DISCLAIMER: I Own Nowt
THE BRUTAL ACT OF BLEEDING
Part 2
Leaning against the wooden doorframe, wearing nothing more than a pair of dark blue jeans and a smile, Tommy Oliver listened to the movements of his ex-girlfriend in the next room and enjoyed the sense of pride that was creeping through him and providing him with a warmth he hadn't felt in a very long time
Kimberly loved him.
That's right him, not Justin, not some anonymous guy in a letter… him
Even after everything that had happened, everything she had put him through, the possessive streak in him still growled ferociously as her whispered declaration resonated throughout his soul causing him to once again question everything he thought he knew about himself, about Kimberly and about the relationship he had thought would last forever
As they'd made love for the first time, Kimberly had apologised for ever leaving him, she'd told him that this last year had just about killed her and then, in her sweetest voice she had sworn that he was the only man that she had ever and would ever love…Tommy knew he shouldn't care what she said or what she professed to feel, in fact he knew that if he cared about his own survival at all he would just turn around, walk out of her apartment and never look back but with a heavy heart he accepted that it was never going to be that way because whether she had meant to or not, she had him by the heart once more
Running a hand over the smooth, white painted wood of the door whilst he listened to Kimberly whistling some tune he'd never heard before and Tommys mind struggled against the visions of a life together that were now invading his every thought
Nothing that had transpired today made sense, but come to think of it nothing that had happened during this past year made any sense to him.
How could it be so wrong for him to have made love to the only girl that he had ever loved?
After all, he and Kimberly were supposed to be together, the fact that they weren't was something he had never been able to get his head around
But how could she walk out on him and then whisper that she loved him only to look at him the way she had just before she'd disappeared into the bathroom, like he was just some error that she had made and was now desperately trying to find a way to erase?
Pushing a hand through his tangle of curls, Tommy found himself wishing for a million things he knew he would never feel.
He wished he did truly hate Kimberly for what she'd done to them but he didn't…never had and if she did it a hundred times over he knew that he never would, but God how he wished he could walk away from her and never look back, he wished he could erase every trace of her from his memory… from his heart but he knew from past efforts that it was impossible because every road he walked down lead him straight back to Kimberly.
Why did it have to be so damn hard for him to let go when she had found it so easy to leave him?
Why couldn't he just move forward without her ghost clinging to him… or was it him that clung to her ghost? Too scared to live without her but too proud to beg her to come back
Could he ever find it in himself to ask her to come back to him?
Did he really want her to?
Could he ever bring himself to trust her again after he had trusted her so completely and she had betrayed him so brutally?
The man stood outside of Kimberlys bathroom caught somewhere between risking everything and running for his life was not the naïve teenager that she had left behind in Angel Grove, the brutality with which she finished their relationship had distorted his view of the world whilst the words she had used to rip out his heart had unwittingly ripped a new, kamikaze side into the man who had always weighed up every option before making decisions, but Tommys quest for numbness had lead him down a darkened road. He'd found himself making decisions whilst no longer considering the consequences of them and throwing himself into situations that his younger, more naïve self would never have considered.
The dark truth of Kimberlys betrayal was that Tommys innocence had been lost… his vision of the world had been tainted forever by the one person that had always brought clarity to it, but she still loved him…
Tommy twisted that thought over and over in his mind but just couldn't find a way for it to make sense.
She'd left him.
She'd moved on and she had never looked back and yet she still loved him…
Taking the cold metal doorknob in his hand, Tommy momentarily paused to consider his options, but as usual, when it came to him Kimberly he only had one… so he leaned into the door, pushed hard with his shoulder and the lock that was the only boundary between them fell away
"I really like your place" He kept the tone of his voice as low and seductive as possible as he lent against the doorframe and gave an exaggerated gaze around the room
"Tommy, what are you doing? You shouldn't be in here" Kims voice sounded almost as fragile as she looked, standing there in his over sized t-shirt with damp strands of hair clinging to her face and for a second Tommy considered allowing her the easy way out, but unfortunately, he'd learned a long time ago that what was easy for Kimberly, wasn't easy for him so he just clenched his jaw and attempted to move things forward
"Kim there's a lot of things I shouldn't have done today but…" a simple shrug of the shoulders asked the question 'what can you do?' and told her that in his opinion at least, 'what was done, was done'.
