I do not own the Fate series, the spin-offs, or any other fictitious character in this story unless I state otherwise. If I did, this would cease to be a "fanfic" and become the actual canon. Now without further adieu, enjoy your fanfic of questionable quality.

After resting up in Rummy's private room, the three decided to head to the Arena. The location was convenient, as it was where they (as Rummy put it) walked through the fourth wall.

"You really need to stop making those jokes Rummy." Came the voice from nowhere. Only now, they knew the voice's name.

"Hey Konton, how's it hanging?" Said Pinochle, thus destroying the air of mystery surrounding him.

"Ouch, you don't have to go and destroy the air of mystery surrounding me."

"So why shouldn't I make fourth wall jokes?" Rummy asked sarcastically, knowing she was going to be lectured.

"Because you didn't actually walk through the fourth wall. That was the third and one half wall." Was the genius response, and that term is used loosely, of Konton.

After several seconds of awkward silence, "Wait, what?" Rummy spoke up.

"You can make fourth wall jokes, just not in that instance Rummy. That clear things up for you?" Konton said.

"Fine! Now let's go, I'm getting really bored and I wanna' make something bleed!" Rummy announced, as psychotically as it sounds. Thus prompting an awkward silence lasting for several minutes. I guess we need some sort of Deus Ex Machina to break this awkward-

Chapter 1: Final-freaking-ly Please Ignore How Rummy's Thoughts Somehow Managed To Get In The Title, But Instead Pay Attention To Their First Time In The Arena And Shinji's Servant

(Opening Music: Sandome no Sakura by High and Mighty Color)

The Arena

Somehow, the three had managed to make it to the arena off screen. The three decided not to question this, as Rummy was the only one who noticed the off screen part. The Arena looked like the pathways from yesterday did, laser panel floors and walls. Other than the Enemy Programs floating about, there was nothing else of interest here. Saber began to explain more things to them. Today's class with Saber-Sensei centered around the Arena. She told them how things work in a way which would be too long and tedious to explain. If you are really interested, play the game.

Anyways, the three then encountered a Klein and proceeded to battle.

(Fight Music: Dragon Fight from the Blue Dragon OST)

"Ok Saber" Pinochle began. "This is our first real fight together, so we should try and figure out what the enemy is going to do. That way, we can use our moves to counter their"

"Boooooring! Kick its' ass Saber!" Rummy yelled to cut Pinochle off.

"With pleasure Master!" Saber decided to do as Rummy instructed and began to mercilessly beat the crap out of the Klein. Pinochle had no idea something could be cut into that many pieces. This was how most of their battles were in the Arena that day. Rummy looked like a kid in a candy store, except with blood instead of sweets. She was seriously beginning to freak Pinochle out. He feared that Saber might one day become just like her.

"That's not gonna' happen. I mean Saber and I are cool, but we're nothing like Kirei and Assassin."

(Cut to montage of Kirei and Wade hanging out, picking up chicks, watching Bea Arthur, watching the sunset, ect. Set to the song Bromance by Chester See and Ryan Higa, with GARcher playing the guitar.)

"See!" Rummy said to Pinochle after showing the aforementioned montage, (which you should have envisioned while listening to the song), to him. "I wish that we could be that close, but there isn't a word for a female Bromance. Hmm, maybe Hoemance?"

Hooooooooooooemance! Apparently Konton heard their talk.

"Masters, I think we should leave. It is getting late, and you two are only human. I believe we should rest for tomorrow. " After hearing Saber's logic, the three decided to leave for the Private room once more.

Rummy's Private Room

As soon as they got back, Saber asked them to take a seat around her. She wanted to tell them something. Not wanting to remain ignorant, Pinochle and Rummy sat facing her. She then began to speak.

"Well Masters, I regret to inform you but I must. While we were in the Arena, I found myself unable to access my true power."

"That is seriously bad." Pinochle replied. "Do you have any idea why that may be?"

"Why yes I do."

