Musical Chairs
"Man talk about luck!" Exclaimed a happy go lucky Evan.
"For what, exactly?" Asked a curious Giorgio. They had been lucky enough to win the mission by default already.
"We landed right at the start of Carnaval do Brasil!" Grabbing his partner around the shoulders with one arm, he waves the other hand in front of them as if Giorgio could also see what was in his vivid imagination. "A six day festival-parade of epic proportions, where beautiful people wear practically nothing."
Giorgio snorted. Thought you were particularly happy about something.
"Beautiful floats and lights, and confetti everywhere! And! -" He continued, grabbing Giorgio's hand and pulling his waist close to his suddenly. "-everyone in colourful outfits. Ruffles and feathers. Dancing— the samba!" The blonde exclaimed, straightening his posture and lightly stomping a foot.
"I hate to rain on that parade, but we are here on a mission technically." Giorgio said a matter of factly. Although there was a mirth in his eyes, as the blonde led him sideways in the mock dance.
"Ah but mon ami [my friend], our jet is not due for a week. The sooner we finish the mission-" He dipped his partner and leaned in close grinning. "-the sooner we can go play!"
"Alright boys, before each party, you need to take these pills." Sarah said handing out a packet to each of the agents.
Evan looked at the packet. "Huh?"
"Oh these guys." Giorgio said, familiar with them already. "The 'Drunk-me-not' pills. These pills release a yeast into your digestive system that eats the alcohol in whatever you've drunk, before your body can absorb it." He explained to his partner.
"That's right." Their support chimed in. "It'll give you an edge over all the other people who can and will get drunk." She said with a twinkle in her cyan eyes.
Normally functioning as the handler and the air support for the duo, Sarah had entered their room to prep them for the infiltration. Also dressed as a civilian, she wore a short, olive green body hugging dress, with a darker green silhouette of printed palm fronds.
She swept her long, black middle parted hair behind a shoulder and gave them their first objective. "Okay boys, you guys need to get friendly with Nicolai. Win his trust at that suite party, while I mingle with his contacts and scout the security."
"Yes mam!" Evan saluted playfully.
Giorgio dispensed a Drunk-me-not for everyone. "Well then… bottoms up."
They all flicked their heads back, swallowing the pills.
"Brooos you made it!" A psyched Nicolai exclaimed with a very slight Russian accent. He had a weaselly look about him and frosted tips in his otherwise sandy-brown hair. He wore a pastel orange suit with green euro symbols patterning it, making Giorgio's eyes threaten to start bleeding.
"The pleasure is all ours." Evan said with an unsuspecting smile and arm around Giorgio's shoulders again.
Giorgio leaned in to give what looked like a kiss on Evan's cheek. Unbeknownst to the company in front, he was actually whispering. "It's burning my retinas."
Keeping a straight face, Evan flattered the prescribed narcissist as Sarah had advised. "We were impressed with the party, but we didn't know we were attending a party of THE Nicolai Vladof! Word is, if anyone is after a sweet ride, they come to you." He said referring to the man's business front.
Giorgio continued to whisper. "Evan, I beg of you. If I really mean anything to you- you'll scoop my eyes out with a melon baller."
"HA HA HA HA!" Composing himself in a natural way Evan maintained their cover. "My darling, PLEASE. If you introduce any more models to him, Alexis will shred you to pieces!"
Nicolai had decided he immediately liked the duo. But being self-centred, he had not thought to ask their names.
Sensing that it was now or never to introduce themselves or alternatively to be known as 'Brooos' forever, Evan reached out to shake his hand. "An honour to meet you, this is my partner Gigi. He's a runway model. You know, for those hilarious outfits no one actually wears in public."
Giorgio narrowed his eyes a little. Given the short notice of the mission, they didn't prioritise their cover stories and had to improvise. He shook Nicolai's hand with both of his hands and simply smiled at him. "And my darling husband Eugene here— is a stripper."
"Woah! Really?" Nicolai exclaimed, caught off guard. In his surprise, he did not realise that Giorgio had planted an inconspicuous tracking device on his wristwatch.
"Um-hum." Evan hummed in a strained voice, giving Giorgio's shoulder a tight squeeze.
