Author's Note: And here's CRAPter 1. *giggles like an idiot*
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I would have probably gone my entire life without ever believing in God if it weren't for my daily contact with her. Once, I considered the idea to be as ridiculous as aliens, espers, time-travelers, and Santa Claus…
But now, I have heard the word of God, and she said "Go get me a milk tea, Kyon!"
And that's where I find myself now. Placidly strolling down the hallway: no hurry. After all, class isn't going to start for another 10 minutes or so.
I try to think about something that doesn't involve me being ordered around like some sort of nameless lackey, but I can't really think of anything right now that doesn't involve such treatment. I consider for a moment, all of the people who did try to stand up to her… I etched their names and faces into my memory long ago. You will not be forgotten.
Especially not the lesson learned from them. My god is a vengeful god.
I made it to the drink machine and had a moment of panic when I thought that I didn't have enough money. As it turns out, one of the coins was merely hiding in a corner of my pocket where I couldn't feel it right away.
I put the coins into the machine and browsed the selection.
"Let's see here…cola, coffee, orange juice- Ah, here it is…"
As I lifted the drink out of the machine, I heard someone rush by me on my right. Taniguchi and Kunikida.
I waved, "Yo! What's the hurry?"
Taniguchi and Kunikida both stopped dead in their tracks, going completely rigid. Slowly, Taniguchi turned around (Kunikida was locked in place) and stared at me, wide-eyed.
"I…uh…", he muttered.
"…What's got you so scared? Did you rob somebody?"
He only shook his head vehemently, turned around and bolted down the hallway, Kunikida trailing behind.
Whatever. It's probably best not to get involved in… whatever they're doing.
I headed back to class and opened the door. There was still 5 minutes until class starts.
"Kyon, what took you so long? I was about to sign the papers to have you put to death!"
Haruhi's eyes were narrowed, suspicious. She's like that half the time anyway though, so I didn't pay it any mind.
"Sorry. I got to the machine and though I didn't have enough money."
"Still can't count at your age, Kyon? That's pathetic- I can count all the way to a googolplex!"
Did you make that up?
"I'm sure you can. It was just a simple mistake though. I lost one of the coins in my pocket."
"That isn't much better, Kyon. Losing things that you have on your person… are you sure that you shouldn't be in a… special class?"
Quite sure. I shrugged and sat down in my desk directly in front of her. I closed my eyes and took a moment to relax.
"Kyon! You still haven't answered!"
What, did you actually mean that!?
"No…As far as I know, I'm completely, totally, 100% normal."
I could feel her stare boring into the back of my head. She ended her line of questioning by letting out a short "humph", as she is sometimes wont to do.
I shook my head and stared up at the ceiling. I'm sure an outsider might consider this sort of thing funny, but not me. Dealing with this garbage every day has left me a little bit jaded in that regard.
Sensei came into the classroom, the class rep (who's name I still haven't bothered to remember) went through the motions, and some degree of normalcy was restored… for the time being.
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At the end of the school day, Haruhi left the classroom in the opposite direction of the clubroom with little explanation.
"Just go on without me, Kyon. I have something to do."
Of course, I followed her directions. It's not like I would ever just go home after school…
I stopped where I was and considered that for a moment.
"No. Better not."
I came to the clubroom after a couple minutes of walking. I was surprised to find that Taniguchi and Kunikida were there; presumably waiting for me. Taniguchi spoke up first.
"H…Hey Kyon. Can we talk with you for a minute?"
Why are you asking?
"Yeah, go ahead. Why are the two of you so jumpy?"
Taniguchi tried to explain the situation, his eyes darting around to a thousand different places around the hallway.
"Well..you see…Kunikida and I…last night… we…uhh…Don't tell anyone Kyon…we…uhh…-"
I interjected: "Did you kiss?"
"No! No, it wasn't anything like that! I mean…you…can you keep this quiet? We… uh…we…"
He trailed off and stared at the floor.
Suddenly, with uncharacteristic force, Kunikida cut through to the heart of the issue.
"WE SMOKED WEED, KYON! WE SMOKED WEED AND NOW THEY'RE COMING FOR US! WE'RE SCREWE-"
Taniguchi covered Kunikida's mouth with his hand in a desperate attempt to keep him quiet.
"Shut up! Shut up! Just act natural!"
Natural?
"…Why are you telling me this?"
"What should we do, Kyon? If they catch us, we're going to be in deep trouble!"
"…Are you high right now?"
"…No."
"Well then that makes it easy. Just don't tell anyone. And if you're so paranoid about getting caught, don't do it again."
Taniguchi nodded fervently.
"Y…yeah… why didn't I think of that?"
Hell if I know. Why didn't you?
"Thanks Kyon, we're going to go lay low for a while."
"Lay- look, I don't think that there's any need-"
And, they're gone. Taniguchi bolted off down the hallway, his hand still clasped over Kunikida's mouth.
I rubbed my temples with my fingers… It's almost too much…
Shaking it off and opened the clubroom door. The only occupant was the seemingly full-time resident, Yuki Nagato.
"Yo, Nagato."
Yuki discreetly nodded at me before returning to her reading.
Now, this is more like it. She's weird, but at least it isn't the kind of weird that gives me a migraine.
I sat down in my usual spot. Deciding to clear my mind and just not think about things for a few minutes.
But of course, that didn't last long.
"Still can't count at your age, Kyon? That's pathetic- I can count all the way to a googolplex!"
Damn it...
"Hey, Nagato. What's a googolplex?"
"A googolplex is the number 'one', followed by one googol zeros."
Ugh…
"…And what's a googol?"
"One followed by one hundred zeros."
