Disclaimer: Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles is the intellectual property of CLAMP
Author's Note: Well, the Tsubasa manga may be over in Japan (is crying) but I'm still here. I bring you chapter 2, still rated T. This fic seems to move along so fast that it's hard to look back and remember in what chapter certain things happened.
~ All That I Am ~
______________________________
Part 1, Chapter 2
Kurogane drove on that second day of their journey until a car passed them and he realized only once it was actually in front of him that it was a motorcycle. Fai said nothing of it. Instead, he sat silently in his seat, holding the small wooden box given to him by the homeless man in New Chicago; the "box of luck". He'd lifted the lid and seemed to have forgotten all about it, sitting on his lap, held securely between his hands as he stared out the front windshield, lost in thoughts Kurogane knew he couldn't begin to comprehend.
Kurogane took the very next exit after that and pulled into the parking lot of an economy motel.
"Come on and help me pay." he called tiredly over his shoulder, not bothering to wait or watch as Fai stepped out of the car and turned back to set the box of luck carefully in the seat, open as he'd been holding it.
-
The man at the desk looked up at them briefly from his magazine, then, apparently not finding them interesting enough, went back to reading. It didn't bother Kurogane; he was too tired to give a rat's ass whether or not the man paid attention to him. As long as he rented them the room the guy could whip out an accordion and start dancing on the counter for all he cared.
"We need a room with two beds."
"One bed." the man stated simply, turning the page of his magazine.
Kurogane felt himself waking up; irritation tended to do that to him. "Excuse me?"
This time the man did look up, meeting Kurogane's steadily narrowing eyes levelly. "All of our two bed rooms are being renovated. If you want a room, it's gonna have one bed."
Kurogane stared back in shock. It took him a moment to process but finally annoyance kicked in. "Forget it."
Kurogane turned to leave but Fai reached out a hand and caught him by the arm, ignoring the low growl Kurogane sent his way and turned his disarming smile on the man behind the desk. "We'll take it."
Kurogane grumbled and grouched, of course, as he handed over his share of the fee but really he was too tired to care. A glance at the clock on the wall revealed that it was after two in the morning. For some reason, being near Fai wore him out.
-
Their room was on the second floor and, Kurogane had to admit it, was about a hundred times nicer than the last room they'd slept in. As soon as Fai dropped their key on the small table near the door, he noticed the bathtub through the open bathroom door and let out a squeal of delight.
"Kuro-ru! There's a tub!"
Kurogane took a seat on the edge of the bed and watched as Fai threw his suitcase on a nearby chair and started rummaging through it, throwing clothes out over his shoulder as he went. Kurogane noticed the first outfit he'd ever seen the blonde in go flying and his eyes locked onto it distractedly, a teal-colored heap of fabric that really shouldn't have been treated like that.
Kurogane reached down and pulled his shoes off one by one, lining them neatly next to the end table.
"Eureka!" Fai yelled, retreating from his suitcase with a small travel-size bottle and held it up happily for Kurogane to see. "Bubble bath!"
"You carry bubble bath?" Kurogane asked, a touch of disbelief leaking through the feeling that he really shouldn't be surprised. Really, Fai could have live frogs in there for all he knew. That thought drew him back to the panic he'd heard in Fai's voice when he'd riffled through that suitcase in the car, giving rise to a nagging suspicion and general curiosity. It wasn't his business, though, Kurogane knew. Fai could keep all his secrets. It didn't have anything to do with him.
When Kurogane looked back to the blonde man in question, he found Fai squirming out of his jeans on his way toward the bathroom. The bottle of bubble bath was held between his teeth and his shirt, socks, and shoes had already joined all of his other things on the floor. Kurogane blinked as the pants finally fell around his ankles and Fai stepped out of them, reaching for his underwear. A frown finally settled on his face.
"Can't you do that in the bathroom?" he argued but Fai had already disappeared into the aforementioned room and his only response was the underwear flying through the air to land in a heap in the middle of the room. Shortly after, he could hear the water pouring into the tub.
Kurogane lay back on the bed and somehow found himself watching the steam coil into the main room from the open bathroom door. He just watched it for a while, not thinking of anything, until Fai's voice began to drift with it out of the bathroom. At first he meant to tell the idiot that singing in the bath was a good way to find himself drowned in the bath but the words just didn't come. Instead, he let Fai's voice fill the emptiness. He didn't have a bad singing voice, when he wasn't trying to annoy the hell out of him. He was decent, even, when he was doing it for the sake of doing it.