The trio talked for a while, the agents expressing awe at the made up exploits of made up people. This in turn urged Nicolai to volunteer information of his own operations, in a constant show of comeuppance- to the imaginary competition that threatened his own splendour. "Oh yeah, my company has the biggest investors from Astigos, you know."
"Oh yeah?" Evan asked. "Which big-shot did you manage to bag?"
"Only the biggest bank on the island! The-"
Suddenly, screeching sounds and over the top bass filled the air. The speakers shook violently as they could not cope with the volume and shrill sounds.
"I'm sorry, could you repeat that-"
Nicolai repeated himself again, but the words were drowned out by the terrible attempt at dubstep music again.
"One more time!" Evan yelled in an attempt to get him to finish his damn sentence.
Unable to hear him, Nicolai yelled. "Hey I love this song!" Although it was just as bad as the first track. Nicolai wiggled his arms and spazzed his body around to dance to the tuneless track. Soon a posse of his side-chicks swept him away from the agents.
The duo opted to stay as far away from the speakers as possible, in order to limit the damage to their hearing. As good as the health benefits in the VSSE were, going deaf was not appealing to them.
"This music." Said Evan. "I can't." He hurriedly grabbed two cocktails handing one to Giorgio before chugging his own down in seconds. "..."
"Did you just remember that we can't get drunk thanks to those pills?"
Evan dropped his forehead down on Giorgio's shoulder and held him tightly for comfort. "NON!"
Sarah eyed the door to Nicolai's bedroom. It's guarded by two surly men dressed like night club bouncers. Hmm. If we want in, it'll have to be from the outside?
After surveying the party room, she proceeded to dance around the room lightly with drink in hand to blend with the crowd, sticking tiny microphones and cameras at strategic locations.
Sarah mingles with the crowd, though no one gives her any particularly useful information on Nicolai's contacts.
"Like he bought me a new handbag!" A drunk girl unhelpfully tells her.
"He imports and exports the hottest cars." Says someone who she dances briefly with. The team already knows that's how Nicolai smuggles weapons through places with high security checks.
Looks like he keeps his work and play crowd separate...You're all only here for the various forms of drugs aren't you? She thinks, as no one has said a thing about liking Nicolai for his personality.
Suddenly the dance music becomes high pitched and shrill, and for a second she panics, thinking the room is under attack. Is this meant to be music?!
Unable to hear what anyone is saying anymore, she heads to the guest bathroom to refresh herself. Forgetting her habit of walking soundlessly, she enters the room to pained sobs.
She spots a beautiful woman standing in front of the toilet crying. Cute ruffled lilac dress and skin a smooth ebony marble, only blemished by her glittery makeup staining her face from her tears.
In her distress she's forgotten to close the door. Sarah is about to leave and do it for her, but sees the woman raise two fingers to put in her mouth.
"Stop!" Sarah grabs her wrist and is met with surprised eyes.
The bewildered beauty breaks down sobbing about how she 'isn't thin enough' in her unfaithful boyfriend's eyes, and clings to the agent for support. Sarah decides that although it's not her job, it's her imperative to comfort the poor creature.
The distressed beauty known as Uxía, and Sarah eventually walk out of the bathroom back to the party to go back to their respective rooms.
Uxía sniffles. "See, I want to be in love with someone who finds me beautiful just the way I am… who only nestles with me… like those love birds perched over there."
Evan and Giorgio pretended to cuddle on a corner couch in order to be left alone, taking shifts of 'guard duty' with each other. One would observe Nicolai to see if he had finished his seizure-like dancing, while the one on 'relief' napped with his partner's hands over his ears- for relief.
Three and a half long hours past.
Finally the affront to dance music has ended. Giorgio feels Evan take his hands off his ears, and he straightens himself up.
"I don't know how the people in this room can genuinely enjoy these horrible sounds." Frowns Evan, left eye involuntarily twitching.
"Actually, I did see a lot of people doing really long lines of coke on the coffee tables." Giorgio motions with a hand.
"Ah." Said Evan satisfied with the explanation. "Hey look at him go, that guy is snorting a spiral."
Nicolai eventually finds the duo again, this time bringing a friend with him. "Bros! Introduce yourselves."
