I'm overdue, I know.

Enjoy.

I don't own Ace Attorney or Koolaid.

"Bruder! Bruder! Are we there yet?" Klavier had dedicated the entire two hours of the journey to the beach to annoying Kristoph. "Klavier, you're 25, and this is reason I told you to drive. Will you please shut up, look out the window and decide for yourself if we're there or not." Klavier immediately shut up, but was still waiting for the chance to annoy his brother again. Kristoph had been forced awake at 3am with the same pot and spoon he used yesterday. Karma was a ruthless mistress, despite the fact Kristoph did not believe in it. In fact, it always came back with a burning vengeance. "Law school made him smarter and a lot harder to look after. And to think he would be more manageable after he learnt that two plus two does not equal five… and to think he was branded a genius." Kristoph rolled his eyes as he saw glimpses of aqua peeking through the dense cover of trees.

They were here.

A splattering sound snapped Kristoph out of his reverie and as if answering his question, Klavier remarked, "You ran over a seagull, bruder." Kristoph shook his head in disbelief. "Birds have wings, why don't they use them?" Klavier pretended to be offended. "Well, excuse me, but we're not lying in wait, ready to take advantage of every single opportunity that comes across our line of vision like you are, ja? Anyway… the seagull was eating some dead thing." Kristoph jumped in his seat. "When we get home, if there are any animal remains on my car, you are cleaning it off. And no, I don't have a hose." "So you're leaving me alone with your car? What about that time when I put sugar in the gas tank?" As a small scattering of beach huts came into view, Kristoph sighed. "You were eight years old then." "So?" "You're implying that you haven't grown up since then. And you make yourself look mature in front of Justice…" "What are you getting at, bruder?"

"…so I would now advise you to stick your head out the window and shut up."

Klavier did so immediately, sensing the small implied message that he was going to die if he didn't.

"Now what? And don't ask me; you're the one who wanted to come here. You could at least have had something planned." "But that's the point! You're supposed to not know what you're doing when you go places, ja? That makes it fun!" Klavier took a glance at his brother and chuckled. "What?" Kristoph's glare seemed to get darker and darker with every passing second. "You really came to the beach in that? Come on, we'll get you some proper clothes." Dragging his brother by the collar, Kristoph shouted a Payne-esque "OBJECTION!" while turning green in the face.

"Come on, Kristoph! You sound like a wuss!"

"Gak!"

Kristoph got his next breath of air two hundred metres down the street outside a shop named Konrad Honolulu. "This is where I bought my last set of board shorts. It's not that pricey, I promise. Come on, bruder, what are you doing on the ground?" Kristoph staggered towards where his brother was waiting for him. "You…choked…me…for…the…last…two…hundred…metres…and…you…expect…me…to COOPERATE!?" After being stunned for a moment, Klavier's grin returned to his face as he produced an important something from his pocket…

…Kristoph's wallet.

"Any objections?" Kristoph's glare returned as he registered the fact that his brother had bested him once again. However, they WERE going to be his clothes. "None as of now, Klavier."

*ka-tonk*

"GLIMMEROUS FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!" Klavier didn't expect to see anyone he knew behind the counter, least of all his favourite Fraulein Detective. "You got a part-time job at Konrad Honolulu, Fraulein?" "Of course, I did, fop. Why else would I be here!? It's not like I wanted to anyway. The detective job isn't enough with all the bills going through the roof, so now… you know the rest." Her fiery gaze faltered as she noticed the not so glimmerous figure behind her superior.

"Mr Gavin? So the only reason he's here is to get you proper clothes for the location?" She stepped away from her post and grabbed Kristoph by the wrist. "Allow me to be of assistance." Ema dragged him away, oblivious to his protests, while Klavier stood dumbstruck. "What just happened?"

