Scorned 2

The Amazons welcome me without question, and frankly I'm glad for their camaraderie. I don't want to be their queen, not anymore. I just want to live as part of the group, a fraction of the whole. No one minds, they are just eager to learn anything they can from me.

I'm still finding it hard to focus on anything but Xena. It's tormenting me that she doesn't care, and that I care too much. I do my best to blend in to the background, become one of the tribe and let that take over. At first there were questions about Xena, but I shook them off and refused to answer. Everyone got the point eventually and stopped asking. Life is beginning to feel better, like I can move on and at least put Xena out of my mind.

I raise my bow and notch the arrow. I can remember some of the lessons Xena gave. Sometimes I think it was just an excuse to press as close to me as possible. I breath in slowly and then out. My target is a stag that can feed us for days. Again I breath, this time letting loose the arrow. I watch it scream towards its intended target and hit with deadly accuracy.

'You're getting good at that.' I immediately drop my bow at her voice. I don't want to turn and see that she's really here. A panic feeling is building inside me; I can barely control the emotions that want to explode within. I can't even speak.

'I've missed you.' Her voice is soft. This statement however ignites an anger I thought had vanished. I spin around to face her, trembling with all the emotions I've been holding back for months. She takes a step forward, I immediately take a step back. That tiny bit of hope that she had in her eyes dies. I guess this is not as easy as she thought.

'Gabrielle I'm sorry.' Her eyes shimmer with tears, while my own come rushing out in a torrent. Again she takes a step forward and I take one back. Her hand is reaching out, as if she wants to touch me.

'Gabrielle please.' Please what?!

'Please?' My jaw is tensed, the words hiss out between my clenched teeth. 'Xena you…' I can't seem to find words strong enough to hurt her. I want her to feel what I feel. My heart is beating out of my chest, and it hurts. 'I have more respect for myself than that.' Her head tilts to one side. 'I didn't deserve that. To just be nothing because some man comes along.' She's crying now, her face looking as if I just slapped her.

'I know, I'm sorry.' Step forward, step back.

'Fuck you Xena!' I pivot and take off in a run back towards camp. I'll have to send someone out to get the stag, and make sure they refuse Xena access to this land. When I get back Cyan can see the obvious distress on my face.

'What happened?' She leans in, hand on my shoulder.

'Xena.' It comes out in a barely audible whisper. I've told her a little about what happened, not everything, but enough. She just nods her head at me and begins to issue orders. I go to my hut and pray that this all just goes away.

'Queen Gabrielle.' They insist on calling me that, even when I tell them not to.

'What is it?' An amazon walks in, head bowed.

'We've captured Xena.'

'And?' I know Xena would only get captured because she wanted to.

'Queen Cyan wants to know what we should do.' I sigh, I could care less right now.

'Can we talk about this tomorrow?'

'As you command.' She walks back out, and I throw myself down on my bed. Things were just getting livable again. Why did she wait so long? What exactly did she have to figure out?

The onset of night brings no peace with it; I'm restless and angry. Now is probably the best time to confront her, while my anger is at its height. I stalk through the camp, finding my way to the hut she's shackled in. Throwing the flap aside, I storm in, anger bursting from every pore.

A small torch is all that lights the hut. I motion to the two Amazons standing guard to leave. They are hesitant at first, but the look in my eyes convinces them to obey. Xena is sitting on the ground, avoiding my gaze and looking down at the earthen floor.

'What did you expect by coming here?' I'm pacing back and forth in front of her.

'I just wanted to….' She can't finish her thought.

'Do you have any idea how you made me feel?' She pops up to her feet, looking me in the eye now.

'Gabrielle.'

'No, I need to say this.' I pace a few times before stopping in front of her again. 'After everything we've been through, all it took was…..' My heart is shattering, the sobs come whether I want them to or not. 'I mean nothing to you.' The words come out strained. She leans forward, wanting to touch me but restrained by chains.

'You mean everything to me.' I laugh bitterly at her.

'I'm not the naive kid I used to be Xena.' I spit my words out with vehement. 'If you didn't have to kill him, you wouldn't be here right now.' Her face falls, there's nothing she can say to this, it's the truth. 'I give everything for you, and I am so easily disposable.' She's crying now, jaw clenching and unclenching.

'Gabrielle I'm sorry.' She pleads with earnest.

'What do you want?' She's taken aback slightly but answers quickly.

'I want you to forgive me; I want you to come back.'

'Ha!' I throw my arms up at the ludicrous statement.

'I love you.' She whispers. I drop to the ground, pulling my knees to my chest. What is love to her? I think she just needs me around to be her sidekick, she's gotten used to me being there all the time. Xena crouches down, reaching her hand towards me. I ignore her.

'I'm easily replaced.' I growl. She sighs in frustration and sits against the post she's chained to. We sit in silence for nearly an hour. I refuse to look at her, my resolve may waiver.

'Gabrielle.' She says softly. I don't respond; I don't really want to hear it. 'I messed up, I'm sorry.'

'How is that supposed to make everything better?'

'It's not.'

'Then what's the point?!' She looks at me a moment, choosing her words carefully.

'You're right, I didn't even think about you I just got caught up in everything.' I'm about to say something when she interjects. 'It's no excuse, and it doesn't change anything, but it's the truth and you deserve that.'

'How kind of you.' She sighs again, giving up for the moment. 'You could have stopped me.' My voice is a pained whisper.

'I didn't realize. I wasn't thinking.' I laugh at her. She has yet to say anything that could possibly be construed as good or helpful to her cause.

'And you expect me to just forgive you?'

'No.' She says after a moment. I feel like wrapping my hands around her neck.

'I'm such an idiot.' I say this more to myself than to her.

'Do you still love me?' This question seems so stupid and idiotic to me.

'Of course I do; the problem is I don't know if you really love me.' She winces a little. 'Why would I put myself in that situation again?' She shrugs at me, she doesn't have an answer.