Chapter 2 – Spoilers.
The word "clones" appeared on the next slide. A picture of a yellow face with a mouth open wide in glee was beneath it.
"What?" Olga asked in a highly skeptical manner.
"You were shot in the head. I was there when it happened," Raiden said. "I'm pretty sure you're a clone."
"Don't worry, you're not ordinary clones," Big Boss assured her.
"Are they clones linked by cursed genes?" Raiden asked.
"Swing and a miss," Mantis muttered, commenting on the laugh Raiden's joke hadn't brought on.
"If we were clones, it would be impossible for us to retain the exact memories of our original counterparts," Olga explained. "That's an idea that will only remain in science fiction."
"Science fiction, you say?" Big Boss asked.
The next slide appeared, which contained the word "Nanomachines!" in a gigantic font against a black background. The first N and last S were partially cut off because they were too big to fit on the slide properly.
"Have you been keeping up with science? With nanomachines you can do just about anything and if you can control DNA, you can control the world."
"Yes, but what about our memories?" Mantis asked.
"Your individual personalities were all encoded into your nanomachines."
"Why would they go through all this trouble?" Mantis asked.
"To kill Snake," Ocelot replied.
All eyes were on the cranky old Russian.
"May I?" Ocelot asked.
Big Boss nodded.
"Where to begin? Ah, yes. Grafting Liquid's arm to my own was a bad idea. I had hoped to put it to some use, but I got in way over my head. It was always my intention to thwart the Patriots and return the organization to its glory days and I assumed that by taking in as much of Liquid as I could, I'd be able to blame my behavior on his influence. Plans seldom work out the way we intend. Only after I was able to get rid of the arm was I able to think clearly. It was difficult to return to the organization after that, but I managed to do so after I convinced them that I hadn't intentionally betrayed them. As a show of good faith, I was asked to lead a company of clones to Alaska and eliminate Solid Snake. It may seem hard to believe, but soldiers of your caliber are quite hard to come by. You do the most ludicrous things in battle, yet you still live. That's quite a quality to have."
Ocelot paused for a moment.
"Somehow someone forgot to put a strong desire for revenge in your nanomachines. They also left out the part where you died. I convinced the Patriots that I would eliminate Snake when the moment was right. They had to believe me. Since I knew the guy who made them, they were programmed to give me a sufficient amount of leeway. While I watched Snake, Big Boss was revived. The only part of him that's still human is his spinal cord and his brain. Everything else is synthetic. By the way, I'm thirsty."
One of Big Boss' maids immediately left the room to get him a drink.
"It should be noted that I am no longer a member of the Patriots," Ocelot said. "The moment I helped steal the AI that was designed to replace the malfunctioning GW unit, I forfeited my job."
"How come Raven and Wolf aren't here?" Mantis asked. "Aren't they important?"
"If you are here, I have use of you," Big Boss replied. "Do you really think we need to add them to our team?"
"We'll have to pick up Raven if we win," Snake said. "He'll plan our party."
"I've heard about him. Are his parties that great?" Big Boss asked.
"You wouldn't think that they would be," Ocelot replied, "but if throwing parties had a ranking from E to S, he'd have a gold S next to an animated icon of three floating balloons."
"Halloween 2011!" Raiden shouted.
Everybody who had been there immediately broke out in goosebumps. Big Boss pressed the button on his remote to move his presentation along. A picture of Big Boss grinning appeared on the screen.
"As you all may be aware, I wasn't quite dead. Most of my body was destroyed, but it has been rebuilt. I believe that the technical term for what I am is cyborg. So long as I don't contract a fatal brain problem, I can continue to live indefinitely. This sounds like a plot to keep your friends around for a very long time, doesn't it? You wouldn't even need to put them in the same body. It's all about control and keeping the people in power alive longer than anyone else that way the Patriots don't have to stick their necks out as much and exert their influence over people they have never worked with before."
Big Boss went to the next slide. An old photo of twelve individuals graced the screen.
"Here is the root of all our problems. The Patriots, originally known as the Philosopher's in the beginning, they were a good organization. Then everyone died and a power struggle began. It ended when Ocelot managed to secure what is known as the Philosopher's Legacy, which was a single slide of microfilm containing the whereabouts of one hundred billion dollars, among other things. With this information, and more importantly the money, the Patriots were born. I even hung out with them for a little bit. They started trying to kill me when I left due to ideological differences. The guy who was technically in charge was an old friend of mine by the name of David Oh. His codename was Major Zero."
