A week after talking to Grissom I was sitting on Nick's couch at his house after a tiring shift. He asked me over to decompress over a beer. He sat beside me drinking as he watched a mindless movie about aliens attacking earth. I preoccupied myself by watching him. He seemed oblivious to my penetrating stare. When a commercial began he turned to me.
"Want another beer?"
"No, I should get home."
"Come on you can stay a bit longer." He said, grabbing my empty bottle.
He got up going to the kitchen. I stretched laying back closing my eyes.
"Tired?" He asked, scaring me.
I opened my eyes watching him place another bottle in front of me on his coffee table. He plopped down beside me opening his bottle drinking.
"Yeah." I said
He nodded.
"Me to."
He causally put his hand on my leg. I looked down at his hand then at him.
"Ah….I think I should go." I said
He turned looking at me.
"Why, because of this?" He asked, motioning to his hand.
"No…I just want to go to bed." I said, lying.
"You're nervous." He said, smiling.
"I am not!" I said, taking his hand off my leg to stand. He stood putting his beer down.
"Sara, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."
"Forget it." I said, walking to the front door. He beat me to the door holding his hand over the door knob.
I looked at his hand then at him. He pushed me against the door looking at me in a non-brotherly gaze. I held my breath as he came closer kissing me. I moved back looking at him.
"What are you doing?"
"Did you think I asked you here just to watch a movie and drink beer?"
"Yes, I did."
"I asked you here to tell you that I like you, Sara."
"Why didn't you just tell me that before?"
"I put out signals, but you were to wrapped up in Grissom."
His hand went down my cheek. He leaned in kissing me again. I closed my eyes slowly kissing him back. I kept yelling stop it in my mind, but as he deepened the kiss I closed the door on the yelling listening instead to my body. He moved back for air as he looked at me.
"Want to…go to the bedroom?" He asked
I nodded wanting nothing more than to be touched. He led me into his dark bedroom. The TV was still on in the next room as Nick and I landed on his bed. My clothes were taken off as he shed his coming over me. I felt myself giving into his needs.
Our bodies joined not long after our clothes were taken off. Nick took his time as I laid beneath him. I closed my eyes as he started to speed up unable to hide my voice.
As he finished laying against me I felt a terrible guilt thinking of Grissom. Nick raised his head looking at me.
"You okay?" He asked
"Yeah." I said
He moved to lie beside me. The blankets were pulled up covering our bodies. I looked over at him as he rubbed his head then closed his eyes taking a breath. Shortly after he went to sleep. I laid on my side awake thinking. He moved over putting his arm over my stomach. I moved over so we weren't touching with our bodies. Closing my eyes I tried to sleep.
Nick moved to his back waking as he looked over at me laying on my stomach sleeping with my hair in my face. He smiled moving over moving my hair kissing my cheek. I moved slowly looking at him.
"Good afternoon." He said
"Mmm." I moaned, laying my head back down on the pillow.
He put his hand on my blanket covered back moving it down as his eyes moved with it.
"We have a few hours before shift." He said
I moved to my back looking at him.
"Did you sleep?" He asked, noticing my dark circles.
"I think I went to sleep an hour ago."
"I'll have to fix it so you can sleep." He said, lifting the blanket moving over top of me.
"I really need to get home." I said
He kissed me then moved down to my neck.
"I'll drive you." He said
"I drove myself." I said
"You can't leave yet." He said
I pushed him back looking at him.
"I really feel gross."
"We can take a shower." He said
I sighed as he looked down at me.
"You just want to take a shower."
"At my apartment, yes."
"What's wrong?" He asked
"Nothing, it's just….last night was great, but I don't see this as a long term thing."
"You think I do?"
I moved causing him to sit back.
"You mean this is just us getting together causally to….?"
"Have sex." He said
"Oh."
"You don't mind, do you?" He asked
"No, I thought you wanted a relationship."
"I did, but then I thought maybe you want it to be this way and I am okay with that."
"Great, well then I have to go." I said, getting up getting my things on the floor.
I dressed walking with him to the door.
"So when can we get together again?" He asked
"I don't know." I said
I leaned over kissing his cheek. He opened the door watching me leave. I walked out touching my stomach feeling queasy.
Grissom saw me standing by the coffee maker a few hours later standing still looking at my cup.
"Sara?" He called out, as he walked over. "You okay?"
"I'm fine….I mean I am good." I said, moving away. He watched me sit down in a chair sighing. He walked over sitting on the coffee table in front of me.
"You seem rattled." He said "Is something wrong?"
"I just….feel off today." I said
"Sick?"
"No, I'll be fine."