"Well, as long as we have an idea we can always"

"Because of your deficiencies, I am unable to manifest my full glory." Saber said, thereby cutting him off and placing all the blame on her Masters. "But, do not worry yourself. Having access to my original abilities for use is hardly important. There is no shame in being a novice; in fact, the possibilities of what you may become are exciting."

"If you say so Saber." Pinochle stated, with an anime sweat drop on his forehead.

"Tomorrow we shall make another effort in the Arena, and we shall all improve little by little. It's nothing but a trivial matter. As long as you two have me, we shall keep going."

"Yay! We get to kill more things!" Rummy announced with glee.

"I also think we should look into who Shinji's Servant may be Saber. After all, we currently know nothing of their abilities." Pinochle said with a level head.

"Do you have that little faith in my abilities Master?" Was Saber's retort.

"Not at all Saber!" Pinochle began. "But we only get one shot at this. If we lose, we die. So I really think we should look into it."

"If you so desire to look into it Master, I would be in your debt." Saber admitted. This also reminded Pinochle of the time Rummy had said she would be eternally grateful to him for saving her. If only he knew how psychotic she was back then.

The two of them then heard a loud thud. It was Rummy who collapsed on the floor, now sleeping with her mouth open.

"I think we should turn in as well Master."

"Agreed." And with that, the three slept soundly.

Outside the Private Rooms

"Heh, this is so easy." A shadowy form said to himself. "I should be able to hack into this no problem! Then nobody will be able to stand in my way of getting the Holy Grail. I'll just kill them all while they're sleeping!"

The form was currently hacking into the password system which separated the Private Rooms. He was also having an easy time of doing so, seeing as he was an expert hacker.

"There, now all I have to do is hit enter." The shadowy figure explained. He raised his hand high, then dramatically hit the enter key. … And nothing happened.

"What?! This can't be possible!"

"Actually, it can."

The figure turned around after hearing this newcomer. He was also obscured by the darkness. Damn this virtual power outage! If only he could see who this newcomer was.

"And why would that be?" The form asked.

"You see, the rooms only open if they were opened by their passwords at least once. The first time they open, those rooms are created." Replied the newcomer.

"Yeah, and? I saw them enter their room! So it must have been created!"

"That's where you're wrong." The newcomer snickered a little at how dense this form was. "What if I told you that they never picked up their password from Kotomine?"

"What? But that's not possible! I saw them enter their Private Room! How else could they get in?!"

"The girl happens to have a password of her own."

"That can't be right! Only Kotomine knows what the passwords are!" Well I know too, seeing as I stole the list. The form thought to himself.

"I don't understand exactly how she did it either, but the facts stand. Kotomine never gave her a password, her Private Room hasn't been created, and you can't hack into it."

"But then how can she have a Private Room?! You're talking around the question!"

"Well, to explain it to you… Let's just say they're using a back door to the system. The SE. RA. PH. never get's rid of any data pertaining to the Holy Grail War. So they could be using a prototype of one of the Private Rooms. Sound reasonable?"

"Hmm. Well, I have to admit your logic is sound. If that is the case though, I won't be able to hack in at this point in time. I'll save this approach for my later opponents. I suppose you won't mind if I go back to my Private Room then and we both pretend like this never happened?"

"Why not? You only live once after all. Go get your rest; you'll need it for tomorrow." Said the newcomer to the figure. With that, the figure packed up his things and returned to his own Private Room.

"Well then, it looks like this Holy Grail War is going to be interesting." The newcomer said to himself. At that moment, the lights came back on.

"Hmm, looks like the system's been repaired. Either way, I should go get some rest too. I sense an irregular day awaits us all tomorrow."

Konton Coded then left the second floor, and proceeded to the room which he was sharing with Kirei and Wade.

Second Floor (The Next Day)

Pinochle, being the first one awake, had left to see if he could find Shinji.

