Leonard

"We have to name him something Sheldon." Penny stated, her eyes wide and the deep exhaustion resonating through her entire body as she rocked one of their twins in her arms.

He merely narrowed his eyes at her, obviously displeased with her rushing him, probably none to pleased with the fact she was sitting in HIS seat once again as well. She did not care. Penny had argued that she was indeed sitting in HIS seat, nursing HIS incredibly finicky daughter (who was colicky) while he got to hold HER quiet and rather passive son while typing one handed on his laptop. He had backed down after that, but just barely. God, sometimes she missed Leonard so much.

Startlingly enough, moving into the larger apartment had actually been Leonard's idea. After watching their strange courtship and her pregnancy it was sort of a baby shower present. They had switched rooms, he had taken over Penny's apartment which allowed the growing family the space they needed and an extra room which the boys had attempted to convert into a high tech nursery. Penny's brother and sister had finished it, or rather they had actually put the furniture together. He had been so compassionate in knowing that getting Sheldon to move anywhere would have been an impossible task. She knew that with two babies they would eventually have to move anyway but she wasn't even broaching the subject until the twins were walking and talking, giving her plenty of time to prime him for the experience. In the meantime he had resumed his normal work schedule and she had taken to full time motherhood. Or rather had attempted to take to motherhood.

For a first time mother one baby was a challenge and trying to single handed care for twins (one whom spent more then half the day screaming inconsolably with no apparent end in sight) was proving to be another failure she could add on to the long list of failures she seemed to be composing since moving to California. She worried about money while Sheldon chided her about having more then enough money to support their little family on one income for a good measure of time. So she attempted being a housewife, she tried to feed one while comforting the other, or change one while the other watched. She had tried to nap but they were working in shifts. She tried to eat but they were always demanding her full attention, neither accepting anything less then her complete and utter devotion. She had nearly called Sheldon's mother a dozen times to beg for assistance. She had called her own mother once. And her sister Ruby five times. And her brother Max four times. Everyone told her it was normal to feel stressed. That babies were a serious challenge and that the feelings would pass. But nothing that said helped, Penny was a horrible mother and she knew it. All in all picking a name for their nameless son while her husband was home was low on the priorities list but it was another glaring reminder of just how poorly she was fairing.

She sighed to herself and found tears welling in her eyes. Everyday the same thing. He would come home. Ask her how her day was. She would answer 'fine' and he would go about his routine. Day in day out, same thing. He would fall asleep next to her in their room (which was merely his room with a double bed in it now). The twins would cry and she would get up and pace until the early morning.. Her mother had called it "polishing the floors" Penny felt like she had worn off the enamel and Sheldon would complain about one section of their laminate being off coloured. The worst part was that her children were perfect, everyone had said so. Their father was perfect (he said so himself). Other then their daughter being colicky everyone in her little family was perceived as absolutely perfect with one glaring exception.

"I find I am partial to the name Newton. What are your thoughts on Newton?"

Penny blinked back the tears, looking over at her husband and her small, small son.

"I think I don't want him to get beat up." It was the most honest thing she had said to him in the last week and a half and she knew it.

"Well that's a statistical improbability at best." Sheldon scoffed, not turning to glance at her but indeed looking down at his son in his arms, "I am sorry my young progeny but it is the price we must pay for genius."

"You know they might not be genius' '" Penny said hopefully. The thought had been rolling around in her head for weeks now. The slight hope that soon she really wouldn't be alone in this.

Sheldon reeled around, his eyes wide with shock and his hand reaching over to haphazardly cup the baby's ears.

"Don't be absurd." was the quick response and she lowered her head he couldn't read emotion very well be tears would definitely give her away, "I have worked out the statistical probability, considering our genetics and the element that my parents were definitely not genius' of my caliber, or really any caliber by even a loose definition of the word, the chances of our children inheriting my intelligence, while not absolute, is considerable, especially if you take into account modern research regarding nature and nurture and considering... "

"Sheldon, I have not had more then twenty minutes sleep in the last two days. My showers have consisted of running into the spray while the water is hot and turning around three times and then jumping out in time to pick up one of the two screeching little bundles of joy so excuse me for NOT GIVING A DAMN AT THIS VERY MOMENT WHETHER OR NOT I WILL BE THE FREAK IN THIS FAMILY! I DON'T WANT THEM TO BE GENIUS'. I WANT THEM TO BE NORMAL! I WANT TO BE NORMAL!"