Evan and Giorgio act much better than they are really feeling, and exchange pleasantries with the new face as Eugene and Gigi Orso, the newly married couple visiting Brazil for a wild honeymoon.
A stocky man with black hair gelled into spikes greets them. He wears a tight tank top and an abundance of gold chains. Skin tan with an orange tint.
"Sup, Brad Worthington." He says, peering over his large, dark sunglasses even though they are indoors. He shakes Giorgio's outstretched hand by squeezing unpleasantly hard. He also very suddenly, and very roughly wrenches Giorgio's arm sideways, throwing the brunette off balance in surprise.
"Woah!" Says Giorgio, keeping a friendly facade as he tries not to roll his eyes at the obvious power move. "Strong man."
"Yeah brah, I lift every day." Brad starts to shake Evan's hand. But before he can pull the same move, he lets out a shrill whine as his fingers are being crushed at the mid joints.
"Oh! Pardonnez-moi! [Pardon me!]" Evan exclaims innocently, as he releases the other man's hand after hearing a mild pop. You're lucky I don't break all your fingers for touching my partner like that. "I hope that was not too rough for you!" He says flexing his fingers. "They call it 'stripper's pole grip'."
Giorgio tries not to smile too much, as he knows his partner isn't the least bit sorry. "What do you do for work?" He asks, knowing that Brad would not complain about his inflamed fingers in a show of strength.
"I'm... a DJ. You two gay bros were totally digging my set right?" The stocky man says trying to act casually and not move the fingers on his right hand.
Finding out that he is the source of their three and a half hours of suffering, Evan contemplates throwing him off the balcony nearby, but there are way too many witnesses.
"Best tracks I've heard in ages." Giorgio says, hoping that it doesn't sound as sarcastic as he means.
Brad blathers on about his 'music' for far too long, with Nicolai nodding and commenting in approval. Deciding that not only was he a nuisance, but a hindrance from extracting useful intel from the target, Giorgio decides that the team should retire for the night with their migraines.
Back in the duo's suite, Sarah joins them to debrief progress.
"So, my scouting run was very brief— but I found out that Nicolai's room is always guarded. Based on the rotations, the room is always guarded by two inside and two outside." She shares with creased eyebrows.
"The music?" Asks Evan.
She nods her head begrudgingly.
Giorgio massages his temples. "So sneaking in to access laptop files is a high risk option." Any methods utilising force against those bodyguards would alert Nicolai and his contacts to law enforcement, and their element of surprise would be lost...
"We only really got vague answers out of him." Evan shares dejectedly. "He's associated with a major bank in Astigos, but we don't know which one. A flaming douchebag interrupted us."
They all let out long drawn out sighs. Besides their suffering, it has not felt like a productive night.
"Chin up boys… we've at least made contact with the target." Comforts Sarah. "We can attempt to extract solid evidence with who he makes trades with tomorrow. Then, we can eliminate him quietly." She says, not bothering to reiterate that they still haven't thought of how to kill Nicolai discreetly. Morale was already at an all-time low without her being a worrywart as per usual...
With that, the trio decided to regroup and strategize in the morning.
As they were posing as a couple, the honeymoon suite the VSSE had booked entailed them to share a lavish king double bed.
Giorgio ran his hand over the bed sheets he was sitting on. The thread count on these must be excessively high. He lay down for a while pawing at it occasionally as he stared at the beautiful yellow night lights from the surrounding bay out the balcony window. Evan had let him shower first, and now he had time to kill before he could hit the lights off.
I bet there's complimentary magazines in here somewhere.He was particularly interested in finding a culinary one to explore the impressive Brazilian cuisine. He began searching the bedside table drawers. A bottle of water and a hairbrush in the first. Stationary, notepads, and an advanced colouring book for adults in the second. Third time's the charm… the hell is this?
He took out a heavy, cylindrical, bright purple object eyeing it with curiosity. Seems excessively large for a flashlight. It had a small switch at the bottom.
With a click it suddenly snapped to life, wobbling and vibrating furiously. "AH!" Realising what it was, Giorgio had made his second mistake of the night and dropped the offensive object on the floor.
It shook and wobbled away, slamming into wooden furniture as it made its way around the room.
"Hey Giorgio, what was that?" Evan called from the bathroom.
