Good morning good morning good morning!

How are you all today? Good? Excited for the new chapter? I hope so!

This week has been crazy. I started doing more training for my career ("fanfiction author" doesn't look so great on a resume, you feel me?) on Monday, and it's been very intense, but surprisingly awesome. The crash is coming, I'm sure, but in the mean time I'm riding this wave of energy and optimism. It's a nice change from the crippling existential dread I was feeling while writing this, let me tell you.

Anyway, this chapter... Again there's not really so much to say. We're still building, but this one isn't as sparse as the last one, I don't think. Either way, next week is gonna be FUN, so look forward to that.

Enjoy!

Kamui woke up the next day with no idea what time it was, though he knew instinctively he'd slept too late. Groaning, he rolled over onto his other side and reached for his cellphone. It was almost 1:30. He flopped onto his back again, both arms above his head. As he stared up at the ceiling, last night came floating up from the depths of his hazy mind. The show, the guy with the tattoo, IMing and jerking off.

Kamui forced himself to sit up as if trying to get away from his thoughts, though his eyes strayed irresistibly to his laptop. He shook his head impatiently, heaved himself out of bed and shuffled off down the hall. When he entered the kitchen, he found his mother had left him a pot full of coffee and a note, which he picked up, smiling appreciatively.

"Left for work at noon, back at 10 assuming nothing catastrophic happens. Dinner's in the fridge, do your homework! Mom xoxo"

Kamui's smile widened in spite of himself as he placed the note back on the counter and poured himself coffee. He added milk and sugar, took a sip and immediately felt more awake. He reflected that he probably wouldn't be feeling so groggy if he'd just gone straight to sleep last night, but,

DxOxE :: it's been a while

DxOxE :: i miss you

Kamui sipped more coffee through pursed lips, that sense of ill-usage back in full force. He shouldn't have responded to the messages. Doing so always made him feel used, he always made him feel used, even if in the moment he was satisfied.

Kamui's stomach clenched and he hurriedly drank more coffee. It was just to help him sleep, and it was convenient, and it was faster than lying there feeling awful until he passed out. Besides, wasn't it also less pathetic than thinking about that guy from the show?

He blushed and his stomach muscles pulled sharply in and up as memories flooded his mind. He could picture him perfectly: his face illuminated by the stage lights, the broad curves of his shoulders, his tattoo, but what was the point? He was older, maybe dating that girl he was with and they'd probably never see each other again anyway. And yet, as they'd said goodbye,

"She always drags me to see them, so maybe I'll see you again?"

Kamui's stomach pulled in tight again. Had that been an invitation? A prompt? I'll be here, come find me? However, just as the idea was trying to take root in his mind, Kamui accidentally took too big a sip of coffee and burned his tongue. He coughed and swore and the idea floated away again just as quickly. They'd only talked for five minutes, that wasn't nearly enough time to know anything, though he reflected that it had also been weirdly instantaneous the other two times. Of course, neither situation had ended well, so who knew?

Kamui sighed and glared across the room, blowing on his coffee before taking another sip. He didn't want to think about the summer, about everything that had happened. It was pointless, just like suspecting that this situation could possibly be any different.

"She always drags me to see them, so maybe I'll see you again?"

Still, Kamui couldn't help but hope that it might be. He could go on Dreaming Princess's Myspace, see when they were playing next and… However, in an unusual moment of self-control, Kamui opened his eyes and forced his mind away. "Fucking do your homework," he told himself, sternly. He placed his mug on the kitchen table and returned to his bedroom to retrieve his schoolbag from where he'd dropped it carelessly Friday afternoon. On the threshold, his eyes strayed irresistibly to his computer again, but he turned around and slammed his door. No. He wasn't doing this.

Once he was back in the kitchen, he dropped his bag on the table with a dull thud, then retrieved his iPod to hook it up to the dock on the counter. He could work now: he had music, he had coffee and his cellphone was out of reach. He sat down and pulled out his textbooks, notebooks and pencils and began to work. Sine over hypotenuse-

If he did go look at Dreaming Princess's Myspace for concert dates, maybe he could actually find that guy's page-

No. Θ = 45°, so-

He wouldn't add him or anything, just maybe look through his pictures. That couldn't hurt, right? He gripped his pencil so hard his knuckles were white and stared unseeingly at his homework. "He's a cute guy from a show, what more is there to know?" He swallowed. Maybe there wasn't more to know. It was probably for the best if there wasn't. sin Θ-

A song by Dreaming Princess began to play and Kamui fell back against the kitchen chair and stared up at the ceiling. He didn't even like them. He only had them in his iPod because he'd accidentally synced it with Sorata's computer, just like he'd only gone to see them because Sorata had asked him to.