The moment the words were out of her mouth she began to cry. Tears of exhaustion, frustration and just a horrible cochophany of unvented emotions poured forth from her body and she couldn't cope with it. The apartment felt like a prison and she HAD to get out. Automatically the young baby in her arms began to screech forth anew and Penny felt a part of her snap. Still aware of how delicate the screaming baby was she hurried over to a rather shocked looking Sheldon and pushed their daughter into his arms. Before turning on her heel and running from the apartment as fast as she could.

Leonard had not really been doing anything significant. Howard and Raj had left a few hours ago, he had made himself some dinner, eaten and cleaned up before settling down to watch some Battlestar and possibly go online and to see if anyone was up for some Age of Conan. He had been adjusting to being living alone. All in all it wasn't totally different from having a roommate. The only significant difference being the times of the day and how often he saw Penny. However his interaction with Sheldon was unchanged. They drove to work together, they sat together with the guys for lunch. Sheldon and Leslie would still snipe at one another then they would get together after work and play their games, eat their dinner or visit the comic shop. All in all not much had changed except for the nature of his relationship with Penny.

He sighed. It was hard sometimes. To see her, his idol, the most beautiful woman in his world, in the arms of his best friend. Still, it was better for Sheldon. No one had been more surprised at Penny's choice then Sheldon himself. While mentally superior, Leonard had never thought he would see the day when the completely socially inept man would have a wife and family. Well, not really wife. They weren't married yet as Sheldon had recently been pointing out. From the consistent way Sheldon was mentioning it in every conversation Leonard was sure his friend was going to remedy very, very soon. In fact Leonard was slightly envious of the good fortune, he knew both Howard and Raj were as well. His envy abruptly ended with his door being flung open and then slammed. There was an audible click as the deadbolt and chain fastened. It happened so fast he could barely make out the form huddled and sobbing at the foot of his door, blonde hair thrown around her face and her eyes hidden form view.

"Penny?" he asked in wonderment, completely shocked at the girl at his feet.

She lifted her head to look at him and he gaped. He had seen Penny in almost every state: terrified, happy, panicky, sad, sobbing drunk but never this before. Her eyes were dark and hollow, her face was torn in something so close to tragic that he could only imagine this is what Cassandra looked like right before Troy fell. Her hair was stringy and falling out of its constraints, her clothes were far too baggy and he could detect a few stains on her tank top and long flannel plaid pants. In retrospect he felt it was safe to say the pants were definitely not hers.

"Please don't tell him I'm here Leonard." she begged

It took him a moment to comprehend exactly what she was saying when the knocking began.

Knock, Knock, Knock

"Penny"

Knock Knock Knock

"Penny"

Knock, Knock, Knock

"PENNY!"

The last time was so panicked that Leonard opened the door around Penny. He did it suddenly Sheldon jumped back at the sudden movement, presenting a rather shocking image. It was one the strangest sights he had ever seen. His lanky friend was staring at him in wide eyed in terror, Sheldon's mouth seemed to be working back and forth, searching for the right words to say but finding nothing. He was bouncing on the balls of his feet, shifting from side to side nervously. However the novel thing was that in his arms were his children. Both seemed to sense the tension and were still and quiet but their eyes matching their father's almost exactly in both appearance and expression. Leonard found himself thinking that he had never actually seen Sheldon holding his children before and that they looked so much like him he would have called into question their maternity had he not been there.

"Leonard, where is Penny?"

Leonard took in his friend one more time. He was holding both the twins in his long arms leaving barely enough maneuverability to have knocked on the door. Behind them Leonard could see that the other apartment door was not closed, a testament to just how distracted Sheldon was at that very moment.

"I think she went down the stairs." he replied as he felt her tugging at his pant leg from behind the door.

