Damned Temptation- Chapter Two

The rain beat down heavily on the windows. The repeated rhythm was almost soothing, calming my agitated nerves. I stared at the open chemistry book in front of me, not understanding any of the equations, and what the hell is this symbol?

I knew I had let his words get to me. Even saying his name sounded like a dirty little secret. Ugly, ugly. My lips quivered, my eyes wet with fresh unshed tears. As drops after drops flowed down my cheeks, I wiped them away angrily, angry with myself for being so vulnerable, so utterly weak to his remarks.

I closed the book, and pick it up. I threw it against my bedroom door, watching as it sliced through the air and hit the door. I had loved him for so long, and yes, I do know how to differ love from infatuation. His cruel, heartless words were like a knife that kept on stabbing my heart mercilessly, again and again.

"Geez, Rose Hathaway is just so ugly, ugly." I mumbled at myself. I pick up my purse and glance at the neat row of notes. I had enough money to buy a new wardrobe, and sets of makeup products. Grabbing my bag and I set off to the nearest shopping mall.

I parked my car at the small parking space, disgusted by my bag. I mean, it had the design of old school and had a couple of holes. I hadn't been bothered to buy a new one. My parents doesn't care about me, and neither do I. When I was young, I always cry in the bathroom, feeling unloved and abandoned. Mother has boyfriends accompanying her all the time, and while Mother was away for business trips, Father would bring his mistresses home.

Gross. It's no wonder I am such a freak. I shook my head, in hope of chasing all the negative thoughts. Since I don't have any cousins living in the same state as me, I would have to go shopping alone. The idea scared me. I hate being on any spotlight, and when I was to see people staring at me, I would have the idea that they were criticizing me.

I gripped the stirring wheel, should I turn back or get out of the car? I was about to step on the paddle when the thought cross me. Aren't I supposed to show him I am not a freak? The idea had me pondering for moments, back to the time when I was being so blatantly ridiculed.

I was about to turn off the engine and step out of the car when I saw a familiar Audi parked a few lots away from my own. I watched closely, and as the events unfolded right in front of me, I thought my heart couldn't sink any further.

And there was the man I would bet my life away. The man I continued staring at even when he never look back. The man I still wished was mine, mine to hold, mine to say, " Hey, look out bitches. That's my man you are holding." But now he isn't holding me. He isn't kissing or smiling at me, and he isn't mine, but the girls.

I bend a little lower, hoping to be obscured from their line of sight. And by 'their' I meant Adrian and his cronies. The girls were hanging off his arm, and I silently cried as I watched him kissed each of them, then pulled a blonde closer to him and place his hand on her breast. Right on the spot. Right at the Parking lot.

Until they walked off, then I sat upright. Didn't I say I was over him? But when I saw him again, my heart sped up and I fall in love. I wondered briefly, why couldn't I just have him? Even just a few seconds to hold him, I knew I would trade my life for that.

The silent cries turn to something more animalistic. I bawl, claw at the rich leather seats, and screamed.

" Fucker, Fucker!" I drove out of the car park, and speed-drive home. As I parked the car at the appropriate slots in the garage, then I noticed Mother's limousine. Shit. I stared at my reflection. I must have been more crazy and violent than usual. My hair was in odd 'styles' and my eyes were horribly red and puffy. I noticed that my arms had bruises and there was a thin line of red. Blood?

I lightly grazed the tender skin, and wiped the blood off. Blood started dripping out more vehemently. For the very first time, I didn't care. Didn't want to be the good girl anymore. I just wanted to be who I really wanted to be. Uncontrolled. I got out of the car and stomped right into the house.

I didn't flinch when my flats came in sharp contact with the marble polished floor, and a 'thud' followed. I didn't flinch when Mother's death glares were aiming at mine own and I didn't even greet her. I just wanted a good sleep. And some ice cream.

" Rose Marie Hathway-Mazur!" She barked, her brown eyes angry and shocked at my atrocious temperament.

" What the bleeding fuck do you want, Mother?" She seethed with anger as I said ' Mother' with a condescending tone. I just don't give a damn. I think I had had enough of all the bullshit about placing others before one self's.

