Disclaimer: All characters from and references to Twilight and the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer. She is the brains of this whole operation. No money is made from this writing, and no copyright infringement is intended.

II. Settling

The late afternoon sun sparkled off my windshield, marveling in itself with its last glorious hurrah. I could tell it had been a pretty day, the calm after the storm that last night had brought. In the clear of the new day, bright and fresh, there was a new sense of assurance. I drove to the reservation, probably a little too fast for my car's own good. I silently checked myself, reminded that it had already gotten a work-out the night before by having Edward drive it. I relied on the car too much to have it break down now. It was, after all, an antique.

I tuned the radio to a top forties station, my newfound lightness getting the better of me. I knew that everyone was unhappy now, but soon everything would be better. I'd find a way to make it right. I replayed the night before in my head, focusing on the details of my conversation with Jacob. It wasn't pleasant, but in light of my plan, I now saw everything that was under the surface last night, but that I'd been too devastated to really see: Jacob was resilient—Jacob wasn't going to give up on winning me back, despite what he'd said. He was trying to tell me that.

The gravel crunched under my tires as I pulled off the road at the Blacks. It seemed surprisingly quiet. I didn't know if the rest of the pack knew about my conversation with Jacob last night yet or not, but I still thought a couple of them would be there with him. He was hurt pretty badly. At that, there was a quick stab in my chest, but I pushed it aside with the knowledge that I was there to fix all of that. I hopped out of the truck and made my way up the front porch steps. I knocked lightly. No answer.

Maybe Jacob was sleeping. I furrowed my brow. I hadn't really thought about that possibility, too preoccupied with my need to see him. I wondered if I should leave and come back. No, I couldn't do that for two reasons. For one, I couldn't let Jacob suffer anymore. Time to put an end to that. Secondly, I was just too damn eager to get the ball rolling on this thing. The sooner it started, the quicker it would be done with.

The screen door was the only thing blocking my path to Jake. I pushed on it slightly, and it gave under my fingertips, opening easily. I felt a little strange just coming in, but if Jake was alone, there was no way he could come to the door anyway, so I was justified. As I stepped over the threshold, letting myself in completely, Billy wheeled around the corner. His face was lit up with a huge smile, but it faded the second his eyes had a chance to see it was me. He frowned.

"Bella. What are you doing here?" His tone wasn't unkind, but I could tell that I was not welcome at the moment. I was sure that had to do with my dismissal of Jacob, but maybe a little bit about his prejudices of the Cullens too. Maybe he felt that this was no longer my place. I set my chin resolutely, hiding the sudden nerves that were now boiling in my stomach.

"Billy. I need to talk to Jacob again." His frown got more pronounced, and he mimicked my demeanor. For someone who sat so low due to his handicap, he was surprisingly intimidating, as if he towered over me physically. There was strength and honor in his eyes. I recognized it well, seeing as how it was so perfectly duplicated in Jake's.

"I don't think that's a good idea. He got an earful last night, enough for a while. Maybe some time…" I cut him off before he could finish.

"I know I don't deserve to ask to see him, but it's important. For him." I was pleading with him, but he would not back down. I understood. He was only trying to protect his son. In his eyes, he needed to protect him. I was the enemy right now, more so than the Cullens or any other supernatural creature. I, a plain, ordinary human girl, seemed like the most dangerous thing to him right now. And I didn't disagree. He and I stared at each other, unsure of how to proceed. He would not let me in to see him, and I would not leave before I did.

A voice from the next room shook his concentration. I heard shifting of bedding and a loud sigh.

"Dad, send her in."

My heart leapt. Billy looked at me for a moment longer before sighing himself, and wheeling out of my way. It took me a second to remember how to move my feet. I was suddenly daunted by the giant feat ahead.

Jacob looked better than he had the night before, at least physically. He was still bandaged almost head to toe, but there was less restriction in his movement, he didn't look like his injuries were hurting as badly. He didn't look green from the pain, and he was more coherent than last night when I'd told him goodbye. This was all physically, of course. Emotionally, he looked like a train wreck. Then, in an instant, he fixed on a mask to hide it all.

"Hey," I said weakly, suddenly unsure of just what to say. Just like Jacob, he started for me.

"So, did you come back to finish me off?" He was smiling, and his tone was light, but the agony in his eyes was impossible to miss. I frowned, my newly rediscovered optimism quickly retreating. He saw it.

"Jake…" I whispered forlornly.

