There is a moment of euphoric in the midst of madness and terror when you listen to your fast tempo breathing in the middle of the night. Especially after the fright that pushed my nerves past a cliff. Part me of wants to give in, give in to the fate that was decided by what I thought to be an illusion. The other part wants to fight, fight with this wild and crazed passion hollow by the void of horror.
We are sleeping in Cartman's house, in his room. We are in pairs. I'm with Butters and Kyle and Cartman are in the other pair, obviously. We've decided that each person will be with the other at ALL times no matter what. Despite that, as much as I complained that I would be stuck with Butters, I'm thankful and it puts my nerves at ease. His presence, any presence, makes me a bit saner. I've accepted the girl in my nightmares is out of my head, that she plans on killing everyone around me (maybe even me) because she is in love me. I've accepted that, I really have. Thing is, what I haven't accepted is that she's gone.
We haven't heard from her nor seen her after she recited her poem out of Cartman's front door. We locked all the doors and windows. Cartman's mom is away, he doesn't know when she'll come back, so we are alone for now. The three of us (excluding Cartman) called our parents and told them where we were going to be. My mother was worried, mostly because she was afraid I'd wake up screaming in my friend's house. I told her it would be fine even though it wouldn't be. Tomorrows a school day, but I'm not so sure we will be able to go.
Despite that, I haven't accepted that she's gone. I have a heavy, pulsing feeling that she's watching us from outside the house. Our system in the house is to cover all windows and stick with our partner. It's now 12:32 in the morning and I haven't slept at all. Kyle is sleeping in Cartman's bed with him; they sleep as if nothing happened. It took about two hours to make Butters stop crying after the girl left. He just fell asleep 45 minutes ago. I'm against the wall, sitting down and Butters fell asleep on my shoulder, clutching my arm. Usually I would brush him off with disgust, but just the contact with any person right now makes me feel saner. Despite that, I can't stop trembling, even though I'm not cold.
I know her yellow sclera and blue pupils are watching me, like she can see through the walls. I try and shut my eyes and sleep, but her face just seeps into my mind whenever I shut them. I can't seem to make this madness end, so I rely on the sound of my breathing, matching with Butters. The tempo quickens and slows down; it's like an uneven rhythm. I start to think about her scream in my dream, how real the pain felt when I would wake up. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I want to escape, I want this to end. It's like she's driving me insane, I know she can see me, she's glaring at me. She's mouthing out words, songs, poems to me with her black lips. I know it, I can hear them being whispered in my ear, even though she's outside. I raise my hand abruptly and bury it into my face as tears of sheer desperation stream down my cheeks. When is this going to end? Will it ever end?
"Stan?" I hear Butters whisper.
I turn to him brushing away tears in my eyes. "Huh? What are you scared, Butters?" I ask.
"She's outside ain't she? That's why you're crying?" Butters says.
I just stare in silence and nod.
"I can feel her eyes on us. How do they look?" He asks.
"The sclera is like a foggy yellow and her pupils are a bright, mesmerizing blue. They look dead." I describe in whisper.
I notice that Butters is still clutching my arm as he asks, "Does she look pretty?"
"Kinda. It's weird. Her skin is rotting and her hair is clotted and dirty, so is her dress. Her lips are black and her teeth are sickly, but for some reason she's not that unappealing to look at." I say.
"What's her name?" Butters asks.
"I don't know. She never said." I say.
"Do ya love her?" Butters asks.
I pause to think. Do I? "I honestly don't know." I respond after a while.
He squeezes my arm tighter. "I want to meet her."
I turn to him with shock. "What!" I whisper loudly. "She wants to kill you and you still want to meet her." I ask.
"She seems interestin' and I wanna meet the person who loves you the most." He says.
"She doesn't love me." I say bitterly.
"What?" Butters asked, confused.
"She doesn't love me. If she did she wouldn't do this to me, and she would know that if she kills my friends I'll never love her and I'll hate her. I'm already terrified out of my mind by her." I say.
"I guess so…" He says. After a long silence he asks, "What if she doesn't have a name?"
"Then she doesn't have a name." I answer.
"Do you wanna name her?" He asks.
I sigh, "What do you have in mind?"
"Pandora." He says.
"That's… fitting." I say.
"Then it's decided, if she doesn't already have a name, then we name her Pandora." He says.
After an endless silence I break it. "Hey Butters?"
"Huh?" He answers.
"Do you hate me?" I ask.
"Well geez, Stan! Why would ya say that?" He asks.
"Well I'm about to get you killed." I say.
"Well you can't predict that for sure." Butters says.