As he stood silently, waiting for her response, his eyes searched the tiny room for any clues as to who Kimberly had become without him was now, but her response never came, instead she just stared at him as though if she waited long enough he would just hand her the answer to every question she had and although Tommy didn't have the answers she was looking for, what he did have was plenty of small talk
"You know you could really do with some shelving in here…" his eyes dramatically searched the over filled bath edge as though to prove his point "It would really give you some space considering how small this bathroom is, I'm surprised Justin hasn't sorted that out for you" he attempted to disguise his bitterness with a smile but he knew he wasn't fooling either of them "Ah… pink and white curtains, cute, I bet they weren't Justins choice"
"Tommy please don't do this"
"Do what?"
"Don't act like we are okay and everything is normal and you and I can talk about me and Justin and who chose the curtains, because we can't…this isn't normal, it's weird and it's confusing but most of all it's just wrong" Kimberly fought to tear her gaze from Tommys as her soul cried out in distress at being so close to him after being separated from him for so long, but the weary sound was something she'd grown accustomed to so she buried it deep and carried on with the speech she had been preparing ever since she had woken up in the arms of her first love, the man who had gone on to become her first lover
"We're wrong Kimberly? Us? After everything we went through together? Are you kidding me?"
Turning around, Kimberly turned her back on Tommy in a way that her heart had never been able to.
Words, she had found easy to verbalise but the actions had proved harder… the distance that she had put between them when she had chosen to follow her dreams had made the situation more easy to deal with but now that she was face to face with the man that had bound himself to her with gentle adoration Kim found herself struggling, because every time she looked at him, every time she heard his voice say her name, the walls she had built to keep Tommy Oliver and his memory out began to crumble a little more
"Kimberly…"
With every part of her, Kimberly begged her heart to toughen up, to put that defensive armour into place that had allowed her to get this far without him, but every time she tried to push their memories away, new memories of him lying next to her, his strong arms wrapped tightly around her whilst his lips told her a fairytale of how they were meant to always be together, filled her mind
Glancing back and then turning away from her ex-boyfriend, Kimberly found herself staring into her own reflection and she was surprised to find that her skin was paler that she had known it, her eyes had become circled with darkness, shadowed by shame and she hated that Tommy had to see her like this!
"Kim…" In one stride, Tommy had closed the distance between the two and was now standing so close that she could feel his breath kissing the back of her neck and it caused goose bumps to dance across her skin in a way she had thought they never would again
"Tommy… I can't do this…" Heavy with shame, her gaze dropped to the ground "We can't do this… it isn't right"
Lifting a hand, Tommy used her reflection as a guide as he reached forward and tucked a strand of damp hair behind her ear and then ran his hand over her smooth, honey coloured hair
"Well it feels right to me…" Even as he said it his heart screamed in protest, he was about to put it in the line of fire once more and the way it hammered against his rib cage warned him that it wasn't ready to be broken again, in fact, it hadn't even begun to heal after the first time
Heaving a ragged breath into her lungs, Kimberly could no longer hide from the way her actions had damaged Tommy. Gone was the warm, shy teenager she had left behind in her search for something more and in his place soon someone she barely recognised
She'd thought she had outgrown him a long time ago but now, after seeing the way he had effected her today, the way he had so easily turned her entire world upside down, she wasn't so sure
In fact, the way his scent was effecting her right now only proved to her that there was something still there, that flame that had sparked into life the very first time she laid eyes on him in the youth centre was still burning, even when she thought her feelings for Justin had extinguished it forever
Closing her eyes as she began to lose herself once more in the closeness of her ex-boyfriend Kim fought to keep hold of her senses. No matter how she felt there was no place for Tommy in her life right now, that door had closed, she'd moved on, she'd hoped he had too but the dark lust that clouded his eyes every time he touched her was a warning that she was playing with fire… someone was going to get hurt and it looked like that 'someone' was once again going to be Tommy
"I want my t-shirt," he demanded in a low, resolute voice that caused the hairs on the back of her neck to stand up.