"Bella. I'm only kidding. What did you need to talk to me about?" I watched him, knowing full well that he was putting on a charade for me. He shrouded the pain I had caused extraordinarily well. There was no way that he had transformed his grief so effortlessly in one night. For crying out loud, it took a hurried trip to Italy, six months, and Edward physically back in my life to make the hurt I had felt when he left me to even begin to fade. Maybe this was different, because Jake knew I did love him. Maybe his determination to keep fighting for me was enough to keep him sane.

"I'm sorry for last night." It was weak, and I knew that. I watched him wince just slightly, but he quickly hid it again.

"Hey…" he tried nonchalantly, but it faded away in a tell-tale way. He shrugged, forcing himself back into his strong-guy façade. "You don't have to do that for me."

"I do, actually, because I…" There were a lot of things that I could have said: because I love you, because I've changed my mind, because I've got this crazy, wacked-out idea. None of them seemed appropriate, and I didn't want to regret saying them. My heart still knew resolutely what it really wanted. Instead, I said the safest thing I could that still fit into my grand scheme. "…because I shouldn't have said it."

He struggled to sit up a little bit. I reached over to him to help him, but he shied away from my hands. It burned, because it reminded me of the way Edward moved away from me when I first told him about my confusion. I pulled my hands back to set them in my lap while he pushed himself up with effort.

"What are you talking about?" His indifference slipped just a little. He was watching me intently. He waited for me to respond.

"I feel bad for the way things happened last night. Between us."

He stiffened, jutting out his chin the way I had done to Billy just minutes before.

"Well, you shouldn't." I heard the anger in his voice. I cringed a little, but pushed on.

"Well, I do. Because I think I was wrong. I was wrong to say that to you when things are so…confusing."

I saw a fire light in his eyes. It was just a flicker, but it was enough for me to know that I'd said something right. He studied me for a minute, narrowing his eyes at me. He leaned forward just a little, and the effort made a rough sound reverberate from his throat.

"What are you saying?" He was still cautious, though the fire was steadily growing. He wanted this. It's what he had dreamed about all last night, until he realized when he woke up that it was all a bad dream—a too-good, impossible bad dream.

I wanted him to follow me blindly, but I knew there was a difference between hope and excruciatingly painful faith—the kind that destroys you. He needed to hope & believe, but not know. He couldn't let his heart know that I loved him—he just had to hope. Because it would buy me more time. It was important that everything I said had a double meaning.

"That I was too hasty." That is all I'd give him. There was more that I could have said, but I knew I needed to be very careful. It wouldn't matter to him in the end, if everything worked out the way I was hoping. He wouldn't care about himself and how I had made him feel now and last night. But it would matter to me, because I'd have to betray everything in my heart to lead him along.

"Really? About?" He didn't even attempt to hide the small smile that was creeping up over his lips. I heard the relief in his voice, as if he'd just been released from prison. The prison of me. I averted my eyes.

"Telling you goodbye. I need you too much to hurt you that way. It seems wrong of me to dismiss everything I feel for you." True enough. I did need him, and I couldn't ignore the way that I felt about him because it made me want to protect him. I didn't dare look up, because I thought I might see something in him that I really didn't want to. I was thankful that he was incapacitated for the moment.

"Huh." The sound coming from his lips was light, reflective. It was as if I'd just told him that it was supposed to snow tomorrow, or that an underdog just pulled out a surprising victory. It was interested but not earth-shattered. He leaned back against the pillows again. "What happened?"

"I guess after I left, I realized that I need you both. You are two very different people, but both important. Different, but necessary." I wasn't lying. All of it was true.

He snorted. "How does Mr. Wonderful feel about this?"

"He's…Edward. He's patient. I asked him to give me time, and he will, no question." He snorted again and rolled his eyes. It hurt me a little at whatever that implied. "Will you? Will you give me time?"

He looked at me then. Really looked. Something about his focus became determined, strong, and willful. He scrutinized me, and then smiled ruefully.

Time? As in, time to make a decision?" There was the unrelenting hope creeping back into his voice.

I shrugged. "Sure, I guess." That was as close to the truth as I'd get, so I accepted it. In reality, I needed the time to make my plan work, but he needed to believe that I wanted him in my life in the same way he had believed it before. So I agreed.

He smiled so widely it looked like it hurt.

