"Of course she wouldn't love you. She is like the others, empty and hollow. She would pretend and be so empty on the inside and in the end, you'd only be alone again. The only true love lies in death, Johnny. That is where the real escape lies."
"He lies, Johnny. You should ask her. Enjoy the moment. Feel, do something. You've thought about it. You know you want to. It will be beautiful."
Johnny was sitting on the couch, paralyzed with indecision as the combating voices argued in his mind. He sat near the phone, tapping one clawlike finger as he waited for one of the doughboys to present a truly convincing argument. So far they were arguing eachother to a standstill and Johnny still did not know what to do.
"She can tolerate you, Johnny. You know she can, she isn't like the others. You've seen her, you've watched her. You know what she says. She's real. Ask her. Remember the other times?"
Johnny did remember, and this gave Mr. Eff an advantage. The dark blue-haired man almost smiled. "The other times..."
"It was beautiful then. You were happy, remember? This won't be any different. Ask her."
"You're lying to yourself, Johnny, and he only lies to you as well. Of course she'll be different. Remember the other one, the one who screamed before she died? She was so ugly, Johnny. You remember. Do you want that to happen to her?"
Again, both sides had left him without a decision. They had their points, but Johnny still did not know what to do.
"You should get another opinion, Nny." Nail Bunny's soft voice came into his mind, resulting in the doughboys recoiling angrily at the intrusion. "They aren't exactly trustworthy."
"What do you think?"
Nail Bunny paused before speaking. "I think you should do it. You could get so much if it went successfully."
"The Bunny is just another voice in your head, Nny." Mr. Eff was not happy about Nail Bunny's contribution. "It's not a second opinion, it's your own."
"Then who should I ask?" Johnny was now as irritated as one of his voices. Nail Bunny spoke once more.
"Do you remember that other one? The one who escaped?"
Johnny looked down for a moment, deep in thought. He struggled to find the correct name before speaking. "You mean...Edgar, right? I think that was his name..."
"That's right. You should ask him."
"Why..." Johnny paused before settling on his words. "He wouldn't talk to me. I have no way of contacting him and he probably doesn't remember me."
Nail Bunny's voice held almost a slight tinge of amusement as it dealt with Johnny's points all at once. "You should at least try. You have a phone and there's a phonebook somewhere nearby, and I seriously doubt anyone could forget a stay here."
"He won't talk to you, you tried to kill him, remember? I think that puts a damper on your relationship. Don't listen." Johnny talking with outside sources was not good. They had to keep control of him until the wall... "You should just stay here. Stay and finally go over the stars..."
Johnny stood and rubbed the back of his head, nervous energy running through him and making his movements shaky. "I don't know what I should do...I hate feeling this...conflicted."
"Call him. You have nothing to lose." As a rule, Nail Bunny's advice was always the most sane, so in the end, this was what Nny eventually decided to do. After all, he could not kill Edgar through a phone, so that element of fear would be eliminated. Edgar had also been very logical during their other conversation, so surely he would have some good advice.
"Hello?" Edgar fumbled for his glasses as he raised phone to his ear, too groggy to wonder about who was calling him. What time was it? The bright green blurs of his alarm clock eventually turned into numbers as he pulled his glasses on. Two AM?
"Edgar...Vargas?"
Blind panic surged through his body at the familiar voice and he jerked around, eyes immediately flying to the nearby window. He fully expected to see Johnny standing there with a cellphone, smiling and holding someone's head, but he was disappointed in this regard. After giving his fear a bit more conscious thought, he found he was being utterly ridiculous.
Meanwhile, time was zipping by. Quick Edgar, think of something to say.
"What time is it...?"
Brilliant.
"It's not important." Johnny's voice was crackly and faint through the phone's speaker. How did he get his number? He fumbled for the light switch, then thought better of it. "I have to ask you something."
Edgar, his body still trembling from adrenaline, fell back onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling helplessly. Why hadn't he hung up?
With a sigh, he took his glasses off and set them to one side, rubbing at his temples. He responded slowly, his words still slightly slurred from sleep. "Alright, what?"
There was a pause from the other end of the line, almost as if Johnny had not expected him to agree. Edgar was still groggy and not sure of what he was saying. That had to be he hadn't hung up by now.
"I'm not sure whether..." Johnny paused and a sound came through the speaker. It was a kind of angry hissing and Edgar got the impression that Johnny was probably cursing or speaking to himself. "I'm thinking of talking to this girl I've seen at the bookstore."
"And?" Edgar wasn't thinking when he responded so quickly, too tired to alter his natural responses for him. Johnny apparently did not expect this either and paused again.
"I'm not sure whether I should or not."