One… and 100 zeros…a googol of…
"…Can you put that in more… understandable terms? Maybe using a simile or a picture or something?"
Why do I even bother…
"I will attempt to do so."
Nagato placed her book on her lap, setting her hands on top of it in a manner that I can only call lady-like. She stared straight ahead, eyes glazed over.
She remained completely motionless.
I waited for a few seconds before reluctantly getting up, moving to stand in front of her. She made no motion to indicate that she had noticed.
About a minute has passed now.
"…Hey, Nagato, are you okay?"
No response.
"…You can stop now, it really isn't that important."
Oh…shit. Did I… break her? Did her… processor… or something burn out?
Another 30 seconds passed.
I placed my hands on her shoulders and shook her gently.
"Hey… Hey! Nagato! You can stop now!"
Oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. I really did it. I broke her.
I heard the door open and turned to see who it was. What should I do if it's-
It isn't. It's Mikuru.
She smiled brightly as she issued her greeting.
"Hi, Kyon-kun. How are you doing today?"
Soon, her smile was replaced by a look of confusion.
"What's going on?"
"I broke Nagato! What should I do!?"
That was a bit more forceful then I intended, but what do you want from me!?
"You… broke her?"
"I asked her a question and she just locked up. She isn't responding to anything!"
Mikuru quickly made her way over to Nagato and I, worry clearly evident on her face.
"Nagato-san… are you okay?"
Of course, there was still no response. Tears welled up in Mikuru's eyes.
"Umm…umm…"
I stared at her, unable to come up with anything else to say. Suddenly, in a panicked voice:
"Control Alt Delete! Control Alt Delete!"
She was waving her hands in wide arcs, trying to catch Nagato's attention in some way. I didn't need to call tech support to know that that wasn't going to work.
I turned to Nagato again, carefully examining her slack facial features. She looked completely normal, if it weren't for the dull, lifeless look in her eyes.
What am I going to do now? What if we can't fix her? Who can we ask? I doubt Koizumi will know what to do either… there isn't any 1-800 number I can call to troubleshoot...
Will the Data Integration Thought Entity reboot her? Will a backup have to be installed? Will she ever be the same again?
These thoughts filled me with abject terror. Had I, inadvertently, killed her? Is that even possible?
I placed my hands on her shoulders again, deaf to Mikuru's frantic shouting that was only now beginning to dissolve into tears.
"…I'm… I'm so sorry Nagato…"
"Why?"
My eyes shot up. She was staring directly at me. Mikuru's crying suddenly stopped.
"…You're okay? I... thought I broke you…"
"You did not."
I continued staring, the relief finally starting to take hold.
"…I was unable to devise an adequate simile to properly convey the meaning of a googolplex. It is impossible for me to use a picture as well, as writing out the number would take up more space then the Universe occupies."
"…Why were you frozen for so long?"
"I was thorough. I made sure that I had exhausted all options before reaching the conclusion that there was no adequate simile."
"…I'd say that 'taking up more space then the Universe occupies' is a… pretty good way of stating how big it is."
"…But it is not an exact measurement."
"It's fine."
"…Understood."
"You're really okay?"
"Yes."
Thank god… I didn't know what I would do if I lost her…
I released her shoulders, only now realizing that I had been holding on to them for that entire exchange.
Mikuru once again burst into tears, hugging Nagato tightly. She was babbling on and on about something, probably not all that different then what I was thinking about a moment ago.
I watched the scene, glad that it was just a misunderstanding. Nagato is just too important to me to lose…
"Hey, Nagato…"
She turned her attention to me, and I suddenly found myself unable to speak. I can't even remember what it was I was going to say in the first place.
"…Nothing."
I care about her a lot- I guess this little incident crystallized a lot of vague emotions that I've had floating around in my head for a while.
Nagato is a good friend. I value her company greatly, perhaps more than anyone else. I never really considered that she might somehow be taken away… being what she is and all.
Not that there was actually any danger here…
The door opened quietly, Koizumi finally showing his face.
"Hell-"
"YAHOO!"
Haruhi cut him off with her own greeting. Naturally, he didn't care.
She strode past Koizumi, myself, and the odd scene with Mikuru frantically hugging Nagato and took her usual position.
"Today we're going to-…Wait, something's wrong…"
Finally notice something a little off, Haruhi?
She narrowed her eyes, surveying the room, before finally settling on Mikuru.
Wordlessly, Haruhi walked past us again, making her way to…
…the costume rack.
You've got to be kidding me. I motioned for Koizumi to follow me out of the room. Smiling (like the shit-eating bastard he is), he followed me wordlessly.
Tuning out Mikuru's cries of displeasure, I leaned against the wall and allowed myself to relax.
"What was that about?"
I shook my head.
"Nothing, don't worry about it. It was just a misunderstanding."
He nodded, staring straight ahead at the wall. For a moment I thought he was done, but he continued:
"Are you sure?"
"…You were watching, weren't you?"
He chuckled, offering no other response.
"…I'm sure."
Again he nodded, seemingly satisfied.
A few minutes of silence later, and Mikuru's cries of protest changed into miserable sobs. This was my cue to prepare myself for whatever madness Haruhi had planned for today. I opened the door, resigning myself to whatever fate she had in mind.
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Author's note: I don't really have much to say here. I guess I'll just raise your hope by saying I have months of ideas built up, much like a lake behind a dam, that I plan on incorporating into this story. It's probably going to end up considerably longer than any other story I've written. I promise I'll try not to cruelly dash them (your hopes).
Also, REVIEWREVIEWREVIEWREVIEWREVIEW *mouth opens, and out of it issues the tortured wailing of the damned, voices cracking from an eternity spent without hope*