Chapter Two
Decision
POV: Bella
I needed that part of my brain that had gone insane. I felt like it was the only thing keeping me sane. Which really made no sense. Nothing did anymore. Why-after things were so perfect- would Edward leave? He told me he loved me...
So, in order to keep myself sane, here I was about to jump to my death. Just to hear his voice. I didn't really care if I lived or died anymore. What did I live for anymore? Five days a week in a school filled with people I didn't care about? No, there was nothing. That had become the majority of the way I spent my time.
I began to inch towards the edge of the cliff.
And then I heard it. The soft velvet voice that had been keeping me alive, yet almost killing me every time I heard it. I knew it was only in my head, but I couldn't resist the voice. Bella, you're going to hurt yourself, stop. I smiled. I wanted to talk back, but I convinced myself I wasn't crazy enough…yet. I tested the voice's patience by dangling my leg over the side. Bella! Don't do something stupid, get back! He was getting angry. Then, quiet. Bella, you have so much to live for. Jacob, Renée, Charlie…you love them.
It was then that I backed away from the cliff. I didn't want to put my parents or Jacob in the situation I was in. Left behind by someone you love. I got into my truck and headed home. I was satisfied because I heard his voice without actually jumping off the cliff. I didn't want to either. The water looked so cold and menacing.
When I got home, Charlie tried to force a conversation between us durring a comericial from his baseball game. But I was in no mood for small talk. I told him that I was tired and still had some homework to do.
I jumped in the shower and dragged it out longer than usual, though I was eager to get to bed.
When I got out, I grabbed some sweats and went to bed. I lied there thinking about Edward. What he sounded and looked like. I knew my memory did him no justice. Minutes later, I drifted into the best sleep I've had in months.
But I dreamt.
He was there in my room, watching me sleep. Just like he used to. I got up, out of my bed as fast as I could manage without falling to try and grab him, to touch him before he left because I knew he would. But, the effort was in vain, because by the time I got out of my covers, he was gone...again.
I woke up feeling refreshed. But, my mind circled around that dream. Did it mean anything? Was it a premonition telling me I would see him again, even if it was only for a moment? Or was it just my unconscious way of coping? I decided it was a premontition, that was my conscious way of coping. I thought if I believed it long enough, it might just end up being true.
I thought with all of this reminiscing, would come pain. But, to my surprise, I was exceptionally happy. Well, happy as I could be without Edward. With this in mind, and a Saturday all to myself, I decided- despite what happened last time- I would take another trip to our meadow.
PLEASE NOTE: Edward has not visited her yet. This is just her head, not actually Edward. It seems there was some confusion on this detail.