A/N: Let's just keep this crazy ball rolling, shall we? Many thanks to those who reviewed last chapter! Definitely keep those coming! It makes me feel better about losing my marbles on this one. Haha! Enjoy the chapter!

Warning: My attempt at explaining how this madness happened probably makes no sense, so take it with a grain of salt. Thanks again for reading! You guys rock!

Previously on...Don't Ask Me What This Madness Is

"We need to head to the museum."

Joey and Tristan temporarily paused in their fight upon Yami's proclamation. "The museum?"

"Why would we need to go there?" Téa asked.

"Just a feeling I have."

The previous day...

An evil force is trying to manipulate the pharaoh! I have to stop it somehow!

A bubble of pink light appeared within one of the dark halls of Domino Museum, brightening the area for a few seconds before dissipating completely. In place of the pink bubble stood a tan-skinned girl wearing a sand-brown jacket over a white knee-length dress and white ballet flats. On her head she wore a somewhat odd headdress that matched the color of her jacket.

"Alright! I was actually able to manifest here!" She cheered mentally while making sure that she was still hidden from sight. It didn't look like anyone close by had noticed a giant pink ball of light, (that would have been awkward), so with a soft smile she came out from her hiding place and started to pace through the Egyptian exhibit, looking frantically for her pharaoh.

"Okay, I know I felt his spirit somewhere close by," the girl whispered softly as she glanced about, once again hiding in a nearby hall. After a few more minutes of searching like this, she found her king standing before a large stone tablet-the Pharaoh's tablet-holding up the three Egyptian God Cards.

She narrowed her gaze in worry. "Oh no! Am I too late?" The young woman could feel the evil pulsating through the room. It frightened her. That evil force...it had to be that sleeping creature of darkness her mentor had warned her about recently. If that creature reawakened, it would consume the souls of the Duel Spirits she watched over and wreak havoc upon the Earth.

In other words, her poor, naïve pharaoh was about to walk straight into a trap.

What the girl did next would later cause worldwide panic.

Concentrating hard, the strange good Samaritan summoned a blue staff with pink and gold accents and took a few steps back, hiding herself out of sight as she began to silently chant a spell. Thankfully, the dark force hovering over the tablet had only just begun to suck away the power of the Egyptian God Cards, but wasn't much time for the girl to think of anything powerful to stop the dark force. The best she could do was counteract it. Unfortunately for the evil doers and the rest of the planet, the girl didn't pay much attention to the actual spell she used. When she sent her magic out, her plan to eradicate the effects of the darkness overtaking the Egyptian God Cards worked, although Duel Monsters still appeared everywhere around the world for a few minutes. Since nothing catastrophic had happened as a result, all of it was pegged down to a simple bug in some of the duel disk systems, even though Seto Kaiba outright denied every claim to this. Everything returned to normal and the evil force didn't return...

However...

Present day...

"MANA! WHAT DID YOU DO?"

The Dark Magician Girl, otherwise known as Mana, winced at the ferocity in her master's voice. "Umm, well, I thought I was helping the pharaoh."

"Oh, you helped him alright," The Dark Magician, otherwise known as Mahad, answered sarcastically, shaking his head as he sat down on the cold stone steps of the castle the two of them guarded. "The evil force that was threatening the living world and this realm are gone for the time being, but only because you managed to cause a supernatural disaster!

Mana laughed nervously, a sweat drop forming at the side of her head. "You're being dramatic, master. It can't be that bad."

Mahad crossed his arms over his chest, the green staff in his right hand suddenly looking menacing in the eyes of his top student. "Mana, all the men of the world are literally becoming women, including our pharaoh. If the spell is not reversed, this will be the end of mankind!"

"Now you're really being dramatic," Mana supplied, trying to laugh off her master's worries and failing miserably. "And might I say, a bit sexist too."

"That's not what I meant, Mana." The magician shook his head in shame. "Certain spells become permanent after a set amount of time. If you don't reverse the effects, it will be the end of mankind, period, especially once the person you attempted to stop returns. Their goal is to wipe out humanity, and you my dear pupil have almost ensured it with your actions."

Mana's green eyes widened. "Oh...well then let's just reverse the effects then." With a bright smile she added, "Should be simple enough to do, right?"

"Not exactly."

Mana visibly twitched. "What do you mean 'not exactly'. The spell can be reversed, can it?"

Mahad let out a very long sigh. "Mana your spell came into contact with an ancient magic that is before our time. The only way to reverse it would be for that same spell to come into contact with that evil force again, something that may prove impossible. You were only able to manifest on the living plane for a short time and to make matters worse, you weren't paying attention to what spell you were using because you forgot everything I taught you about maintaining a level head and acted on an impulse of panic. It is not likely you'll be able to figure out which one you used in time to fix the damage you've done even if you're able to manifest yourself in the human world again..."

"Mahad, I'm really not following here," Mana cut in, question marks buzzing around her head. "Could you talk a bit more slowly please? You kinda turned into a motor mouth just then."

The master magician was suddenly very irritated with his pupil.