Kurogane didn't recognize the song, but that didn't surprise him. It was probably more of Fai's ancient music, another tune he'd never be able to get out of his head as long as he lived.
"I still remember the sun always warm on my back. Somehow it seems colder now. Where has my heart gone? Trapped in the eyes of a stranger. Oh, I…I want to go back to believing in everything. … … Where has my heart gone? An uneven trade for the real world…Oh, I…I want to go back to believing in everything. Oh where…where has my heart gone, trapped in the eyes of a stranger. Oh, I…I want to go back…to……"
Kurogane waited for the rest and when it didn't follow, he lowered his eyes to the open doorway curiously.
"Hey, Kuro-rin…"
Kurogane hesitated but eventually he answered the blonde. "What?"
There was another pause before Fai's voice returned, happily and Kurogane wondered if Fai knew that his moods were even faker when he couldn't be seen. "Come and wash my back."
Kurogane scowled. "No! Hurry up and finish so I can go to sleep out here. I don't trust you wandering around while I'm asleep."
"So mean! Wash my back first!"
"I said no!" This time Kurogane shouted, the spell of the steam completely forgotten.
"If you don't I'll come to bed naked…and wet." Fai threatened.
"About the time you do that, you'll be sleeping in the car!" Kurogane yelled back. He didn't doubt for a second that the crazy blonde would try it, too.
Kurogane waited for more whining on the subject but no further sounds came from the other room. After a few seconds, the silence became deafening as Kurogane realized that all sounds had ceased; the slosh of water in the tub as Fai moved about, the small noises the other had been making as he went about his business, everything. Kurogane listened intently, rising unconsciously to hear better but all noise from the bathroom had abruptly stopped.
Kurogane stood, strode toward the bathroom, intending to yank the idiot from the bath and tell him enough was enough. He'd been in there nearly an hour already. He had to have been a prune by now as it was, but when he reached the point where he could see into the room around the corner of the wall, Kurogane's heart jumped to his throat. On first glance, he didn't even see Fai, and he had a perfect view of the room. Then two large, hurried steps further he found the man completely submerged beneath the water in the tub, spilling over slightly from his weight and he felt his heart stop altogether.
It was possibly a mesmerizing sight. Fai's eyes were opened to slits and Kurogane could tell he couldn't really see anything. His long strands of blonde hair floated freely in the water around his head, porcelain skin grayed slightly in the dim light and water that had once been soapy. No bubbles rose to the surface, not from his mouth, parted slightly or from his nose. It was as if the scene were perfectly preserved in time and Kurogane thought nothing of destroying it completely when he reached into the water and yanked Fai upward, hands gripping his shoulders painfully tight.
Fai gasped, eyes flying open, lungs filling with air as his hair fell heavily into his eyes and around his face awkwardly.
"What the hell are you doing?!" Kurogane roared, shaking him once.
"Nothing!" Fai responded automatically. "I was just…" Then he seemed to really take notice of the situation and stopped. "You're hurting me, Kuro-puu." he said instead, trying in vain to move his shoulder, bringing Kurogane's attention back to his fingers that were turning white against the pale skin of Fai's arms. He let go, feeling a stab of guilt at the marks he left behind. They would surely all be bruises in the morning. Fai rubbed at his arms and smiled up at him. "Was Kuro-chan worried about me? I was just rinsing my hair, silly."
Kurogane didn't know what to say. He didn't have a sharp reply at hand and he hated apologizing. It was the idiot's fault for being so quiet anyway. Instead of waiting for an answer from him, Fai reached out and took his right hand, plopping the washcloth in it with a grin and turned his back to Kurogane, sweeping his hair off of his neck.
Kurogane glared at the back of that blonde head but Fai said nothing so Kurogane decided he'd do it, as long as the blonde wasn't going to annoy him about it, in place of an apology, because Fai didn't deserve an apology but Kurogane still felt guilty.
Fai leaned forward, curling his arms around his knees with a low moan, his head turning to rest against his knees as Kurogane passed the cloth over his back and shoulders in easy circles.
"Don't…get used to this." Kurogane grumbled and he could just make out the sad smile around the blonde's shoulder.
"Of course not. Kuro-min just doesn't want me in his bed naked." Fai murmured.
"…right."
* * *
Kurogane couldn't sleep that night. He was 90 percent sure that Fai had fallen asleep in the bed next to him, that he had been asleep when he'd rolled over and wrapped himself around him like some neurotic boa constrictor, but he could never be sure with Fai. And truth be told, the warm breath puffing against his neck wasn't helping him to sleep either.
