Ok so it'll JUST be a two-shot. That's it, because I don't have another plan
Disclaimer: Once again, I'm a teenager who spends far too much time reading. I am not a professional author. Ergo, I am not Cassandra Clare.
Nine months earlier:
Will exhales and flings the next sheet of paper towards the flames of the fireplace. The page shrinks immediately, a dark shadow of ash covering the white rapidly. The pale blue ink is engulfed by the searing heat and Will, sitting cross-legged opposite the flames, buries his face in his hands.
Tomorrow's the day he's been dreading for nearly half a year. By now, Will thinks that he should be used to this crushing feeling, this inner hatred that tomorrow will bring. Technically, he should. But, Will's always wanted what he cannot have. And Will's never done what is good for him.
He feels blindly around him for another sheet. He needn't even see what this has to say. They all start in the same way; Dear Nate, I am so worried.
'I saved you from that!" His thoughts turn to anger as he crushes the letter in hand, forming a tight fist. With accurate aim, the letter joins the numerous amounts of others he has previously thrown. Will breathes deeply each time another letter is burned. He needs this. Destruction seems like the only possible way to avoid more pain. In doing this, he wants to burn Tessa out of his heart for good.
The final letter is crushed quickly, as though Will wants to rid himself of her as fast as possible. It burns and a billow of smoke erupts from the fireplace but Will does not move. He will wait. He will wait until every last word has been removed from every sheet, to prove to himself that he is strong, inside and out and that Tessa Gray, soon to be Tessa Carstairs, is nothing to him. An infatuation, a phase. Nothing serious will come from his false affections.
He might have succeeded in convincing himself of these facts, had it not been for a knock on the drawing room door. He doesn't react at first, simply glowering at the flames. He expects it to be Sophie, hurrying in with more coal to try to satisfy the eternal hunger of the fire. But if it is, he will not let her in.
The door opens softly, cautiously and as Will turns to glare at whoever has disturbed him, he sees Tessa's cheeks flush.
"Oh. I wasn't expecting you to be here." She bites down on her tongue.
"No matter. Please shut the door on your way out."
Strangely, his rude tone returned to him quite naturally as soon as Jem and Tessa had announced their engagement. To the others, it merely seemed as though Will had returned to his old, sarcastic self. But Tessa knows better. And she also knows enough to hold her tongue and attempt to avoid Will at all costs.
She blinks, inhaling.
"Well, I rather hoped that we might talk...just for a minute." She adds the final piece to her sentence after noticing his clear reluctance.
"Talk about what?" He asks gruffly, still staring at the fire, deliberately trying not to meet her gaze. Had he stared up, he would've seen Tessa doing exactly the same thing.
She closes the door quietly, as though she is conscious of someone overhearing what is obviously not going to be an easy conversation to have. Nerves gather in the pit of Tessa's stomach. The last time she and Will had spoken privately in the drawing room...well it hadn't gone as planned, for either of them.
She walks carefully from the door to the chair beside him, where he still sits on the ground, unmoving.
"I think that we ought to talk before tomorrow." She straightens up, wishing to be frank about this. It isn't easy but she feels it needs to be done.
"Shouldn't you be fitting on wedding dresses?" His tone is bitter and if anything can make Tessa even more nervous, it's Will's bitterness. In an attempt to return to her original topic, she brushes his question off.
"Jem is worried about you."
Mentioning Jem is enough to bring Will to turn his head towards her. Never before has Tessa seen such obvious darkness in those eyes. She knows those eyes are capable of opening, of revealing. But this only proves what a great facade Will Herondale has.
"Jem is always worrying about something. I expect you'll have to get used to it."
She closes her eyes.
"Please, Will. Please, just don't do anything stupid."
He chuckles, and it almost lifts Tessa's spirits.
"Stupid? Me? Tell me you're not really worried about that, Tess?"
Tessa can feel the situation growing even more awkward than it already was to begin with. He hasn't called her Tess for quite some time. In a way, it almost comforts her. Perhaps this means that things can return to normality? But a voice inside Tessa's head tells her that things are never as simple as this when it comes to Will Herondale.
" I am worried about you. I still haven't forgotten the last time you checked yourself into an opium den!"
He nearly feels a grin cover his face, Nearly.
"Worry no more. I don't have time to waste, with my duties regarding tomorrow."
There it is again. The bitterness, although this time it's quietly concealed under a mask of seriousness. Tessa can feel this conversation going wrong. The entire point of this is to ensure that Will does not do anything stupid. Now she feels as though Will might take her plea as some kind of challenge.
