JJ couldn't wait to get where they were going. This trip was so lame anyway. It's not like she really wanted to go out into the wilderness anyway. It's not like she wanted to take the car trip in the first place. It made her feel like she was going to throw up. Not like normal car sickness, though. This felt like, be careful or you might have to go back to your dad's.
She wasn't stupid. JJ knew that she was a Prentiss now. She'd gotten adopted three months ago, just like her brothers had several months before her. But they seemed way farther along in the adjustment category. She did her best to block out everything and everyone because she couldn't handle everyone else's crap with her own. Just her luck, Penelope was driving separately. JJ would have liked to go with her. But their mom insisted that since Penelope's car didn't have air conditioning they all needed to ride with her. So, that's how she'd been stuck listening to Spencer, who was six, and pretty cute most of the time, exclaim over absolutely everything in excitement. Aaron and Derek - who were nine and fifteen - were both quiet and moody like JJ.
It was when they turned down a road that looked a little too similar to the one leading to her old house that JJ freaked out. Logically, she knew better. She was fourteen. Definitely old enough to realize what her mom said, she meant. If she said they were going to Dave and Carolyn's cabin, then that's where they were going. Still, it didn't stop the panic that rose in her chest. It didn't stop JJ from reaching for the door, intent on jumping from the SUV while it was moving if necessary. It didn't stop the air in there from getting too thin and making it hard to breathe.
She leaned over and pulled hard at the door handle but the child proof lock wouldn't allow it to budge. Tried to get her seatbelt off, but her hands were shaking too much to make it happen.
Vaguely, through the sound of blood rushing in her ears, JJ heard Spencer urging her not to throw up, because they were almost there.
"JJ," her mom said, glancing at her in the rearview mirror. "You're okay. We're almost there. Guys?" she said, speaking to all three of JJ's brothers at once. "One of you hold JJ's hand, all right? Tell her we're almost there. I need to drive."
Distantly, she was aware of Aaron's hand in her own. It was small and warm, but it didn't help. JJ still couldn't breathe right and her heart was beating too fast. When were they going to get off that damn road?
Aaron didn't take their mom's advice or tell JJ anything. He just sat silently, squeezing her hand. Derek was behind her, quiet as a ghost. Spencer, on the other hand, piped up with what he thought was a great idea.
"JJ, sometimes? JJ, sometimes?" Spencer repeated, in the annoying way he had when he thought no one was listening to him. "Sometimes!" he yelled, to be sure she heard him. "When my mother, the literature professor, was panicking, I'd sing to her! I have the perfect song to sing, okay? Are you ready?"
"Better not be anything by Bob Dylan, kid," Derek warned, knowing how much songs by that particular artist still made Spencer upset.
Spencer didn't wait for JJ to say anything. Instead, he burst into the chorus of Whitney Houston's I Will Always Love You, which had been on heavy rotation ever since her death, when JJ was eleven.
Hearing Spencer belt, and try for riffs was enough to snap JJ out of it, and fast. He sang so loud and his song choice was so random that JJ and everyone else burst out laughing. For his part, Spencer kept singing, doing his part to make sure JJ was okay until their mom pulled up in front of Dave and Carolyn's cabin.
What no one knew was that Derek was losing his shit just as bad as JJ. He just wasn't doing it so everybody knew. He figured his mom probably knew. His background - losing his parents at ten - and getting taken in by a family friend - who turned out to be the devil incarnate had been something awful. Going back after he'd found solace at Emily's had been worse. The thing was, now? Every time he got in a vehicle to go anywhere, when his mom was driving, he felt that familiar feeling. The feeling that he was going to be dropped off in his old life, just like before.
The fact that they were headed to a cabin wasn't helping things. See, there was a time in Derek's old life when that family friend had decided they needed to relocate in order to stay better under the radar. So he took Derek to this cabin he had. It was beautiful there. It looked just as inviting as this one. But that's where some of the worst things happened to Derek. Emily didn't know that part. No one knew. And Derek was determined to keep it that way - even though Anna - his psychologist - would probably tell him sharing stuff was better. Even just with her. But Derek didn't plan on telling anybody.
He checked on JJ on his way to the back of the SUV, grabbing all the luggage he could carry. That, after all, had been his responsibility before at the other cabin. It seemed to fit now, too, since he was the oldest boy. Though Aaron and Spencer each did their best to heft twice their body weights, and even though JJ and Emily were perfectly capable of carrying bags. Part of it was the family friend. But part of it was what his dad had instilled in him before Derek lost him.
"Chivalry isn't dead," he'd say. "It's alive and well, and you'll practice it. Treat the ladies in your life as if they're your mother, and those smaller than you like they're your own brothers and sisters."
Well, that made it easy. This was his family. His real sister. His real brothers. And his real mom - even though she was Emily to him sometimes - when his place in things started feeling shaky. It was the reason he grabbed the bags and carried them all inside. It was the reason he held the door open again and again.
Derek glanced up, and found himself hoping, even through all his hopelessness. He hoped that somewhere, his dad could see him. He hoped that wherever his parents were, that Derek had made them proud.
Aaron stayed close to his mom. He would have stayed close to Dave, if he could have, but Dave was busy cooking some big supper. He liked to be alone when he did that, even though he was happy and sang songs about it. Derek was lying on the couch watching The Food Network and JJ was outside with Spencer. Carolyn tried to talk to him about everything to make him feel comfortable, but it didn't work very well. Aaron was kind of nervous usually. Add in a new place that had a lot of dirt and Aaron was really sure he was going to stay inside for this whole vacation.