When Kurogane glanced at the bedside clock for the eight hundredth time and saw that it was finally beginning to bend to his will and read a decent morning hour; 6:00 AM, he decided that it wouldn't be unreasonable for him to get out of bed. Untangling himself from Fai proved to be a challenge, as he was attempting not to wake him in the process (and assuming that he was, indeed, sleeping) but after several failed attempts, he did, in fact, manage the task.
Kurogane dressed as quickly as possible in the previous day's clothes and took up the door key and his car keys, shutting the door quietly on his way out.
From the bed, Fai turned his head, staring emptily at the secured door in silence then turned his eyes to the ceiling, wishing he could get the smell out of the oversized black shirt he was wearing.
* * *
Kurogane returned with a sack of breakfast sandwiches, coffee, and his own duffle bag; throwing it on the ground to reach into his pocket for the motel key. Pushing the door open, he kicked the bag inside and followed, swinging the door shut behind him.
Fai was awake and upon his entry, sat up on the bed, giving him a look like he'd grown a second head. Kurogane frowned. "What?"
Fai only continued to stare at him as though his presence there were some kind of shock to him.
Deciding that maybe Fai was surprised that he had gotten up before him, Kurogane threw the sack of food at him and sat the coffees on the nightstand next to him.
"I brought actual food. With meat." Kurogane declared, pointing to the small paper bag in Fai's lap as the blonde watched him intently. "None of that sugary, glazed crap and the coffee's black but I grabbed these, since you'd probably just complain otherwise." At this, Kurogane dug into the pockets of his trench coat and produced several small packets of creamer; in several different flavors, which he dropped into Fai's lap unceremoniously. "I didn't know what you liked so I just got them all."
Fai looked down at the creamers in his lap and smiled, clutching the paper bag to his chest carefully, his smile brightening and eyes closing as he looked up at Kurogane. "Kuro-pyon is so good to me."
Kurogane looked away. "Yea, well… If I hadn't I'd have just been eating crap for another day."
He slid his trench coat off, laying it over the back of a chair and informed the other that he was going to take a shower and that Fai had better be dressed and ready to go by the time he was finished. He didn't look back as he grabbed his duffle bag and disappeared into the bathroom, closing (and locking) the door behind him.
-
By the time he got out of the bathroom, Kurogane seriously regretted giving Fai caffeine. Seriously, what had he been thinking? Fai noticed his entrance immediately and crossed the room so fast that Kurogane didn't even have time to think of dodging before he'd taken a flying leap and attached himself to the other man's torso. Kurogane stumbled back as Fai's legs wrapped themselves around his waist and his arms encircled his neck, the blonde's nose pressing against his own as he squealed happily.
"Kuro-puu! Let's explore this town today!" Fai exclaimed and Kurogane declared then and there that he would never again allow the idiot within 3 feet of even so much as the smell of something caffeinated.
Kurogane reached up to Fai's arms to pry him off of him but stopped short of the blonde's long sleeves. His outfit for the day consisted of a shirt made of light material with sleeves that flared out at the elbows and dark blue jeans. The shirt was swirled with purple and black designs which looked rather striking below Fai's brilliant blue eyes but reminded Kurogane of the purple and black bruises he'd seen forming on the blonde's arms a few hours ago when he'd accidentally nudged the sleeve of his black shirt up a little while he'd been moving him.
Apparently sensing his hesitation, Fai leaned forward and kissed him on the nose playfully which snapped Kurogane out of the daze he'd been in. Kurogane frowned deeply, taking hold of Fai's waist with firm hands and pulled back as hard as he could. Fai allowed himself to be dislodged and stood before Kurogane, rocking back and forth on his heels.
"God, you're annoying." Kurogane growled, brushing his shirt off (clearing it of the idiocy he hoped wasn't contagious). "We're not exploring anything. We're getting into the car and driving to California; just like yesterday, just like tomorrow."
Fai pouted. "Aww…that's no fun. Come on Kuro-ru, pleeeease?" he gripped at Kurogane's shirt, depositing more of that idiocy, and Kurogane's glare traveled from Fai's hands to his face, which, of course, was his downfall.
Thirty minutes later they were wandering through a museum and Kurogane was looking for a good strong rafter to hang himself from while Fai marveled at all of the antiques and paintings.
"Look, Kuro-rin! Aren't those colors wonderful!" "Look Kuro-ta! Isn't this design amazing!" "Look, Kuro-woof, that lady's puppy looks just like you!"
Kurogane was willing to settle for any half-way decent rafter.
"Kuro-sama!" Fai insisted, tugging at his arm, averting his gaze from the ceiling. "Look! It's a ninja!"
