I've been in a fog all day, wondering if what happened with Finn wasn't just some kind of mid-quiz fade out dream. But I've been staring at that boy all day and every time he turns around in his seat to cheat with Britney and Santana, he makes sure to send me meaningful looks and I always blush while trying to mask it. Thankfully, there had only been two classes left at that point, so I got to suffer through gym in peace with only the worries of being used as target practice.
So here I stand. Waiting for the bell to ring so that I can run to my car. I feel like such a wimp trying to hide from him… Finn has basketball practice right after school and there's a direct window between where I stand and the parking lot that his final class cuts right through. I never thought I would live to experience the day when I don't want to talk to Finn. It honestly feels like the end of the world. The final bell rings and I quickly walk towards the lot. I would run, but I love my skinny jeans and must treat them with kindness.
"Am I weirding you out?" Finn asks, suddenly appearing at my side. I yelp and jump back from the surprise; he looks as scared as I probably do.
"You may want to look into wearing a bell," I say sourly, slowing down as I continue to walk.
"That'd be interesting…but really, is this too much for you?" I can hear the concern in his voice and it plucks a delicate note on my heart strings.
"No," I tell him, frowning slightly. "I'm just still debating whether or not this is an intricate plan that will ultimately have me thrown in another dumpster with your old friends laughing at me."
"Come on," Finn says with a joking smile. "You know the guys aren't that smart!"
"I figured as much when I had to explain what a thread count was," I say, speeding up a little.
"A what?" he asks with a confused expression.
"Nothing," I said dismissively. I stop at my car and turn to face Finn directly. It's strange how every time I look at him, I can feel like I'm the most depressing sight in the world while at the same time floating on Cloud One. I've never been so confused before and I don't like it. "I want to believe you, Finn, God, I so want to believe that everything you told me before is true. But like you said, we do have a rather…sorted history, if that's the proper word for it. I just find it difficult to believe that you of all people would suddenly join my team."
"Total understanding over here," he says, holding up his hands submissively. "But I'll get you to understand. Not so sure how, but I'll find a way. You won't be bored for a long time, I promise. I think I've actually got a decent idea or two up my sleeve."
"Like…what?" I ask, shifting my weight, failing to disguise my interest.
His beautiful face scrunches with concentration and his chews his lip absently. I watch with rapt attention, not sure I really want to know. He suddenly smiles and looks up at me. I don't like that gleam in his eyes even though it makes his more masculine features pop.
"Forget teams, Kurt," he says in a low purr. Hearing my name said that way makes me gasp and the world surrounding Finn suddenly melts away. "Forget titles and rumors. Forget this school, all those people in it, hell, forget this planet. Right now, all I know for a fact is that I want to be near you, and not just like, physically. I want to know more about you. Kurt, you're special. I want you to know exactly how I feel over here, because I don't want to be alone in this. I don't want to be alone…without you."
I can only stare at him in awe. My name and those words and that voice all in one stream of music to my ears numbs out the rest of my senses. Finn's strange new aura suddenly fades and he's light and friendly again. He reaches out to tilt my chin back slightly and he smiles proudly at his handiwork before turning to walk away from me.
"See you at Glee," he calls out to me.
*
I watch my dad, watching football on TV, and wonder if I should tell him. I mean, he's the epitome of guy, after all. It's not like he'd be able to help. At most, he would dutifully, if not awkwardly, pledge his support for me and try to forget it later. It makes me sad to think about. Then again, he's my dad, he needs to know these things, right? And he's been really cool lately, so maybe he'd be able to help.
"Dad?" I say when the game goes on commercial.
"Yeah, Kurt?" he says, the words almost blending together. He begins stuffing his dinner into his mouth, barely stopping to chew. I know he just wants to finish it before the game comes back so that it won't be flying out of his mouth while he cheers on his team.
"You know Finn Hudson?" I ask, shifting uncomfortably in my chair.
"Yeah, the uh, quarterback, right?" he says, squinting off into the distance as he remembers the one time I had introduced them. "Your Glee friend."
"Yeah, that one…" I look down at my own plate of uneaten food. I usually eat before Glee practice, but I'm much too queasy. "What do you think of him?"
"Great arm, that kid," Dad nods appreciatively. "Why?"
"Well…lately something's been up with him." I'm still trying to word it together when Dad's normally blank expression hardens into slight concern and a little anger. I like to call it the Me face because he reserves it only for me and my issues.
"What kind of thing?" he asks. I can tell this makes him more than a little uncomfortable.
"I think…well, I think he might be into me."
Dad arches his eyebrows, clearly caught off guard and leans back in his chair. "The quarterback's gay? Really?"
"I guess so," I shrug, masking my slight hurt at him using the term so easily.
"Well, good for you then." I look up at my father, wide eyed and astonished. It couldn't be…just too impossible. But lately those things had been happening all around me. Not only was he okay with me possibly having a boyfriend, but he actually looked kind of proud. Did football really mean so much that it impressed him I might be with the quarterback? My brain feels like it's been over loaded. Nope…too much. Too weird for me. If I don't give up on trying to figure out this most crazy turn in my life, I might go insane.