"Bella, baby, time is on my side. Time to give you a chance to see how wrong he is for you—and how right I am? Then time is what I need too. Just give it time...you'll see better than you expect to." He reached out and took my hand. I didn't fight him. There was no point. Everything had worked out as I'd hoped. He'd allowed me back into the spot that I'd removed myself from the day before, no questions asked. It was easier than I thought. Too easy.

Though, hadn't I done the same thing for Edward, when he'd returned from our separation? Hadn't I taken him back without making him pay for his mistakes? I could have been angry, but I never held it over his head that he'd left me broken and all but dead, or that he'd lied. I took him back without a second glance. Once I knew he wanted me—actually wanted me—it was the balm I needed to heal. Wasn't that what Jake was doing now?

But it wasn't. I loved Jacob. I needed to protect him and atone for the things that I had done to him, and this seemed like a good way to start. I wanted to make him happy as much as I could. But it was different, because where Edward had been honest with me upon his return, I was lying through my teeth. Where Edward had left me for me, I had left Jacob for myself too. Things seemed very heavy handed on that front, and a new wave of guilt hit me. I hadn't anticipated I sighed, sensing things would actually get a lot more convoluted before they got better.

"I need to go." I stood up, letting his hand fall from mine onto the bed.

"But you'll be back." There wasn't question. He was shockingly arrogant. He raised his eyebrows up and down at me devilishly, smiling unabashedly. I rolled my eyes but smiled despite myself. There was no avoiding joy when someone was so goddamn happy themselves. The feeling didn't go away as I drove home.

Okay. First step, done. It had been so much easier than I had anticipated. I had gotten the ball rolling. Jacob had easily picked up where we'd left off. I knew that it was the least of what was ahead of me. As I drove, I thought about all the things that would need to happen. I thought about Alice, and Edward. Then I realized I needed to badly talk to him, but then, I always needed that.

Edward was waiting for me when I got home. I wasn't surprised. As I pulled up to the house, I saw his Volvo waiting on the road. The sun had set as I'd driven home, shadows casting themselves on the earth in the wake of the sun. Early evening—twilight. I noticed that the police cruiser was still gone. This was good.

I pulled up and killed the engine, suddenly unsure of how to proceed. I needed him to know that I'd seen Jacob and that he knew about my reservations from the night before, but I didn't want to—couldn't—hurt him.

He was leaning against the porch railing, watching me. I took an intake of breath at the sight of him. Even though I'd seen him the night before I missed him. Terribly. I missed his eyes, and the way he spoke my name. I missed the feeling of him lying next to me while I slept. I missed his arms and his lips and the knowledge that we were just…right. It had been less than twenty-four hours and I missed him.

"Alice said you wanted to see me."

"She's good." I smiled a little at him.

"She thinks so." He laughed, but it was not as jovial as it should have been. Usually, when he spoke of Alice in his playful, teasing way, he lit up. But he didn't this time. I watched him hesitantly. He noticed and his eyes narrowed. "She's been singing Italian opera in her head all day. In German."

I raised my eyebrows. Thank you Alice. I hoped she saw that.

"Really? Interesting." I tried to keep my tone light, but failed. I turned away from him and headed up the front porch to hide the panic on my face, fumbling with my keys. He followed me into the house. I went to the kitchen to begin dinner. I was making a great effort to avoid this conversation at all costs. He didn't press anything, but I could feel him watching me. When I turned and finally looked at him, he looked troubled. There was something in his eyes that tugged at my core. I tried to steer him away from Alice's visions.

"I went to see Jake today." I knew that this conversation was not really any safer than the one before, but if I was being honest with myself, it was important. It was why Alice had seen the vision in the first place, and why she'd lied for me. It was why he was here now.

He was hard for me to read.

"I figured as much. How is he?" The sentiment surprised me, not because he asked, but because he sounded genuine.

"He looked better. I still can't wrap my head around how fast he heals." My tone was nonchalant, casual. His was not. His held the weight of the world.

"Some things take less to heal than others," he whispered softly. It hung in the air between us and made me freeze in place. This was the most loaded statement I'd ever heard, and it broke every piece of me.

"Are you okay? Are we okay?" I breathed.

He sighed, closing some of the distance that my business had caused. "I had a good amount of time to think about last night. I pushed everything around over and over again, until it made me want to scream. You are everything I'll ever need. You're the only thing I'll ever want. I know that. I'm not guessing, because I am certain of it. But I am a vampire, and that is natural—I don't change. But you do. I want to tell you that you can't do this. I want to. But I can't. Because I can't deny you anything that you need. Right now, you don't know what that is."