Somehow, they had wandered into the ancient Japan section and Kurogane followed Fai's pointing finger to a wax figure of a ninja dressed in black and carrying an ornate silver blade whose handle bore the carving of a dragon clutching a red orb in it's jaws.
"It's a fake." Kurogane said, drawing near. Looking around now, he noticed other swords in cases of their own and took Fai's wrist, pulling him to one nearby. "This," he said, pointing out the object to Fai "this one's real. Early 14th century. You can tell from the designs and see, there," he pointed out a small mark on the handle that Fai had to lean forward to make out "that's the signature of the man who made it. It's different from this one." he added pointing below it to the next weapon.
Fai listened with great interest; maybe not so much interest in the weaponry, but interest in Kurogane's interest. Kurogane seemed to have forgotten his sour mood as he drifted from one display case to the next.
"Does Kuro-chan have any swords?" Fai asked and Kurogane nodded in response.
"Three, but none so nice as this one." he said, pointing out an encased long sword with a handle in the shape of a silver dragon.
"Kuro-mu is so cute when he's talking about sharp pointy things." Fai teased.
Kurogane glared back. "And what kinds of things do you like? Or is annoyance a hobby for you?"
"I like Kuro-tan of course!" Fai declared happily. "I'm thinking of starting a collection." he added, eyeing Kurogane with half-lidded eyes.
Kurogane snorted and turned back to the swords, rolling his eyes.
* * *
"Can we leave now?" Kurogane asked sarcastically as they made their way out of the museum. It hadn't been a terrible experience overall, as soon as they'd wandered into something interesting, but that didn't mean he wanted to waste the whole day either. When he'd asked Fai if he was ready to leave it was a rhetorical question. They were leaving whether Fai wanted to or not.
"No! Kuro-puu!" he cried, dancing around in front of Kurogane, gripping onto his shirt front and hunching down to make himself look smaller, eyes large and desperate. "I have to go shopping first! We can't leave until I go shopping! It's imperative."
"What could you possibly need that you have to get right this minute? Why didn't we go shopping instead of going to the museum? You even piddled around until the damn place opened. Why didn't we go shopping then?!" Kurogane shouted, feeling irritation rise as his tirade progressed. "I told you, I'm going to California. Do you want to be left behind?"
Despite Fai standing in front of him, Kurogane started walking, pressing forward determinedly.
"No!" Fai whined, reminding Kurogane of the annoying little five year olds whose stupid mothers felt the dire need to inflict them on the general population at grocery stores. "Kuro-sama, please. Just for a minute? It'll be a quick trip, I promise!"
"I said NO!" Kurogane roared, drawing several stares from wary onlookers along the street.
* * *
"Yay!" Fai exclaimed, tugging Kurogane along by the hand as they made their way through a crowed mall.
Kurogane yanked his hand back indignantly, sulking. He honestly didn't understand how this had happened. They had gotten in the car, right? He had been driving, right, wanting to go to California? Somehow the part where he had pulled into the mall parking lot was fuzzy, drowned out by pouting and whining and cries of unfairness and threats of never speaking to him again (That would have made him happy, damnit! The happiest goddamn person alive.).
Either Fai was an absolute genius, had psychologically brainwashed him, or possessed strange magical powers because Kurogane could not understand who in their right mind would willingly contribute to that ridiculously spoiled attitude of his. Kurogane would have put money on the brainwashing.
Narrowed, scrutinizing crimson eyes watched the blonde weave his way through the throng of people effortlessly as Kurogane followed, shoving them aside on his way.
That annoying, childish attitude of his made it hard to remember the blonde as a prostitute but if he thought of it, Kurogane could remember the night he had met Fai, only a few …long… days before. He had been annoying then too, but he had also had a whole host of other masks, false personas he had cycled through looking for something that would enable him to get his own way; sultry and sexy and submissive.
None of them were the true Fai. So false were they, that Kurogane could single out the only three instances when Fai had accidentally lost them, showing Kurogane something deeper that he obviously wanted desperately to hide. The first had been that evening at the restaurant, when Fai had been standing in the rain, before he had seen Kurogane; the second had been on that first night, when Kurogane had refused sex and Fai had said he wanted to be free; the third was in the tub when Fai had smiled with his head on his knees while Kurogane washed his back. All three were gone the second after they'd appeared.
Kurogane had to remind himself that Fai's business was his own, his past, no matter how shitty, was his to keep. He had to remind himself and he worried, because he knew he shouldn't have had to. It was just that being the brunt of such a pathetic display of acting (pathetic because Kurogane could see through it like clear glass) was almost painful. It made him wonder if Fai was really trying to fool him and everyone else, or himself.