Edgar opened his mouth to ask why, but thought better of it. At this point, he was so exhausted he just wanted to go back to sleep, thus his brain logically deduced the quickest way out of the conversation. "I would do it. She sounds like she must be nice if you don't want to kill her."
Johnny was silent. Edgar rubbed at his eyes again, feeling as if he had again signed his own death sentence. But it was only a phone. He couldn't get stabbed through a phone. "I would give it a try. You've got nothing to lose, really. Look, call me later, maybe at a..." Edgar wanted to say 'sane' but quickly replaced the word. He reached over clumsily for his alarm clock on instinct to see what time it was before remembering he wasn't wearing his glasses. His hand again returned to his forehead. "...some other time if it works out, alright?"
Edgar was only moments away from hanging up, but he wanted to at least hear what Johnny had to say. Maybe just an affirmation that Edgar would be dead by the morning?
"Okay." Johnny's voice held a sense of acceptance, something that Edgar found strange. No argument at all.
So maybe he wouldn't die.
Weird.
"Bye." Edgar then hung up the phone and rolled back over. Sleep was a while in coming. He couldn't shake the feeling that he had just made a huge mistake.
When he woke up the next morning, Edgar struggled to remember what had happened the previous night. He ran through the conversation he had had with Johnny with the same kind of disbelieving surprise he experienced when he escaped his house before. How on earth did this keep happening to him? He was perhaps the most average guy he knew of. He had no outstanding features or beliefs and yet, somehow, he managed to keep getting into these absolutely incomprehensible situations.
As he remembered bits and pieces of their phone conversation, Edgar suddenly felt guilty. He had given Johnny advice which the maniac apparently planned to follow. However, he had not considered the ramifications of doing so.
Whoever this girl was that Johnny seemed fascinated with, Edgar was fairly sure she was probably dead. Johnny was not a stable person and he doubted that anyone could stay alive in his presence for long. The fact that Edgar himself had survived was a testament of pure, dumb luck. He doubted that this girl would be so lucky.
Then again, maybe she would be just what Johnny needed. Maybe she could make Johnny moderately sane, or at least sane enough not to kill her. Edgar kind of doubted it, but he did not rule it out as a possibility.
He did not know Johnny's number and had no way of getting it, considering Johnny's peculiar invisibility on a larger social scale. Johnny had been infuriatingly vague about the bookstore's name or location and even the name of the person he was interested in. Edgar had nothing he could do, except maybe search each of the nearby bookstores systematically. However, he was not entirely excited by the thought of seeing Johnny again. He had escaped death once...he did not want to run into him again.
So Edgar waited. Days went by and Edgar went to work, did menial tasks, and basically accomplished nothing of any lasting importance.
Typical for Edgar. What jolted him out of the normal routine he was finally slipping back into was another phone call.
He picked it up hesitantly, already guessing at who would be at that other end. No one called him. His life was surprisingly and conveniently empty, as he had stated before Johnny had come very close to ending it.
"Hello?"
"Edgar?"
Johnny. The thorns in his voice were present, even over the phone. Edgar ran a hand through his short hair awkwardly, still nervously looking around the room. It seemed rather early for Johnny to be calling him...it wasn't even midnight yet. "Um...hello."
There was a silence from the other end of the line and Edgar again felt a growing sense of unease. "How did it go?"
He winced. He was not sure if he even wanted to know. Another pause from Johnny almost provided a nonverbal answer, but a more explanatory one came shortly thereafter.
"Not too well."
Something dangerous in his tone warned Edgar that this was the ultimate understatement. He noticed at this point Johnny almost seemed to be wheezing or lisping. That was peculiar.
"How so? What happened?"
You idiot, don't ask!
He could hear Johnny breathing on the other end of the line, then what sounded like a moist cough. "Things didn't work out quite like I planned."
Another vast understatement. Edgar steeled himself, then finally spoke, his voice again taking on the calm and level tone he had used with Johnny before. "Is she dead?"
Another long pause. Johnny's response was quiet and interspersed with another moist cough. "Actually...no."
Edgar was almost as confused as Johnny sounded. "Does...wait. No?"
"No."
"But it didn't go well?"
"...No."
Confusion. "So what happened exactly?"
The sudden realization of what he was doing hit Edgar as Johnny took a breath to explain. Why am I talking to him? He tried to kill me! Why aren't I hanging up?
"She..." Johnny paused for such a long time at this point Edgar almost wanted to ask if he was still there. He could still hear him breathing, but apparently Johnny was thinking to himself. "It..." Another long pause. "I'm not..."
Edgar tried to guess at what happened and found nothing came to mind. The girl had lived but the date had gone badly. Why?