"I'll just finish cleaning up and then…"
"Now" his voice cut through her own as he left her in no doubt of his intentions.
He wanted them to be together… and even though Kim knew there would always be a part of her that wanted the same she couldn't deny the truth- their perfect fairytale was over, she'd smashed it into a million pieces but more importantly she'd moved on from it.
She wasn't the girl that needed rescuing anymore, she was the girl who needed to be allowed to make her own mistakes and then make her own way back from them. Yes, her heart beat still quickened every time she thought about Tommy, yes she fought a daily battle not to pick up the phone and beg him to take her back and yes, if she was being completely honest with herself she still loved him but she was surviving without him, she was forging a new life for herself and it may not have been as perfect as the one she had shared with him but it was hers, her mistakes, her victories and that was enough
"Look Tommy…" she turned to face him once more "What happened earlier, it was a one off, you know? It should never, ever have happened"
A simple nod of his head was the only sign he gave that he had heard what she was saying, because at the same time, he lifted his hand and stroked her hair as his tongue glided over his slightly parted lips
"Tommy I mean it, what we did… I mean when I think about it I can barely believe it and I'm not saying it wasn't good I just… I just shouldn't have done it… I'm with someone else now and… I'm just not that type of girl, do you understand what I'm trying to say?"
Again he nodded, as he stroked her cheek with the back of his hand but he never once broke the intense eye contact that was causing Kim to doubt ever word that fell over her lips
Tommy didn't know what today meant… if it even meant anything at all, but one thing he did know, without a shadow of a doubt was there would never be a girl who was as beautiful to him as Kimberly was right now, standing before him wearing nothing but one of his old t-shirts, with damp hair and barely any make up on
Beautiful…
Tommys fingers traced the line of Kims cheek bone and he couldn't help but smile
His beautiful…
Swallowing hard, Kimberly tried to remind herself that she had a boyfriend, someone who had gone to so much trouble just to be with her today and no matter what Tommy said or did now, they were finished… she just had to stay strong- for everybody's sake, even the way her stomach fluttered at his touch couldn't convince her that there was a way forward for them
"How about I change…" Kim fought to keep her gaze at eye level, but his naked torso was just inches from her own and it kept stealing her attention and breaking down her resistance little by little "Then you can get dressed and we can talk"
"Or how about we both get undressed…" Tommys voice was low as his fingers dripped from her jaw line to the soft skin of her throat "And we don't say another word" Lowering his head, Tommy moved in for a kiss, and Kimberly was just about to give into it when sense suddenly overtook her and she raised a hand to his chest and then lowered her face so that her lips were out of reach
"Tommy…" her heart was hammering against her chest so hard that she feared he would hear it and know the truth
"Is this about 'Mr. Wonderful?'" he couldn't keep the jealousy from his voice as he huffed and then crossed his arms over his wide, naked chest, his cool exterior beginning to slip at the thought of Kim with another man
"Of course it's about him, I can't believe you even have to ask!"
"Then just forget him"
"Tommy!"
"Hey, I'm serious, you cheated on me with him and now you've cheated on him with me, sounds like we're all equal sides of this messed up triangle" Again, he moved in for a kiss and again Kim planted her hand firmly on his chest as she attempted to push him back a little and allow herself some breathing space
"Is that some kind of warped Tommy logic? Two wrongs some how make this all right? Or are you seriously trying to justify what we've done so that I'll sleep with you again?"
"We can miss out the sleeping this time and just get straight to the sex if you like"
"This isn't a joke Tommy! God, what is wrong with you?" shaking her head, Kimberly couldn't believe what she was hearing; Tommy Oliver, Mr. Do-The-Right-Thing was actually standing before her attempting to justify a betrayal that he knew the damage of only too well.
"Tommy, I'm sorry if you feel like I led you on but I'm with somebody else now and I really…"
"You really what?"
"I really want it to work out and I know that probably isn't what you want to hear but…"
The laugh that Tommy let out was the last thing that Kim had been expecting from him
"What?" Her eyebrows dropped in confusion but Tommys laughter drowned out her question "What the hell is wrong with you?!"