"She always drags me to see them, so maybe I'll see you again?"

Kamui ran his fingers through his hair exasperatedly.

"Fuck this." He got up, shut off his music and returned to his bedroom, all self-control depleted. He threw himself back into bed, pulled his laptop towards him and logged onto the Myspace account he barely used. Ignoring all the new picture comments and bulletins, he found Dreaming Princess, who thankfully had already uploaded pictures from last night's show.

He clicked the album and began to scroll, though he had no energy to spare for the photos themselves. He focused instead on the comments, narrowing his eyes at every profile picture, looking for anyone who could be that guy or the girl he was with. His heart skipped every time he saw someone possible, but then sank when he was mistaken or the profile was private. The more he scrolled, the more discouraged he became, and he was just about to give up, when a comment on the very last photo caught his eye.

"Best song 3"

He stared at her photo hard, and she seemed to look more and more familiar the longer he did. His heart began to race. Had he actually found her?! He went to her profile and knew a moment of devout gratitude that it wasn't set to private. He clicked on her picture. It was definitely her; she was smiling the same smile, even wearing the same shirt!

Kamui scanned her Top 8, a triumphant smile on his face. He didn't see her cute friend, though there was a girl who looked rather like him with a private page. He bit down on the inside of his lip and began to scroll through the rest of her friends instead, beginning again the process of excitement, then disappointment and mounting discouragement. He made his way through her entire friends list without finding who he was looking for, and collapsed backwards and flung one arm over his eyes. Bitter disappointment rolled over him, followed by crushing self-disgust: he had no right to feel this way. What was he going to do with this guy's Myspace anyway?! He wasn't going to friend him or try to connect, all he'd really wanted was to see some pictures.

Kamui sat bolt upright and seized his laptop again. Maybe his friend had pictures of him? He scanned through her albums, his heart beating eagerly in his throat. "Art," "Beach Adventures!" "don't worry about it," "Halloween '06." Kamui wasn't sure where to begin, so he picked the Halloween album because it was most recent. The first few pictures weren't important: random people, alcohol, jack-o-lanterns, but then Kamui clapped his hand to his mouth to muffle his excited gasp. He was there. He was really there!

Kamui's eyes widened and he leaned in closer to the computer. It was a photo of both of them together, her arm around him, with solo cups in their hands and smiles on their faces. And what was more, his costume, whatever the fuck it was supposed to be, consisted of nothing but tight black pants and fake blood all over his bare chest. Kamui went very red as he stared at the photo, taking in his smile, his smooth, pale skin, his broad shoulders, narrow waist… He let out a soft moan of longing and stared, transfixed at the image, unable to look away. To keep scrolling seemed almost traitorous, but when he closed his eyes, he could still see it as if it were burned onto his eyelids. His hand shook slightly as he clicked for the next picture and opened his eyes again.

This time he saw him sitting on someone's front step with an ironically surprised expression on his face, holding his drink in one hand and flashing a peace sign with the other. Kamui let out another longing moan. "He's so cute…" He thought, continuing to stare at the photo. However, this one wasn't quite as enthralling as the first one, and his eyes travelled downwards, over his tattoo, his long slender legs, his bare feet, at last arriving at the caption.

"Subaru you asshole 3"

Kamui shivered in excitement again.

"Subaru," he said, quietly. "Su-ba-ru…" He swallowed and kept scrolling, finding more pictures of him by himself, with friends, smiling, drinking, until he reached the end of the album. He flopped back against his pillows with a heavy sigh, his heart racing and breath shallow. He closed his eyes and moaned softly in frustration. This wasn't a good idea, he knew it wasn't, it was going to totally suck, he could already see it.

However, he sat up on his knees and clicked back through the album to his favorite picture. He shivered, and the erection he'd been trying to ignore twitched insistently. Subaru was standing in someone's doorway, his hips swayed to one side, the long lines and curves of his waist illuminated softly from behind by a just-distinguishable string of Christmas lights. He was smiling quietly, but his eyes were intense, knowing, as if he were staring through the screen, right at Kamui. His blush deepened and he dropped his gaze to Subaru's hips, where some of the fake blood had dripped into the creases made by his hipbones and clung to the waistband of his pants.