"Mana, you're going to have to tell Pharaoh what happened," Mahad stated, deciding that he wouldn't respond to Mana's previous plea for him to reiterate his statements. "If anyone can find a way to clean up this mess, he can. Quite frankly, I'm at a loss on what to do here." With that said, the magician stood and started off toward the castle gates in a series of quick dashes. "I'm going to scout the area. I'll return in a few hours."

"Wait!" She called out, reaching toward him as he quickly leapt to the gates. "How am I supposed to contact him?"

"That is something you will have to figure out for yourself!"

Mana's expression deadpanned. "Some master he turned out to be, but I guess contacting the pharaoh shouldn't be too hard for me to do. Perhaps I can reach him from this world somehow..."

Meanwhile

Dartz, the antagonist of this particular season of our humble show, was having a very bad day.

For ten millennia he had been waiting for the perfect opportunity to lay waste to humanity with the help of a creature the mystic stones of the Oricalcos had given him. Yes, the beast known simply as The Great Leviathan. Such a name screams world domination and annihilation, and Dartz found himself laughing maniacally at the thought in spite of himself. Life was on an upward swing...

Or so he thought just a few short days ago...

The final steps for "The Ultimate Plan to Lay Waste to Humanity" had been moving along swimmingly for Dartz, so much so that he hadn't been able to stop himself from dancing around a little before the final proceedings of his immaculate preparations. With a smooth voice, he lured the dumb pharaoh to the stone tablet within Domino Museum and had nearly succeeded in draining the energy of the Egyptian God monsters for the purpose of supplying the personification of doom with more power.

However, something had interrupted the magic, leaving his spell half-finished and his plan ruined. To complete it he would need to send his lackeys to steal the cards. In hindsight, he probably should have just done that to begin with.

Unfortunately for the side of evil, Dartz had a slight flair for the theatric. Despite the inhumane work that he did for a living, he was still a flawed man...a very old flawedman. In fact, he is so old that it's a wonder he hadn't exhibited any senile behavior up until this point. Even his youthful appearance was a bit off-setting considering how ancient he truly was. Some would have called him a very lucky man indeed.

Now...well...Dartz wasn't even sure what to call himself now.

He knew something had countered his spell and understood that the magic had remained active until late this afternoon. At that point, the magic used to defer him from his goal had mutated into a more potent kind of magic that began to infect every male inhabitant of the Earth. In the wake of this oncoming crisis, Dartz had made a drastic decision, one that he would instantly regret...

As it stood, Dartz's three subordinates-Raphael, Alister, and Valon- were the only three men left on the face of the Earth. Dartz had shielded them from the potent shadow magic as a means of making sure they wouldn't be distracted from the tasks that lie ahead. After all, the ancient man had been waiting for over ten thousand years for such a grand opportunity to rise from the ashes of his previous defeat. He wasn't going to let this mundane issue affect the feeble minds of his subordinates and in conjunction affect the effectiveness of their dueling performance. He'd spent far too much time ruining their lives to let all that slip away into the folds of hilarious chaos.

So he absorbed the full extent of the spell that was supposed to infect them all...

Not a good idea.

"I...will...have...vengeance."

Dartz hated his new voice. Every word he uttered sounded like some sort of seduction intended for the dwindling male population.

"Whoever is responsible...they will pay dearly..."

The ancient man's face was covered almost entirely by the hood of his white cloak, which hung gracefully along his new lithe frame. Underneath the cloak he wore a long white dress that pooled in lovely folds around his ankles.

He gritted his teeth in frustration, his new long nails digging into his palms to the point where they drew blood. The stone around his neck began to pulse. "No, I can't allow myself to fall into a fit of rage. It is more important to continue with the plan, regardless of the state I am in now, still..."

It didn't help that by sparing his subordinates he had made the effects permanent upon himself.

Like I said before, not allowing for chaotic hilarity to ensue was a bad idea.

"Master Dartz?"

"Oh, no..." Dartz twiched upon hearing Raphael's voice. He knew without having to look that Alister and Valon were present as well. "Should I speak to them? I need for them to steal Yugi's god cards but...setting aside my pride is much more difficult than I anticipated."

"I don't think that's Master Dartz, Raphael," Alister supplied when Dartz didn't give an answer. "Maybe that's his...sister?" The hooded man turned slightly, almost as if to send a glare toward the red-haired man.

"I didn't know he had a sister," Valon added, bringing his hand to his chin as he caught a short glimpse of the face beneath the hood. "But man is she pretty! Almost as pretty as Mai, wouldn't you guys agree?"

Raphael and Alister both looked at Valon like he'd gone nuts. "No."

Valon looked hurt. "You guys saying you don't think Dartz's sister is pretty?"

"We're saying that she looks a whole lot better than Mai and that you need your eyes checked," Alister answered, smirking when Valon glared at him.

"It's like comparing a swan to a chicken," Raphael remarked, his expression completely neutral.

"Oh! Well, chicken's taste a lot better!"

Raphael responded with a small grin. "Actually, I have had the pleasure of having swan meat before, and quite frankly it is ten times more delicious than mere chicken."

