-Willow's POV-

What I felt when Buffy kissed me, I can't even begin to describe it. It was amazing. Her lips were so soft against mine. They were so tender, as if she was afraid to hurt me or something. I wanted more. I could feel my lips craving hers, no more feather kisses. I crushed my lips against hers, showing her that I wanted this, her, badly. I could hear her moans coming from somewhere down her throat. It was such a lovely sound.

I had never kissed a girl before. I had never even fantasized about it. I had been in love with Xander for years now, but he had always made it clear that we were just friends. But now, all of a sudden, I lay here on Xander's lawn, making out with Buffy. What the hell happened? I had known Buffy for about 3 years now, and never had I even thought of kissing her, not even for fun.

I felt Buffy's hand moving under my sweater and touch my belly. This was just too good to be true. Did she want more than just kissing? Damn. This was no good, not at all. I was making progress with Xander, and she was with Angel.
I felt myself pull away from her, I didn't really want to, but this was wrong, so wrong.

Buffy looked at me with a look that clearly said "Don't you want this? I do".
"Look, Buff. This is wrong. I mean, it feels good and like it should happen and everything, but this is just wrong. I mean, you're with Angel and I'm having progress with Xander and everything, we both are into guys and stuff. This shouldn't happen. I mean, you're cheating on Angel right now, and I know how you feel about cheating. I want this, don't get me wrong, but this is not right, it can't be".
Buffy blushed, but at the same time she looked angry. Like she was having an inner battle.
"Yeah, I'm sorry. I really don't know what just happened. We should just forget it, I guess. Pretend like it never happened, or something."
"That's not what I meant, and you know it. Don't be sorry about it. I'm glad it happened. I think. I mean.. Jeez. I don't know what I mean. It's just that it was great, but it probably shouldn't happen again. We don't have to forget it. I know I won't. It was great, just wrong. Know what I mean?"
"Yeah. I guess. We just got caught in the moment. Again" Buffy laughed. It was a short, sort of mechanical laugh.

I looked at Buffy. I felt so sorry for her. It was like she really wanted this, wanted to kiss me and feel me. Like it didn't matter to her that she was with Angel, and that made me feel even worse for breaking off the kiss.

"Look, Buffy. I want this, I really enjoyed kissing you and all that, but it's just too wrong. It shouldn't happen. We are friends. I consider you my best friend, and I would hate to ruin it by.. Whatever we are doing. I really don't want to lose you. I'm sorry. I really am."
I looked at Buffy hoping she could see how sorry I was in my eyes. But of course she was just looking at the ground, playing with a few strings of grass. I hated seeing her like this, it always made her look so vulnerable. I had always thought of her as some kind of a super girl, inhuman, kind of. But when she was like this, she looked so human, like any thing could break her.

"It doesn't matter. You're right. It should never have happened. We are just friends, and I have Angel. You are totally right". She was barely whispering when she said this, and it broke my heart even more. Her voice sounded like she was struggling to keep her tears away. For what reason, I couldn't figure out, but the tears were there, hiding, fighting. And that had me worried, really worried.

We got back inside, not saying another word. You could feel the tension in the air between us, but we just pretended it wasn't there.
When we got inside, I decided to go to bed, so I crawled into Xander's bed and pulled the sheets over me. I looked up at Buffy and asked her if she wanted to sleep there too. That's what we normally do. At least that's what we usually did, up until now. She just looked at me and shook her head; "Nah, I'm gonna have another coffee, and then I'm just gonna crash on the floor or something. I wouldn't want to wake you up when I'm gonna go sleep."
"Look, Buff. I understand that this is awkward, what happened outside and before and stuff, but don't let it ruin everything. We can just go on like we always have. We always shared bed at sleepovers, it doesn't have to be…"
"Just drop it, Will", she almost shouted. "It has nothing to do with what happened earlier. I just don't want to wake you up when I decide to crash. That's all. Just.. Just drop it, okay?"
"Fine. I'll drop it. Don't get mad at me. I just said it doesn't have to get awkward or anything. Relax". And with that said I lay down and turned around, my back now facing Buffy. If she wanted to act like that, fine by me. I'm not going to bother with it.