A picture of an old man with a scar across the right side of his face appeared.
"This is a good picture of him. Zero became corrupted by the power he wielded and entrusted the world to a bunch of computers when he finally realized what a jerk he was being. This, for better or worse, proved to be a good solution. Initially."
An old Apple II appeared on the screen. The maid who had gone to get Ocelot something to drink came back in with a vanilla milkshake and handed it to him.
"I wouldn't drink that if I were you," Naomi said.
"Why?"
"Have you seen your cholesterol level? You're a walking miracle."
Ocelot sipped the drink loudly, looking directly at Naomi.
"Come on, people. Focus," Big Boss said. "The Patriots are no longer human. They are a series of supercomputers that have been programmed to carry on the will of their former leader. Unfortunately, they have come to develop their own opinion on how the world should be run that does not have that much in common with Zero's original ideals. If we ignore them, they will wipe out about seventy five percent of us and enslave the rest using nanomachines. If we destroy them, another group will take their place. We must capture them and monitor them with the help of the AI we stole. All five AI's are kept together in an undisclosed location. Ocelot has reason to believe that each supercomputer is regularly serviced by a group of technicians who live in the same underground complex they call home. With nanomachines the way they are now, it's likely that those who do work for the Patriots are now under their complete control."
A picture of George Washington appeared on the screen.
"One of the AI's is known as GW. It was damaged by a virus that Emma Emmerich constructed during the Big Shell Incident. Due to this unforeseen problem, the Patriots decided to receive their next upgrade a little early. They originally wanted to wait until one computer could be as powerful as all five of them combined. Since this upgrade is a little premature, the AI they were scheduled to receive that has been stolen by us is as powerful as three of them."
"Speaking of which, have you turned that thing on yet?" Raiden asked.
"Not yet," Big Boss replied. "The AI we have has an independent personality programmed into it and is capable of running its own avatar just as GW did. It was supposed to be a blank slate that the main AI could merge itself with, but somebody didn't get that memo. It is my belief that this AI can help us find the location of the Patriots. Somewhere on the Internet is a text file that might contain instructions on how this AI was originally supposed to be delivered. With that information, we should be able to find their lair."
A blank screen appeared.
"I know most of you are familiar with some aspects of this briefing, but here is something that only three people in this room know about," Big Boss said.
A time line appeared on the screen in front of the spectators. Everything from the formation of the Patriots to the Big Shell Dilemma was outlined accurately.
"Take a moment to study this graph. Does it look right?"
Everyone nodded. The next slide had a point from the Big Shell Misadventure to now.
"Here is where the problem is," Big Boss said.
A red square intercepted the line shortly after the Big Shell.
"Something happened right here that changed everything. If this something had not happened, it would have been another five years from that point until you all dealt with the Patriots again. Snake's advanced aging would have been in full effect. FOXDIE would have mutated to the point where it could infect anyone. Meryl would have gone back to the army and been given command over a delightful squad of misfits. Johnny Sasaki would have been a member of that team and Meryl would have eventually wound up marrying him after it became clear that Snake wasn't interested in her."
Meryl started laughing uncontrollably.
"I'm sorry," Meryl said sincerely, trying to regain her composure. "That just sounds so cheesy."
"Where is he, anyway?" Snake asked.
"I shipped him out since I've got Otacon to help me with computers. May I continue?"
Meryl bit her bottom lip to stifle her giggling and nodded with Snake.
"Olga's child would have programmed a virus that would have destroyed the Patriots. Naomi would have gotten cancer and killed herself after shtupping with Otacon and revealing once and for all that water does not revive Vamp."
Otacon's eyes got real big and he looked over at Naomi, who blushed and turned away from him. Big Boss cleared his throat before resuming his presentation.
"Ocelot would have been faking being Liquid instead of having been Liquid to fake it. Or something. The destruction of the Patriots would have triggered my revival because the refrigerator I was crammed into has always been hooked up to an automated system that only stays on because they are still in charge. My last mission would have involved killing Zero and apologizing to Snake, who would then inadvertently kill me using FOXDIE. The me in this alternate dimension would have been completely okay with that because he evidently can't manage to live in a world where all of his friends are dead. What do you guys think would have happened after that?"
"I'd become a cyborg and take down a Metal Gear Ray with a katana?" Raiden asked.
"That's right."
"Wow! It's just like in that weird dream I had."