"Fuck it," Kamui whispered, reaching down and bringing out his erection, feeling it pulse gratefully in his hand. He moaned softly and began to stroke himself. He tried to look at Subaru's face, but found it was much easier to just rove his eyes over his shoulders, chest and hips. He moaned softly again and moved his hand faster. He was already so close, though he had no idea how it had happened, and his body was tensing, expectant and excited, as pleasure radiated, hot and needy, out from between his legs. He shut his eyes tightly, as with one last soft cry, he came all over his sheets. He kept pleasing himself, forcing out as much as he could, shuddering and gasping until he was completely spent. His eyes fell closed as he leaned back on his clean had, breathing shallowly through his open mouth.

However, he came back to Earth fairly quickly, just as he always did by himself. His stomach began to squirm uncomfortably as he opened his eyes and stared at his messy hand. Determinedly not looking at the computer screen, he reached for tissues and cleaned up. His mind seemed to settle as he did so, allowing him to think more clearly.

At least he knew who this person was now; he wouldn't just slide into the corners of his memory and fade away. Even though Kamui wasn't planning on seeking him out, he could if he wanted to, and it was nice to know, pathetic as that sounded. Unfortunately, as quickly as the relief came, it condensed into the same frustration and sense of ill-usage he'd been unable to shake since last night. He sat up straight again and immediately his attention was caught by Subaru's picture.

Instantly, heat and restless energy began to stir inside him again. He bit down on the inside of his lip and looked between his legs, where he was still half hard and exposed, then back up at the computer screen. He let out a soft, anguished moan and was touching himself again before he even realized what he was doing.

He winced as he coaxed his erection back to life; the friction was more uncomfortable than pleasurable now. He reached for lotion on his bedside table, then remembered, very suddenly, the bottle of lube in the drawer, still half-full, beside the box of condoms. His stomach lurched unpleasantly, but he ignored it, squeezing lotion onto his hand and taking hold of his erection again.

He was completely hard now, and he stared at Subaru's face this time, almost defiantly, as he pleased himself. He imagined how it would feel to have him doing this, shirtless and covered in fake blood in the corner of a party, or else curled up in bed with him under the covers, or even in the back of a car, somewhere secluded…

Kamui came shortly after, recovered and went back for more the second he was able, over and over again. He got less and less out of it each time, but he didn't care. He wanted to drain himself dry, have nothing left, feel completely and totally spent.

Hours later, the sun had set outside the windows, leaving Kamui in nothing but the glow of his computer screen, messy and disheveled and gasping for breath. He felt completely empty, in his mind, in his chest and between his legs, but there was a deep sense of relief in the emptiness.

"Dude, you look like shit." Kamui gave Sorata the finger and sat down beside him. It was their first period calculus class on a Monday morning and he didn't feel like speaking to anyone. However, Sorata rolled his eyes and kept going anyway. "Did you finish all the homework for this class? My brain was fucking fried by the end of it." Kamui said nothing and began to unpack his bag.

"Your brain's always fried, though!" They both looked up to find their friend, Yuzuriha, grinning at them from the doorway.

"It's not my fault!" Sorata replied in a hurt voice as she crossed the room and took the seat on his other side. "I was at a show on Saturday night, I had nothing left for homework!"

"Ooh, that's right!" She said, balancing her bag on her lap and extracting her textbook. "How was it?" Sorata glanced at Kamui, who went slightly pink, but replied.

"It was cool." He swallowed and actually turned to face Yuzuriha. "I had some issues with someone in the pit, but…" She and Sorata burst out laughing.

"Did you-" Yuzuriha started to ask, but was interrupted by their teacher entering the room with her arms full of folders. Sorata whipped around immediately.

"Good morning, Ms. K!" He said, graciously, and Kamui and Yuzuriha rolled their eyes at each other. Ms. Kasumi set her folders on her desk and smiled.

"Good morning, Sorata," she replied, extracting a stack of papers from the top folder and handing it to him. For a moment, he looked gratified, but his expression seemed to deflate as he realized what she'd given him.

"A quiz?!" He asked her in a deeply wounded voice, and the entire class groaned.

"Nothing to worry about," Ms. Kasumi told them in a pacifying voice. "If you finished all your homework, anyway." Yuzuriha giggled as she accepted the stack of papers from Sorata and took one. Kamui's stomach clenched. He had mostly finished his homework, though he'd probably have done a better job if he hadn't started it so late.

"She hurts me so," Sorata whispered to Kamui, bringing him back to the present.

"And not even the way you want."

"Dude, exactly."