"You're too optimistic, Butters. We could all die, sooner or later. She's torturing me because I reached out to her. She wants me to go as insane as her, so I can cling to her. That's why she's doing all of this. This is a psychological game. She wants to see how far she can string to break me, and when she does I'll be too disorientated to push her away, then she'll play with me in the palm of her hand." I turn to him. "She'll kill you last, because she wants you to linger by my side so much that we will start to be closer and closer, so that when you die, it'll hurt me the most."
"If she's watchin' us, then she knows you know." He said.
"I know, but she'll do it anyways. She'll do it because she wants to see me squirm, she'll do it because I'm so predictable. She also knows that I'll do almost anything to make her smile." I say.
"You wanna see her smile?" He asks.
"Yeah, ever since she sang the last word to her song. I don't know why, but I want to see it so badly. Even though I know when I do see it it's over." I say.
"What'll be over?" He asks.
"I don't know. All I know is that it'll all be over. This whole massacre will end, but I don't want it to end with everyone dead, I don't want it to end once I'm insane." I say a tear streaming down my cheek.
Butters pulls my head to my shoulder and lets me cry on him. I clutch to his shirt because his embrace and comfort are the closest asylum to me. I want this night to be over, I want this nightmare to end. And as soon as I thought that, I fell asleep on Butter's shoulder and had a dream.
It was different this time; I wasn't in a dirty hallway walking into a decaying room following the soft lullaby of a girl. I was in an elevator and the walls were a dull yellow with gold flowers etched on the wall paper. The handles were wooden brown and when I looked up the numbers on the elevator scale were going down. When I looked to the side I see Butters, his hand holding mine. It feels soft, but weird. He's talking about how he saw a Terrance and Philip marathon last night over the jazzy elevator music. He's smiling and making cute poses with his hands, with that Mary Sue blush stamped on his porcelain cheeks. I feel oddly calm and serene and I smile as I watch his blonde hair bounce to his every small movement. Then the elevator beeps and the door opens, I look forward and the light calmness dissipates to a bone chilling terror as I see Pandora on the other side of the empty lobby, her back on us.
Butters doesn't seem to mind, in fact he calls out to her. I just stay paralyzed with fear as she slowly, suspense fully turns her head. Her cluttered hair falls unevenly to her dirty back. She just looks at us with those dead eyes. Butters is happy and unaffected, he starts to walk towards her and my feet move by force, I can't stop my body as we walk towards her. She starts to turn more and I notice she's pregnant. She's holding a child's hand whose head is bowed down. She's pregnant and holding the hand of a child who looks about eight or nine. He has black hair and is wearing a tailored suit, but it looks so old. Like worn out. I look at their linked hands and her rotten ones are holding the child's soft healthy ones. We stop moving and I'm about a feet away from her and she's looking right up at me while Butters is saying how surprised he is that her son has gotten so big.
I stare unto her yellow sclera and her bright, stunning, blue pupils. She stares back and ignores Butters while he keeps on talking. Our hands are still linked and then Butters clutches my arm and announces our engagement. For some reason, I'm not surprised. She doesn't say anything and just stares at my eyes with her dead ones. The suspense is overwhelming; I don't think I can take it. I try to talk, but my mouth won't open.
"Why are you here?" A voice speaks and I swore it came from the child. I look down at him and he slowly raises his head as he says, "That's what you wanted to say, right?"
My eyes widen as I realize that's me eight years ago. Eight year old me is smiling a malice grin as he says, "I stole your tongue. Mommy gave it to me."
I dart my eyes to Pandora while Butters starts to reach out to touch her. I realize that she will scream so I open my mouth to scream and tell him "don't" but nothing comes out. I reach my hand to stop him but it's too late.
For a moment everything is silent and she is the same. Then her hand grabs his and crushes it. Butters screams and I when I try to make her stop she pushes me and thrusts her entire hand through Butter's chest. He is crying and gargles out blood and I get up and run to him. He drops to the ground; stone dead and I catch his body and start to cry. She kneels down and turns my head to her with her blood stained hand. She rests her forehead to mine and starts to sing. I can't escape because I can't move even though I want to, and I really want to.
"Mommy's gots a smile of a thousand angels Yet her smiling face never reaches me Daddy's gots a blade with a pretty shine and Since he made mommy sleep deeply He's coming after poor little me He's gots a malice smile and a toothy grin and A glimmer of hate in his shiny eyes And since mommy can't come to protect me He stabs me in the neck and makes me die"
"You won't kill me like her daddy, right Daddy?" Eight year old me says after she's done singing.
I couldn't talk or move no matter how much I tried.
"Stan…" is all she says as she leans to kiss me with her black lips.
Before her lips touch mine I wake up screaming.
I'm screaming and drenched in sweat and the lights turn on and Kyle and Cartman rush to my side while Butters is trying to comfort me. I shut my eyes and bury my head in my hands as I scream so much my throat clenches.