"Hmm, I guess you're my opponent then huh?" Which he apparently did not need to do as Shinji found him. This however meant that Shinji was going to go on one of his rants about how much better he was than Pinochle. Such was the price to pay for not needing to look for him anymore.

"Who ever made this tournament must be one hell of a sadist! I mean, they're forcing best friends to kill each other in the first round!" Shinji said while laughing. "That and it's totally overkill. I mean, no offence, but you won't last ten seconds flat against me."

"Did you come here just to taunt me? Or do you actually have some purpose?"

"Hey hey hey, no need to be so cold man. I just wanted to make sure you were as ready to face me as I am to face you. I don't want you to hold back on my account. Plus, I heard that your situation is kind of, well irregular."

"What do you mean by that Shinji?"

"Well, I was referring to that girl. What was her name? Vermouth?"

"It's actually Rummy."

"Whatever. But word on the street is that your Servant has both you and her as Masters. I can imagine that must cause some, conflicting orders." Oh if only he knew.

"You don't need to worry about me Shinji. I have no intention of letting Rummy turn into a handicap."

"As if you could stop her from turning into a handicap. But anyway, I suppose I should be going now. My Servant and I are going to train. Catch you on the flipside Nucks!" Shinji then left the floor and headed towards the Arena. Pinochle then saw Rummy and Saber heading his way.

"Wait up Nucks." Rummy yelled, still half asleep. Pinochle seriously hoped that she wouldn't prove Shinji right and become a handicap for him. "I had this dream I want to tell you about."

"What dream would that be?" Pinochle inquired. At this point the two had caught up to him, and Rummy began to speak.

"Well" Rummy began while doing he signature motion, though with a little less energy since she just woke up. "Saber and I were both cocktail waitresses in Las Vegas. All the way in America. And this really rich guy offered to pay us a lot of cash if we would sleep with him."

Everyone in the general area then turned their heads as Rummy vividly described what happened in her dream.

"And so after we were done, he brings his friends over and"

Now people from other floors were gathering around to here this story the girl was telling.

"So then Saber and I killed them and became the new godfathers. Do you have any idea what that could mean?"

"Actually yes." Pinochle said, surprising everyone.

"What does it mean then?"

"Well, let's start from the beginning shall we. First you two were cocktail waitresses, not that very good of a career. That's sort of like us right now; we're in a bad situation. The next part had to do with a lot of bodily fluids. Though it's not one of the fluids you were talking about, blood is also a bodily fluid."

"But I'm a virgin so"

"Like I was saying." Pinochle cut her off, so she would stop embarrassing all of them even further. "Blood, is a bodily fluid as well. Meaning that blood will be spilled, just as the other fluids were. Finally, after killing them you ended up better than you were before. This means, without a doubt, that you triumph in the end. So, by putting this all together, we can conclude that your dream means we will defeat Shinji and the next several opponents we will face. Therefore, we will end up better off than we are now."

All the observers were shocked with just how much this made sense. They all began to clap and cheer for Pinochle. Eventually, they picked him up and he rode the crowd. This left Saber and Rummy on the outside of the crowd, looking in.

"Wow, I didn't know he could interpret sex dreams." Rummy said to Saber.

"Neither did I Master. Neither did I."

Rummy then received a message on her Portable Terminal.

"What does it say Master?" Questioned Saber.

"It says that the Primary Trigger has been generated."

"What does that mean?"

"Good question. Hey Kirei, what does it mean?" Kirei had also come up to the second floor to hear of Rummy's dream, and thus he was conveniently standing next to her.

"Two Triggers must be retrieved by the end of each week, if you mean to participate in the tournament. They are the Primary Trigger and the Secondary Trigger." Kirei explained.

"You don't need to pretend to be an NPC Kirei. I already know you aren't." Rummy stated.

"… I don't know what you mean."

"Whatever. Anyway, let's go Saber. We should probably get that Cipher Key thingamagig."

"Right behind you Master." And thus, the two of them left to abduct Pinochle, after which they all headed to the arena to train.