"Ew," Yuzuriha said, though she was grinning. Kamui accepted the last quiz with a heavy sigh.

"You have twenty minutes, go for it," Ms. Kasumi told them, ignoring all the irritated muttering still going on. Kamui turned his paper over and began. It wasn't hard, but his mind felt dry and unresponsive, just like his body. He'd been up way too late the night before, finishing the homework he'd neglected while jerking off all over himself to Subaru's pictures. Fortunately, his mother had arrived home only after he'd cleaned up and was back in the kitchen working. She'd unlocked the door and stepped over the threshold, still in uniform, her name and paramedic's Star of Life embroidered upon her chest.

"Hey," she said, sounding exhausted but pleased to see him all the same.

"Hi," Kamui replied, staring down at the book he was supposedly reading and notes he was half-heartedly taking. His mother crossed the room and kissed him on the top of the head. He made an irritated noise and she ruffled his hair.

"How much more work do you have to do?" She asked. Relieved that she hadn't demanded to know how late he'd slept or why he still wasn't finished, Kamui replied at once.

"I just have to finish this chapter."

"Of that book you hate?" His mother opened the refrigerator to retrieve a container of leftovers. Kamui smiled in spite of himself and actually looked up to watch her tip them onto a plate and put it in the microwave.

"Yeah. Everyone hates it though, not just me."

"At least you have the solidarity."

"Seriously! Mr. Aoki hates it too, he tells us all the time!" His mother laughed, and he returned his gaze to his book.

"I appreciate his honesty," she said, removing the plate from the microwave. "Did you eat dinner?" She asked next, her tone suddenly serious.

"Yeah."

"Kamui."

"Yes! Did you not see what I took?" He could tell she was rolling her eyes, though she drew her hand along his shoulders as she walked behind him.

"Don't be up too late." Kamui grunted, and his mother walked down the hall to her bedroom.

Sorata accidentally bumped Kamui with his elbow, forcing him back to the present. He shook his head and reached for his calculator, praying he hadn't lost too much time. Fortunately, he was able to keep his focus and finish all of the problems, though his mind became dry and unresponsive again the second his quiz had been collected. It had been a long time since he'd just given in and gone for hours like that. It didn't bother him necessarily, he could do what he wanted, but it still felt pretty pathetic. Of course, it wasn't like he had options besides his hand, and at least it was simpler.

"Dude, get up." Kamui started and realized that class had already ended and people were gathering their things.

"Sorry." He stood up and shoved all his stuff back into his bag.

"Are you okay?" Yuzuriha asked as the three of them left the room to join the tide of students making their way down to the auditorium. Every Monday morning, the entire student body would gather for what their school called Assembly. Supposedly it was an open forum for students and teachers to make announcements and share news. However, their high school was on the smaller side and no one ever had anything interesting to say, so most people just slept or texted discreetly or scrambled to finish homework.

"Yeah," Kamui replied. "Just tired."

"I was up late too," she said, nodding in solidarity.

"Reading fanfiction?" Sorata asked, and Kamui snorted.

"No," Yuzuriha replied, with dignity. "If I were I'd have sent it to you, you know that."

"Yeah, don't remind me!" Sorata cried, tragically, as they opened a scratched metal door to walk down scratched metal stairs, their footsteps echoing loudly. Yuzuriha grinned.

"Aw come one, it wasn't that bad!" She said, but before Sorata could respond two boys in the year below them began chasing each other down the stairs, distracting them completely.

"You little piece of shit! I will crush you like a bug!" One of them screamed as his friend dove through the doors at the bottom of the stairs.

"Fuck him up!" Sorata yelled after them.

"Why…?" Yuzuriha began, but shook her head and seemed to think better of it. They followed their schoolmates through the doors and turned a corner to enter the auditorium. "Anyway, why were you up so late?" She continued, addressing Kamui and speaking loudly over the din of the entire school talking at once. He shrugged, but went slightly pink again.

"Nothing, just, homework and stuff." They filed into the third to last row and sat down.

"Oh, so not stalking the guy you met at the show?" Sorata asked, shoving his bag under his seat.

"Who?" Yuzuriha asked, raising her eyebrows.

"No one," Kamui snapped, holding his bag to his chest.

"Yeah that's why you were on Myspace all day yesterday?" Sorata persisted.

"Just like you?" Yuzuriha cut in, before Kamui could answer back.

"Dude, I was-" But at that moment their vice principal stepped up to the podium on the stage and called for their attention.

