What If, The Purgatory Of Lily

Missing Moments 2 (Chapter 4)

Watching

I wish...that this moment could last forever...

Author's Note: In order to understand this short story, it is preferable to have read the fourth chapter of my fic 'What if, the Purgatory of Lily'. However, to those who haven't, here is a quick summary of the time-line from that chapter: Lily didn't half-smile during the incident shown in Snape's Worst Memory, leading her and Severus to have a more-controlled eruption of their problems, forcing them to hash out their differences. As a consequence of this, Severus chose not to join the Death Eaters, but Dumbledore had other ideas...

Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.

"Come on, Sev, it IS my birthday after all!"

"Lily, you know I love you very much, but there is no chance of me doing that. I'm sorry...but not THAT sorry!"

"Pleaaase!? I've never done it before, and it sounded cool in that movie..." Lily's pleading was starting to get to Severus, as her beautiful green eyes seemed to shimmer slightly, making him doubt his decision for a moment. However, his sense of propriety was rebelling against the very idea of doing THAT in public. He wouldn't mind doing it in private though...

As Severus deliberated and blushed slightly, Mary spoke up in his defense, "Lily, I think that Severus' answer is still 'no'. Haven't you thought about how embarrassing that would be for him!? I mean, it's Severus, not Black!"

"On behalf of Padfoot, I deny everything, however I'D certainly like it if Lily would do it for me..." James winked lasciviously after giving a placating nod toward Severus, while Lily blushed scarlet, before throwing some of the cake at James angrily.

Severus winced slightly at their antics, although that was a large improvement over the past considering that just a couple months ago he probably would have wanted to hex the Gryffindor Head Boy. Luckily the two of them had come to an understanding in the past few weeks, with James admitting that Severus had won Lily fair and square and Severus acquiescing to James' harmless flirtations toward Lily in return, so long as they REMAINED harmless.

'It's a shame that they won't remain harmless flirtations for much longer... Still, it's the price I have to pay for Dumbledore's 'help'...' Severus mentally cursed Dumbledore a few dozen times, then cursed him anew as Lily turned to beam at him. Severus loved how Lily would look at him sometimes, like she had found the answer to all of her prayers in his stringy body, and that was what made him hate Dumbledore all the more...

Meanwhile, Mary giggled then said flirtatiously, "Well, James, if you want it done to you...I'll be happy to feed you cake myself!" James' eyes widened for a moment, then Mary glared wickedly at him and charmed a piece of Lily's triple-layer chocolate cake to try to attack James, much to Lily's enjoyment and Severus' laughter. Normally, he would have enjoyed watching the still-arrogant Gryffindor get attacked by cake, but today he found that he had to fake his amusement as watching Lily laughed hurt too much for him to feel anything but pain...

"Alright, I give up! No more cake for James! Please!"

"I'm glad that you've made a wise decision, Mr. Potter." Mary was able to choke out through her laughter, canceling the spell as a cake-splattered James laid down on the floor, panting.

Severus knew just how much what he would have to do was going to hurt her, and he couldn't even give her the cold comfort of knowing the truth. This meant that he would have to take her heart and shatter it like glass while lying to her about the reasons, not even giving her the benefit of knowing that her sacrifice wouldn't be in vain.

It was hard pretending that everything was fine when Severus knew that he was living on borrowed time, and soon his life would come crashing to an end. It wouldn't be a physical death, but Severus knew that he would die all the same, even as he continued his soon to be meaningless existance...

Ironically, Severus felt a small wave of comfort along with his jealousy as Lily giggled at James as he thrust a cake-covered finger into his mouth, smacking his lips happily. Even if he had to suffer, at least Severus had the blessing of knowing that Lily would be happy in the end. James had proven himself to be an OK guy after his public apology last month, and Severus suspected that Lily still held a small attraction to him, an attraction that would doubtless grow after Severus had been forced to do his duty...

Lily apparently noticed the shadows filling his eyes, as she then put her hands on Severus' shoulders and asked quietly, not wanting to bother anyone else, "What's wrong, Sev? Is the idea of feeding me cake that awful?"

As Lily bit her lip with eyes wide with sadness, Severus felt his heart go out to her, and he decided at that moment that one day of humiliation would be more than worth it so that the last days of their romance were happy ones. As such, he pasted on a small smile and said in a voice that was filled with mock-mortification, "Oh, very well, 'Dear'. I'll feed you your little cake..."

Lily then glared at him for a moment, then replied angrily, although her eyes glinted with laughter, "Severus Snape! You KNOW that I hate it when you call me 'Dear'. I refuse to let you feed me until you apologize!"

Sighing dramatically, Severus then groaned and said with a little smirk, "OK, OK, I apologize, now can I feed you that cake now...?" As Lily nodded, opening her mouth with an 'ahh', Severus pushed a bit of cake into it and continued smoothly, "...Dearest."

Lily's eyebrows twitched in outrage as she tried to eat that piece of birthday cake as quickly as she could, and Severus knew that his doom was at hand, especially when she whipped out her wand. Still, he couldn't help but enjoy it ever so slightly, as it eased the guilt he was feeling. Finally swallowing, Lily then said evilly, "Oh...you're gonna get it now, Severus! INCARCEROUS! Now for my infamous, sister-tested, TICKLE ATTACK!"

In mock-horror, Severus shouted as she tackled him, "No! Please! HELP!"

"Too late, 'DEAR'!" With that, Lily began her devilish attack and aimed at all of his weak spots, meaning that Severus was unable to keep himself from laughing like a bloody hyena. Eyes beginning to tear up, Severus felt slightly redeemed for the dark deed he would have to commit in merely two days.

Finally, Lily let up and returned to chatting with Mary after giving him a quick peck on the lips, both all but preening in pride at their accomplishments. Meanwhile, Severus watched with a sad smile. He then mused to himself about his situation,

'If I had known what was going to happen when I begged Dumbledore for help...I would do the same thing over again... If Lily is able to be safe and happy in the end because of this, even if she hates me, then I guess that that'll be alright. Maybe she'll even find out that I only joined the Death Eaters as a spy, and she'll remember my sacrifice...'

His smile growing bittersweet, Severus turned to James and gave him a slow nod to show his approval as he went over to tease Mary, not that the frequently-obtuse Gryffindor noticed. 'I won't be able to make her happy, so that task falls to you, James Potter... Make Lily feel like her every dream has come true, you insufferable prat, or I'll make sure you suffer...'

As the clock ticked down to Dumbledore's deadline, where he would have to break her heart as a ploy so that he could join the Death Eaters, Severus could only watch with a small smile and his heart thudding in his chest as Lily beamed at him... He was certain that she had never been more beautiful than she was right at that moment...

Author's Note: This missing moment is rather bittersweet, but the base time-line has a happy ending. I will be editing the original chapter though, as my writing from back then clearly hasn't stood up well to the test of time...