"Raiden, I don't think that's what he was getting at," Meryl said. "Boss, you would eventually have been revived again, right?"
Big Boss nodded.
"What a train wreck," Snake said.
"This universe just can't get enough of me," Big Boss said.
"How can you be so sure of all that?" Naomi asked.
"Ocelot and I sat down with Mantis yesterday and talked with him about this. He predicted everything based on what we told him, minus the bit about me being revived by the destruction of the Patriots. Ocelot confirmed that."
"Yeah, and that was just the abridged version," Mantis said. "Tell them about that other one I saw where Snake didn't kill you during Outer Heaven because that wasn't you. It was only somebody that looked like you."
"That's not important," Big Boss said. "Getting back to the topic at hand, I have an important question. What could have possibly altered our universe in this manner? The answer may shock you."
Somebody kicked the door to the theater open hard enough to break it off a hinge. The influx of light blinded just about everyone momentarily as a new guest came storming in. He almost looked just like Big Boss, but both of his eyes were intact and he kept his hair a different way. Even so, there was no mistaking the identity of Big Boss' younger twin.
"Solidus," Big Boss said with a degree of surprise. "I'm so glad you could make it."
Snake buried his head in his hands and uttered a huge wracking sigh of complete abandonment of everything he thought he knew. Solidus was no longer dressed in his unfashionable octopus suit. Instead he wore a regular set of clothing for this splendid occasion. Each guard had their weapons aimed right at Solidus in case he tried anything funny. Even if he did, the guards were much lower on the character ladder than him so Solidus would likely survive the mishaps that were bound to occur if they decided to start shooting.
"How did you get here?" Big Boss asked.
"I stowed away on one of your bathtub boats," Solidus replied.
"You're not mad, are you?"
"If I was, would you even care?"
"No," Big Boss said. "You may have the floor, though. Tell them your side of the story. We're just getting in to what changed everything."
Solidus stood there, completely shocked that Big Boss had pushed him aside so effortlessly.
"Do you have any idea what I've been through over the past few months?" Solidus demanded. "Any idea at all?"
"Just tell your story," Big Boss said. "After all, is it not because of you that everything has come to be the way it is now?"
"Don't try to flatter me," Solidus warned.
Big Boss wasn't listening. Flustered, Solidus turned and faced everyone.
"No, I didn't actually die. Surprise! After crawling away from the scene of the crime at the Federal Hall, I went after Ocelot. Finding him wasn't easy, but I eventually confronted him in the Middle East where he was busy consolidating several PMC's he'd purchased with funds he'd gained through highly illicit means."
Big Boss was making faces at Solidus as he spoke. Solidus could clearly discern that this was going on by all of the bottom lips being kept in check, but he wouldn't allow himself to say anything about it.
"When I encountered Ocelot, he was still Liquid. I relieved him of his tainted limb and was about to kill him when I discovered we could actually work together on something."
"Excuse me? I was the one who was about ready to kill you!" Ocelot shouted.
"You didn't have an arm at the time, you were dying quicker," Solidus countered.
"Maybe you should just live without an arm," Meryl said in the heat of the debate. "You seem to lose it all the time and it isn't like you need more than one."
"The C-4 would have killed both of us, Solidus. What then?" Ocelot asked.
"Then this idiot would still be in a freezer right next to the ice cream sandwiches," Solidus said in reference to Big Boss.
"I wonder who's telling the truth," Anna mused aloud.
"It's hard to say," Big Boss said. "I can't get a straight story out of either of them. It's Ocelot's word against Solidus. You'll have to choose who you want to believe."
"Screw that. Who cares?" Snake said.
"Yeah, it's much more amusing to watch them bicker," Raiden said.
"Yaoi!" Chill Penguin piped in.
"Yuri," Mantis added.
"Eww!" Chill Penguin said.
"So what happened after Ocelot was about ready to kill you, Solidus?" Big Boss asked.
"We thawed you out," Solidus said. "I posed as you while you were recovering and helped you gather several of your resources together while Ocelot played with himself in Alaska."
"Don't trivialize my involvement in this affair," Ocelot said.
"Solidus, were you the guy that wrote that report that Big Boss left at my house?" Snake asked.
"Yes, and Ocelot hardly took any time out of his busy schedule to help with that," Solidus replied.
"I seem to remember you adding something to the end of that report that called Ocelot's loyalty into question," Snake said.
"I was hoping that I could get Big Boss to shoot Ocelot on sight when he went to pick you up, but he wouldn't believe any of it."