-
Fai stopped outside a music store, waiting for him and when Kurogane had closed the distance between them, Fai caught his hand again with a wide grin. "We just have to go in here first!" he gushed excitedly. "Look, they have used records and cds!"
"What's a record?" Kurogane asked, eyeing the sign Fai was reading from with suspicion.
Fai pulled away (keeping a tight hold on his hand) and gave him a scandalized look. "You mean you've never heard a record before, Kuro-pi? That's terrible! You've completely missed out on a vital piece of history!"
Kurogane snorted. "Like I give a shit about that stuff." He pulled at his hand but getting it back seemed to be a lost cause. "Let go of my hand." he ordered finally. "Is this what you meant by "imperative shopping"?"
"Now, now, Kuro-puu," Fai chided, pulling him into the store behind him "we're already here, after all. No harm in having a quick peek."
-
Kurogane hated to think what would have happened if Fai ever said something might take a while. He'd be witnessing the next ice age. Kurogane's stomach was making embarrassing gurgling noises when they finally exited the music store, in protest of being empty and ignored. Fai had bought several cds, which were too old to even play in his car, and even one of those record things, a large, round disc that Kurogane was absolutely sure wouldn't play on anything Fai could pull out of that suitcase of his. It all seemed to make Fai extremely happy, though. He even offered to pay for lunch for them both.
Of course, lunch was at a fast food ice cream shop in the cafeteria of the mall. They made pizza as a lunch food, so Fai got them both pizza and hot fudge sundaes with rainbow colored sprinkles without even bothering to ask Kurogane if he wanted it or not.
Kurogane scowled at the little smiley face Fai had made in his ice cream with the sprinkles before setting it in front of him.
"Isn't this the most wonderful day ever?" the blonde asked, smiling across the table at him, positively glowing. If it were possible for a person to have sparkles dancing around their head, Fai would have had them. "Kuro-tan has the best date ideas."
"Hey!" Kurogane protested. "All this was your idea. You were the one who dragged me here. I wanted to be on the road all day."
"Well, but I thought I'd give you the credit." Fai reasoned humoringly. "Wasn't this a much better way to spend our first date than sitting in the car all day?"
"This isn't a date!" Kurogane yelled, remembering far too late that they were in the middle of a crowded cafeteria and catching some of the stares from people around them, he quickly looked away from the blonde, deciding it was probably a good time to eat his slice of pizza. Maybe if his mouth was full it couldn't cause him any more problems. If only he could figure out a way to occupy Fai's…
Kurogane tore into his pizza with a red face and the sound of Fai's light laughter ringing in his ears.
* * *
"We're leaving now." Kurogane declared, dumping the garbage from his tray into its receptacle without turning back to address the blonde behind him.
The response was immediate.
"Wha? Kuro-pii, you can't be serious!"
"And what would give you that impression?" Kurogane returned, pointedly not looking at Fai as he came up beside him.
"You hardly got any sleep at all last night!" Fai protested.
"I'm fine."
"Don't be stubborn Kuro-key. If we have to go…then let me drive."
A jingling noise beside him drew Kurogane's attention and he turned to find Fai jangling his keys, their ring hanging delicately from the end of his finger. Despite knowing exactly how Fai had gotten his hands on them, his hand still instinctively slammed against his now-flat coat pocket.
Kurogane growled. "You're kidding! After what you did to my car you're lucky I even let you sit in it. If you think I'm going to give you the chance to crash it you've got another thing coming!"
"Kuro-puu, be reasonable." Fai chided, sounding disturbingly like his exasperated forth grade math teacher. "I would never crash your car. This way, you can sleep while I drive and we'll make it there much faster than we've been going."
"And whose fault is that!" Kurogane yelled, remembering too late once again that he was drawing attention.
With a huff, he grabbed onto Fai's wrist and dragged him the rest of the way out of the mall so that he didn't have to deal with quite so many displeased parents giving him dirty looks.
"Don't you trust me even that much?" Fai asked, his voice small against Kurogane's arm where he'd pressed his cheek when they'd come to a stop.
"Have you given me any reason to trust you?" Kurogane returned in kind, something in Fai's voice keeping him from shoving the other away just yet.
Fai remained silent for a moment but then Kurogane felt a small nod against his arm. "Ok." Fai agreed. "If you let me drive for a bit, I'll tell you anything you want to know. I'll tell the truth. But only three times."
