A/N: I'll keep this short and sweet.
First off: Thank you so much for the reviews, I know there is not enough here, to see where this is going yet, but any comment is appreciated.
Secondly: I was a little nervous about writing from River's POV, but I have to say I enjoyed it, so let me know what you think of my take on her inner workings. (She is going to be one of four main characters in this)
Disclaimer: I don't own Firefly or any of its characters. (If wishes were horses we'd all be eatin' steak.)
She trailed her fingers gently along the wall of the corridor, the numerous metal protrusions made her hand fly away into non-existence, dissolving once it lost contact, only to land once again, securely on the metal sheeting, re-emerging out of the void.
It is love that grounds us, too.
Mal's bunk, hatch closed, quiet inside… bright orange dancing on her tongue, muted by dark earthy colours, loss and the fear of more permeating his every breath as he drowned in the sweet oblivion of his sleep.
'Don't come too close, never too close, or the dragon death will take you too, the way it has taken all the others.'
River shook her head in pity.
Poor Captain Daddy, he does not know that the dragon cares nothing for closeness, but that love is the only thing that's left when he's done his worst. You give him nothing to take, and you have nothing to keep.
Zoë's bunk… could not bear to stay where every wall only reflected his face. Small, less room did not mean fewer memories, though. She tasted of dark green in her sleep; there used to be overlays of bright apples and the sound of long grass in the wind… when he was still there. Now she was like a deep dark pool, no way of knowing what lay beneath, so deep, it held all the tears she had not shed.
Kaylee's bunk… empty. But her clear yellow, bell-bright noise travelled to her all the way from the passenger dorms. Asleep now, too, Simon's arms wrapped securely around her, his pale blue and silvery grey mingling with her light.
Jayne's bunk… red, always red. But no longer the colour of blood, now it came in many shades… bright, almost orange, but warmer than Mal's, a new shade: pale, powdery and pink, when he thought of Kaylee, Inara, Zoe, and now herself too, like they were fragile things that could not withstand all they had already withstood, and that deep, dark burgundy that reminded her of the taste of wine she was not supposed to know. He was quiet too, now, no loud thoughts in his sleep.
She stood at the railings looking down into the cargo bay. The taste of Inara's soft purple drifted gently towards her; the companion's emotions always directed at others, never herself, sounded like the chimes of a small clock, counting down the time until it would once more be too much to bear.
River's hands on the metal railing made her real, the sounds and tastes all around her, the quiet noise of the engine as Serenity enveloped her, held her and her entire universe within her delicate metal skin.
---
Simon's laughter greeted her when she entered the mess for breakfast. The sound was different from the dark pewter she remembered. One of Kaylee's bells had travelled across the expanse between them, and now lived in Simon's mouth. River smiled a little thinking of how it had gotten there.
"No, absolutely not! I would not be able to keep a straight face." He announced, but was still smiling, the bell dancing in his voice.
"Oh, come on, honey, I think it's a shiny idea, and ain't you keen to really make them uncomfortable? Now I reckon Inara's plan is just perfect for that." There were still plenty of the small chiming orbs left inside of Kaylee. River gave her a wide smile. Today she was a girl; she liked being a girl best of all.
"Good morning sweetie, you sleep well?" Kaylee gave her a smile that felt like small white flowers. Inara and Simon, who were seated on either side of her smiled brightly as well and wished her a good morning in turn.
"My recuperation cycle is less expansive than average, a measurement of evaluation is superfluous, it fulfilled its purpose." Her smile was still in place, but she noticed that of the other woman taking on a slightly more strained quality. There were words in River's head such as "yes", "very", "well", "and" and "you", she simply was never able to reach them first, other words always crowded her mouth and forced their way to freedom, bigger words, colder words.
Well, she was mostly a girl today.
To make up for it, she took a deep breath and tried to quiet the scramble from her mind to her tongue. Slowly, deliberately she told them:
"Simon thinks it is an excellent idea too, really, he wants to see Captain Daddy's face. Simon is an excellent actor, he was an Alliance official once." She could not help but grin from ear to ear at her own success.
"'There something you might want to tell me, Doc? 'Bout being Alliance, say?" Mal had just stepped through the hatch behind River, face stern but amusement dancing around him like a swirling cloud of tinsel.
"'When I broke River out of the facility, Captain. I pretended to be a high ranking official." Simon looked a little flustered, as if he had taken Captain Daddy seriously. Little tufts of panic were escaping his head like violet mist.
"I see, and what about ma face?"
Three giant grins greeted him from the table; however, no answer was forthcoming.
River tilted her head to the side and laughed, still giddy from her earlier feat of making her words obey, she turned towards Mal, giggling a little and told him:
"I sit by the shore, and wait for the wind."
"Huh?"
"Patience." Inara explained, her own grin still firmly in place.
---
Inara's shuttle was filled with the dark glow of lingering emotions; most of them her own, but River could detect some pale green shards of bashfulness just left of the small bedside table that held yet another cluster of candles, and right behind one of the small display cabinets filled with ornaments, a bright pink wisp of accomplishment stared at her cheekily through the glass. She gave it a bright grin, before a sound like a metal keg exploding from too much pressure, drew her attention to her immediate right. Papa Bear was seated next to her on Inara's elaborately draped and be-cushioned settee; bolt upright, discomfort surrounding him like a silvery mist, he dragged the back of his hand across his nose and sniffed discontentedly.
"'Still smells funny… don' like it." He muttered.
"An' why is it we gotta be here, again?"
