I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS OR THE SHOW BONES.
Hodgins' POV.
King of the Lab.
I cling to those words. No one understands it. Who am I competing with now that your gone?
King of the Lab. Its the only thing I have of you that isn't locked away or gathering dust.
Zack, why the hell do you always get me so angry?! How can you just sit there and ignore me like that! Don't you know what your doing to me? Don't you care about me anymore?
That day, when you destroyed your hands, do you know how scared I was? Do you know what it was like for me to see you laying there, your hands sticking up, bloody. And you weren't making a sound, just shaking, a look of terror on your face. I didn't know what to think. I blamed myself for what happened. After all, I had to have done something wrong. I still play those events of that whole mess in my head, Zack.
"Zack. Why? How could you do this? Damn it. What the hells wrong with you?! You screwed everything up! Did you even think? Your supposed to be smart, but that's bullshit, isn't it?!"
Damn it! I lost my temper again. It always happens. I over think that day and I loose it. Even snapping the rubber band around my wrist isn't helping with that anymore. The rubber band method you made me stop those years ago. You said it upset you, to see the red, swollen marks on my wrist.
I'm on my feet. I need to get out of here. Last thing I need is to get too pissed off and end up doing something I'll regret later. Or rather. More so then what I'll feel for losing my temper.
Zack? Wait. Something isn't right. I know there isn't. What are you trying to hide?
"Hodgins... Please. Just stop. I can't do this anymore... I c-can't... You don't understand what its like to live with this. Do you know what its like to want to just end everything...?"
Those words. It makes me stop in my tracks to hear your voice once again. And my eyes are stuck to you. Could it really be your voice this time? I always think I hear it as I turn to walk away from you, whispering to me. But this was different.
Zack... Damn it Zack. Don't talk like that. Please. I can't seem to get enough air in as I finally get my feet to move once more. And I'm at your side.
My hands are shaking as I reach out and pull you into me. I brush my lips against the top of you head. No Zack. Please. Never say that again. If I were to lose you, even from this once a week visit, I wouldn't be able to go on.
"Hey... Don't cry Zack."
I know how much I hurt you Zack. I saw it. And yet it happened anyways. I was greedy. I already had you, and yet, Angela was there. She brought something else out of me. And what was between her and me... It was different. But Zack. The love I had for her, it wasn't the same. And for some reason I was blind to the one that meant more to me by such greed. Zack. I didn't notice until you were gone.
Zack. I've never seen you cry. Never. I've seen you upset, mad, scared, happy, and whatever else. But never to the point to bring tears. It scares me. Did I upset you that bad?
I feel your own arms holding onto me so desperately. I have to do my best to keep myself from falling apart. Your hurting too, aren't you? Why...? Why did you let it become like this Zack? But that's not important right now. Just promise me that you wont do anything. Don't leave me.
"Never, do you hear me, never think like that. I'll never forgive you for it, got it? Your not leaving me." My own voice is shaking as I say this. Damn it. I should be the stronger one right now. But I'm scared. To hear such words of you wanting to end it all. To end your life. If I were never to see you smile again...
Why wont you answer? I feel breathing soften slightly, but its not an answer. Zack, talk to me. Please. Don't retreat into yourself again. Don't tease me with just a hint of your voice. If those were the only words you ever say to me again, I wont be able to forgive you.
"Jack, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't stronger. I'm sorry I let this happen." Its muffled, but its something. Its enough to relax me, to take the edge of it all away. Its enough to bring a slight smile to my face.
"Zack, don't go there right now. We have time to talk it over. But for now... Just shut up." I can't help to hysterical laugh in my voice. Why do I beg to hear your voice so much when you go and say things like this? But thats you. Its always been the way you have been.
But just for this moment, let me hold you. I've missed it so much. No one else's body fits into mine like yours does.