He nodded.
Nick walked in seeing us.
"Hey Gris." He said
Grissom stood looking over at him.
"Are you almost done with your case?" He asked
"Yeah, I just have some last minute evidence to go over." Nick said
"I want it done by end of shift."
"Can do."
Grissom looked at me then he walked out. Nick watched him leave then he walked over sitting down where Grissom sat. He reached over touching my hand.
"Hey, are you all right?" He asked
I nodded.
He moved over kissing my head. Grissom watched this from the hallway. Nick moved back rubbing my hand. Grissom walked away to his office thinking.
After shift I walked past his office when he came out seeing me.
"Sara, feeling any better?" He asked
"I'm fine." I said
"Good, mind if I walk out with you?"
"No." I said
He smiled joining me as we walked to the door.
"How was shift?"
"Fine, I'm sorry about earlier." I said
"We all have bad days." He said
I looked around as we made it outside. Grissom got his keys out of his pocket.
"By the way, I wanted to tell you I am happy for you." He said
"Happy for me?"
He looked at me.
"You and Nick."
"You know about that?"
"I saw you two earlier."
"Oh." I said "Thank's."
"Are you going out with him?"
I looked at him again.
"Well….it's complicated."
"So it's not a relationship?"
I got my keys out.
"I should go." I said, walking to my car. He followed slowly coming off the curb to stand behind me.
"You seem uncertain." He said
I looked over at him.
"I….am."
He stepped closer.
"Sara, did you think I would mind?" He asked "I don't. I want you to be happy."
I felt his hand touch my cheek.
"I hoped you would move on with your life. Find something to make you happy. Nick is a good choice. He cares about you."
"Grissom, I'm not happy."
He looked at me concerned.
"I have tried to be, but there's something holding me back!" I said, moving away from him. I started shaking as I realized this was the moment. "It's….you."
"Me?"
"I love you."
He stood stone faced looking at me.
"I just need to know if you love me." I said, coming closer.
"Sara, I don't know what to say."
"You can say you love me."
He searched my eyes as I waited.
"I can't say that. I'm sorry."
My heart tore in half as he said that. For a moment I didn't breathe realizing how stupid I was for saying what I said.
"I'm going home." He said, leaving me. I said nothing as he walked past me.
I went home numb in the chest. No tears appeared as I just sat in bed looking at the pillow next to me.
Nick caught my hand in the hallway as I tried to walk past him. He pulled me to an empty room looking at me with concern.
"What's going on?"
I looked at his shirt as he blocked my exit at the door.
"You have been walking around like a zombie."
"I don't want to talk about it." I said
"Is it me, or Grissom?"
"Please let me go." I said, trying to get past him.
"Not until you look at me."
I raised my empty eyes looking at him. He put his hand on my cheek kissing me. At first I didn't move, but then I raised my arms touching his sides. I started kissing him with more passion as he moved back breathing deeply. He looked at my eyes.
"Okay, this is getting intense." He said "We need to cool it."
"Or we could do it here, now!" I said
"No, not here." He said
I looked at his lips as he looked at mine.
"I'm going to go." He said "Come over later."
I nodded watching him leave.
After shift I went to his place. He opened the door pulling me against him in a passionate kiss. He shut the door pushing me into his living room where we fell onto the couch.
Half an hour later he looked at me sleeping beside him as he caressed my arm with his finger. I moved my head to the side as he leaned down kissing my head.
"Hey." He said, gently.
"Hmm?"
"Are you hungry?"
I shook my head slowly.
"Thirsty?"
I shook my head again. His hand smoothed the skin on my cheek.
"Tired?"
"Mmhmm." I said
He kissed my lips gently. I opened my eyes looking up at him.
"You were kind of wild earlier." He said, smiling.
"I didn't mean to be."
"I like it." He said
I smiled faintly closing my eyes.
"Are you still sad?"
"Not as much."
He leaned down kissing me again.
"Feel up to round two?"
"I don't know." I said
He kissed me longer.
He and I slept as soon as he finished a second time. When he woke I was gone.
Grissom saw me come in and he walked over stopping me.
"Sara, I need to you to come with me."
"Okay, what's up?"
"There was a murder at the prison institution outside of town." He said
"Institution?" I asked
"Yes, problem?"
"Can you get someone else to work it?"
"No." He said, leaving.
We left soon after. I looked at my hands in my lap moving them together nervously. Grissom glanced at me from time to time noticing I seem nervous.
We went in going over the crime scene in a room. I went through as fast as I could avoiding looking at the patients.
Grissom and I drove back to town in silence again. He pulled into the parking lot of the lab sitting back in the seat looking over at me.
