Bittersweet
Chapter two- Spencer
The walk home is long, cold, and hard. Spencer was struggling to keep the tears from falling, with his little sister who never stopped talking. He's immune to her chattering and hardly listens to a word she says over the screaming thoughts drowning out the noise. "Yeah, that's nice." Is his only response to her.
"How's Ryan?" She asks, he's alarmed by her curiosity.
"What?"
"Ryan, how is he? I haven't seen him for a while."
"He's doing great, he's on holiday." He lies. "He came back this morning."
"Where did he go?"
"To England to visit his Grandma." Spencer was quite proud of his lie, it even started to seem real to him and everything he'd been told were lies.
"That's nice." She smiles and continues with her annoying stories of bratty children and imaginary friends. He feels his phone buzz in the pocket of his jeans, he takes it out. He wipes his eyes and stares at the screen hard. "Who's that?" His sister asks.
"None, just Mom."
"Oh, what did she say."
"Not to stay up late, she's working until tomorrow." His sister just nods and smiles. He looks back at his phone, tears of guilt burning at the corner of his eyes again, he blinks them away furiously. What's wrong with you, Spence? He thought. It's only Ryan, it's not as if he'll do any real damage, he's not gonna die. He reads the message with a hard concentration.
Want to come to mine? Ring me please, Ry.
No. Something inside Spencer whispers, don't say yes. He shakes his head, its Ryan. Ask him if he wants to come here. He presses the call button and presses the phone to his ear.
"Hello?" Ryan asks on the other end.
"Hey, want to come to mine instead? I've got to look after Molly."
"Yeah, sure. Are you home yet?"
"No, just walking up our street now."
"Oh, I'll see you in five minutes then." And Ryan hangs up on him. Sure, anything to help a friend. He thinks to himself.
"Who was that?"
"You'll see soon." He promises her. He needs to sort his head before Ryan comes or he'll break down, he knows he will, he just can't help thinking that Ryan's on the edge and he's not too far right now.
The house is the quietest it's ever been, until Molly walks in of course. The once blissful silence is pierced by her harpoon words. Before he closes the door he hears someone shouting his name, it's Ryan. "Wait, Spence!" He pants.
"Ryan!" Molly shouts, she so has a crush on him, she doesn't realise he's gay.
"Hey Molly." Ryan mutters.
"Mom said you have homework, go and do it." Spencer barks, finally closing the door. Molly storms up the stairs, grumbling and groaning, leaving silence for the two boys. It's almost unbearable, in fact it is unbearable. "Why didn't you just tell me?" Spencer blurts out. "I could've tired to help. I was always there, you know that." Ryan narrows his eyes at him.
"I know, I was scared." He tells him.
"Why? You know I wouldn't be freaked out."
"I don't know, I thought I could handle It."
"But you can't." Ryan shakes his head. "You need help, Ryan."
"It hasn't gone that far, I thought it'd better if I told you."
"I meant help from me, this didn't have to happen. None of this."
"I know, Spencer, I didn't want it to happen. I never have, it just...did." Ryan seems so calm about this, he seems so reserved. Spencer can't be reserved, his best friend, Ryan, no, not Ryro. He can't have these thoughts, he's fun loving Ryro who set off fireworks with him when they were little, who dressed up as Superman with Ninja Turtle Spencer on Halloween.
"Why? Why this late? You've been doing it for months." Ryan nods.
"I was scared, Spencer."
"Why? You know I was there for you, you've always known." Anger bubbles up in Spencer, like a volcano, it hurts to feel like this, to see Ryan so calm when he shouldn't be, he should be crying telling him that it was all lies that he'd never done this before.
"I know."
"You could've died! How could you be so..." Stupid! Spencer thought. "Idiotic?" He asks.
"You don't know what it's like, you have a perfect life."
"No one has a perfect life, Ryan! Especially not me! My best friend does that to himself! I must be a pretty lousy friend if someone so close to me could do that for months without telling me."
"Spencer, don't make this about you. You're not a lousy friend you're the most trustworthy friend I have."
"Then why didn't you tell me for so long, I'm confused Ryan."
"I was terrified! I was scared you'd freak out, that you'd hate me, think I was a freak."
"Ryan, I've always thought you a freak, that's what makes us best friends." Ryan smiles a little, just a little, but the first tear rolls down his cheek. "Ryan, your my best friend I'm supposed to think you're a freak."