Valon was seething by this point. "Don't bring your pampered past into this! You're just jealous because I actually have a chance with pretty women, unlike you!"

Dartz just groaned. "This is getting out of hand..."

Alister tried to stop himself from laughing at Valon's jibe, but failed miserably after about ten seconds. "Ouch! He got you good!"

Raphael glowered at him. "As if you'd do any better!"

"Yeah!" Valon added, raising his fist like he wanted to give the red-haired man a knuckle sandwich. "You look like a streetwalker half the time, showing off your mid-drift and wearing low-rise pants! You don't actually think that looks good, do you? Only a hooker would think so. Are you a hooker, Alister?" By the end of his rant, Valon was sporting a cheesy Cheshire Cat grin.

Alister's grey eyes sparked with the signs of untapped wrath. "Why you spiky haired runt! You're gonna eat those words!"

This buffoonery went on for quite some time until Dartz finally decided he couldn't take it anymore.

"SILENCE!"

The three men halted, all of their fists raised in mid-strike against one another.

And at this, Dartz isn't sure what to follow up with, but time is of the essence. If he plans to bring the Great Leviathan back to life, his only choice is to swallow his pride and explain the situation.

"I...am Dartz."

Expressions of confusion met this proclamation and for a few seconds Dartz wished that he would have chosen less daft subordinates.

"While attempting to drain the power of the Egyptian Gods," he began, blushing furiously, "A spell counteracted mine and transformed me into...this." He paused momentarily to clear his throat. "The three of you would have experienced this...transformation as well, but I prevented it. Unfortunately, by doing so...that is to say..." he dreaded saying this last part, "I am now a woman...permanently."

Three jaws dropped, but no one uttered a word. Dartz was grateful for this and pressed on accordingly.

"Despite this situation, we must act quickly..."

"Wait a minute!" Valon interjected, his expression one of complete terror. "You're Master Dartz!?"

Dartz's expression deadpanned, though to the three men below it looked more like he was pouting. "Yes..."

"But...you look like a supermodel!" Valon continued, unknowingly digging himself into what would be his grave if he didn't stop talking. "How did you do it?" He glanced down at Dartz's chest. "Did you stuff a bra? When did you of all people start cross-dressing? I mean, I'll admit I did kinda see it comin' but..."

"ENOUGH! I AM NOT A CROSS-DRESSER YOU DIMWIT!" Dartz screamed, the Oricalcos stone around his neck brightening again briefly. Forcing himself to take a deep breath, he continued, saying, "I just got through explaining the situation. This was not my choice. This was a cosmic accident, one that I shielded all of you from against my better judgement. Now, I am regrettably stuck this way...forever!"

"This meeting got really weird, really fast," Alister commented, shaking his head in disbelief. "Come on boss, quit joking around."

"I am not joking around!" Dartz fired back, his cheeks flushing until they were a bright crimson. "Since when do I, DARTZ, ever joke around! Are you bloody stupid!?"

Alister placed both hands on his hips. "You don't have to bite my head off." His calm expression shifted into a wry smirk. "You on your period or something?"

Suddenly Dartz understood his long-departed wife a lot better.

"Master Dartz is telling the truth," Raphael stated, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "I heard a radio broadcast about this just before coming here. I thought it was just a hoax story, but...well seeing this..."

"The phenomena Raphael speaks of is affecting the entire planet," Dartz cut in, turning away from his...her...subordinates. "Aside from you three, every male on Earth has turned into a woman."

"Looks like you achieved your goal then," Valon stated, laughing. "You got rid of 'mankind'. Haha!"

Dartz just glared down at his feet. "Valon will be the first to die when the Leviathan is revived. This I swear."

With that oath ringing loud and proud in his head, Dartz turned to his three musketeers. "The three of you are to go to Yugi's home and take the Egyptian God Cards. Return here once you have completed this task."

"Yes ma'am!" Valon cheered, his smile wider than ever. Though Dartz didn't turn around, he heard Raphael and Alister share a chuckle.

Scratch that...when the Leviathan is revived, all three of them will be my first targets. "Raphael, send Mai Valentine a message for me. Tell her to abort the current mission and return to this base immediately."

"Why...Mistress?" More chuckling ensued. Dartz's cheeks warmed up considerably, but the man turned woman chose not to address the comment. He had a more embarrassing statement to make.

"I need her help...finding adequate clothes to suit my new needs."

And at that a chorus of laughter filled the halls of the ancient temple. Dartz wanted to kick himself. He should have just let them become women too, then they would know the horrors he was facing.

"Perhaps I can duplicate the spell..."

A/N: That's the end of chapter 2! I hope you guys enjoyed it. Once again, Merry Christmas! I hope that this little fanfic has made you laugh! I'm having a lot of fun writing this, and if you guys enjoy reading this craziness be sure to tell me so in that comment box below. Until next chapter, this sista is out of here. Thanks again to those who have reviewed so far. I really appreciate it. Oh, and let me know if there are any grammar or spelling mistakes up there. As I stated last chapter, I tend to miss more of those mistakes when writing humor stories.