Chapter 2 Green Globs of Sticky Bombs
"Tyki, is it possible for you to go two minutes without smoking?" Road asked as she sent another set of burning candles after Devitto. The cowering Noah had to slip onto his back and criss-cross his arms to avoid the unfortunate event of owning cadavers. Tyki was climbing the stairs, a lit match in one hand, and a smoke halfway to his mouth.
"No." Tyki said plainly, bowing his head slightly to light the smoke. He smiled deeply and looked into the room, nodding.
"Hehe, Tyki look at him, he's so scared!" Road charmed as she lifted three candles out of the floor boards and sent them in between Devitto's open legs. Devitto screeched and skittered backwards, grasping at his pants.
"How dare you. We'll kill you!" Devitto screamed, tilting the gun in his hand at his brother, gesturing for him to do the same. Jasdero slipped his bandaged hand onto his gun, caressing it almost as if it was his chicken.
"Yeah, we'll kill, kill, kill, hee!" Jasdero said, cocking his pistol at his brother's side.
"Yeah?" Road asked, waltzing slightly in her walk, she stepped into the room and stood next to Jasdero's bed. She lifted the covers, and shook them slightly, before dropping them onto the floor in deep disgust.
Jasdero's bed was full of three things, some of which were lethal when mixed together. Old yellowing magazines littered his pillow, some molding and taking the form of decaying cheese on his pillow, while others sat new, stolen only recently on the top like a statue of purity. These magazines where mostly filled with things you find on the street corner for twenty dollars though. There were no famous celebrities, or 'great deals on buying real estate', but things you can usually buy where you find tight leather whips and lingerie.
Another thing was fuzzy boots. Each with the amount of fur you'd find on an adult bull moose, or an abnormally furry Persian cat, they littered the middle of the disturbing bed like fur-bearing trout. The last thing was a bag of old potato chips, Jasdero cheered and walked toward the bed, away from his knee-hugging brother. He picked up one of the chips and stuffed it in his mouth.
"Thanks Road, Jasdero was looking for these forever. Hee!" Jasdero took a green chip from the crumpled bag and offered it to Road, whose face turned the color of rancid cottage cheese. She shook her head, stepping away from Jasdero's spoiled offerings.
"What I really want Jasdero, is for your brother to get his lousy butt downstairs before I stick one of these candles in his arteries." Road said as she took out one of her candles so she could stomp on Devitto's foot. Devitto instinctively reached for his foot, fearing the worst, but Road put her shoe to his face.
"Yeah, and how're you going to make me?" Devitto asked pointing his pistol at Road's leg.
"Easily, like this." Road removed her foot from Devitto's face and after thinking for a second, landed it perfectly into the boy's crotch. Devitto rolled onto his side, ripping at the fabric on his left leg, hiding his tearing face in his jacket.
"Dero, are you gonna help me here?" Devitto asked looking up at his brother who was rocking his chicken back and forth in his arms like a baby.
"Yeah, um, chicken go! Hee!" Jasdero put the chicken in his palm and tried to make it fly at the unsuspecting Road.
The chicken went cross-eyed and nestled into the Noah's palm, cooing itself to sleep. Jasdero slipped it onto his shoulder and rested his failing head onto it. Tyki stepped into the room and planted himself in the corner so he could make a memorable point of why the twins had no appendages in future conversations.
"Jasdero!" Devitto argued, "Put that thing somewhere else for a minute, before I use it as a bullet and shoot it into an Akuma's ear!"
"Hee! No, Jasdero will help." Jasdero grabbed onto his brother's hand and pulled him up so they could both face Road with the same fifty-fifty chance of living.
"Stop cowering and fight idiots." Tyki sighed.
"But, she's scary Tyki," Jasdero said.
"Because her ugliness can kill you upon contact." Devitto smiled. Road gave them a look that could make even the mythical basilisk commit suicide on contact.
"Why you stupid little-"Road said stepping up to the two twins. Smiling delightedly at herself she kicked the twins both in the shins and grabbed on the back of their necks. The Noahs both looked at each other and nodded, pointing the pistols at each other's heads.
"That's unfair, don't you dare." Road growled pointing them toward the door and leading them out into the hallway.