"Did...um..." Now he felt awkward that he interrupted Johnny's silence. That was a first for him. "She..."
Johnny just remained silent, as if hoping that Edgar could guess the remainder of the story so he would not have to explain. Edgar struggled to think of a plausible explanation until Johnny let loose a tiny expletive.
"What? What's wrong?" What am I doing? Why do I care?
"My hand." Another short, soft expletive. "Hold on."
Another long silence. What was he doing? Had he cut his hand?
Had she cut his hand?
...She fought back.
Edgar snapped his fingers, locking onto that thought and elaborating on it. Johnny must have tried to kill her when the girl decided to try and resist. If she was still alive, she must have escaped. Or something like that.
"Are you okay?" He felt better now that he had a logical guess as to what happened, but he did not feel confident enough to mention it. "What happened?"
Johnny was silent for a few moments before his voice returned to the phone. "Just a scratch, it's nothing...I'll take care of it."
"What happened to her?"
A very long silence followed this. Edgar sat down on his bed as he waited, not sure if Johnny could either work up the courage or find the words to respond. He looked at his own hands before self-consciously raising one to his face, fingertips finding the marks underneath his eyes. Scabbed over, but more than capable of generating him an unwelcome amount of attention.
Don't forget how you got those.
"She escaped, didn't she?"
Why did you say that?
Another pause, then Johnny's voice came to him, soft but still menacing. "Yes."
"So what happened to you?" Following his original hypothesis, Johnny had to be injured in the ensuing scuffle. Feeling a bit more emboldened at such a non-threatening answer, he waited with slightly less fear for Johnny's response.
It was a long time in coming.
"Goodbye, Edgar."
There was a click.
Edgar pulled the phone away and stared at it in confusion. Unable to come up with any reason other than Johnny's relative instability, Edgar shrugged and hung up the phone, sighing and holding his head.
Hopefully, this would be the last he would hear from him.
It was only a day later when the phone rang again. This time it sounded when Edgar was sitting up in bed, staring at nothing. Edgar had been sleeping fitfully lately, his dreams incomprehensible and meaningless, and he found himself waking up at regular intervals. This had never happened before, but considering what he had been through, he decided that it was only natural.
He also began to notice that he was beginning to lose his patience with things faster than he normally did. Edgar was normally a very tolerant person and slow to anger, but lately something was grating on his nerves. He could not place exactly what it was, but something in the back of his mind was making things more...irritating than they had ever been before. He blamed it on stress, but that wasn't an entirely satisfactory conclusion.
Interestingly, when his phone rang, he found that his fear response had lessened somewhat. He was fairly sure now that Johnny wanted to keep his distance, judging from how reticent he was during their last conversation.
That was perfectly fine with Edgar.
As it was, he was not reaching out to the maniac, but if Johnny wanted to reach out to him in such a...distant manner, then Edgar was okay with it.
As long as it did not involve the threat of death.
"Edgar?" He never seemed to say hello.
Still a slight tinge of fear at his voice. He thought he had gotten over that. "...Hello, Nny."
Johnny was silent for some time, apparently thinking of something to say. Or trying to remember what he was going to say in the first place. Edgar was becoming used to these long pauses and sat down, letting his eyes rove lazily around the room as he waited.
"What are you doing?"
That was peculiar. Johnny had never showed interested in anyone's life but his own. Edgar warily tried to think of an appropriate response. "I was...sleeping." Edgar smiled at his own words. "But I'm awake now."
You don't want to know. Don't you say a word-
"So what are you doing?"
What's wrong with you?
There was another pause from the end of the line. He could hear a faint rustling and guessed that maybe Johnny had run a hand through his hair or riffled through some papers. Or something. "...I'm thinking."
That came as no surprise.
"What happened?"
You idiot. About what, not what happened-
"People."
"Ah." Edgar recalled Johnny asking him that simple question that Edgar had no answer too. He guessed that the dark man had again become some unknowing victim to humankind. At least in his perspective. Edgar had troubles believing that every person that Johnny killed had personally wronged him in some way. After all, he hadn't done anything to Johnny and had recieved two lovely scars for it. "How so?"
"They..." Johnny paused. "First they talked too much, then...they...they kind of made sense."
Edgar had to think about this for a moment before he could realize how strange that would have seemed to Johnny. "Made sense...? Was it something like..."
No, don't mention it. That would be awkward.
"Was it something like with me? Like...how you didn't want to kill me?"
Great.
A shorter pause this time. "No. So far no one's been..." Johnny paused again. "I haven't found anyone like you lately."
Edgar took that as the closest thing Johnny could get to admitting he was wrong.
