I'm Going With You

Jing Mei's POV

I did my best to stay calm today and not let my nerves get to me. I can hear Ba Ba, "Keep a level head Jing Mei, it will always serve you well". He would know, he's been a doctor for over 30 years. And Mommy, like any surgeon, has nerves of steel. I try to make them proud of me. I try to handle this in the stoic manner they would expect of me. I've tried to stay focused on my patients and not worry about this meeting. I think if I stay calm, I can do this.

But then Kerry walks up and says,You ready?

Am I ready? What?

She tells me,I'm going with you.

Oh no! If she's coming, there's a reason for it. Heads up, this can't be good. Try to maintain calm demeanor. Why? What's wrong?

Nothing, Dr. Romano assures me it's routine.

Uh huh. She didn't know anything about the meeting this morning, how routine can it be if she's a last minute addition? This doesn't bode well. I just know it. Stay calm, stay focused. Oh, then why you going?

To represent the department apparently.

Oh God.I am so screwed! Okay calm, see you later.

Jing Mei, No one's out to get anyone. You do this job long enough, you make a serious mistake. It's true for everyone.She's touching my arm. If this isn't serious, and it happens to everyone, why she doing that? I am so screwed!

That's encouragingnot. Why do I keep coming to her with these things?

We walk up to the meeting in silence. I wonder why all of a sudden, Kerry's going to this meeting. To represent the department? C'mon. This was between Dave, the patient and me. It's hospital policy that I had to sign off on the thrombolytics, not department policy. Is she going to protect me? Am I in that much trouble already? Or does she think that maybe she needs to protect herself? If she needs to protect herself, I am so screwed. Oh God, I'm screwed either way! Stay calm, stay calm. Level head remember. You can do this. Just answer the questions honestly and with a level head. Breathe Jing Mei, remember to breathe.

Kerry Weaver's POV

It's nearly 3 o'clock. Time for the Risk Management meeting. Got to find Jing Mei.

Oh, I see her. I ask, You ready?

What?

I tell her I'm going with you.

Why? What's wrong?

Nothing, Dr. Romano assures me it's routine. Okay, he did mean it was so routine that I didn't need, or shouldn't want to be there, but why split hairs?

Oh, then why you going?

To represent the department apparently. Really no point in my telling her I finagled my way into the meeting. Besides, I'm going to protect her, she's part of my department, she's my chief resident, she's my responsibility, I'm going to look out for her best interest. I'll fight for her just like I did to get her the chief residency in the first place. She's going to learn from this experience. She's got the makings to follow in my footsteps. She just needs a little mentoring and she's gonna get some today. I wonder if she knows that despite the situation, I'm proud of her.

Oh God.

Jing Mei, No one's out to get anyone. You do this job long enough, you make a serious mistake. It's true for everyone.I try to be comforting. I want to communicate that I'm on her side. In the past, she's never been too afraid or too proud to come to me or confide in me when she needed help. She's one of the few people that actually seeks my help. I like that in her. I want her to keep trusting me like that. I reach out and touch her arm. I want her to know that I care about her, I'm here to support her, that I'm sincere in wanting to protect her.

That's encouraging

I guess I didn't communicate that well, she doesn't sound encouraged. I don't know how to assure her I have her best interest in mind. This silence is really awkward. I'm sure it's making her uncomfortable. I'd like to have something positive to say, something that would help. If I could just make her understand, I'm here to help. This silence has got to be uncomfortable for her. I wonder if the beeper will come up? Nah. Silence is definitely awkward. But what if the beeper issue does come up? I didn't get the page because I left the beeper in the bathroom at Doc Magoo's. It was a couple of hours before I even realized I didn't have it. Won't come up. If it does come up, deny, deny, deny. This silence is really awkward.