"It's not unfair, Jasdevi's just getting bored." Devitto said as he slipped the gun away from his brother and toward the ground, Jasdero just pointed his at the wall.
"Whatever you're going to do, I hope you fall and break your face." Road said, as they reached the stairs. Tyki, too lazy to wait for them, just went through the wall and waited at the bottom of the staircase.
"Green Bomb!" The twins cheered, each clinging onto the banister the Earl had installed for Tyki when he came home so drunk he couldn't even see a step if it was covered in ten foot spikes and neon signs for upcoming gruesome road work. The safety rail held fast and the twins held on for dear life as their feet fell out beneath them and hung limp like rag dolls.
Road wasn't as lucky as to grab onto Tyki's quaffing line. Her feet were utterly useless as the glob of green ick started to avalanche down the stairs, bringing her with it. She was catapulted, cursing, down the stairs and slammed into Tyki who fell against the wall, cracking his head off the rail, usually used to help him reach his room so he didn't conk out onto an unexpected cleaning Akuma. He fell onto his back with Road clinging on him for dear life in his lap.
"Score!" The twins sang as they continued to hang onto the banister as the last remaining glob cracked open in the middle of the stairs, levitating every inch in a slick, shiny mess of green.
"You…okay… Road?" Tyki asked, blinking a few times and shaking his head back and forth.
"Yes, thank you so much Tyki-pon, you broke my fall." Road picked a glob of Jasdevi's bomb off of Tyki and flicked it at the twins. "When I get up there I'll make sure I scalp you both."
"You scalp too much, next thing you know your room is going to be full of rotting hair lines." Devitto argued.
"Would you rather I get the Earl to bring me a medieval stretcher?" Road asked.
"Actually I think I need a regular stretcher." Tyki fidgeted and his back made the noise like a moose in mating season.
"I want a stretcher, it sounds cool! Hee!" Jasdero said.
"What's it do?" Devitto asked.
"It stretches you out until your skin explodes and you either die from blood lose or from the shock that your arms now reach out farther than Shaq's."
The twins looked at each other.
"That's awesome; we'd be so good at basketball, Hee!"
"Yeah, what's it look like?"
"It's big, medieval, wooden and it often had leather stripes that would bind your hands so you couldn't move." Road said.
Instantly, the two at the top of the stairs put their heads together and the next moment a huge hunk of wood and a spinning jenny appeared on the staircase and started to fall with the delightful noise of destruction.
Road looked up at the upcoming noise and jumped out of Tyki's lap, flattening herself against the wall a few feet away. Tyki looked up in his sore state, a few seconds too late to let the thing pass through him. The Jenny cracked off of his head and the blocks of wood pulverized his stomach.
"Tyki-pon?" Road asked, running toward him and taking the spinning jenny off of his face and bringing his head out of the basketball-sized dent his cranium had made. Tyki was even more cross eyed then Jasdero and his chicken, which was really saying something since the chicken recently discovered how to see his brain without asking Tyki a quick favor.
"I'll…I'm… Going to kill those brats." Tyki stammered pulling a few stray hairs out of his face.
"Okay, here's a candle, you might need it." Road handed him a large canary yellow candle.
"Oh no, scary butterfly man is gonna kill us!" Devitto cooed.
"Scary butterfly man. Scary butterfly man, maybe his butterflies will fly away into the sunset! Hee!"
"Yeah, I'm going to tear out your heart and stuff it into your eye sockets!" Tyki growled.
"But then what will you do with my candle?" Road asked.
Tyki turned around to tell her. "I'll stuff it into their empty rib cages."
The twins looked at each other and stood up. They both rather enjoyed their hearts. They were quite sure that their organs were the only things keeping them alive and not inside a crude casket carved by the Earl six feet under. Actually they had an empty feeling in the pits of the stomachs that if they died before any of the other Noahs, their graves would be danced on by all of them, even the Earl who would probably collapse the ground and fall onto their tombs.
The two did not want to spend eternity stuck under the Earl's marshmallow body.
Thinking for the best their legs could do, the two took a step back. Tyki went up another of the stairs and grabbed the railing for support. The twins backed into a particular nasty blob of their bomb, and looked down. Their legs both gave out and the slid down the steps as fast as if they had suddenly inherited jet skis.