"But these people..." Johnny's voice took on a dangerous edge, one that Edgar recognized easily. "These people just wouldn't shut up...and after a while I almost heard things that...almost made sense."
No wonder he was confused.
"They made you feel bad about killing them?"
You're just not getting better at this.
"No..." Johnny hesitated for a moment. "They made me think about...myself in a way. It was...uncomfortable."
How to respond...Think quickly, Edgar.
"I guess I can understand that."
Brilliant.
Johnny paused again before letting loose a soft sigh. "And another time...I was talking to this girl who was so beautiful outside but so ugly inside...and it came to me...you...that I'm..."
Johnny drifted off, almost as if into his own thoughts, but Edgar found it easy to complete the sentence.
"Again, that's...I guess that's kind of understandable." Edgar winced at his own words, but he did not feel comfortable lying about how he felt about Johnny's homicidal tendencies. "But..." He did not want to make Johnny angry...how to phrase this? "It's hard to...it's difficult to really look at yourself."
You should write fortune cookies.
Shut up.
It took him a minute to realize he had been talking to himself.
"...I'm thinking of maybe going out to get something to drink."
Edgar's eyes widened and he sat up properly, again looking out his window nervously. This couldn't be an invitation. Please don't let it be an invitation.
Focus on the more present problem. Encourage him to go and possibly kill more people or tell him to stay home and quietly go insane?
"How long has it been?"
What kind of question is that?
"I...don't know." Another slight pause. "Time...it's hard for me to keep track of things sometimes."
"Interesting you would keep track of me."
Why did you say that? You're doing a lovely job of making your own noose here, Edgar. Shut up!
Johnny was silent for a while. "That...it's..." He paused again, apparently planning out his words a little better. "Why did you..."
You just killed yourself.
"I'm..." Edgar struggled to think of some way to erase the question. "I think, uh...I think you should go."
Why!
"Oh." Johnny paused again. "...Think so?"
No.
"Why not? You wouldn't...well, there wouldn't be too much human interaction I think..."
What about the clerk, you idiot? Shut up!
"It wouldn't take too long either...and you do need to eat, so...I guess you should do it."
"Oh." Johnny almost seemed confused. It had been a while since he had heard that tone...very reminiscient of when he escaped...
How long ago was that?
"Is it alright..." Johnny paused again and Edgar leaned back on the bed, closing his eyes and sighing. How long would it be this time?
A few minutes. "You...this late at night...no one really...I mean, is it alright..."
"To keep calling me?" Edgar finished, trying to be helpful. He rubbed at his temples, feeling a headache coming on. "I guess. It...does make things more interesting."
I can't believe you just said that.
"Alright." Johnny paused for only a few seconds this time. "Goodbye."
Click.
Edgar put the phone back into its cradle and leaned back downwards, staring at the ceiling. He could not understand why he was doing this. Why was this happening? Why couldn't he just hang up?
Was he scared that Johnny could track him down and perhaps, kill him for real this time? After all, he had tracked him and kidnapped him before and Edgar had no memory of what had happened. Johnny could find him at any time, so he might as well indulge him.
Yes, that had to be the reason. It made the most sense.
Edgar rolled over and closed his eyes, but again sleep had trouble coming to him and he woke up only an hour later. He drifted in and out of sleep until his alarm clock went off and Edgar shuffled his way towards another day.
The next night, the phone rang again. Edgar had finally fallen asleep for once and the ringing of the phone proved to be extremely irritating. He rolled over and grabbed it, mumbling a quick greeting as he fumbled for his glasses.
"Hello."
"Edgar."
Pause.
"I killed him."
Edgar was not surprised, only sighing in what he found to be a vaguely disappointed way. "The clerk, right?"
"Yes."
Edgar put his glasses on, staring at his dark room as he shifted himself upwards in his bed. Johnny actually sounded almost pleased."Why?"
"He didn't give me what I wanted. But actually that was okay because they had Cherry Fiz-wiz instead." Edgar hadn't heard this manic tone in a while. Johnny paused as if in thought for a few seconds. "I wish I knew that before I shot him."
Edgar sighed, rubbing at his head once again. Another headache. These were getting more and more frequent.
How can he not feel bad about this? He's insane, you idiot.
"You sound...happier than usual."
"Do I?" Johnny now sounded genuinely confused. "I...I did get Fiz-wiz, so why not?" Just as Johnny seemed to immerse himself in his own depression at times, it seemed he was enjoying his momentary happiness with the same abandon. "I guess I am happy."
"Well, that's good to hear." Edgar tried to keep his thoughts off of the dead clerk. "It's nice to know that things are going...that things are brightening for you, I guess."
