Chapter Two: Betrayal Forgiven

Bolstered by his newfound strength, Edmund took a great breath and began the horrible walk down the hill.

His thoughts were in a jumble.

He knew he did not deserve Aslan's forgiveness. But perhaps that was the point. Perhaps only those who realized they were wretched would be forgiven. If so, he supposed he was chief among them.

Forgiveness.

The word echoed in his head. That it should be given to him, after everything he'd done… Edmund knew that he would be in awe of the great Lion for ever. But he could not expect such mercy from his family. He was a traitor, and they all knew it. And not only they, he recalled miserably, but every creature in Aslan's domain.

He had been too far away to see the look in Peter's eyes when his brother had first noticed him; if he had, perhaps he would not have been so fearful. But the guilt he felt was enough to make him sick. He went as slowly as he could, but it was not a very high hill, and he soon found himself face to face with his siblings.

Edmund cringed inwardly, but Aslan smiled. The dread decreased a very little bit when he realized that Aslan was standing beside him, but the guilt was another thing entirely.

"What's done is done," said the Great Lion. "There is no need to speak to Edmund about what is past." Edmund himself felt there was an incredible need, but he took great strength from the presence of the Lion. He felt that he would be able to endure anything his siblings might say to him, if only they would give him the chance to tell them he was sorry. His gratitude that they had been spared was immeasurable. All the same, to be made to look into their eyes was a dreadful penalty.

And before Edmund had been able to think of what he might say, the Lion turned and walked away, leaving him alone with those he had betrayed.

No, thought Edmund wildly, thinking himself abandoned. You said you would stay with me! I can't face them alone!

Aslan's voice came over him then, strong and soothing. I am with you, Son of Adam. You can do all things with Me.

Edmund held to that promise like a lifeline. He glanced anxiously at Peter, but Peter said nothing, his expression indecipherable. Edmund looked down and gave a disparaging sigh as the knots in his stomach grew. There was nothing for it. He would have to speak sometime, and he would have to speak first. He gathered all his courage and looked up at them.

"Hello," he murmured apprehensively, but his tone was a lot like I'm sorry.

His family could see the marks of the witch upon him; his lip was split and his clothes were dirty; his face was pale and there were bruises he did not want them to see. He looked weary and care-worn, and not a little wary. Everyone felt compassion for him; even Lucy knew it must be terribly hard for him to stand before them now.

He looked down again, obviously embarrassed and unsure of what to do. They all wanted desperately to make everything better for him, but Peter and Susan did not know how to begin. Lucy, however, felt a lovely sort of happiness at being reunited with this brother she had lost. Unable to contain herself, she broke into a wide grin and ran to him, burying her face in his scratchy English shirt. This was what Edmund had been longing for.

Lucy brought her arms around his middle, and he melted into her. He wrapped his arms around her, the warmth of her genuine affection covering him like a blanket, and he knew he was forgiven. He felt as though a terrible burden had been lifted from his shoulders as he rested his head against his sister's, pulling her close. Perhaps he had been even more wrong about her than he had imagined.

Susan was next. Edmund felt her hand on his arm, and let go of Lucy gently. He had to stand on his toes to hug Susan, but he did not mind. As she had been the most like him of any of his siblings, he felt that perhaps she understood best, and he was grateful for her.

"Are you all right?" she asked him, when she could bear to let him go (though she could not make herself let go entirely, and her hand remained on his arm).

"I'm a little tired," said Edmund quietly. He was more than that, but he did not dare to say so.

Peter's reproving voice broke through his reverie with Susan.

"Get some sleep."

That stung. Peter was not angry with him; there was no malice in his eyes. But Edmund could see the disappointment, and he thought that was worse. After the warm reception from the girls, he had allowed himself to hope that Peter might forgive him too, but he knew now that he had done it in vain. Bitter pain stabbed through him. Aside from that of Aslan, Peter's was the forgiveness and acceptance he craved the most. He knew he had Aslan's, and that was enough. Now he had the girls' too. But it hurt to know he could not have Peter's, though he knew he did not deserve it. Peter had expected more of him.

For a moment he looked at his older brother in hurt surprise; Peter could see the hope wash out of Edmund's eyes; perhaps even Edmund had not known how much of it had shone there, or how desperately he had wanted Peter to exonerate him. Edmund looked quickly away. He put his hands into his pockets dejectedly and began to walk up the hill, toward the tents.

The girls watched him go; Lucy with regret, for she wanted him to stay beside her; Susan with sympathy, for she could see how much Edmund had wanted Peter's mercy. They wanted to keep him with them; to hold him again; to feel him there, real and warm and solid.

But Edmund kept on walking, and Peter stood his ground.

Edmund's countenance had been burned into Peter's mind, the wishful yearning for his brother's approval splashed across his face, and Peter felt a wave of compassion for him.

Edmund was sorry, anyone could see that. Peter had already forgiven him in his heart; shaming him before the girls was cruel and unnecessary. He had obviously been punished severely already.

But Peter had a responsibility to Edmund, to see that he did not forget what his bitterness and animosity had brought about. Everything should not be forgiven him so quickly; suppose he returned to his wickedness just as fast? Edmund did not deserve redemption.

But then, Aslan had forgiven him… Aslan had said there was no need to speak to Edmund about what he had done. Peter supposed that meant he need not remind him of it either. And Peter loved his brother dearly. Anger and understanding warred within him, but mercy won out.

Peter turned around.

"And Edmund?"

Edmund's head whipped round so quickly that it hurt to watch him. His cautiousness had returned, but that painful hope still shone in his eyes.

Peter grinned.

"Try not to wander off."

Edmund could tell that all was forgiven, and his answering smile was one of joy and relief. He had no intention of wandering again. He continued up the hill to bed as the weight of the world fell away.