"So these shirts here seem to be really popular, and they look good as well… Take a few pairs of shorts too… so now why don't you try them on while I get you some other things?" Snippets of Ema's little salesperson monologue drifted into Klavier's ears as he sat near the shoes department. For the first time in months, he was feeling bored out of his mind. The shop was quiet that day, and the rare customer seemed to always be the odd tourist or gentleman. There was now another girl at the counter and she seemed content with checking her phone every twenty seconds and ignoring the former rock star behind her. Just as he decided to look at some clothes as well, Kristoph reappeared from the fitting rooms a new man. Geared in a vintage-style Hawaiian shirt, striped board shorts and sandals, the only thing that looked gentlemanly about him now was that extra-reflective pair of glasses. "Well now, fop, like my handiwork?" Ema appeared behind Klavier carrying two small bags, one which Klavier quickly assumed contained Kristoph's suit and the other… extra clothes, maybe? "It fits… how does she know my size?" Kristoph muttered under his breath, his gaze shifting uncomfortably. "Mr Gavin, you know when you sent your clothes to the tailor's?" Ema grinned suddenly, "I'm working there as well." "Fraulein, how many jobs do you have?" Klavier backed away slowly in fear. Instead of answering his question, she raised another. "Who's paying?" Fingers pointed as the brothers pointed at each other, Kristoph's wallet in Klavier's other hand. "Wallet… wallet…" Klavier smirked as his brother slowly lowered his arm. "I'm paying… I need a case…hehe…hehe…"

Ema had pushed the other girl out of the way and was typing furiously into the cashier. "Everything's on a 60% discount right now. That'll come to $150.95, please." Instead of protesting, the other girl started blankly staring holes into Klavier, wearing an expression unfamiliar to the ex-celebrity. Doing his best to ignore the burning sensation on his face, Klavier produced Kristoph's credit card and punched in the PIN. "Klavier, how do you know my PIN number?" Kristoph was visibly sweating and shivering; his eyes were blank with shock. "Remember that time I went shopping with you for my first guitar?" "That was 15 years ago!" Kristoph took a mental note to change his PIN number (which, by the way, was 1994).

"Well then, have fun! At least I don't have to see you again, glimmerous fop. Oh, and a note of interest… Mr Wright's in the area as well. Say "hi" for me, if you would." Ema vigorously waved them out, not before the other girl finally said, "Please come again."

"The mosquitoes in this area seem to have taken an unnecessary liking to me." Kristoph rubbed the back of his arm, which had an infuriatingly large red bump on it. "Maybe lawyer blood is a delicacy. I honestly wouldn't be surprised; you never go out anyway, ja?" Klavier suddenly felt the air around them get a little more threatening.

"Please don't ridicule my lack of a "life", Klavier. The mosquitoes are after you too." Kristoph adjusted his glasses, and after a small pause smacked the back of his arm with such spontaneity that Klavier jumped.

"RIP and never come back, Mr Mosquito." Kristoph flicked the miniscule carcass off and continued walking. "It's a female, bruder. Only female mosquitoes drink blood." "Don't lecture me on the technicalities of insects! I just want to get to the ocean alive." SLAP! "You can say that again."

"I told you, Klavier, don't leave the bug spray at home." "What are you doing, shifting the blame onto me!?" Klavier sighted the frothy foam of the high tide only a couple hundred metres away, and wanted this silly argument to end.

"As part of my revenge for stealing my wallet."

"You're still hung up over that?"

"Hey bruder, look!"

"What?"

"It's a jellyfish!"

"What about it?"

"I've always wondered what a jellyfish feels like when you poke it with a stick." Klavier squatted down next to the jellyfish, grabbed a nearby stick and started poking it. "Be careful you don't touch the tentacles, Klavier. They're still potent." Klavier responded by moving back a few centimetres.