It was late. That was his excuse.
"They won't stay this way for long, but it is nice." He heard a slurping noise on the other end. "Things never stay nice for me. That's kind of why I killed him, now that I think about it."
Edgar sighed to himself. "Just frustrated?"
Interesting guess.
"Yes." Slight pause. "Yes, that's what it was, I guess. I don't like guns."
"Why'd you shoot him then?"
As if it wasn't blindingly obvious.
"It was there."
"Ah." Edgar rubbed at his eyes for a moment, struggling to stay awake. He had finally drifted off to sleep and despite the nature of what Nny was telling him, he still felt rather tired. "I guess that makes sense."
Johnny was silent for a little while. "I guess I...just wanted to tell someone."
An interesting thought struck Edgar. Was Johnny lonely? Was that why he kept on calling him? No...he had wanted advice, that was why he spoke with him originally. Why would Johnny be...
No, that was a question with an obvious answer. Johnny killed everyone he got near in one way or another. Of course he was lonely.
He could hear the smile in Johnny's voice. "It does get kind of boring just talking to yourself."
"Right..." Edgar mumbled, although he still felt very unsettled. The thought of Johnny being lonely...why did that bother him so much?
What if Johnny wanted to see Edgar again? What if he woke up and found Johnny in his room?
This wouldn't have happened if you had just hung up originally.
What he had said to Johnny had been true. These phonecalls did make his life more interesting. But Edgar was not sure that was exactly what he wanted.
"You seem like a nice person." Edgar recalled Johnny mentioning this before during their initial conversation. "I'm glad I didn't kill you after all."
When Johnny seemed cheerful, he talked more. Edgar ran a hand through his hair again nervously, glancing out the window. "Yeah...me too."
God, that's awkward.
Edgar winced at his own words before trying to bring attention from them with a short laugh. "Sorry...it's kind of late. I'm probably not making a lot of sense..."
"No, that's okay. I know." Shorter pauses now. Fewer in number as well. "You do make sense sometimes."
Coming from Johnny, that was a compliment. "Thanks."
The pauses abruptly returned, but Edgar imagined that Johnny probably had the same confused look on his face that he had when Edgar had originally thanked him.
"If...you don't mind...I mean..." Edgar fell back onto his pillows, pressing his arm against his eyes. "I mean...it's kind of more pleasant to talk to you when you're like this."
Silence. Edgar winced, wondering just what it was that he had just done.
"You know...when you talk back."
Edgar, again, laughed in a way that he helped would emphasize the intended levity of his words. Silence for a short period.
"It..." Slight hesitation. "I guess."
"Sorry." Edgar stifled a yawn. "I didn't mean it like that. I am kind of tired, so I guess..." Edgar was not sure how to finish his sentence. "But I'm glad you're happy."
Why? Why does that matter to you? It won't stop him killing people, you know. It might.
"Really?" Not a genuine question but an initial response. Then he could hear the rare amusement in Johnny's voice again. "It's rare. But it is nice...to really feel happy. It's...it normally doesn't happen to me."
"I know, I think you mentioned that before..." Edgar just barely muffled another yawn. "But it's nice to know that it does happen."
Now let's all skip off to gumdrop land with the happy magic elves. God, shut up. When did you get so sarcastic?
"Yeah..." Johnny trailed off, although he did sound satisfied. The awkwardness that was previously present in his voice was gone now, but Edgar was not sure how long this would last. "I guess."
"I'm really tired though, Nny..." Edgar hoped Johnny would not take this the wrong way. "I just got to sleep recently...I've been having trouble sleeping lately..."
Don't tell him anything about yourself. Why does it matter?
"Oh." Johnny sounded thoughtful for a moment. Edgar sighed and rolled over to face the phone, prepared to hang up. "Alright."
I hope I didn't ruin his good mood.
"Bye, Nny."
"Goodbye."
Edgar hung up and then rolled back the other way, wondering about his own motivations. Everything logical told him to stop answering his phone, to stop playing along with Johnny, and yet something kept him speaking, kept him from hanging up...
There was something in him, something that he could not consciously recognize, that seemed to accept Johnny. Almost...to study him. Edgar recoiled against such an idea, feeling that it demeaned Johnny and reflected badly on him, but at the moment he could not understand. What kept him there?
What kept him awake at night?
Why did Johnny call him so much?
Why didn't Edgar feel lonely? If even sociopathic misfits could feel lonely, then what was wrong with Edgar? Why did he never reach out like even Johnny could do?
Why didn't he feel that need?
Something had to be wrong with him, but Edgar did not know what. Struggling to focus on something else, Edgar eventually fell asleep.