"Sara, you've been acting upset."
"I don't want to work this case." I said, looking down.
"Why, because I am working it with you?"
"No."
"Then why?" He asked
I looked at him.
"I just don't." I said
He watched me get out then walk to the building.
Nick found me in the locker room.
"You left?" He asked
"Yeah, sorry. I had to go home." I said, shutting my locker.
He kissed me then searched my face.
"Are you okay?"
I nodded smiling.
The next shift we went back to the institution. I stood at the nurse's station with Grissom reading some rules on a paper. Grissom went to find a guard to open a drawer. As I turned to look at some other papers on the desk one of the inmates came in slowly shutting the door locking it. I turned looking at Adam Trent.
Grissom came back with the guard trying to open the door. When they could not Grissom looked in seeing Adam Trent holding me against him with a knife against my neck. I was already bleeding from the nose from where he hit me. My heart raced as I looked up seeing Grissom talking outside the door to someone.
"Don't look at him!" Adam yelled
I nodded looking down. Adam smiled at Grissom making his blood turn cold. He watched Adam throw me to the floor hit me a few times before he started undoing my clothes.
"Stop!" Grissom shouted, banging on the window.
"Adam, stop this!" A nurse shouted, banging on the window.
Adam turned looking at the woman.
"You stay away!" He shouted, putting the knife to his throat cutting it. Blood spurted out as he fell to the ground beside me.
The guard opened the door as Grissom rushed in kneeling down beside me.
"Sara!" He shouted
I moved opening my eyes getting up running out down a hallway falling to the floor shaking. Grissom came over and I tried to get away.
"It's okay." He said, pulling me against him.
"He tried to…!" I said
"He won't hurt you."
I breathed in and out fast as I looked down the hall. Greg and Brass came into the building ten minutes later seeing the paramedics wheeling Adam Trent away in a stretcher.
"Where is Grissom?" Greg asked, looking around.
"Hey, where is Gil Grissom?" Brass asked, one of the nurses.
One of them pointed to the hallway.
"Thank's." Brass said
Greg walked down the hallway seeing Grissom and I still sitting on floor. I leaned back against the wall as Grissom knelt down in front of me. He stood seeing Greg.
"Hey, is Sara okay?" Greg asked
"She's fine. I want you to go over the nurse's station. I will be back to help."
"Okay."
He watched Greg leave then he looked down at me. I trembled holding onto my leg as I rested my head on my knee. Closing my eyes I heard someone walking over and then voices.
After a few minutes I felt a hand on my arm. I opened my eyes raising my head seeing Grissom.
"We are leaving." He said
Without a word I allowed him to help me up. His arm went around my waist as he walked me down the hallway. He drove me back to town.
"Sara, I am going to take you to my place." He said
I closed my eyes pressing my head against the window. He glanced at me then turned down the street to his house. I silently followed him up to his front door. He allowed me in first then he switched on the lights shutting the door. I looked around as he walked over.
"Do you want something to eat?" He asked
"No." I said
"Drink?"
"No." I said
"Okay." He said "I can fix your cuts."
"No!" I shouted "I don't want anything!"
"All right." He said
I walked past him to his living room. He followed slowly watching me look around then I went to his couch laying down.
"I can get you a blanket." He said
I put my hands to my ears moving to my side facing the couch. He sighed walking over sitting down touching my back gently.
"Sara, something traumatic happened to you and it might help if we talked about it."
He waited for me to say something. I trembled as he let his hand rub my back. He went to make coffee and talk to someone on his phone. I looked at the couch listening to him. He came back sitting on the couch.
"I made coffee if you want some. I also have some soup."
I never moved as he moved closer touching my head.
"Honey, I'm worried about you."
He moved my hair back.
"Just tell me you are all right."
His phone went off and he answered it while touching my arm.
"Grissom."
"Boss, its Nick. I heard what happened is Sara okay?!"
Grissom looked at me.
"I don't know."
"I'll be over soon."
"She's at my place."
Nick didn't talk for a moment.
"I'll be over soon."
Grissom heard him hang up then he looked at me. Nick knocked an hour later. Grissom opened the door allowing him in.
"So how is she?" Nick asked
"The same." Grissom said, walking him through to the living room. Nick walked over sitting on the couch rubbing my back.
"I'm here, honey." He said, gently.
Grissom felt a twinge of jealousy as Nick took over. He decided to go to the kitchen giving us privacy. Nick kissed my head as I moved sitting up hugging him.
"It's all right." He said
I nodded sniffing against his shoulder.
"Why don't I take you home?"