"Just, please. I understand completely if you don't wish to do this for me. But for Jem. Think of Jem."
"Why would you assume that I wouldn't do it for you?"
Tessa wonders whether he is deliberately trying to force her into some kind of admission. Before she can answer, he speaks again.
"You'd better go. No doubt Sophie will have you up at the crack of dawn to perfect your hair. If I were you, I'd grab every bit of sleep I could."
"I'll leave," she says, feeling utterly awful, "but only once you've promised that you won't leave tonight."
Will sighs, rising from the ground. He sees Tessa tense as he steps forward to her chair. He puts an arm on both armrests and leans forward. He's surprised at the fact that Tessa doesn't shy away from him. In fact, to surprise him further, she leans forward, expecting an answer. Her eyes are dead set on his own, as she implores a reply from his lips.
Quickly, as though he's fighting, his right hand traps the left side of her jaw line and he kisses her roughly. Images of Jem cascade into his mind, bombarding his with nothing but guilt. They tell him that there is nothing redeeming about this kiss, that, if anything, it will haunt him further. But Will has always paid the price for such actions. He knows that he will pay, gladly, for this one kiss.
Tessa, as if expecting this, brings up her hand to push him away but as she feels the guilt of her choices, she feels her eyes growing moist. She places her hand back down. She hates this; hates how she can do nothing without making either Will or Jem suffer. It pains her to see the confliction in Will's eyes as he pulls away reluctantly. His eyes widen as he sees the tears run down her face. First one, then two, then two more. Kneeling, he pulls her head down further to him and gently tries to brush her tears away, knowing that only half of them fall for him.
She pulls him towards her and places her head in the crook of his neck, her sobs growing louder. It's at that moment that Will Herondale realises that his heart is breaking.
"I...I hate this." Tessa says, repeating the sentence as her throat swells with misery. Her tears are the only thing apart from inner grief that either of them can feel. Will's eyes close as he wraps his arms around her.
"I know. I know you do." He repeats, rubbing his right hand on her back. He feels useless, pointless repeating the same unhelpful words but he can do nothing else. This is their middleground; comfort, nothing more. Anything else would fill them both with the sheer guilt of Jem's pain. And neither of them can handle that, or so they think.
They sit like that, leaning on one another. Neither of them can feel the time slipping away, the time leading up to her wedding day where any girl would be ecstatic with joy. All they feel is the wetness of her tears, falling in a slower fashion than earlier, telling Will that she is calming down. In a moment or two, she will rise and excuse herself and to ensure nothing like this will ever happen again, she will distance herself completely from him. And that's what Will wants. At least, that's what the more rational part of him wants. He knows that this is it; this is the only allotted time that they will be given. Tomorrow, this would be crossing the line completely. Tomorrow, Jem will be sitting in Will's place. Tomorrow everything will change.
But Will has tonight to express everything he wants to. And even though Jem's face pops up in his mind, he can't help but feel that he will damn himself if he does not allow himself this time, this moment with her.
It starts with small kisses, her forehead, her cheeks, her tears. She doesn't object. Normally, these actions would've brought more tears but this time Tessa can feel it. This is the last time she will be able to have Will Herondale, without having formed a union with Jem. This is it, her last chance to love the boy who occupies half of her heart. The tears gradually stop as Tessa feels herself compelled to return his kisses. Wanting to return his love. Wishing she could bury all of the negative feelings inside of her. She clutches to him. Neither of them say a word to stop what is happening or what will inevitably happen as a result of their reluctance to stop.
'It is done now', Tessa thinks, 'from now on I am split. Half of me will always lie in this room, with Will. And the other half with stay with the wedding ring on Jem's finger. Will shall have my maidenhood and Jem shall have me as his bride. When does it end?'
"This will never end, will it, Tess?" Will whispers as Tessa clutches to his chest when they are finished. Their breathing is slowly regaining an equal balance. Tessa knows that soon enough she must leave. Charlotte will ensure that she is sent to bed early, at risk of tiring the soon-to-be-bride.
"No." She whispers back.
And the memories of that night remain with both of them. They act as though nothing has changed between them, nothing has been altered. If anything, Tessa feigns disapproval at most aspects of Will's behaviour. But the memories are always in the corner of their minds; as Will watches Jem slip a ring onto her finger, as Tessa says "I do." It will never end. And the only thing that stops the misery taking over both of them is the sight of Jem's happiness.
Bit messed up but I needed to write something. I just re-read the entire Maximum Ride series and I NEEDED to take my mind off Fang. Oh Fang, how I love him so. How could Max like Dylan all of a sudden, HOW?
Anyhow, please review.