The Arena

As they entered the Arena, Saber stopped in her tracks.

"That aura… Exercice caution Masters. That weakling Master and his Servant are somewhere nearby. But this may be a good chance to obtain the information you desire boy. Why don't we follow them while they're in the Arena? After all, we must make them pay for the sin of insulting my Masters!"

Though a little extreme, Pinochle basically agreed with what Saber was saying. And so they began stalking Shinji and his Servant, killing everything along the way. Rummy, being the more observant Master of the two, relayed details about the enemy Servant. Pinochle, being the more logical Master of the two, recorded the information in his Information Matrix. This way Pinochle could easily make a connection between the Servant's features and his identity.

The Servant wore a red baseball cap turned forward. He also wore a red jacket with white half sleeves and collar as well as blue jeans. Rummy also saw that the front of his hat was white, and that he was wearing a black shirt underneath his jacket. Lastly, he was wearing fingerless gloves and a belt, which several red and white orbs were attached.

"What are they, his favorite colors or something?" Asked Pinochle, although, nobody really knew the answer to that. They walked a little further, until Shinji turned around.

"Pinochle, you're late. While you were crawling along like the slug you are I obtained the Trigger!"

Rummy eyed Pinochle skeptically. "Is is really your friend Nucks?"

"I have no idea how that happened either." Pinochle said with a sigh. This however didn't shut Shinji up.

"Hahaha, what are you two talking about? Your skills are pathetic compared to mine, so don't be so harsh on yourself! And speaking of you losing, let me introduce my Servant. I'm going to win; it's not like it matters to me. If you can't even get your Cipher Keys, you might as well accept your game over right here and now!" He then turned to his Servant. "Seriously, feel free to turn them into corpses whenever you feel like it!"

His Servant did not speak.

"W-why the hell don't you ever talk!? Just my luck getting a retarded Servant that can't speak outside of battle! Not that it matters, as long as he does what I say I could care less! Now then Servant, kill them here!"

It didn't look like Shinji's Servant was going to do anything. But then he started to move closer to them. The fight had begun.

(Fight Music: Eternity by Ian Gillan)

Saber immediately charged at the Servant, with her blade drawn, fully intent on taking the Servant's life. He just simply stood there, emotionless. This angered Saber to no end.

"You think you are that much superior to me that you need not expend any effort!?" Saber had almost closed the gap now. She was really looking forward to killing this arrogant worm. But at the last second, the Servant started raising his arm towards Saber. As he brought his arm up, he pointed his palm toward Saber. He then spoke as calmly as the wind.

"Blast Burn."

The whole thing took less than a millisecond. A large stream of fire shot forth at Saber, completely engulfing her. She screamed out in pain and fell to the ground.

"W-what power. How d-dare you assault me with t-those flames."

"Hahaha! Get a load of this! I mean I knew your Servant was weak Nucks, but I didn't think she was this bad! Hahaha!" Shinji laughed. "Hey Servant, finish the job."

His Servant looked toward him and raised an eyebrow.

"Don't pretend you don't know what I mean! Kill them right now!"

His Servant shook his head.

"By the power of the Command Spell, I hereby order you to"

His Servant then pointed straight up and a familiar voice spoke.

All fighting between Masters is prohibited outside of the tournament. I shall give you a warning, but if you continue to break the rules I will have no choice to terminate your existences.

"Hmph, fine! Let's go!" Shinji ordered. His Servant then followed him back to the school, leaving Saber and her Masters alone.

"T-that can't be right." Rummy said to herself, trying to hold back tears. "S-Saber should of kicked his ass. And that's not all. Who was that boy?"

"What do you mean Rummy?" Pinochle asked.