"N- Nothing!" He yelled. "Take your time ok?!" He said eyeing the bathroom door.
"Oh? But I'm almost done."
"JUST STAY IN THERE." His face flushed red. Giorgio ran after the monstrosity as it did another lap around the room. He lunged down to grab it, but it vigorously wobbled free from his grasp and slapped him across the face. "FIGLIO DI PUTTANA! [YOU MOTHERFUCKER!]" He swore, as it jittered around the room again in its newfound freedom.
"Quoi? [What?] Seriously, what are you doing?!" Evan asked from the other side as he turned the door knob.
However, it refused to give as he tried to push it open. Giorgio had ran to the study desk, grabbed its chair and slammed it under the bathroom door knob with the speed of a light flickering on and off.
His partner rarely swore so colourfully, so he figured he'd come out from his shower sooner to help. Evan started bashing the door open with his shoulder.
Resuming the chase between cat and snake, Giorgio lunged down to swipe at it, missing. "Santa merda del cazzo [holy fucking shit] just stay still." He hissed at it. The device's movements were extremely random at best, making capture a difficult goal.
He lunged down again slamming the floor, but it sidewinded away from yet again. He froze as the bathroom door banged open with Evan standing in the doorway staring at the scene before him.
"I… this… this isn't what it looks like!" Giorgio exclaimed in panic, disliking how cliché the line he used sounded to his own ears.
"So… you're not on your hands and knees… chasing a massive purple schlong?" Evan asked slowly.
"..."
Silence filled the air except for the sounds of buzzing and the occasional banging as the purple object found furniture to smack into. Giorgio's face felt like it was glowing red, not unlike molten steel. He proceeded to give a logical, articulate explanation for the situation. "I- I- no- magazines."
Evan calmly retrieves the washing basket from the bathroom and herds the offending object into it. Scooping it up, he checks below before hurling it off the balcony. Walking to the bedside table on the other side of the bed. He opens the first drawer and takes out a culinary magazine and holds it up in a teasing manner. "You mean you were looking for this? Still doesn't explain things though, and I don't think it turned itself on."
The blonde was savouring the delicious shade of red his partner's cheeks had turned. In the entire length of their partnership he has never seen Giorgio so heavily flustered before.
Giorgio found no words which allowed him to salvage his pride. "..." The thought of explaining that he, an almost 30 year old grown man, genuinely didn't know what it was— would be exactly like someone digging the same grave but with a different shovel.
Unable to keep his composure, Evan burst out into a fit of laughter holding his sides as he shook.
Giorgio slunk back onto a nearby wall burying his face in his hands.
"It was flopping around like a fish on deck!" His partner exclaimed in between laughter. "Was it too slippery for you?! HAHAHAHA!"
Giorgio slid onto the floor and curled up into a ball underneath the bed.
"Oh.. Non! No! Giorgio…" Said Evan. He suddenly panicked as he realised that if his partner was too embarrassed to even look at him, he probably wouldn't want to go exploring together with him after the mission was over... His mother had always warned him: 'Tease too much, and your friends won't want to play with you anymore.'
The thought of spending their vacation time in Rio separately made his stomach knot. He dragged Giorgio out from under the bed by the waist as if he was holding a large house cat. "I wasn't laughing at you, I was laughing with you!" He coaxed.
"..." Giorgio had not so much as cracked a smile since the entire fiasco had started.
Sensing how sceptical he was, he opted to change the subject. "Come here." He said, not bothering to wait. He started dragging his still balled up partner where the carpet just met the marble of the balcony. "Let's gaze at the stars and plan our adventures for when this mission is over!"
Listening to his partner excitedly chirping about what activities they could get up to, Giorgio eventually unfurls himself to lie on his back and look at the twinkling stars in the dark blue sky. After a while, he joins in Evan's chatter as the gentle night breeze pleasantly cools his burning face.
Author's Note:
-A big thank you to Lilium00 for spotting a spelling derp and helping me with French grammar!
-Evan and Giorgio's undercover last name 'Orso' is a play on Evan's last name 'Bernard' both meaning 'bear'.
-I've described Sarah in a fair amount of detail for any readers who aren't familiar with the very obscure mobile game she's featured in...
-Now that the major players have been introduced and reconnaissance has happened, the action side will pick up!