Kurogane hesitated. "I don't need to know your past." He was finally able to shrug the blonde off. "Honesty isn't currency. Currency can't buy everything."
"Kuro-min's morality is so hard to reach." Fai mumbled in that same tone. He didn't seem to want a response though.
Kurogane had been told too often how poor he was at dealing with people; how he just couldn't seem to understand any point of view that was not his own. He had never really cared before. Kurogane remembered how Fai had wanted to give him compensation for bringing him. He might have understood that Fai did not want to be in his debt, morally speaking, but knowing that made Fai's current wish to gain his trust make even less sense to him. Fai was becoming something of a curiosity and it might have been that Kurogane really did not care at all about the information he wanted to withhold but some nagging part of him did want to know what Fai thought he was doing here with him when he could just as easily have taken a bus anywhere he wanted to go.
Kurogane sighed. "Fine."
Fai's eyes widened as they regarded him with surprise and quickly closed in his happy mask smile. "Kuro-wanko won't regret it!" Fai threw his arms around Kurogane's again. "I'll drive us to California while you sleep. Just leave everything to me!"
-
Kurogane considered himself to be, among other things, a fearless individual. So to say that the first twelve minutes he spent in the passenger seat while Fai took the wheel and exited the parking lot were the most terrifying twelve minutes of his entire life, would not have been an understatement by any means. Kurogane had never known fear until he had met Fai.
In his attempt to navigate the parking lot, Fai had run two stop signs, nearly collided with a third, jumped one corner and been forced to back up out of the way of an oncoming vehicle while sitting at a fourth. Things were a little smoother once they finally exited the parking lot…because Fai had slowed down considerably, forcing traffic to weave around him and honk loudly.
"Tell me you've driven a car before." Kurogane all but begged.
Fai did not look at him. He kept his eyes glued to the road ahead and both hands on the wheel but his tone shot Kurogane down as well as any look would have. "Kuro-tan, I'm just not familiar with the area. As soon as I find our road, everything will be fine. Go to sleep."
"You didn't answer me." Kurogane pointed out flatly.
"Is that one of your three questions?" Fai returned in the same tone. "Have you driven a car before?"
"I told you," Kurogane looked out the window, noticing that they were in fact, exactly where they were supposed to be "I don't care."
"But I want to."
Fai's solemn tone drew Kurogane's attention and he hesitated. "No." he said finally. "It's not."
Fai nodded and smiled and Kurogane was left to his thoughts.
-
Kurogane blamed Fai for wearing him out. One or two nights without sleep shouldn't have affected him otherwise. So once Kurogane blinked his eyes open and realized that he'd been asleep for some time, the first thing he did was glare darkly at Fai…who was of course, looking out the windshield and didn't notice. It was dark outside and the clock on the radio read 10:15. Kurogane straightened himself, catching Fai's attention, though the other didn't look at him as he spoke.
"Good night, Kuro-wanwan! Are you feeling better now? Should I find a rest stop?"
"I'm fine." Kurogane grumbled, not annoyed but waking.
Adjusting his seat, Kurogane noticed absently that the box of luck lay open between them. Touching his fingertips against the lid, Kurogane gave it a little push, curious to see what Fai would do as the lid snapped shut. Fai's eyes never found his, watching for his reaction, as his hand shot out to reopen the box's lid and he grinned widely, changing the subject cleanly.
"Would you like the radio, Kuro-pipi? I didn't want to wake you with it but now that you're up, we can listen to anything you want."
Fai was letting him listen to anything? Kurogane frowned but decided not to comment on it for the moment. Instead, he asked "Do you need a break?"
Fai shook his head happily. "I like driving!" he exclaimed. "But I'm so happy that Kuro-bu is thinking of me? How cute!"
Kurogane wrinkled his nose in a look of disgust that went unnoticed by the blonde as he turned to gaze out the window. After a moment of silence during which Kurogane did not feel like screwing with the radio, he finally said "So why are you going to California?"
"Is that one of your three questions?" Fai sing-songed back to him.
"Yes." Kurogane stated firmly and a short silence followed, during which Kurogane believed Fai was trying to find the most clever way of wording the truth so that it no longer sounded like the truth. He liked to believe that Fai would, indeed, keep his word.
"I wanted to see the ocean of course." Fai answered childishly, grinning from ear to ear.
"Why?" Kurogane asked incredulously, forgetting himself for a moment.
Fai's grin brightened a few kilowatts. "It always looks so perfect and blue on tv and I thought I would jump in it. Splash!" If Fai hadn't been so occupied with driving, Kurogane had no doubt that this statement would have been accompanied by Fai throwing his arms in the air dramatically. "Wouldn't Kuro-chu like to visit a beach?"
