Summary: AU in which everything Brittany has told us is true. A series of one-shots and short stories revolving around Brittany, with appearances from other characters.

"I bet the duck's in the hat."
- Episode 1.10,"Ballad"

Of Ducks and Top Hats Part 1

As everyone else left the choir room, Brittany stared forlornly at the black top hat perched atop the piano. Santana was watching her with a raised eyebrow, her hands on her hips like she did when she was feeling impatient.

"You coming, Brit?"

Brittany frowned, looking up at her best friend sadly. "Are they just gonna leave him in there all night?"

Santana made a face, her eyebrows coming together in the middle and her lips pursing like she was angry. "Brittany," she said slowly, like when she thought Brittany was doing something she shouldn't, like when she tried to put a push-pin in Artie's leg just to see if he could feel it.

"Hm?"

"Brittany, look at me." Brittany looked up, her eyes still filled with sadness. "There isn't a duck in the hat, okay? I put my hand in there. No duck."

Brittany sighed, shaking her head. "You just didn't go deep enough," she explained, standing up and walking over to the piano. "Can I take him home with me, or d'you think my mom would get mad?"

Santana sighed. As much as she loved Brittany, there was something seriously wrong with the girl. "Brittany, there isn't a duck in the—"

"Yes, there is!" Brittany told her excitedly, pulling the hat closer to her and shoving her hand inside. Santana watched, unimpressed, as her best friend rooted around in the bottom of the stupid top hat like she was going to find a duck in there.

"Brittany, come on, let's just go home," Santana complained, tapping the toe of her white running shoe against the floor tiles. Today was one of the only days this month she didn't have Cheerio practice after glee, and she intended to make the most of it.

"Hold on a sec!"

Brittany put her other hand into the hat and continued to feel around. Santana groaned; this was getting ridiculous. Brittany was standing on her tip-toes, and looking into the hat, her hands still as deep inside it as they would go.

"Come on, duckie. It's okay to come out now..." Brittany grinned and gently pulled a duck from the top hat. "Good boy. Santana, can I name him Ballad?"

Santana stared, open mouthed, at the pure white duck cradled in Brittany's arms. That thing hadn't been in the hat when she had pulled out Brittany's name. Where the hell had it been hiding?

"Don't look so shocked, San," Brittany said after a moment of cooing at the bird. "It's a magic hat."

Well, didn't that just explain everything? Santana shook her head and sighed, rubbing at her temples with her index fingers. "Sure you can name him Ballad, Brittany," she said quietly, deciding that she really needed to lay off Coach Sylvester's shakes if they were giving her hallucinations.

Brittany squealed happily, skipping to the door with Ballad still wrapped protectively in her arms. "Come on, San, we have to go to the pet shop before it closes. I bet they have special food for ducks and stuff. Oh! We should get him a top hat to wear! Wouldn't have be so cute? Do you want a top hat, Ballad?"

Mr. Ballad the Duck gave a quack of agreement and wiggled around in Brittany's arms while Santana looked on, perplexed.

"You're right, Ballad," Brittany said seriously to her new friend, "You'll need a tailcoat, too."