Sunday 5/14/2018
10:04: How do you kindly tell someone you aren't interested?
10:06: Fuck off
10:11: Excuse me?
10:12:What?
10:12: Telling them they're ugly and have daddy issues usually works
10:12: Not on hookers or minions though, they seem to like that
10:14: And now I realise asking you was a mistake
10:17: Like you
10:17: What are you, five?
10:31:Could a five year old do this
10:32: And stop cheating on your girlfriend
10:34:I'm not! Doesn't my text in fact suggest the opposite?
10:35: Well it would if you hadn't asked in the first place. If you're not cheating all you'd have to say is the words 'I have a girlfriend'. Even you must be intelligent enough to say that Jimmy.
10:37: Well maybe I just wanted a conversation starter, something you didn't think of because you clearly have no concept of normal human interaction
10:38: No I'm not being defensive
10:38: Damn you.
16:22: Are you just ignoring me now?
16:34: Who me? My god I could never do that to you
16:46: Of course not
16:48: Greg?
16:48: …
Monday 5/15/2019
10:39: I would apologise but you know... I'm not sorry
10:41: Too busy telling people they're idiots, ogling the boss the usual
10:53: I'll take that to mean you solved another 'case'
10:54: Who're the idiots this time then?
10:56: Well that'd either be the morons who gave themselves sleeping sickness by sleeping around or my very own mindless drones who couldn't figure it out without mommy to guide them
10:59: Honestly the part of the sentence that disturbs me the most is that in this scenario you're mommy
11:03: Your face disturbs me the most
11:04: What
11:05: What? And Steve McQueen and I take great offense to that
11:07: What...
11:09: I see you're a one word kinda guy
11:14: First of all my face? I don't even?
11:16: You this talkative in real life
11:18: But-but that's my point, you don't know what I look like
11:21: It's a joke Jimmy I'm sure no one cares that you're fugly
11:26: And Steve, Steve McQueen? Please tell me that you don't have a child and you haven't named him that
11:28: Don't worry I wouldn't want to inflict something like that on myself
11:29: I was thinking that but more the other way round
12:02: I'm sorry, I'm about to lose you because I'm about to drive into a tunnel in a canyon on an airplane while hanging up on you
12:04: But we're not even on a phone call
12:04: Greg?
12:06: And we're back to this again I see
12:10: Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
12:11: Who is Steve?
12:15: You give up too easily it's disappointing
12:17: I need a distraction alright, I'm not as boring as everyone around here seems to think I am
12:18: Hey don't worry about it
12:19: Is this you... being nice?
12:20: It's not just there that people find you boring
12:21: And I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up
12:25: You shouldn't have offended Steve
12:27: I apologised! And I still don't know who that is.
12:29: God Jimmy don't get your panties in a twist, my pet rat accepts your apologies
12:32: Are you kidding me
12:34: I never kid about panties
12:38: Alright that's it I'm done
12:38: You're far too annoying to be a five year old
19:11: *image sent* (Pic of Steve)
19:15: Great, a rat
19:16: I'll have you know Steve is twice the person I could ever be
19:18: And I'm not sure if that says more about you or Steve
19:20: Thank you
19:23: I don't even-
19:23: Anyway. Disturbing as it is texting you I have to go.
19:24: See I'm giving you warning as a normal person would.
19:26: Oh Jimmy I don't know what's funnier, that you consider yourself a normal person or assume I'd want to be one
19:27: Goodbye Greg
19:28: Well hop to it then! Save the baldies while you can!
19:29: Are you this offensive to everyone you meet?
19:32: Yes. Don't think you're special.
Wednesday 5/17/2018
10:11: Bored.
10:16: What?
10:19: I'm bored.
10:22: Don't you have some ridiculous medical puzzle to miraculously solve, insulting everyone and their grandmothers while you're at it?
House let out a hoarse chuckle, preparing to type an equally snarky reply while his free hand desperately massaged his cramping thigh muscle.
10:24: Nah
Okay... perhaps not as witty as he'd intended
10:26: There's this little thing called work or a 'hospital' for most doctors at this time on a Wednesday
10:27: Well I would but see the boss has gone on a diet and her jugs just aren't juggly enough for me anymore
10:28: Greg
10:30: What? I know how much you like the ladies
10:31: You are okay right?
10:33: Okay enough to objectify my boss like any other red-blooded American you mean
10:27: This is almost pleasant conversation for you. And you're clearly up to something with the way you're avoiding the question
10:28: Me? Never.
10:31: -_-
10:33 I see you have learnt the elusive art of emojis
10:33 g2g sme
10:35 got to go and... what?
10:38 Alright then bye!
10:39: Hey!
10:41 Sudden Medical Emergency of course
House grimaced as he glanced over to the drawer containing his heating pads on the other side of the room, at this point it didn't feel too far from the truth.
10:43 Oh I see your pants are on fire
Though Jimmy couldn't see that. Not his pants the truth. Oh fuck it.
10:45 Don't you have a duty and responsibility to care for your patients? Think of the kids!
10:46 Now you're not even making sense
10:46 Not that you ever-
He couldn't bring himself to read the rest of the text as he levered himself up off the bed. Funny as the guy was the only thing that could truly distract House at the moment lay seemingly a world away in a small syringe nestled carefully on top of his suitcase. He wouldn't want to let Cuddy's disappointment go to waste now would he?