"Jesus Christ!" I hear Cartman say.
"Stan! Stan, calm down! It was just a dream." Kyle says, patting my back.
My head is buried in my hands and knees and after screaming I start coughing hard so much I feel like I'm chocking.
"Butters what happened!" Cartman screams.
"I-I don't know! I was just sleeping and he started screaming!" He yelled.
"It's 5:00 AM for Christ's sake!" Cartman mumbles.
I'm still coughing hard. I'm gagging and coughing and I feel something clogged up in my throat.
"Oh my God! He's choking!" Kyle screams.
"W-what! Does anyone know the Heimlich!" Butters yells.
Before Kyle, who I knew was the only here who did know the Heimlich, could answer I coughed up something on the carpeted ground. It was two large cockroaches and a giant, jungle looking centipede. They splattered on the ground and squirmed in the puddle of my hacked up blood. I cover my mouth and stare at the insects that are squirming on their backs. Then I see a foot squish it, I look up and it was Cartman's, whose face was in disgust as he did it. I immediately got up and ran to the bathroom to throw up. I barfed in the toilet and the three of them were standing in the door way as I wiped my mouth.
"Jesus Christ…" was all Kyle could say.
I was panting as I rested my forehead on the edge of the toilet seat in exhaustion. "I want out!" Cartman said.
"You can't get out, don't you get it, fatass." I say panting. "The only way out is for all of you to die and for me to go insane."
"Did ya have the dream again?" Butters asked as he went to the towel on the rack and gave it to me.
"No, not the same, but she was still there." I say.
"Did she say anything, or do anything?" Kyle asked getting closer and kneeling to my level.
"She just sang the song and said my name. But she killed Butters." I said.
"What!" Butters screamed.
"You tried touching her and she broke your hand and stabbed her hand in your chest. Then you died." I said.
"Oh hambugers!" He shrieked.
"Anything else?" Kyle asked.
"She was pregnant." I said.
"Pregnant?" Cartman asked.
"And she was holding eight year old me's hand." I said.
"Wait, so you now and you as a kid were there?" Kyle asked.
I nod. "The eight year old me called me 'Daddy' and then she…" I stop midsentence.
"Then she what!" Kyle asks.
"She leaned down to kiss me and I woke up." I finish.
"Why was I there?" Butters ask.
"I don't know, but we were in an elevator and you were ranting about a Terrance and Philip marathon you saw last night and then when the elevator opened she was standing in the far end of a lobby and you smiled and waved at her like fucking nothing. Then you walked towards her and so did I, I couldn't stop my feet or my actions as much as I tried. Then you commented how big her son was getting and when you reached to touch her she killed you." I said, conveniently leaving the part out where Butters and I held hands and he announced our engagement.
"Was Cartman or I there?" Kyle asked.
I shake my head. "No, just Butters and I."
"Oh hamburgers, does this mean I'll die first!" Butters shrieked as tears started to stream down.
I shake my head. "No, you're dying last remember."
"Remember? You guys already know who's dying first and last?" Cartman asked angrily.
"No, all I know is that Butters dies last." I said.
"How do you know?" Kyle asked.
"Because that's what she's going to do for sure, I know this." I said.
"But why the fuck did insects come out of you!" Cartman says.
"I don't know!" I scream angrily.
"Well sorry for asking!" Cartman screams.
"Shut up the both of you!" Kyle screams. "I think it's because she kissed you, that's why you coughed… that up."
"Almost. She almost kissed me." I correct.
Kyle rolls his eyes. "Sorry."
"Geez, you're so pissy." Cartman mumbles.
"You try to be stalked by a fucking dead psycho girl and then have her traumatize you in your dreams, then cough up insects and see how the fuck you feel, fatass."
"Smartass." He grumbles as he leaves the room.
"Eric! Don't leave by yourself!" Kyle screams to him. When he sees that Cartman ignored him he gets up and starts to leave. Before he leaves the room he turns back to Butters and me and says, "Stay together."
Butters just sits down next to me on the bathroom floor.
"Stan?" Butters says.
"What?" I say as I lean my forehead on the toilet.
"This is really happening isn't it? We're all gonna die, huh?" He said bumping his knuckles together.
"Yeah, you just realized that?" I say.
I hear him choke a sob. "I don't wanna die. I don't wanna see anyone die either." He cries.
"There's nothing you can do about it, Butters. You're going to die and I'll end up insane in her arms." I said.
He whipped his tears and sniffed, giving an adorably determined face and said, "Well, by golly, I'm not givin' up!"
"Butters, you're going to die." I repeated.