"Good morning!" She said into the microphone, and the school quieted eventually. "So I don't have much to say this morning, but congratulations to-"

"So who is this guy you met?" Yuzuriha asked Kamui in an excited whisper.

"It wasn't like that!" Kamui hissed, but Yuzuriha gave him a look.

"So what was it, then?" Kamui sighed and debated how to answer her.

"Nothing," he said, truthfully. "We talked for literally five minutes at a show, that's all."

"Okay, okay, jeez! I was just curious because of-"

"Yeah, well, that's why it was just talking," Kamui interrupted, holding his bag more closely to him. His stomach was still squirming. He felt guilty for calling it "nothing" and then awful for how true that was. He leaned back against his seat, not wanting to say anything else.

"Fair enough," Yuzuriha replied, shrugging before digging in her bag for her cellphone. "Kotori still hasn't texted me today," she said in mock outrage. Kamui's heart leapt up into his throat.

Littlebirdxo :: what are you doing up? :P

k4mui :: i was at a show

k4mui :: going to sleep now though

k4mui :: ttyl

He hadn't talked to her at all. He'd completely forgotten, distracted by someone else again.

"Dude, she's three hours behind us, relax," Sorata said.

"I know, but still!"

"Yuzuriha, phone away!" Came a voice from behind them. All three of them jumped and looked around to find their science teacher, Mr. Shiyu, leaning forward to address her. Yuzuriha went very red and shoved her phone back in her bag immediately.

"Sorry," she whispered, facing front again. Kamui and Sorata exchanged a knowing look, but didn't comment. Up on the stage, their vice principal had apparently finished all she'd had to say.

"Does anyone have any announcements to make? If so the floor is yours!" A moment's silence passed as the students realized she was done talking, then a few hands went up. "Yes," she said, pointing at someone, and Kamui instantly tuned out, paying discreet attention to his best friends instead. Yuzuriha was still blushing, her hands twisting in her lap, and Sorata was staring hard at a girl a few rows in front of them. Arashi, the girl he'd hoped to run into at the Dreaming Princess show. Her long, black hair hung over the back of her seat and caught the light whenever she moved. Kamui was about to wonder aloud to Sorata what had kept her away from the show on Saturday, when the boy sitting next to her stood up to make an announcement.

"So I have a bunch of hamster cages if anyone needs one…"

"The fuck?!" Kamui asked, loudly, and everyone burst out laughing.

"Language, Kamui," Mr. Shiyu called, and Yuzuriha and Sorata snorted. Kamui was about to voice his indignation when their vice principal called for quiet, only to dismiss them immediately. Kamui, Sorata and Yuzuriha all stood up and gathered their things, debating the possible uses for hamster cages. Once they were back outside the auditorium and safely away from teachers' stares, Kamui pulled out his phone and texted Kotori.

"hey sorry for not texting you yesterday. I suck. I hope your day is going good"

"Don't you have class right now?"

"Nope! It was cancelled, I'm just going to the grocery store." Subaru nodded, squinting at his sketchbook. "That looks really good," his roommate said, coming to stand behind him. "Ink was a better call."

"Thank you."

"I'm not sure about mixing cigarette ash with the watercolor, though," she added, thoughtfully.

"I can just tell them it's social commentary," he replied, and she laughed, though he could tell she was rolling her eyes. She leaned forward, her hands on the back of the couch.

"There's a show I want to go to on Saturday, if you're down." Subaru put down his brush and looked up at her.

"Who?"

"Dreaming Princess again."

"Really?" He asked, incredulously, and she replied with a nasty look.

"Come on, it wasn't that bad! Besides, you might see that cute guy again." Subaru rolled his eyes and returned to his work. How was she still bringing this up weeks later? "I'm just saying, when was the last time you brought someone home?" Subaru went slightly pink, but didn't answer. "If you have to think about it it's been too long…" Subaru let out a contemptuous laugh.

"Are you speaking from experience, or…?" She laughed too.

"Of course, so you'd do well to pay attention." He just shook his head in reply. "Anyway, do you need anything from the grocery store?"

"No no, thank you, though." She withdrew, and Subaru could feel her eyes on the back of his neck as she made her way out of their apartment, shutting the door quietly behind her. He sighed heavily and lit another cigarette. He supposed she had a point; it had been a while, but that was only because one-night stands were so tiring. He exhaled smoke through his nose.

At least they were easier than the alternative.

Is it Subaru? Is it really? Oh dear.

Chapter 3 up this time next week, and like I said, it's a good time!

I think of reviews when I summon my kekkai, leave me some!