"Cas?" Dean croaked out weakly. "Cas is that you?" He was so afraid he would wake up and find it was a dream, he didn't know what to do. He was forgetting to breathe. Or avoiding breathing, as if one breath would burst a bubble and make Castiel disappear.
"Oh holy fuck Cas, are you really here?" Dean eventually said with such longing he was ashamed of himself.
Castiel smiled faintly, and stepped closer, onto the porch. Dean registered in his mind that there was something wrong with the picture, like in those puzzles he used to do as a kid. Something was missing, and it was Castiel's trench coat. And tie. Instead, he was wearing jeans, a belt buckle, and a t-shirt with some logo on it that Dean didn't recognize. The t-shirt fit him snuggly, and Dean realized he looked really good. It wasn't just that he was really glad to see him. Castiel looked larger than life, yet somehow small and vulnerable at the same time.
"I'm here, Dean," Cas said, and a dam broke inside Dean, hearing that voice he'd been waiting to hear for so long, saying his name. He rushed forward and melted into a tight embrace with Castiel, completely forgetting for a minute that his dick was hanging out and sticky.
His face brushed against the small amount of stubble on Castiel's face and Dean was hit with a deep, fulfilling feeling that he'd come home. Like destiny was wrapped up in that one small sensation he'd had hovering around in his mind all spring. Overwhelmed, he hugged Castiel tighter and had to fight down the urge to kiss him. He was just way, way too happy.
Castiel eventually stepped back with a little laugh. It was reserved, like the typical Castiel, and then he broke out in a wide grin, which Dean had never seen before, other than from future Cas. Castiel looked down, and said, "I was hoping for this kind of reaction from you, well, the hug, yes, but didn't realize I'd get this lucky." He continued to look at Dean warmly, which Dean was reveling in with extreme glee, until he realized he was exposed and still hard.
"Holy shit," Dean said, reflexively stepping back and covering himself with his hand. Then he turned around and zipped his pants back up as quickly as he could without getting himself bitten by the zipper. He turned back around and wiped his hands on his jeans. "Sorry Cas. Sorry if I grossed you out. I just…"
"No need to apologize, Dean," said Castiel. "I've become well aware of the male body's biological needs." Dean was surprised and was hit again with the sensation that something was wrong with this picture. It wasn't just that Castiel looked different, or had smiled like a real person. Castiel's statement right there was a clue that something was up. "What do you mean, Cas?" Dean offered him a chair and sat back down on his own. "Where the hell have you been? God dammit Cas, do you have any idea how much I've missed you? I thought you were dead." His voice was thick with emotion, and Dean stopped himself from thinking he was acting too much like a girl. Fuck it. Castiel just came back.
"I'm no longer an angel," Castiel said, and Dean felt as if his stomach and bowels were freezing. "You're – human?" Dean said thickly. Castiel might as well be telling him he was dead. He immediately felt a sense of loss over the fact that Castiel had lost his angelhood.
"Yes," Castiel said, and proceeded to tell him grimly about several events in heaven that led to his eventual fall from grace. Dean's heart ached for him as he listened. "Are you going to be okay, Cas? Oh my god. I can't believe this is happening. You're human."
"I've adjusted," Castiel said.
"Why the hell didn't you call? Where did you land on earth? Why did you take so long to get to me?" Dean asked demandingly, and Castiel sighed.
"I awoke in Texas. I had mild amnesia at first, and didn't remember much of anything. I thought the war in heaven was some vague dream and that I was crazy. After about a month I could remember everything, but I was still homeless and had no way of contacting you, not right away."
Castiel looked down. "I was pretty – unsettled then. I wasn't adjusting well to my new situation, and even though I thought of contacting you, I didn't want to be a burden on you, and I was ashamed. Call it a bruised ego or whatever, but I wasn't sure I wanted my friends to see me in that state."
"A burden?" Dean cried out. "Cas, friends take care of each other. You shouldn't be worrying about being a burden to me or any of us. You needed help. I can't believe you didn't call me!"
"Oh, really Dean?" Castiel said with a slight sting to his voice. "I can recall more than one time in the past where when I asked for your help, you treated me like I was a nuisance. But besides that fact, I was too emotionally fragile at that time to be dealing with your bristly nature."
"What?" Dean said. "I've been sitting here reminiscing about the good times we've had, and all you can think about when it comes to me are me being a jerk? I can't believe after all we've been through, that's what you remember about me! Thanks a lot, Cas!"
Castiel rolled his eyes. "Dean," he said scolding, "My memory came back in pieces. The first thing I was remembering about you was how demanding you were when I was trying to fight the war in heaven. You had no concern for me, just yourself."
Dean tried to spit out a response, but realized Castiel was right. He thought back to how he had wanted to tell Castiel he was sorry about those times. "Hey, Cas, I'm actually really sorry about that. I really mean it. I wanted to tell you several times, if you'd been here to hear it. So, so what it's worth, sorry for being a self-centered jerk. I was just, under a lot of pressure, with Sam gone soulless on me, you know?"
