazzo," a semi-unenthused airy feminine voice stated as Il Palazzo looked down at Hyatt over his glasses as he sat perched a top his throne in his secret lair.
"Ah, good morning Hyatt-kun. Did you sleep well?" the Overlord inquired as Hyatt nodded.
"Yes sir, I had an excellent rest. I feel as though all my grievances have been allayed," Hyatt replied with an airy smile on her face as she stood ready in her uniform.
"Very well, since Ranko-kun has yet to call in with her where abouts I suppose you'll have to handle today's-" Il Palazzo started before he was cut off by the hissing of the lair's automatic door opening.
"We made it!" Ranma-chan gasped out as she and Excel dragged themselves into the lair using only their arms as their legs appeared to be useless. Both girls orange jumpsuits were ripped and shredded in various places and there were some spots that looked as though they might have been shot at. Their uniforms were also smoking where the holes were and dirt completely covered their faces. Excel was even dragging the taxi's license plate in her hands, which was full of empty shells and dents from various types of bullets.
"Il Palazzo-sama! Excel is here and ready to do your bidding! Please forgive me for being so late, I have a very good reason however if you will only listen to it," Excel exclaimed as she and Ranma-chan crawled up beside Hyatt.
"Ah, good morning Excel-kun and Ranko-kun…you're late," Il Palazzo greeted with a warm smile as his signature rope appeared beside him and he promptly yanked it. Excel barely managed to paw her way up before falling in while Ranma-chan used the last of her fleeting strength to flip out of the way at the last possible second.
"Very impressive Ranko-chan," Il Palazzo commented with a look of surprise on his face as Ranma-chan glared at him.
"What's the big-AIYEEEE!"
"SPLASH!"
"Yes, very impressive but not good enough," Il Palazzo finished.
"Um sir, who is she?" Hyatt inquired as the silver haired Overlord cleared his throat.
"Ah yes, those two are your co-workers. They went missing awhile ago, but it appears they have returned," Il Palazzo stated simply as Hyatt gasped and
"Hello, I didn't know I had a senpai. It's a pleasure to finally meet you, and I hope to serve you well," Hyatt greeted with a warm smile as she offered Excel a hand up.
"Huh? Oh, yeah. I look forward-AYIEEE!"
"SPLOOSH!"
"My, my, did Hyatt-kun die again while trying to help Excel-kun? Oh well, it sounds like the both of them are having fun," Il Palazzo commented to himself as he heard the sound of coughing and the sloshing of water.
"I'm going to beat you to a bloody pulp you cape wearing sissy!" Ranma-chan hissed through clenched teeth as finished pulling herself out of the trap door and glared at Il Palazzo, which was made all the more intimidating due to the fact that the bags in her eyes were currently drooping so low that she looked like a hush puppy.
"Impressive, do you honestly think you stand a chance?" Il Palazzo questioned as Ranma-chan forced herself onto her feet using a pillar for support.
"BECAUSE OF YOU, IL PALAZZO, I HAVE SEEN HELL! DIE!" Ranma-chan snapped, trying to ignore the fact that she sounded like Ryoga, as she lunged at the silver haired Overlord.
"BLOOD! WHY IS THERE SO MUCH BLOOD IL PALAZZO-SAMA!? WHY IS SHE VOMITING BLOOD!? AHHHHHHH!"
"I think I'll hold off on that note," Ranma-chan commented dryly with slanted eyes as she landed deftly on the ground and simply stared at the pit where Excel's voice had just screamed out from.
"That would be a wise decision, otherwise you might have been joining them," Il Palazzo stated as he placed his hand near another rope and watched Ranma-chan gulp nervously.
"THE BLOOOOOOOOOOD! KAMI-SAMA, THE BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!"
To Be Continued
Mini-Series: Nabeshin and Rikudou vs. WDTDR!
"Damn, that was a close one," Nabeshin panted out as he wiped the sweat off of his brow with his blazer sleeve and allowed his smoking Beretta to fall clattering onto the ground.
"H-H-How? How did I lose?" the figure in white questioned as it stood hunched over with its weapon severed in half at its feet. A small dribble of crimson blood made its way out of the corner of the figure's snow white lips as it clutched its side tightly as a red blotch spread across the once pristine white fabric.
"You lost because you suck. No second rate fan fiction writer can beat the original creator. That's just simple logic," Rikudou stated simply as he wiped the sweat from his brow as well and glared at Bad Guy through his thick frames.
"He's right. Besides I'm the Director, so there was no way I could lose this early in the story," Nabeshin stated as he shrugged his shoulders and inspected the sizzling holes in his blazer. 'Damn, I just got this dry cleaned,' he thought to himself with a frown as he shook his head in disgust.
"I-I-I-I see, if that's the case then…what are you going to do with me now?" figure inquired in an almost fearful tone as it lifted its head to regard the two men before it.
"Were going to finish kicking your ass of course, but before that we're going to brutally beat you and interrogate you in order to find out where Where Does the Darkness Reside disappeared to," Nabeshin stated simply as the figure visibly shuddered in response.
"Can't we bypass the ass kicking, and I just tell you were he went?" the figure inquired weakly as the two men looked between each other.
"Well what do you think?" Rikudou asked Nabeshin, who stood stroking his chin pensively and looked as if he was in deep thought.
"Let me see…NAH! Kicking ass and brutally interrogating people we've defeated is the best part!" Nabeshin exclaimed as he cracked his knuckles menacingly.
"Please! Isn't it bad enough that I'm the retired pen name of a second rate fan fiction author who seeks to legitimatize works by other authors and allow them profit off of their terrible works of fan fiction much like how he plans to do with his own!?" the figure cried out as the men turned to each other and looked pensive once again.
"He does have a point, I think an existence like that has got to be worse than death," Rikudou stated as Nabeshin nodded in agreement.
"Alright, we'll bypass the other stuff. Now, tell us where he went," Nabeshin said as he slanted his eyes menacingly at the cloaked figure.
"O-O-Okay, he went to see…him," the diminutive figure stuttered out as he added extra emphasis to the word "him".
"Him? You mean like the band HIM? No offense but those guys suck, why did he go to see them of all people? Does he want to annoy us to death or something?" Nabeshin inquired as Rikudou and the figure both slapped their faces into their hands and groaned.
"Besides the fact that you probably just pissed off a fourth of the readers reading this fan fiction, he was talking about "him". You know…Vex, not the band HIM," Rikudou stated as he added extra extra emphasis to "Vex".
"You don't mean the often cynical, occasionally satirical, super critical, and insanely powerful fan fiction writer do you?" Nabeshin questioned as Rikudou simply stared at him for a moment.
"That's exactly who I'm talking about…"
"Oh...In that case we're fucked."
"I know."
To Be Continued
Author's Note: First of all I do not think that HIM sucks, okay? It was just a joke, so get over it. In fact I don't even listen to them so how would I know if they're good or bad? Answer: I wouldn't.
Anyway, I hope this chapter was enjoyable for the most part. Sorry there was so much filler and the like but I thought starting off slow would be best. Don't worry, however, things will be picking up next chapter once I reintroduce a member (or possibly two) of the NWC into the equation. Besides that, I'll be introducing a few more Excel Saga characters into the mix as well.
Also, for those of you who thought this chapter went by the Excel Saga manga a bit too much all I can say is don't worry. This was just a preliminary chapter to get some people up to speed with some of the gimmicks and overall attitudes of some of the characters. I can guarantee that chapter 3 will almost be completely original with only a small outline of the manga framing it.
Anyway, as always please review and feel free to flame if it sucks!