"Not particularly." Kurogane muttered, the fact that Fai had answered his question exactly how he had anticipated not escaping him. So Fai wanted to see the ocean. So what? Anyone who hadn't lived near an ocean probably wanted to see one. But Kurogane could picture Fai standing on a beach, hair blowing out in the ocean breeze. The serene expression on Fai's face in his little fantasy was probably what brought him back to reality, reminding him that Fai had never since he'd known him, wore such an expression and it was pure stupidity to picture him doing it as he lied through his smiles to everyone's face.
"Was that it?" Fai asked, encouragingly. "You have one more, you know?"
"One more?" Kurogane repeated, maybe a little louder than was necessary. "That was only one!"
"Nuh, uh." Fai chided. "It was two. 'Why are you going to California?' and 'why do you want to see the beach?'"
"Bastard!" Kurogane retorted. "That's cheating."
"You asked two questions." Fai stated in a tone that spoke of boredom. "Don't blame me that you didn't think them through enough."
Kurogane grumbled to himself, turning to look at the blackness out the window, wallowing in his failure as Fai started humming a nonsense tune in the background.
-
Kurogane was all for driving all night, but at around one in the morning, his stomach was reminding him that he'd missed dinner and Fai showed no signs of having any intention of stopping.
"Find a fast food place." Kurogane said. It wasn't just that he was hungry. He could have gone without. But it was strange to be sitting in the passenger's seat and to have Fai in the driver's seat unwilling to communicate with him. He had a suspicion that Fai hadn't driven much and his nervousness was what was keeping him so silent. If he kept driving like that he'd kill them both for sure.
"Uh…"
Kurogane could see Fai catch himself in turning to look at him and rolled his eyes. The sooner they got off the road, the better.
"but, …it's still early…" Fai's defense was half-hearted at best.
Kurogane pointed out the window at an upcoming off ramp. "There."
Fai caught his bottom lip between his teeth, chewing at it as pulled onto the indicated ramp. Kurogane watched him from the corner of his eye but it was likely that Fai never noticed, he was so wrapped up in his own thoughts.
"Where do you want to eat?" Kurogane asked. Whatever Fai was thinking about, the mood that it put him in just seemed…wrong somehow and Kurogane wanted to prod him just a little. He didn't miss the smile and the laughter and the stupid annoying comments, but he thought that maybe Fai should have.
"I'm not hungry. It's so nice of Kuro-rin to think of me though." The grin had returned, or more accurately, Fai had made an incredible effort to paste it back in place but even given his false moods and varying smiling masks, this one seemed strained and out of place.
"We're stopping." Kurogane informed him, leaving no room for argument. "You can decide if you're going to eat when we get there but I won't allow that slop in my car."
Fai laughed dryly. "For wanting to go to a fast food place, you don't sound very enthusiastic about eating there."
Kurogane grunted. "It's convenient."
-
Fast food places along the country's main interstate highways were generally open around the clock so when Fai had finally found a town, it wasn't difficult to find places to eat. And of all of the places Fai could have chosen to pull into, he had chosen a McDonalds. Of course, it had to have a play land. Kurogane wondered briefly if Fai was trying to punish him for something; maybe for not wasting his last question like Fai had wanted him to.
As they pushed the door in and walked inside, Kurogane was nearly tripped by two small children running around and squealing as they chased each other. Fai laughed as he sidestepped them. In the short line ahead of them their mother reached out an arm and snagged one. Her eyes had dark circles around them and in that one instant, Kurogane felt sorry for the woman. It must be hard to travel across the country with small children like that. Children never seemed to want to sleep when they should.
"Awww….look at them Kuro-chuu! Aren't they just so sweet?" Fai cooed, grabbing onto Kurogane's arm.
"Just like tooth rot." Kurogane agreed under his breath.
"I'll bet Kuro-ru can't wait to have a dozen little Kuro-chii's running around."
Fai's grin was too wide, his eyes closed to prevent Kurogane from seeing past them, no doubt. Although, what Kurogane might have found there he couldn't even guess.
"Don't worry, some day you'll find the perfect girl."
Fai refused to meet the look that Kurogane was giving him.
"Of course, she'll have to have the patience of a saint."
Surely Kurogane's silence was unnerving him and finally Kurogane saved him, shoving him forward harshly to make his order.