"You know, I had jellyfish salad once. It wasn't too bad." Kristoph vaguely remembered a hot summer night at some Asian restaurant. Or was it French? Its name WAS Trés Bien…

Klavier didn't have a chance to reply as the waves swelled immensely and narrowly missed his face. The waves, however, didn't miss the rest of his body, all of Kristoph or the jellyfish. Klavier saw a seaweed-covered hand grab for the jellyfish's body. The person didn't have very good aim, though, so they almost ended up grabbing his nose instead.

As the waves subsided, Klavier met eyes with the most…

… fishy woman he had ever seen. She was a mermaid, and she clutched the jellyfish's body in her hand. Pointing an accusatory fingernail at Klavier, she shouted, "I am Dzibilmichhichko. By the order of the Mermaid Princess, what have you done to her pet jellyfish, human?" Klavier jumped.

"P-p-pet jellyfish!? I just poked its body with a stick! I-I-I swear, fraulein, I did not kill it!"

Kristoph shook sand and seaweed out of his hair. "You sound guiltier than you think. See how it feels to be a witness on the stand, now?" Turning to Dzibilmichhichko, he added, "I'm Kristoph Gavin, and that is my brother Klavier. We just got here and were moving on… until that jellyfish distracted my idiot brother."

Dzibilmichhichko turned towards the divine voice and saw the most attractive human she had ever seen. His hair lay messily around his shoulders, his glasses reflected his ice blue eyes. They were a much more refreshing blue than that of his brother. The tropical colours of the sea paled beside the polar ice caps of his soul. They said that the eyes reflected the soul, right?

In short, she was in love. Head over fin, madly in love.

"I-I-I… I'll have to take you down to have an audience with the princess. This jellyfish was very dear to her and –"

Dzibilmichhichko's next words were muffled as her presence was replaced by a cloud of foul breath and Klavier, instead of facing a (admittedly plain) mermaid, found himself only inches away from the teeth of a shark. He estimated that it was around the size of… a bus, maybe?

"Let's get moving, Klavier. It's staring at me like it wants another sandy lunch." Kristoph brushed the sand off his clothes and was dragging a stunned Klavier away by the collar.

"You should let him eat you, bruder. Maybe Dzilbilmich-y is lonely, ja? She seemed to like you, after all. Plus, you look like a very masculine mermaid." Klavier stood up of his own accord, pulling his brother's hand off his collar. "Anyway… I wanted to try something right about now."

"What?"

Turning around behind him, Klavier shouted, "Hey, Koolaid!"

Silence.

"Nonsense, Klavier, that's never going to work! Let's go." Kristoph made to leave, but something was stopping him.

ThudthudthudthudthudthudTHUDTHUDTHUDTHUDTHUD

"Is that…?" Kristoph turned his head towards the forest of palm trees and noticed a random brick wall that was definitely not there before.

CRASH!

"Oh yeah!" An oversized red jug broke through the wall and since there weren't any eye holes for the poor sap inside the costume…

…the Koolaid man ran straight into the shark's mouth. The shark seemed pretty satisfied after its meal, and slid back into the water. This was not before it decided to let out a very vulgar burp.

"You're right, bruder. We should be leaving." Klavier took a few tentative steps before breaking into an Italian sprint.

Kristoph, who was most definitely struggling to catch up with his brother, let out a cartoonish sigh.

"Why do you run so fast when you're running away?"

It had been twenty minutes since Kristoph had caught up to Klavier and the brothers had treated themselves to ice cream. Kristoph had definitely had enough of the day's hijinks and was very ready to go home.

Unfortunately for him, though, a whole crowd of Gavinners fans were waiting to ambush them from the same Konrad Honolulu they had visited that morning. The leader of this whole operation was no other than…

…Ema Skye.

Spying her only customer and his brother walking by initiated her war cry: "For SNACKOOS!"

"Hey, bruder, do you hear screaming from behind us?"

"What do you mean, Klavier? It's most probably imprinted in your ears from when you were screaming your head off earlier. Germans don't run away like that."

"Even so, it's not my scream. It's the scream of fangirls." Klavier turned around to find that his worst fears were confirmed.