That wasn't the only thing that made Aaron nervous. JJ having a panic attack made him nervous. And before they even left, packing his clothes made him nervous. His mom steered him away from the garbage bags and had to keep reminding him that he wasn't leaving, they were going on a trip as a family. But it didn't help much.
Packing a bag always reminded him of leaving. People thought he didn't remember. People thought Spencer was the only one with too good a memory, but Aaron had a perfect memory for everything he wanted to forget.
"Honey, do you want to go play? Or explore with the kids?" his mom asked, squatting down to his level. Aaron wrapped his arms around her and laid his head on her shoulder. He wanted to be held. It was hard to be in a new place again, even if everyone else was here with him.
Lucky for him, his mom gave him a hug. She didn't push him away or anything he was most afraid of.
"It's a lot to take in, isn't it?" she said in a soft voice that made him feel calmer.
Aaron nodded against her.
"Well all you have to remember is this. I love you and I would never take you anywhere that wasn't safe."
"I remember when you told me that the first time," he said softly. "When I first came and we went to Dave and Carolyn's and I didn't trust police. Remember that? And Dave was the police?" he offered Dave a smile that said he was sorry. But Dave just laughed and kept singing his favorite Italian song.
Spencer was running around so fast that it was hard for JJ to keep up with him. That made Spencer very proud, because JJ was such a fast runner. He had already told her numerous times that someday, if she practiced, she could run a marathon. Spencer promised to help her calculate the most efficient way for her to finish. He promised to be her coach.
He had already touched every tree JJ would let him touch, rolled in the grass, and tried out all the wooden chairs that sat in the grass. There was so much to see, though, Spencer felt like he couldn't possibly take it all in with the amount of time they were spending here. He glanced toward where the cars were parked and knew that Penelope, Nathaniel, Cary and Matthew had not arrived yet. Matthew needed lots of breaks, and Penelope found a stray cat on the way that she was trying to tame and bring with her, even though Spencer warned her that it could have rabies.
"Spence! Slow down!" JJ called from somewhere behind him. But he couldn't. Not when there were so many interesting things to look at. It registered belatedly, the nickname JJ gave him. It made Spencer smile. It was something special just between the two of them, the way Penelope called Aaron the president, even though Aaron couldn't legally be the president.
Besides, Spencer had done the right thing already. Instead of running around like he wanted to when he first got outside, he made himself stop. He hadn't even asked JJ why she had a panic attack or how it felt inside her body, even though he was very curious. He thought of his mom, and asked how JJ was feeling now and if his song made her feel better, if she knew, because he sang it, that he would always love her. It was a logical conclusion, but people weren't logical when they felt anxiety. Asking how JJ was feeling was called compassion, and he was learning about it. Spencer felt compassion inside, but showing it was still difficult, especially when there were so many more pressing things to experience. Like nature.
"JJ! I'm so glad I'm not afraid of the government anymore! Because, guess why?" But Spencer couldn't wait for her to think. "Because! Then I would be too distracted to enjoy how beautiful it is outside!"
"Yeah, I guess it is…" JJ agreed.
Just then, something else caught Spencer's attention. It was the biggest puddle he had ever seen. But no. That didn't seem right. He thought back to the Minnesota guidebook his mom bought just for him. Minnesota was called "the land of 10,000 lakes" so, it would make sense that…
"JJ!" he shrieked. "Is that a lake?" As usual, he didn't wait for JJ's response. Spencer simply took off. He ran across the grass, onto the strange narrow platform over the water, and right off the edge.
The depth and the temperature surprised him and before Spencer had a chance to think another thought, JJ was in the water, dragging him upright and yelling at him.
"What the hell were you doing?" JJ exclaimed. "You can't just run into a lake, Spencer! You didn't have a life-jacket on or anything! You could have drowned!"
Spencer choked and spit. The difference between saltwater and lake water had never been more apparent. Salt water tasted like salt. Lake water tasted like dirt. His clothes were wet and heavy. His glasses were missing. He was cold. And, Spencer realized belatedly, he was crying. Then, he was in his mom's arms.
Instead of feeling comforted, Spencer felt betrayed. With all the facts in the guidebook, and all his mom's knowledge, there were so many things Spencer didn't know. That the lake would be cold and deeper than Spencer ever thought. "Why didn't you tell me?" he accused through his tears. It took all his self control not to lash out and try to hurt her, so he used his words as much as he could. "Why didn't you get me a guidebook about this lake?"
It was then that Spencer's eyes fell on his bare arm, where something fat and black was attached to his skin. It was clearly alive and getting bigger. Spencer didn't think. He just started to scream.
Emily made quick work of disposing of the fat black leech on Spencer's arm. It was only just occurring to her that in his short, sheltered and strange life, Spencer might not have ever seen a leech. He certainly was unfamiliar with lakes. She should have been prepared for this, but Emily was expecting fear and timidity, not over stimulation and zealousness that the outdoors clearly caused.
"It's all right. Let's go inside," Emily soothed.
She closed her eyes.
This trip was going to be more than she bargained for.
A/N: I had the prologue written a couple weeks ago, but wanted to see if the story would go anywhere in my head before I wrote more. Thanks so much for reading! Hope you enjoy the story!