"Shinji's Servant is supposed to be Sir Francis Drake, a Rider. S-so, where in the world d-did he get that powerful of a Caster?" Rummy could no longer hold back her tears and broke down crying. Pinochle didn't know what she meant by this, but his mind was on other things. Right now, he was wondering if Shinji was right, (As if you could stop her from turning into a handicap.) or if he was right. (We can conclude that your dream means we will defeat Shinji and the next several opponents we will face.) This continued on for a length of time neither of them could measure. Their insecurities all coming to surface was the last thing either of them needed. It would take a miracle to even begin to fix the damage in their hearts.

"Masters." Both turned to see Saber holding a fragment of data. "I managed to retrieve the Cipher Key while you two were deep in thought." Immediately Rummy ran up to her and embraced her from the front. This however caused the Cipher Key to drop. Luckily, Pinochle made a dive for it and caught the Key. Saber didn't notice this as she was too preoccupied.

"M-Master, I am humbled that you show so much affection for me but I must simply ask you what is the matter?"

"I-I'm just so g-glad you're still alive!" Rummy, still sobbing, replied to her. "You s-scared me s-so much!" Rummy broke down even further after saying this. Saber looked to Pinochle for advice but he shrugged in confusion.

"W-well, after the fight was stopped, Konton restored my health. He also should have restored that other Servant's magical energy. So I'm fine now Master. Hmm? Master!" The reason Saber had said that last part was because Rummy had fallen asleep while holding on to her. "Master Pinochle, may I suggest that we leave the Arena for today?"

"I think that would be best."

"Ok, I shall carry Rummy with us then. Let us be on our way Master." Saber said as she picked up Rummy into a bridal carry. They had a whole lot to talk about when they got back.

We need to start fighting smarter. Pinochle thought. If we don't, we'll end up just like we were today.

After suffering much in that place, they left the Arena and headed for their Private Room.

(Ending Music: Blood Teller by Faylan)

Omake Author's Room

"Hello everyone, and welcome back to the Author's Room! Rummy suffered an emotional breakdown, so I got to take this room back until she recovers. Before you think it, no I didn't end this chapter on a bad note for her just so I could get the room back. If I wanted it back that badly, I'd just write her out of the room. Anyway, time for our guest. Our guest today is a boy with a serious ego problem that even pisses Gilgamesh off. His name is Shinji!"

The swivel chair spinned around to reveal that Shinji was, in fact, sitting in it.

"So Shinji, what was your favorite part of today's chapter?"

"Well, I actually have two favorite parts."

"Really? Well why don't you share them with the rest of the class, I mean live studio audience."

"Well the first part was obviously when I totally destroyed Nucks and Vermouth with my Servant."

"Her name is Rummy. It's not that hard to remember, and this is coming from a guy who sucks at remembering names."

"Whatever, but my next favorite part actually surprises me."

"And why would that be Shinji?"

"Well" Shinji said, now unable to hold back his laughter. "I just crack up every time I see that Bromance montage! Hahahaha!"

"Is it really that funny to you?"

"Yes it is! …Wait a minute; you didn't say that last sentence did you Mastersword?"

"No I didn't."

"Well if you didn't say it, and I didn't say it, who did?"

"It was me!" Shinji turned to the audience and saw a man who looked exactly like Ryan Reynolds jump onstage. "Hi! I'm Deadpool, and for the next twenty minutes you're my bitch."

Shinji proceeded to scream his fool head off as Deadpool gave chase.

"Well that's all folks! Join us next time for another exciting segment of The Author's Room! …Unless Rummy jacks my host seat again."

Author Note:

In case you were wondering, I did switch the identity of Shinji's Servant from what it was supposed to be from the omake in Fate:Zero Sense. This was done because I was not familiar with the Servant in the omake, and because I wanted to get this chapter out as soon as possible. I shouldn't need to change the identities of any other Servants though, and I did receive TIM's permission to change the Servant before doing so. I am sorry if you were really looking forward to seeing Naota as a Servant. That is all. If you still don't wish a plague on both my houses, please review. It really helps to see what I did wrong, and to have encouragement from you guys. Thank you and, as always,

Stay Awesome!