I wanted to tell him how wrong he was, that I knew exactly what I wanted. Him, only him, for the rest of eternity. But I couldn't say it, because all my efforts would be in vain. Plus, there was a chance he wouldn't be so convinced. Instead, I simply said, "You're too patient."

He smiled sadly at me.

I added quietly, "It hurts me to know that you're thinking that though." I felt a little broken, and I knew he could see it in me. His face reflected the same thing. The air sparked between us.

I expected him to reach out and pull me into his arms. I expected him to lovingly shelter my in his embrace in a way that I'd come to need. I would settle for the kind that he'd given last night: reserved and wary. I expected it with every fiber in my being, and when it didn't happen, I looked up at him, stricken.

"I'm sorry," he whispered softly, knowing what I was feeling. He was feeling it too.

"If this is about confusing me…"

"For once," he said simply. "It's not for you. I'm doing this for me. I can't pretend that this isn't happening. I can't ignore it. If you do decide to go a different way, Bella..." He stumbled over the words, his voice hitching in his throat uncharacteristically. "If I go on now like you only want me, I won't survive that."

It sounded like a foreign language to me. My brain couldn't process this new Edward-speak. I wasn't trying to be selfish; I honestly had no idea what he was trying to say to me. He was allowed to think of himself. I welcomed it, but it didn't mean I wasn't surprised as hell.

"So what does that mean?" I felt myself getting angry, but I tried to keep it at bay. I was not the one that had any right to be angry at this point. "Do you not want to be around me? Is that what you mean?" Anger was replaced by fear and desperation.

"Don't be silly. I just think that maybe we need to slow down. So you can step back and really see this from an objective perspective."

"Don't tell me you actually want that. For me to look at this objectively."

"I already told you, I want to tell you that you don't have a choice. That we don't. But what I want and you need are two very different things."

He was right in a way. This was what needed to be done, but not for me. What I needed was not what "needed to be done." I needed him. I sighed.

"So, now what?"

"I don't really know." His voice betrayed his words. He'd obviously thought about it. He sighed. "I think…I think it would be best if we put on hold the things that could confuse you. Kissing, unnecessary touching…" Unnecessary!? It was all completely necessary in my opinion.

I watched him, feeling like I was drowning all over again. I was struggling to keep my head above water. There was a ringing in my ears that threatened to blow any second. I squeezed my eyes shut. A mantra was beginning in my head. He loves you. You love him. This is all part of your sick, twisted plan. It's only temporary. A single tear ran down my cheek. He reached out and brushed it away. I opened my eyes and looked at him questioningly. He shrugged.

"Completely necessary."

This is not worth it! I screamed to myself, but quickly squashed it. I was being selfish again. This was about Jake. I had already taken too much. I was doing this for him so that he didn't have to suffer. The mantra came again. I sighed.

"Why does this seem like the end of the world?"

He snorted lightly. "It feels that way, doesn't it?"

"I'm sorry," I whispered. My heart hurt more than I thought I could bear. The only thing that would make it okay was the feel of him against me, and apparently we weren't doing that anymore.

"Please don't be sorry. You've given up a great deal to be with me. I think I can survive a little while of restraint. It won't be anything I haven't done before." He smiled slightly, reassuringly, but I thought he was wrong. Somehow, I imagined this would be worse.

"Maybe you can, but I don't know if I can," I mumbled.

He stepped closer to me, so close that I could feel his presence, the cool temperature of his skin, threatening to undo me. He reached out and tilted my chin up so that I would have to look in his eyes.

"I will do this. For you. For us. So that there is nothing between us." He spoke surely. I didn't want anything between us: lies, guilt, regret—space. I nodded in response.

"Do you promise that you'll still love me when this is all over?"

He smiled the first genuine smile I'd seen on him for a while.

"Always. No question." He leaned in to kiss my forehead, but thought better of it at the last moment. I cringed. Instead, he closed his eyes tightly, and balled his fists at his side. I watched him, unable to move. He inhaled deeply and opened his eyes. "I'll call you tomorrow."

In an instant he was gone.

Phase Two: The End of My Existence. Complete.

Chapter Notes: To everyone reading, a great big thanks for taking the time to do so. I truly hope you like the story so far. There will be lots of angst to come. Please review. Your input is definitely appreciated. Thanks! I'll be updating soon with the coming chapters soon.