"She left ?" Sheldon asked in what was clearly complete denial.

"I guess?" Leonard offered, rearranging his glasses on his face nervously.

"Unacceptable." he replied, "She wouldn't do that. Penny would not do that. These are her offspring. It is a biological imperative that she stay and care for them. I cannot do this alone. How will I feed our progeny? I cannot simply grow teats Leonard."

"Yeah well, I'm sure she'll be right back. You go home and call your mother. Talk to her, she raised you she'll probably be able to help you. Meanwhile, I will find Penny for you buddy." he stated as he closed the door despite Sheldon's rapid fire questions and obvious distress.

He waited a few minutes before hearing his neighbor storm away in a muddled mess and slam the door. Throughout the hallway he heard the faint cry of a newborn. Sighing he knelt down to look at the mess Penny had become. She had gained a little weight in the pregnancy but none of the guys had ever mentioned it. Leonard himself felt that that it suited her. In fact everyone had been really shocked at how well Penny had adjusted to everything. She hadn't seemed at all upset about the weight gain or when the Cheesecake Factory had forced her to leave. She hadn't been phased at the apartment exchange and all in all everything had been completely normal in their group right up until she had gone into labour. Even as they were driving and she was holding his hand so tightly he thought it would fall off she had seemed fairly cool about the entire thing. But now here she was, tears streaming down her face, and looking up at him brokenly.

"Penny what's going on?" he asked as gently as possible.

"I can't do this Leonard." she whispered, "I can't take care of them and him and everything else in my life. I am bad at it. I'm a horrible mother. I'm a still technically single and I'm a total failure as an actress. I just can't do this anymore. I need to go home. I need to go back to Nebraska with my mom and dad and sister. I just can't be here anymore."

"Slow down, slow down." he cried, holding his hands up to try and stop her from panicking.

Immediately she lifted to her hands to his, holding onto his wrists as tightly as possible. Her green eyes were wide and scared with tears making them shimmer. She looked both beautiful and pitiful at once. Leonard had to stop himself from just taking her face in his hands and kissing her just to ease her pain.

"What do you mean you can't do this? You're an amazing mother. You're wonderful at everything." he smiled at her, using her grip on his hands to raise her up and ease her into the covered couch she had left and he had claimed, "Now calm down."

She seemed to shake her head from side to side before breaking into gut wrenching sobs again. Feeling like there was nothing else he could do but wrap his arms around her and let her cry it out. In the end he ended up laying across the couch with her cuddled at his side. Holding onto her hands as he buried her face into the crook of his neck.

"He's so good at everything." she snuffled as she held her face against his throat "He gets along with the kids. I mean he actually gets along with them. Marie doesn't cry for him like she does for me. I know she's supposed to be colicky and the doctor's all said that all that screaming is normal but when he holds her she doesn't cry as much. I know its not his fault, I know it's not anybodies fault but Leonard I am going to lose it soon. They don't sleep at the same time, they don't eat at the same time. It's like they're trying to break me. I am going crazy and I hate them for it. God what kind of horrible mother am I? I hate my babies."

Leonard was shaken to the core. Her body pressed into his in a desperate sort of way, as if she were trying to merge with him, simply to escape her reality. This wasn't the Penny he knew and loved. She was hurt, beaten down and broken. He didn't know what to do or what to say to fix it but he could tell that there was something familiar going on. Alarms were going off in his head. There was something here. Something he knew, something he was missing.

"I just can't stop crying." she sobbed into his shirt, "I am a horrible mother. My son doesn't even have a name yet and I don't care. I DON'T CARE LENARD! HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT?"

it seemed to click as she said that and he did everything in his power to calm her. He kissed her forehead, ran his hands through her hair and cursed his best friend for being so self centered to not notice in three weeks what had taken him less then three hours to realize. As soon as Penny cried herself and fell asleep in his arms he did something drastic. Steeling himself he very awkwardly fished his cell phone out of his pocket and searched his contacts. He waited a few minutes until his mother's monotone voice echoed through his ears.

"Mom, it's Leonard. What can you tell me about Post Partum Depression?"