"What do you mean, fangirls?" As the screaming intensified, Kristoph also turned around to stop dead in his tracks.

"Fangirls, huh?" Kristoph sighed yet again.

"FANGIRLS!" Klavier readied to run.

"Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" The fangirls' target/s had stopped, and they were free for the taking.

"What are you waiting for, Klavier?" Kristoph grabbed Klavier's arm.

"RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!"

"Quick, get in the car! They're coming!" Kristoph literally jumped into the car, Klavier following suit.

"You ran like an Italian too, bruder."

"Shut up! The fangirls are coming!" Kristoph accelerated to twice the speed limit; Klavier was keeping an eye on the rear view mirror to gauge whether the fangirls were catching up.

The car braked suddenly, causing Klavier to hit his head. "What was that for, bruder!?"

Instead of responding, Kristoph looked ahead in horror. "The Mermaid… Princess?"

Sure enough, a mermaid was sitting on a wave that was blocking the way home. "This is my revenge for the murder of my jellyfish and my trusty assistant… Dzibilmichhichko. You're coming with me!" She pointed a trident at them, and giant tentacles started coming out of nowhere.

"So we're stuck between a wave and a crowd of fangirls, huh? This is the end…" Klavier had given up hope and was praying to the God of Rock and the God of Law to save them.

"Sir! Former rockstar Klavier Gavin is requesting your help!"

The God of Rock was lazing about like usual.

"Nah, no thanks."

"Miss! Prosecutor Klavier Gavin is requesting your help!"

The God(dess) of Law was reading a book.

"His brother can save him. He might be crazy, but… they will prevail."

"So, in short, you're too lazy?"

"Yeah that's it."

"Bruder! I prayed to the Gods of Rock and Law and they're not helping us!"

"Shh. I'm going to drive through the wave."

"What!?"

"There's a way."

Kristoph revved the engines, and as one of the tentacles was about to grab them, he hastened through the maze of tentacles and water. Half a kilometre later, they broke through the other side of the Mermaid Princess' wave-seat.

"Well, Kris, that wasn't too bad, was it?"

"Klavier…" Kristoph stared holes into his brother's face. "You've jinxed this whole situation."

Just as Kristoph finished his sentence, another, bigger, wave was approaching from behind them.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"We're home…" Kristoph collapsed into the nearest couch.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about something, bruder."

"What?"

"I don't have to wash the seagull parts off your car anymore, do I? The reckless driving would have gotten it off."

Kristoph groaned. "Do what you want."

(Several days later)

"Hey bruder! Remember that time we went to the beach?"

Kristoph's eyes bulged from the horrible memories. "That was all a dream…"

"Oh, okay, then. I'll leave you alone, ja?" Klavier walked away slowly.

Kristoph proceeded to open his wardrobe and realised the first thing he saw was the stuff from Konrad Honolulu.

"IT WASN'T A DREAM!"

This took such a long time to write! Hopefully, Kris and Klavi are more in character. The last bit was just a random idea I had, and who said I would be sticking to reality… I mean, if magatamas exist in Ace Attorney, what's wrong with bus-sized sharks and mermaids? I stuffed random Hetalia references and a rip-off of Tommy Bahama for good measure. I really liked the idea of the Gods of Rock and Law, so they may be appearing again. Honestly, they're pretty lazy, though. Dzibilmichhichko's name was based off Dzilbilchaltunchunchucmil from PL vs AA. That little anti-climactic romantic monologue scene was honestly really hard to write. No, really.

NB You won't miss Dzibilmich-y or the guy inside the Kool-aid costume. Yes, they both died. And the other girl working at KonHon (Konrad Honolulu)? That was NOT Vera Misham. No, seriously.

Anyway, I'm going to work on my other stories, and for the FMA fans out there, I reworking my very first fic. So look forward to it!

Viva la fanfiction.