"I'm going to be late for Glee," I mumble, stumbling away from the table. But as I walk towards my basement bedroom, I can't help but smile. If this is all just one long, vivid dream, it isn't so bad.
Finn POV
I'm starting to finally realize just how lucky I am. I'm sitting in the choir room, early because Kurt's always there before me and I'm too excited to wait for everybody else. So I'm all alone, feeling like I really have been taking my vitamins because I am just too happy to be natural. I stand up, eagerly watching the door as people begin filing into the room. The first person is Rachel who purposefully looks away from me. Then the big crowd comes with Mercedes who leads me on to think that Kurt is usually there when she is. Now I'm worried again. It's like I'm cursed to always do just the wrong thing and drive people away from me with my stupidity. I feel like such an idiot thinking that I could use my sexy voice and hope for a thumbs up from Kurt.
He walks in after Schuester which means he's late. He looks tired and he's wearing the same clothes he wore to school earlier. Everybody notices that difference and their loud chatter turns to quiet whispers behind hands. But Kurt, being as wonderful as he is, holds his chin high and takes his usual seat beside Mercedes.
Mr. Schue gives us the opening speech about how things are going and the next big thing he's really excited for, but for once, I'm not cheering and smiling with everyone else. I'm watching Kurt, feeling like a schoolgirl with a crush, hoping nobody else notices my behavior. Rachel does. Every once in a while I notice her staring at me as if in deep thought. I know we left off on peaceful terms, but we've been kinda distant from each other, so there's no reason for her to care about what's going on in my life. Then again, she used to be uncomfortably obsessed with me up until that point, so she may know me better than anybody. And she does love gossip. I wonder if she'd be happy for me…
I'm thankful for the distraction when we begin our vocal stretches on the piano then go through our songs. I'm feeling much better by the time we sing Don't Stop Believing. It's like my home base for music. I'm myself again when that final note dies out and I can relax, feeling more happy than I normally do. Things will work out with Kurt, hopefully. We are so gonna take Regionals. Everybody will win.
Schue leaves to go get something he left in his classroom, so everybody's got a few minutes to relax. I snicker as I see almost everybody whip out their cell phones or immediately begin talking in their own little groups. But then I notice something that makes my heart beat just a little faster and I'm walking down that hallway all over again with my nerves on the fritz and all my terrible memories flooding back into my head. Kurt slowly takes the seat beside me, being delicate and proper in a way I used to think was just kind of funny.
"How are you?" he asks politely. I shrink back slightly, almost hurt that he acts as though I didn't spill my heart to him in this very room.
"I'm fine," I shrug, sitting up until I'm just barely taller than he is. I know how much he opposes slouching. Thank God Puck is out sick and not here to distract me from this, which he totally would. "You?"
"Better," he says, smiling at me like he always does. I return the gesture even though I'm screaming inside with so many thoughts and emotions that I just can't sort out. "Than before, that is. I'm feeling a lot better."
"So…you're not mad or anything?" I ask worriedly.
"Why would I be angry?" he asks. "You know how I feel about you, and about this. And I guess you would really make a terrible actor, so you're not lying. But we really started this the wrong way, so why don't we have a do over? I mean, you caught me way off guard today."
"Sure, anything!" I promise, beaming gleefully. I never knew that all that "think positive" stuff our peer counselors preach would actually work. I should thank them the next time I happen to walk in on one of their meetings. But I know that will never happen again, so I'll just be thankful and forget about it.
"Great," Kurt says, relief flooding his face. I wonder what he was so worried about in the first place. I suppose he has his own reasons.
The rest of practice ends quickly and everybody is eager to go home. They all seem really tired, but I'm not paying them much attention. I'm too busy explaining my favorite video game to Kurt. I forget how we got onto that topic of conversation, but he doesn't mind letting me rant which only proves how great he is. He's not tuning me out or anything like Quinn used to do when she wanted to feel like a supportive girlfriend, or how I did the same to both her and Rachel.
I finally have nothing left to say and we both walk in peaceful silence to Kurt's car. I'm parked all the way across the lot, but I don't mind walking over there afterwards.
"So…" Kurt sighs as he pulls out his car keys. He looks down at the glossy paint which is extra shiny since it had rained earlier. He's got that lost puppy face again…the one I can't stand because it makes me feel so guilty. I reach out and lightly brush a finger across his cheek. He looks at me and smiles warmly before holding onto my hand tightly.
"We really need to have a meeting that doesn't last for only a few minutes," I say. He chuckles and I can't help but notice the hopeful spark in his eyes.
"Til tomorrow, then?" he says sadly.
I nod and he turns to leave, but I've still got his hand and I pull him back to me. This time he's ready and returns my embrace instantly as though he never wants to let go. I find myself wishing he never would, even though I know he's got to.
AN: ends with another hug…for now o.O My run of innocence is ending so things may get a little graphic next…oh well! Just a side note, I have at least three more chapters already written out because math notes really having nothing on Finn/Kurt. And even when my teacher gave me detention for writing so much and not concentrating, I just finished chapter 4 in detention…wow, this is addicting. Anyway, enjoy!
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