"I know, but I'm not dyin' anytime soon, ya hear! I'm not gonna let Pandora get to me! And I'm not lettin' you go insane either, Stan!" He said.
"You're too optimistic…" I said before being interrupted by him.
"And you're too pessimistic! If you're gonna give up then she won already! I'm sorry, Stan, but I'm not gonna let someone who's making ya cry win, and by golly I'm gonna make you s-smile again." He said.
I just sigh. "Fine, I'll try, but I'm not promising anything impossible."
"Good, we got a start!" He said "Well, come one, Stan! We gotta get ready for school."
"You don't want to loose, but you're willing to risk your life by going outside?" I said.
"If she wanted to get us, she could've gotten us in here. It's not like houses have force shields." He said.
I just stare at Butters amazed. "You know you're smarter than you look, Butters."
"Well gee, thanks Stan." Butters said bumping his knuckles and showing his Mary Sue blush.
After all four of us are ready for school we all stand on the door just, watching it with a nervous face. We know we have to go, but we don't fucking want to.
"So, who's going first?" Cartman says.
"Is she out there?" Kyle asks.
I check the hole on the door and the windows. "No, she's not out. I don't feel her watching also." I say.
"Then should we go?" Kyle asks.
"Yeah…" Cartman answers unsure.
"I say we go!" Butters says throwing his fist in the air determined.
"That's the spirit, Butters!" Kyle says.
I take a deep breathe and open the door. There was nothing but the chill air and the melting snow. In that note, we started to reluctantly walk out the door. We walked side by side, looking behind us every now and then, to the bus stop. When we reached it we saw Kenny with Pudding there, Token and Tweek were there, they sometimes joined us. When we reached there we just stood in the awkward silence.
"Mmmh, hmrhm! (Yo, guys!)" Kenny greeted.
Kyle, Butters, and I waved as Cartman ignored Kenny as usual… he ignores everyone except sometimes Kyle.
"Hey Cartman?" Token suddenly spoke up.
Cartman turned. "What do you want you black asshole?" Cartman said.
Kyle smacked Cartman's head and Cartman whined a dramatic "ow".
"Jeez, thanks, fatass. I was going to say that I saw this creepy girl outside your house around 3 in the fucking morning." He said.
We all looked at him, frozen in terror. And by "we all" I mean the four of us.
"OH MY FUCKING JESUS TAP DANCING CHRIST! What if she's a, GAH, ghost or something! What if she's gonna kill us all!" Tweek screams as he tugs violently his hair and clutches to his coffee mug.
For once, Tweek's crazy paranoiac assumptions are correct.
Cartman laughs really loudly and obviously, "What, you're such a retard Tweek!"
"What did she look like?" I asked Token.
"I don't know, I didn't get a good look. I was sleeping at Clyde's house and when I got up for a midnight snack I saw her out the window. She was staring at the window upstairs where Cartman's room was. She looked kinda dirty, like she hasn't bathed in years. Then after a while, she looked behind and looked at me. Then she came and knocked on Clyde's door." Token said.
"Did you answer it!" Butters shrieked.
"Well yeah! She seemed like she seriously needed a bath, so after she went inside I left her to Clyde. Since he is staying home today cause there's a math test. When I opened the door she kept her head down, so I never really saw her face. But she had scratches and scabs and disgusting puss all over her skin. Her hair was so gross too, man. When I asked for her name, she just said she wanted to come in. Then when Clyde came out of the room to downstairs it was like 6:00 AM already so he said he'll take care of her while I'm in school."
"Oh my God." Kyle said.
"What?" Token asked.
"Clyde's fucking dead!" I screamed and started to run towards Clyde's direction.
"Wait what!" Token screamed.
I hear them all run behind me as I ran to Clyde's house. I knocked on the door and after a few seconds I backed up and slammed into it.
"Holy shit, dude!" I heard Token scream behind me.
I looked around and saw nothing, so I ran upstairs, the others following. When I reached upstairs I checked all the rooms, and then when I opened the bathroom I stepped on something wet. I realized it was blood when I looked down and then I looked up and saw a most horrifying sight. When the others came up some screamed, some gasped, and some murmured curses and prayers.
Clyde's blood was spread around the walls, covering the entire walls and mirrors and furniture of the bathroom. His body was cut up in pieces and thrown into the tub with the shower still on and the bathtub flooding the room and floor. Clyde's head was sitting on top of the tub's edge with a crazed, menacing grin and his eyes out of his sockets and in his mouth. I looked up and saw the ceiling and a message written up with blood.
~Look at my smile, love. I made it just for you.~
It was written elegantly on the ceiling as it dripped to the floor. I covered my mouth and ran out the house and vomited on the lawn, my breakfast splattered on the snow.
There's no way out of this, there really is no way out of this hell hole!