"Kim I'm sorry…"
The show he put on as he pretended to force himself to stop laughing left Kim so furious that she didn't know whether to scream at him or just cut straight to slapping him, but she managed to keep hold of herself this time, the memory of where this type of volatile confrontation had lead them last time was still too close to the surface, so instead she just stood there as she swallowed down the anger and she waited for him to continue
"I'm really sorry Kim I just…" More forced laughter was followed by a dead serious face as his arms once again crossed over his chest "I just can't stand here and keep a straight face whilst you tell me what a mistake it was and how you love someone else when all the time I can hear your voice begging me to go to bed with you" The sides of his lips curled into a sly smile and it took all of Kims self control not to slap it right off his stupid, pretty face
"I didn't beg you, you jerk!"
"You didn't beg me to stop that's for sure" The words escaped Tommys mouth before he even had time to register their presence in his consciousness.
He was teasing her, goading her into reacting… unable to stop him-self. He needed to know that even now, even when the heat of the moment had cooled he could still effect her and the way her cheeks flushed with anger told him that it may not be the same heart stopping effect she'd had on him earlier but he was succeeding in provoking a reaction from her at a time when the worst thing she could have done was do, say, or feel, nothing
"I was the one who said we shouldn't do it, I told you no Kim, I told you that you would regret it"
"Well what do you want, a gold star for being right? A big 'Tommy knows best' badge?"
"No…" He dug his hands deep into is pockets as his hair fell from behind his ear and slightly obscured his face. He sighed heavily as his dark eyes searched the floor and then lifted to search the face of the woman stood before him "All I want Kimberly, is you, don't you know that by now?"
His honesty was so unexpected as it snuck out from behind his wall of anger that it hit Kim like a blow to the chest
"I…" She searched for something to say… anything that would cool the air around them but all she could do was stare silently into the dark eyes that were looking down at her, waiting in silent anticipation for her response and for what seemed like the first time today, the Tommy she'd known and fallen so deeply in love with seemed to be standing right before her.
Gone was the anger that had made him yell and had distorted his features and gone was the defensive body language as he stood, hands tucked deep into the pockets of his jeans as he peaked out at her from behind the mass of untamed curls. His dark eyes had lost the blaze of anger and once again gazed at her with the innocence she had always loved him for
When had Tommy become this damaged?
That was a silly question… but he was stood there, practically bleeding in front of her, more open than she had ever seen him before when her past actions should have closed him off to her forever.
He was hurt and looking to hurt her, she'd humiliated him and now he wanted to humiliate her by mocking what they had just shared, Kim could see his game plan for what it was and that should have given her the upper hand, but for some reason she just couldn't bring herself to use it.
His unexpected honesty had pulled the rug out from under her and she was still struggling to regain her emotional balance
"Tommy…"
His hand snuck out and pushed his hair back behind his ear as Kim searched herself for the words to make this situation okay
"Tommy I'm so sorry…"
The freed hand again reached out to her, this time cupping her cheek as she struggled to keep her thoughts in some sort of coherent order
"You came here looking for answers and I've been so selfish"
His long fingers traced the line of her jaw before his thumb glided over her chin and back
"I never, ever wanted to hurt you… you have to believe that"
Caramel eyes met chocolate as a silence fell over the former couple.
Tommys dark eyes begged her not to speak whilst her lighter ones begged him to say something… anything to break this moment. Her heart was hammering in her ears as his hand began moving backwards, as it tangled its self gently in her hair she tried to speak… tried to tell him to stop but no words were ever heard, instead her lips fell silent as the world began to fall away, time and reason became nothing more than a speck on the horizon as the feel of his breath became hotter and her eyelids slowly slid shut in silent anticipation
The moment of hesitance before she responded was almost as sweet to Tommy as the actual act of kissing her because it proved she had wanted to say no… wanted to but couldn't
Finally, after all of this time it looked like he had some of the power in their relationship and he loved it, the way he could draw her to him even when her better sense was telling her not to made him feel more powerful than the morphing grid ever had.
THE END…