"I know," Castiel said gently, with such sincerity in his eyes and voice, it effected Dean from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. His cock jerked a little, and he blushed, remembering this was exactly what he'd been getting off on for the past several months. Suddenly horrified that Castiel could somehow read his mind, he looked down.
"What's wrong, Dean?" Castiel asked.
"Nothing, Cas," Dean mumbled. "Can I get you something to drink?"
"Like I believe you, Dean."
"Drop the subject, Cas," Dean said angrily.
"Suit yourself Dean. I haven't done anything wrong. I don't know why you're so offended that I asked if you were okay. I was really excited to see you again, but I figured all you'd want to do is argue and put up a wall, as usual." Castiel stood up, pulled Dean out of his chair and made Dean look into his eyes. "I worked my butt off at some filthy fast-food joint for minimum wage for over a month, sleeping at various homeless shelters, and saved up enough money to buy a Greyhound bus ticket to come up here and see you." He leaned in real close, just like the time in Bobby's kitchen in the wee hours of the night. "The least you could do is show a little gratitude." Respect, gratitude, Castiel was always wanting something, Dean joked to himself.
Dean became overwhelmed with the desire to lean in and kiss Castiel hard, to feel that stubble again against his own face, and he flinched, confused by his thoughts. Mentally saying "What the fuck?" to himself, he backed away.
"Jesus, Castiel, take it easy, I said I was glad to see you, you have no idea how glad I am to see you! Other than this silly bickering about nothing, I'm on top of the world right now! I kid you not! You're fucking alive! You're not dead, and you're here talking to me right now, and you have no flipping idea how much that means to me, Cas!"
Castiel smiled. "You're repeating yourself," and laughed a little. "But it makes me very happy to hear you say that. I've missed you too much, Dean Winchester." Then, repeating Dean, "You have no idea."
"I think I do," Dean said softly, and then realizing the awkwardness of the moment, or rather the awkwardness of the rush he felt from hearing Castiel say that statement, and the fact that his cock was still hard as a rock. He said, "Come on inside, Cas, I need another beer. Come have one with me. And tell me why you didn't call and have me come get you, once you came to your senses."
Inside, Dean sat down on the small sofa, and Castiel sat down on an armchair. Castiel told him of his experience. He didn't know Dean's phone number by heart, because Sam had set it on speed dial for him, and Castiel lost his cell phone ages ago when he was still an angel. It finally occurred to him as he was getting his memory back that he could look up Bobby in South Dakota on the internet, and he found him in the white pages. He called Bobby and asked him where Dean was. Bobby told him Dean was taking some time off working at a ranch, and gave him directions, and Dean's phone number, but Castiel asked Bobby not to say anything to Dean, that he was planning on saving some money to go up and surprise him.
Bobby offered him money to come up right away, but Castiel denied it, saying he wanted to take the time to save up the money.
Dean was ready to growl and he stood up, angry. "I need to give him a piece of my mind! First with Sam, and then now with you! What the hell kind of friend is he to keep the fact that both of you were alive from me?" Dean looked ready to hit something.
"Settle down, Dean. I told him I would see you as soon as possible. And I could tell he was antsy about keeping it a secret."
"How long did he know?" Dean hissed, thinking of the night he called Bobby in desperation for a spell to bring Castiel back.
"A little over a month, Dean. That's it. And," he gave Dean another warm look. "I was touched that you were willing to burn your skin for me. Really, I was."
"What!" Dean yelled. "He told you about that!" Dean didn't know what made him madder, that, or the fact that Bobby knew Castiel was okay when they were having that conversation on the phone. He stormed out the door, stepping into the cool, dark air.
Castiel chased after him. "Dean," he said, jumping in front of him while Dean paced. "Please don't be hard on him. He was anxious about keeping me a secret in the first place. When you called him about a spell, he called me right afterwards and said that I'd better hurry the hell up and get to Dean, because he's willing to burn his skin off with holy fire just to see me."
"That doesn't make me feel any better," Dean said sorely, but then when he envisioned that phone call to Cas, he had to laugh. "Okay, never mind Bobby. Why on earth didn't you take his money to come see me?" Dean thought of all the longing to see Castiel in the last month, and how it didn't need to happen, because Castiel could have been here a month ago. He folded his arms and regarded Castiel angrily.
"Dean, I wanted to see you, believe me, but I also wanted to have some experience being a human, on my own, without yours or Sam's or Bobby's influence. No offense, I just needed to do that for myself before I came to see you. I'll tell you about it sometime. Please, stop being angry. I'm here right now."
Dean unfolded his arms. "Alright, I'll give you that. I can understand needing some time. Okay, let's go back in and get a snack. I still can't believe you're human, are you hungry?"