Slamming into Tyki on the way down, they flew around the room laughing. Devitto stopped first, ending against the wall underneath a misplaced sofa. Jasdero had done a tail spin before landing, kneeing on Tyki's chest. Jasdero looked down at the man under him and poked him in the side of the face.
"Devitto, I think we killed Tyki." He muttered.
"Really? You know what this means?" Devitto asked.
"Rummage through his pockets!" Jasdero cheered as he starting picking through the pockets on Tyki's coat, pulling out dollars, pounds, Euros, and the occasional Shilling.
Devitto started picking through the pockets in Tyki's pants. He pulled out a carton of Tyki's smokes, some candy wrappers, and a dead mouse he had used earlier to show an Akuma his power. This mouse had been through three Akuma's so far, and although it no longer lived, it was a great tribute to Tyki's ability to send stupid crap through your body.
"Ew, dead mouse. Hee!" Jasdero muttered, grabbing the rodent and throwing it at the closest Akuma who it smacked right in the face.
"Ow. Ow. Ow. What was that for?" Mimi demanded, shaking the dead rat from her hair and cringing at the sight of its long thin tail. She turned her head around and dropped the small mammal onto the ground. She could tolerate anything, dead humans, the local giant squid that turned up dead now and then, even the horrors in Jasdevi's room. But she just didn't like rodents, alive, or otherwise. They usually annoyed Lulubell, and Mimi had a way for feeling the same way.
"You were too close." Devitto muttered, opening up the carton in his hand. "Damn it, that selfish Tyki used them all!"
"Why don't you get Lulubell down here to help you, anyways I'm sure she'd like the smell of that mouse. Hee!" Jasdero muttered, looking down at the money.
"Fine, maybe I will." Mimi pouted. "Madame Lulubell, Jasdevi is being mean!"
"Why don't you hit them?" A cold voice asked from the top of the staircase.
"I didn't know I could." Mimi said, fanning herself with the lethal weapon in her hands.
"If it's Jasdero and Devitto, you can." A small bell echoed from the top of the stairs.
"Okay, here I go, Madam Lulubell, come down her to watch."
"Are you really that excited to beat up a couple of teenagers?" Lulubell asked.
"Yeah, it's good practice the next time we go into town, I can beat up those weird annoying perverts that stare at us." Mimi charmed.
"Whatever you say Mimi," A smooth, black cat appeared at the top of the staircase and after straightening itself and proudly puffing out it's fluffy chest, took a leap down the first two steps.
As the ones before her, Lulubell slipped and ended up cart wheeling down the stairs and landing on Tyki's face. The cat screeched and leapt out the room so it could take comfort in the man awaiting her.
"Well if curiosity doesn't kill the cat," Jasdero muttered.
"Try velocity." Devitto finished, taking some of the money from his brother's hand and pocketing it.
"Ooh, when Tyki gains consciousness, he's gonna kill you!" Road smiled, picking up Tyki's hat and putting it onto her own head. The hat, being a good few sizes too big, fell down and rested on her neck, swallowing her head from sight. She walked out of the room, making sure she pushed the twins as she went, and slipped into the dining room, where the Earl greeted her.
"Road-Sama, finally, I was wondering where you'd run off too."
"Hello Earl!" Road said. "If you're wondering where Jasdevi, and Tyki-pon are, they're all recovering from a recent accident."
"What do you mean?" The Earl asked.
"You might want to see for yourself, they're lying out in the next room."
"Really?" The Earl said as he got up and looked into the next room where Jasdero and Devitto were sitting on Tyki and counting their newly stolen money. Tyki was, by the looks of it unconscious, but was shaking his head back and forth, hitting it off of the floor. Several holes in the walls were oozing Jasdevi's bomb, and a backlog of dead Akuma was piling higher and higher as the demons tried their best to clean the stairs, each with the same fate of tasting defeat and carpeting.
"Aw. Same old same old."
Author's Note- I was hoping for more reviews, but oh well. Thanks for the people who favorited! A spinning jenny, for all who didn't study the industrial revolution, was a giant machine to spin thread with. It was used to create clothing and cloth, so people didn't run around naked. Although many people did anyway, I'm sure. A medieval stretcher is extremely painful and brutal. Never invest in one. Ever.
Shaq is a basketball player who, with a good encouragement, and a dream, could probably touch Neptune.