" How dare you talk to me in this manner! Where had all the teaching gone? Did you not listen to the preacher's? Oh, I know. You mixed with the wrong company, haven't you? You-"

I kind of lose myself in fury. I started shouting, " Shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up! You don't know me at all. What, teachings? You mean about you whoring-"I was cut off by a stinging slap. I turned and looked at her now pale, shocked face. " That's what I am, just a toy for you to scold and slap at. You questioned me, but have you ever ask yourself, what your daughter wants? No. So what if you give me a home and lots of money? So what? You and Father give me nothing but insecurities, nothing but wishing that you guys can show some bloody care for me. Have you ever ask me, " Honey, how was your day?" You never did. And yet I did everything just to earn one compliment. I never had complaints from any teachers. I make sure I did whatever bullshit assessment you've given me. I scored A's for all the subjects. But you never told me what a great daughter I am. Never had I ever got a kiss to the cheeks from either of you and Father. Have you ever wondered why even he called me a freak? Maybe that's because I just lack of love!" I stormed off, rushing to the staircase and up my room. I was too angry, and so I never did notice that I had added Adrian into the topic. And that did lead to another twist of fate. Maybe that quarrel is a blessing in disguise.

Later that night, I rolled in my bed. I had skipped dinner, just to avoid Mother. She had sent a maid into the room with a tray. It has a plate of steak, some fruits and cheese. A glass of white wine accompanied it. But I was still angry at that time and had shoved it all away to the floor. The maid was clearly annoyed but was certainly smart enough as she kept her mouth shut.

I had no doubt she told Mother about what happened.

My stomach was growling, and I cursed myself for throwing food away. The door to my bedroom creaked open, and I heard the shuffle of feet. I quickly closed my eyes and deepened my breathing. I cracked an eye opened and saw Mother standing there. I let out a gasp of surprise. She, being the observant eye, realized I was not asleep, and gingerly sat on my bed. It wasn't like I was going to kick her off my bed right?

We looked at each other, and none of us spoke. I decided to break the ice, see I am still the noble one.

" What do you want?" My voice was hoarse, after not speaking quite a while. She gulped in a breath and looked almost apologetic. Faker.

" I didn't mean to assault to violence. I am really sorry about that." She seemed to regain her composure as her next sentence destroyed whatever good image I had about her.

" But it wouldn't have happen if you did not start that emotional outburst. Things like this shouldn't happen again. Do you get it?"

I couldn't take it. I threw off the covers and started pushing her off my bed.

" Get out! Who ask for your permission? I don't want to continue fighting, so go!" But she didn't moved and neither did she give a quick remark about my totally 'rude' retort.

" Honey, I am sorry. I really am." She held up her hands, as if showing that she was innocent. " I will try to change…my attitude. You know…you can talk to me about anything. Emotional matters too." Had I said something wrong during my outburst? I think I have a look of distrust clear on my face, because she moved closer.

" I know I never really did anything for you in these past few years. Never did my best as a mother, and I just…hope you can open up to me. I did not know that you have just been holding up a strong front-" I cut off her.

" I am so not holding-"

Mother gave a nonchalant shrug and did not give me a formal speech or whatever. She always seemed so cold, and there was so much animosity between us I feel uncomfortable talking to her as if she was my friend.

" Yeah, sure. How 'bout the 'you're acting all strong and tough but actually you are hurting inside' speech?" Maybe it was her lopsided grin, or her answer. I wasn't sure. We stared at each other, and burst out laughing.

It certainly warmed me, and I opened up. I told her about Adrian, from the silly young school crush to something that had become much more stronger and deeper. I felt the familiar tension and sudden constriction that had formed at my throat. I was about to cry again. Even in the dark, she saw me stifling the tears, the hurt, and that I was trying to give a bland description and my feelings for Adrian.

She pulled me to her and gave a motherly hug. I didn't protest. I felt safe all of a sudden, as if every burden is gone and I am carefree for the first time in seventeen years. That broke the rest of my walls, and I told her about what happened today and my plans to change but would probably failed. She comforted me until I was calm again, and what makes me feel so happy was that; Mother didn't turn away from me this time.

As Janine Mazur turned away from her daughter sleeping form under the thick covers, she promised to herself that she would certainly helped her daughter in her makeover. And make sure that Adrian boy do notices her. She smirks. It was just like the old days when she was trying to gain the attention of Abe Mazur. But the happy memory didn't last long though. They had fallen apart, but she wasn't ready to let go of that relationship. She would give a 'makeover' to herself too.

Author's Confessions:

I didn't bother with checking for spellings or whatever. I am sorry for that. I had art test tomorrow and it's difficult for me. let's just say i scored 25/100 for that subject. Enough of me blundering irrelevant things, back to the topic. I listened to What hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts. It's a terribly sad song. I did not expect to get any reviews, one or two maybe. but you great readers surprised me when i saw the 'astronomical' number of reviews. Thanks for reading.

Quote of the Day:

Love is when, you can't stop looking at him even if he never looks back #Quotealicioustwitter

And also from my eldest sister:

I don't like silent goodbyes.

But when i have to walk away without saying a word,

That's not a small deal anymore.

I can't handle, therefore i leave.