People of Conscience

Format: As in the previous chapters, BOLD is the character, ITALIC is the conscience.

Five Minutes

Lane

I have to get this job.

You "have to get" everything you want.

So? I know what I want and I want this job.

Are you ready for the interview? I mean, it's Luke Danes. Clearly this is going to be a tough interview.

God, don't I know it.

Got a resume?

No, are you kidding? Only Kirk has a resume. It's a job at a diner. I filled out the application. Not to mention the fact that I've lived across the square from Luke's my whole life.

Do you have your answers to the standard interview questions ready? What are your career goals?

He's not gonna ask me what my career goals are. This is not a career, it's schlepping food to people at tables, trying not to spill it and cleaning up after they leave.

It's a career to him. It's his business, his livelihood. He loves it so much he lives above the diner.

That was his description of the job, minus the swear words.

What? You're worried that your mother won't like you repeating the swear words in your head?

Of course not. It's not like she's in my head.

Lane Kim, put that down now!

Yes, Mama. … Hey! Pretty good impression. Don't ever do it again.

Lane Kim, what did I tell you about no boys?

It's not a boy, Mama, it's Luke. … What did I tell you about not doing it again?

Why don't you open with the bit about telling Luke he's not a boy?

'Cause I'm not suicidal. Also, those are things I tell Mama. To the rest of the world I live in reality.

Another interview question: Why do you want this job?

Because I want to serve my fellow man.

You think Luke likes jokes?

I know he does. He's always playing subtle tricks on people. Rory's always telling me how he flirts with Lorelai. And then there's Kirk.

What are you going to do if he doesn't offer you the job?

I'll do what Lorelai does, talk until he gives in.

Pretty good method. Seems to work well for her.

Duh, he can't say no to Lorelai. If that doesn't work, I'll remind him of Butt-napkin Boy.

Good choice. By the way, did you talk to your dad before applying for the job?

He's too busy in his new job. Long commute, we hardly see him. Anyway, if I did, then Mama would find out and she'd forbid me from working in the Devil's Kitchen.

Yeah, those French fries are a gateway food. Next thing you know you'll be eating meat.

A burger every day would be heaven. I gotta get this job.

Why did everyone call your dad Asian Caesar?

They didn't until non-Asian Caesar came along.

Why did everyone call your dad Caesar anyway? It's not his name.

He took pity on Luke, because Luke couldn't pronounce his name. Caesar started with C and since Ch'anyom starts with C, Dad told him that Caesar was his nickname.

Who knew the guy who replaced your dad would actually be named Caesar?

Yeah, that's kinda weird. I'll have to ask him if Caesar's really his name. It probably is, because he's Hispanic and Luke speaks Spanish just fine. No pronunciation problems there.

Hey, he's starting to say something. Maybe the interview's starting.

The interview's been going on for almost five minutes already, couldn't you tell? It's a common interview trick to have a long pause to see how the candidate will react to the stress.

Luke looks more stressed than you do. Did you see him fidget, and look worried and look at you like you were going to get mad at him?

I didn't see any of that. We've been too busy practicing these interview questions. I gotta get this job. I really want this job. If he turns me down, I'm going to remind him that I'm a hard worker and a good planner. I'm always on time, I can schedule, and I can keep my mouth shut and not get involved in the customer's business.

Oh! He just asked "How ya doing?" Now's your chance to wow him with your skills! Man, is he a high-pressure interviewer. I hope he won't be too hard to work for.

I'll wait until he asks me an actual question. Gotta ease into the interview.

Huh? What? That was it? You got the job?

That was a really hard interview – I never expected him to use the "silent pressure" technique. But I got the job! I got the job! Yay! I gotta run somewhere! I got the job!

Luke

Lane really did apply for this job. It wasn't Kirk applying under a stolen identity again.

Wow. My favorite was when he applied under Taylor's name. You were about to blow a gasket until you saw it was Kirk.

Kirk's an idiot.

We've established that a few times already. How about Lane?

Really smart kid. Clever too. Certainly gonna be better than Brennan.

Butt-napkin Boy! Loved him!

I wonder if she's as good as her father was.

Probably better. Faster in any case. This girl can run. And think on her feet.

Oh yeah. Wonder why we never got her on the softball team?

Maybe it was that little thing about her mother thinking that all boys are the spawn of Satan.

Still, she would have been great.

Can you honestly imagine her swatting her teammates' butts?

We don't do that. Ever.

I was just asking you to imagine it.

Eww. Help me with my interview. I'm about to blow it.

You do remember you're the boss?

Yeah, but I never know which questions to ask. I mean, it's a diner job. She'll schlep food to people at tables, try not to spill it and clean up after they leave. Not exactly rocket surgery.

Rocket surgery?

Yeah, what's wrong with that? It's difficult, right? That's the point I was making.

Name a rocket surgeon. Any rocket surgeon.

No time for your silliness. Gotta focus on Lane. The interview.

Ask her how to pronounce her dad's name.

Caesar? What's so hard about Caesar?

Her dad's name wasn't Caesar, he just told you that because you couldn't pronounce his Korean name.

Seriously? What was his real name?

Ch'anyom.

Jenny Em?

That's why he told you everyone called him Caesar.

Oh. I wonder what Lane's Korean name is. Maybe I should ask that.

Or maybe you should read that Small Business Newsletter again; you know, the one about fair hiring practices and harassment.

That would be a problem?

Yes, use the name she gave you.

This is probably a bad idea. I never hired a girl before.

The bad idea was not reading your Small Business Newsletter. You need to focus on the skills, not the gender.

What do I need to do if I hire a girl?

Process the paperwork, train her and pay her.

That's it?

If I had a face, I'd facepalm. Yes, that's all.

No special bathroom?

You don't even have separate bathrooms for your customers. Everyone uses the same facilities.

So basically, I'm interviewing someone who is smart, reliable, energetic, flexible, organized, polite, hard-working and ready to start any time.

Don't forget the most important characteristic.

What's that?

She's not Kirk.

…

She took the job!

Tough interview. You did good.

Thanks. It was nothing.

True dat. Five minutes of sitting in silence, then you offered her the job. Not exactly rocket surgery.