"I want to." I said
"Okay."
Grissom came out watching Nick and I go to the door.
"Thank's man." Nick said
"No problem." He said, looking at me.
Nick opened the door letting me go out then he followed shutting the door. Grissom stood staring at the door once again alone.
Nick held me in bed as I laid my head against his chest looking at the wall.
"So how do you feel now?" He asked
"Fine." I said
He kissed my head sighing.
I knocked on Grissom's office door the next shift. He looked up seeing me.
"Sara, come in." He said, standing as I slowly walked in. "How are you?"
"Better, I'm sorry about that."
"It's okay." He said
He walked around his desk touching my chin making me turn my head.
"Your bruises look terrible."
He let my face go as I looked at him.
"Thank you for taking care of me." I said
"Sara, I didn't do anything."
"You did."
He nodded.
"Um….can we talk?" I asked
"We are."
"No, I mean….Never mind." I said
"What?" He asked, touching my arm.
"You…ah called me honey last night."
"Did I?"
"Yes, I heard you and I was wanting to know….if it…"
A knock on the door made us look over.
"Gil, can you come with me?" Catherine asked
"Ah yes."
"Good, Hodges needed us."
She went away leaving us alone again.
"Sara, I want to talk about this more."
"It's all right, you go."
He let my arm go to leave. I sat in a chair rubbing my head.
I didn't see him until after shift. He was talking to Ecklie in the hallway when I past him. He said goodbye to him then ran after me. I turned as he came out.
"Hey, I can talk now."
"That's okay." I said
"I want to." He said "Let's go somewhere private."
I followed him to the side of the building.
"Now, you wanted to talk concerning my calling you honey."
I didn't nod or speak as he looked at me.
"Is that right?"
"Yes." I said, quietly.
"I should explain that I was very worried about you. I felt helpless because you would not talk to me." He said "That's all that was."
"The way you said it made me think you….cared about me."
"I do care about you."
I nodded as he looked at me.
"Does that help?" He asked
"Yeah." I said
He smiled as I looked down.
"Well, you should go home to rest and I have to talk to Catherine."
I nodded watching him start to leave.
"Grissom!" I said
He turned looking at me.
"What?"
I felt my heart thump in my chest. I was about to do a scary thing. He looked at me confused as he stood there waiting. Without a word I walked over kissing him on the lips. Putting my hand on his neck I kept him there. He seemed to surprised to kiss me back. I moved back opening my eyes looking into his.
He stood there silently looking at me. I didn't move. He recovered moving closer putting his hand in my hair kissing me back. I kissed him gently. I pushed him against the wall making out. His lips moved over mine in a steady rhythm. I moaned in his mouth as he tilted his head.
He moaned gently putting his other hand on my waist. His cell phone rang as we continued. It became a distraction and he grabbed it putting it to his ear.
"Grissom." He said, a little breathless.
I looked at him as he listened. He put his hand on my cheek.
"Yes, I need to talk to you. I'll be in your office in five minutes."
He hung up looking at me moving his thumb over my cheek.
"I have to go."
"Okay." I said
"Sara, there are things that we need to discuss. I…can't do it now, but we will soon."
"There's no need." I said, stepping back. He gently pulled me closer to him.
"I want to."
I nodded. He sighed leaving. I slowly reached up touching my lips then I walked to my car. Nick called me, but I told him I was going to bed.
I kept thinking about Grissom and the kiss.
The next shift Nick met me at the door kissing my hand as I walked past him. Grissom was still in meetings all shift. When I walked by his office it was open and he was at his desk looking at a paper. I walked in seeing him look up.
"I need you to help Greg." He said
"Okay." I said
He set down his paper standing looking at me.
"I don't have much time." He said "I have a meeting."
"You have been in a lot of meetings."
He sighed nodding.
I looked back at the open door then at him. He looked at me funny as I sighed pulling him behind his shelves of jars.
He looked down as I put my hand on his waist stepping closer kissing him. He kissed me then moved back.
"Is this why you came?"
"Yes." I said, kissing him again.
He moved back.
"We still need to talk about this."
"Mmhmm." I said, kissing him again.
"Soon." He said
"When?" I asked
"I don't know." He said
I pulled him closer kissing him longer. His watch beeped as he pulled me closer.
"Mmmm you're beeping." I said
"Ignore it." He said
"I can't." I said
He turned it off.
"My meeting." He said
"Do you want to talk at my place later?"
"Will Nick be there?"
"No."
"All right." He said
I walked out as he left. Nick waited outside for me.
"Want to go eat someplace?" He asked
"Sure." I said, realizing I had to break up with him now.