"That much is true," Ocelot said. "Thanks for nothing, you pirate hooker."
"So while all of us were busy messing around in Alaska, you three were taking the necessary steps to take back the Patriots," Meryl deduced.
"You're welcome," Solidus said.
"What's our first move?" Snake asked.
"Wait just a minute," Solidus ordered. "I need to talk with Big Boss in private. I'm sure you could all use a break."
"What's there to talk about? Are you dead?" Big Boss asked.
"No."
"Well, I guess it all worked out, didn't it? I'm sorry that your cover was blown and that the people you trusted couldn't do their jobs. Maybe you should have been a bit more careful. I sent some of my best men to pull you out of that situation. I was even so worried about you that I even got down on my knees and prayed that you'd live and this is how you repay me? By ruining my presentation?"
Something Big Boss had said got Solidus thinking about his unfortunate experience.
"How did my cover get blown in the first place?" Solidus asked himself.
"You never really thought of that?" Big Boss asked.
Solidus looked directly at Ocelot, who grinned from ear to ear. The four guards holstered their weapons and moved in to restrain Solidus before he could bolt for Ocelot.
"How could you?!" Solidus demanded as four men kept him at bay. "He can't be trusted!"
Ocelot laughed in sadistic glee.
"None of you have a choice! Solidus, I knew you would make it out alive. If you didn't, well, that wouldn't have been such a bad thing, either. Think of it as a favor. You needed the exercise."
With a frustrated scream, Solidus attacked the guard closest to him. The soldier managed to pop off one bean bag round into Solidus' hip before he was assaulted, but Solidus was far too angry to feel pain. Solidus tore the shotgun away from the guard and knocked him to the ground. He turned around, aimed at Ocelot, and shot a round right at his face. Ocelot ducked down into the aisle just in time.
The other guard carrying a shotgun hit Solidus right underneath his ribs with another bean bag round. Solidus flinched slightly, but started walking towards Ocelot. Snake saw Ocelot pull out a real revolver. He remained on the ground and aimed carefully at the wall to his left. Ocelot fired a round that ricocheted off the stud in the wall and struck Solidus in the shoulder. Solidus took the bullet in stride and kept right on going.
Snake looked over at Big Boss and saw that he was jamming earplugs into his ears and putting on a pair of sunglasses. That could only mean one thing. Snake covered his ears and put his head in his lap. Big Boss whistled shrilly and the two guards at the rear of the room with grenade launchers fired two flash bangs into the center of the room. Just as the effect of the first two grenades was wearing off, they fired two more into the room, keeping the disoriented guests trapped in a raging blizzard of confusion.
Snake was no fool and kept still the entire time, waiting patiently for the dust to settle. When it did everyone had switched seats. Snake was sitting all by himself. Mantis, who was now seated next to Chill Penguin in the corner, beckoned him to come over. Snake decided to go sit by Mantis again. Solidus had been forced to his knees and was currently handcuffed around the leg of a seat up in front. They had even gagged him by slapping a piece of duct tape over his mouth.
Big Boss had his arms crossed over his chest and did not appear pleased. He still wore the sunglasses.
"Ocelot, you and Solidus are like two first graders with ADHD during art hour," Big Boss said.
"It was his fault that I lost my arm and had to deal with Liquid again for a few months!" Ocelot said. "That could have killed me!"
Solidus started laughing through the tape and nodded.
"He was also the one who paid the staff at the hospital I had to stay at to deliberately treat me like I was nothing!" Ocelot continued.
"So he betrayed you and you betrayed him," Meryl said. "You're even."
"Allow me to fix this problem," Big Boss said. "Solidus, stop being mean to Ocelot. There, I did what I could. Can we please get back to my briefing?"
"Fine," Ocelot relented, still trembling with rage.
"Snake, you asked what our first move is," Big Boss said. "I had a few more slides that I wanted to go through, but since the mood has been completely ruined, I'll skip them. The stuff I wanted to talk about is included in the report I prepared to go along with this briefing. I am going to ask that all of you read that report. It is very important. There will be a quiz at the end and whoever fails will be shot."
"I call your bluff," Snake said.
"Only once. Anyway, the very first thing we need to do. . ."
Big Boss stopped talking and remained silent. Naomi coughed a little bit. Snake slumped down in his seat and waited for Big Boss to stop acting like a jerk.
". . .is save Olga's child," Big Boss said.