Fai tripped a little on his way to the counter, but his hyper attitude picked right up for the boy who took his order. Fai's heel bounced around, stretched out behind him as he leaned on the counter. Kurogane wondered if Fai was having problems because he did not generally stay around people long enough to ever have to know them, or risk them knowing him. He must have been used to dealing with people in situations where it didn't matter how he acted in front of them because they wouldn't be around to second guess it later, and being around the same person for so long was starting to make him nervous.
It was late, so they had to wait for their order. Kurogane had missed what Fai had ordered on his behalf but he didn't care as long as it wasn't loaded with sugar. He would have preferred real food but at nearly two o'clock in the morning at some freeway restaurant, this was as good as he was going to get.
"You know Kuro-ru," Fai said as he busied himself stealing straws by the handfuls "I doubt fast food places like this have changed on the insides much since they were first invented, you know, except for the fully automated ones in the big cities."
Fai moved onto the napkins as he continued. "I don't like them. Things are too impersonal these days. You could do everything required for life without ever leaving your house and naked. You don't really need other people for anything anymore and everything is on command; movies, vacations, orgasm. Do you think it's enviable that we as a race would grow so self-centered? Or did we do something wrong somewhere along the way?"
"Are you planning on leaving any of those for the other customers?" Kurogane demanded as Fai's pockets started bulging out from the napkins he was stuffing in them.
Fai turned back to him, blinked as he realized that Kurogane's response had nothing to do with the question he'd asked and smiled brightly in return. "You never know when you're going to need them."
"Your order is ready."
Kurogane turned back to the counter, ignoring Fai for the moment as he went to retrieve their order. Fai was gone when he turned back, tray in hand, and he had to search through the maze of partitions and tables to find him seated at a booth in a window corner with a view of the parking lot behind him and the passing traffic at his side.
"There some reason you couldn't wait for me?" Kurogane groused, dropping the tray onto the table as hard as he could without spilling their drinks, which wasn't hard enough to get his irritation across but was loud enough in the nearly empty building to draw Fai's attention.
Fai flashed him another hundred kilowatt grin and took his clear soda. "But Kuro-chan found me so fast! Surely it wasn't any trouble." And Fai took out one of his straws and slowly pealed back the paper wrapping, taking time to shove it down into his drink and wrap his lips around it, pulling the liquid up leisurely.
Kurogane turned away, willing his cheeks to cool before Fai could claim his reaction had resembled a blush. Fai had ordered him a rather large cheeseburger, he noticed, along with fries and a coke; standard and appropriate.
"What's wrong?"
Fai looked up, startled, only just a little more startled than Kurogane was at what he'd said but, having been said, Kurogane ploughed ahead.
"You've been acting weird lately. You can talk about it, you know." Kurogane busied himself unwrapping his cheeseburger so it wouldn't seem like it mattered to him one way or the other. "I won't judge you. If you're feeling something or worried about something you should work through it, not dance around it like some kind of schizophrenic."
Kurogane might have missed Fai's small smile, so different from the one that had preceded it, sad and relenting, if he hadn't been looking for his reaction.
"I know what your last question is." Fai said and Kurogane was confused, because not even he knew what his last question was. Was that what had been bothering Fai, he wondered.
"So you can ask it now." Fai continued and waited patiently for Kurogane to voice whatever it was he had calculated in his mind.
Kurogane thought for a moment. There were many things he wanted to know but there were also many things that he wouldn't allow himself to ask of the other, things that weren't any of his business. After a moment the question he asked Fai was: "Why did you come with me?"
Fai's gaze shot to him instantly, eyes wide and, if Kurogane looked for it, he could see those blue eyes light with hope.
Kurogane rushed to define his question before Fai could take advantage of it. "I mean, you could have just taken a bus. So, why travel with me? And don't give me some shit about thinking it would be fun or wanting to…"
"I'm harder to find this way." Fai answered, cutting him off. "That's all."
Fai smiled and Kurogane let it sink in. He knew he wasn't about to get any details but it was an honest answer, a straightforward and honest answer and Kurogane could find nothing to say to it, so he turned to his food instead.
"Straw?" Fai offered, holding one out to him and Kurogane accepted the offering and the smile.
"Thanks."
Post whatevers: Today's song is "Field of Innocence" by Evanescence. Yes, this fic does have a soundtrack - the music I listened to while writing the first part. When it's finished, I'll release the list if anyone's interested.
A note: Orgasm on demand. Yes, this is actually possible. Scientists have invented a small chip that stimulates the brain and could be used to cause on-demand orgasms, though they'll likely never market it. I heard of this on an episode of The Doctors, a daytime talk show that features three doctors discussing such medical breakthroughs.
As always, if you liked, please review. Ja!