Images of his bunk and two of his girls in need of cleaning drifted from his mind into the room, only to be replaced by those of a rather generously proportioned blonde sans clothing, reaching out for something just beyond the field of vision, suddenly the images came to a screeching halt, River quirked an eyebrow and frowned.
"Damn it, Crazy, cut that out!"
Inara, a little puzzled by Papa Bear's sudden anger towards River, chose to ignore his little outburst and answered his earlier question instead:
"You are here because I have been entrusted with ensuring that your performance is as convincing as possible." Inara gave them both her most professional smile.
Papa Bear sneered.
"That, and Simon is unwilling to view her as she will have to portray herself, he sees many things: little girl, muscle tissue and veins, the experiment, but he cannot bear to see that in her. Always what she was and is, never what she could be." River elaborated. This earned her a gruff little bark of laughter.
"Well, it might just be worth the trouble ifn the Doc's gonna be all creepefied. But I don't rightly see how's I need help with this. I'll just grab Crazy's ass a couple'a times, keep her close, and act all hot and bothered, 'ain't exactly rocket science, is it?"
"Oh, it might not be that, but it's a lot more complicated than that, Jayne. Their first reaction to us presenting you as River's lover, will be sheer disbelief, there is no way they are going to buy this without us orchestrating every detail of your performance. Every glance, every touch has to be in place, every kiss has to be…"
"Woahhh-ho, hold yer mules there, 'Nara, every what now? You know damn well I ain't the kissin' kind, ain't gonna break a long standin' habit on account of some fancy-ass core folk, neither. An' aside from all a that, Crazy, you ever kissed anyone, anyways." For the last part of his little rant he turned towards River, the silvery fog had thickened and small purplish red sparks were dancing around its shimmering periphery.
"Negatory, but she would not be kissing Papa Bear, even if we were to perform all the necessary and defining physical actions, it would be thespian in nature, not emotionally expressive."
"Ah damn, and I was on a roll here, got all that crap 'bout the Doc bein' uncomfortable, like. … What?"
"She has no romantic feelings towards Papa Bear, just as he has none towards her." She had once again slowed down her speech, making sure to select every word deliberately, carefully.
"My point 'sactly. Don't wanna be the first to shove his tongue down yer throat, ain't right, Crazy. Now, ya know I ain't 'motional when it comes ta most things, but yer my friend now, hell if I know why, but y'are, an' I'd rather have ya have a proper first kiss, dong ma? Don' think I'd do a good job, neither."
"Papa Bear places too much importance on simple actions, she is not sentimentally inclined the way he is. Basic initiation procedures to human mating are inconsequential to her. She has had metal spikes in her eyeballs, she will not mid Papa Bear's tongue in her mouth so terribly much." As an afterthought, she added:
"And she returns your sentiment of affection and regard." She smiled brightly at him.
"You just done and called me soft, Crazy?"
Her smile turned into a wicked little grin. Papa Bear merely sighed deeply, the silvery fog still in place, but no longer framed by sparks.
"'Right 'Nara, get on with it then. But I ain't doin' nothing until I absolutely have ta, dong ma? Ain't touchin' Crazy 'till we're in front of her folks, right?"
"But how are you to understand the complex…" Inara began.
"She will take care of things." River interjected, before Papa Bear had a chance to go into another rant.
"Well, mei mei, I am more concerned about your performance than about Jayne's, actually. You have no experience, either physical or emotional, so I'm a little worried." Inara still bore that composed, professional expression, but her purple had gone darker, colder, she was indeed concerned.
"She has experiences. Not her own, but she has collected them all, lust and love, and little pants, and small sighs… the way she has collected everything else, like shiny marbles and pieces of string, like little brightly coloured candy drops, she keeps them in her treasure chest." Here she tapped her forehead lightly and smiled soothingly.
"That's… ahm, nice?,… mei mei, but I don't think it's quite the same. And I have to agree with Jayne at least in some part, I would hate for your first experiences, no matter how emotionally insignificant, to be of the terrifying, crude nature." She looked at Papa Bear rather sternly here. He merely lifted both hands in a weak gesture of defence.
"And I don't think your reader abilities, no matter how little I may understand them, can be regarded as a substitute for…" River felt the need to interrupt her:
"She does not think they are substitutes, but they will help her, will make her game seem real." She defended.
"This is not a game, River. Your parents will find a way to take you away from us if we let them, or could you imagine any other situation in which Simon would conceive of a plan that involves you and Jayne in a romantic relationship?"
River had to smile at this, in spite of the murky wave of violet that rushed from Inara's mind; it brightened into a soft lilac, as the older woman, too, had to smile.
"Yea, this is all sorts of … surreal, ain't it?" Papa Bear commented on the bitter amusement on the women's faces.
"Is it ever? Well, we'd better get to work. Let's start with eye contact. Jayne, would you please look at River as if she were… ahm, well…"
"Ma girl?" Papa Bear interjected helpfully, the silvery mist sparking ever so slightly.
"Ahm, yes." Inara almost blushed.
Papa Bear turned towards River and proceeded to glare at her, mouth set in a tense line and his eyes straining enough to look as if they were about to pop out of his head.
River frowned.
"Ahm, Jayne, let's try some desire, shall we." Inara sounded a lot less sure of herself. The pink wisp of accomplishment behind its glass fort turned fuzzy around the edges and started to bob up and down as if it were laughing.
Papa Bear now stared at her as if she were food, nothing appealing like cake of fruit, but protein mush, lukewarm and a little on the stale side.
Inara groaned.
"Oh Buddha, this is going to be harder than I thought."