"Maury: The Ever After High Edition"
Rated T
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with Ever After High or it's characters. Ever After High and its characters are owned by Mattel and the author of the Ever After High books, Shannon Hale. Oh, and for the record, I do not own the Maury show as well.
Chapter 2: Is Hopper or Sparrow The Father?, Part I
As the commercial break ended, Maury was sitting next to a beautiful brunette with pink glasses and a black/pink dress with roses on it.
"Everyone, please welcome Briar Beauty to the show." Maury said.
The studio audience broke in applause for Briar, who crossed her arms. Apparently, she didn't look very happy to be exact.
Maury continued on yet again, "Now, one day Briar Beauty had met the son of the Frog Prince, Hopper Croakington II. From there, they became friends. Of course, that would lead to sex, which would make them friends with benefits. But one night at a party, Briar slept with another man by the name of Sparrow Hood. First off, two shocking things happened: One, Briar found out she was pregnant with her four-month old daughter Ellia..."
The big TV screen then pulled up a picture of Briar's baby daughter Ellia, which forced the crowd to break in 'aww's. However, Maury wasn't done just yet.
"And secondly," Maury continued, "Briar discovers that both Hopper and Sparrow are best friends!"
The crowd suddenly broke in awe hearing this.
"And now Hopper and Sparrow both deny that they are the father of Briar's baby." Maury replied, "Here's what Briar had to say. Watch."
The huge TV screen played a clip of Briar with her name on a bright blue bar. She then spoke on.
"I am not the kind of princess that sleeps around like a hermit," Briar replied, "I'm the kind of girl who prefers to party till the end."
Suddenly, both pictures of Hopper Croakington II and Sparrow Hood appeared together. Briar still spoke on.
"Me and Hopper weren't even sleeping together when I had that one night stand with Sparrow." Briar admitted, "Heck, I even used protection with Sparrow Hood, but instead, it broke! I never thought I would be in this position! However, I do know in my heart that Hopper is Ellia's father. However, I didn't even know that he and Sparrow were friends in the first place! Suddenly, Hopper throws the whole thing in my face and he wouldn't even see her daughter because he thinks Sparrow's her dad! I happen to think Ellie looks more like a female version of Hopper, so therefore, I am 100 percent sure that Hopper's is the father. So far, he hasn't done anything good for our daughter and I refuse to let Ellia be denied by her father."
The crowd broke in applause, having to hear Briar's side of the story.
"So Briar, when did Hopper find out that it was best friend Sparrow who was the other guy?" Maury questioned her.
However, Briar couldn't answer. Instead, she nodded off and went to sleep, which made the audience laugh at her.
"Briar?" The host said, snapping his fingers at her face, "Briar, are you there?"
Still nothing. Apparently, the whole video montage sent Briar asleep.
Because of this, Maury brought out an airhorn. And with the single push of a squeeze button, Briar was wide awake.
"AUUUGH!" Briar leaped out of her chair.
"Ah, good you're awake." Maury replied, "So how long had you been pregnant for?"
"For a full nine months." Briar replied.
"And then, you find out they're best friends." The host went on.
"Got that right." Briar nodded.
"And so Hopper points out he's not the father, because he thinks Sparrow is the father." Maury pointed out, "By the way, they've broken up as best friends, right?"
"Definitely." Briar nodded, "He claims that he stopped talking to him. Apparently, he dropped him, he dropped me and he dropped everybody. Hopper apparently cut off all communication with me."
Her tale was definitely taking a liking to Maury, like he was fascinated by the tale.
"Well good news, we gave both Hopper and Sparrow a DNA test." Maury said, bringing in another applause from the crowd, "So this is what Hopper had to say about this."
On the TV screen, a picture of Hopper popped up on the screen, leaving him to speak up.
"I know deep down that Briar's a liar when she said she didn't know that Sparrow was my best friend." Hopper admitted, "Me and Sparrow have been best friends for life ever since we enrolled in Ever After High, and I was really close with Briar!"
Suddenly, a picture of Briar popped up on the screen. Meanwhile, Hopper continued his little tale.
"It isn't possible they wouldn't know jack." Hopper replied, "I don't know how Briar can stay as Ellie's mother when she slept with my best friend. Heck, that baby's possibly too young to tell who it looks like. I've been throwing myself in the middle of this messed-up love triangle with the baby dangling in the middle. Who in the hell knows what kind of people Briar's been running around with? I sure as hell won't let Briar trick me into taking care of a baby when I know there's at least 'one' other person that could possibly be the father."
"Well, guess what?" The host chuckled, "We unravel tricks everywhere around this little storybook tale, so let's get to the truth. Let's bring out Hopper."
As Hopper Croakington II came out, he was greeted by boos from this studio audience. He decided to ignore them and ended up giving Maury a welcoming hug. Meanwhile, Briar Beauty crossed her arms and looked away.
After the booing died down, Hopper took a seat next to Briar while the host talked.
"So, it's rightful to say that the three of you are friends, right?" Maury said.
"That's right." Hopper said, nodding his head.
"You know, doing a little bit of this, and doing a little bit of that..." The host muttered.
"Once again, yeah." Hopper nodded again, "We did our thing."
"And then, you all weren't seeing each other, and then she goes out to this party and tells you she saw this dude and she gets pregnant, and uh-she thinks you're the father and not him." He explained.
"Yeah, she told me that, Maury." Hopper nodded yet again, "Straight off the top, I didn't believe it when she told me who it was. When she told me who it was, I went and asked. When I asked him at first, Sparrow said he didn't even know her. Off the top."
As the crowd broke in a 'Ooo' chant, Briar started to tear up a bit. However, Hopper wasn't finished with his tale.
"Then he comes back that you do know her and you realize that was completely wrong." Hopper replied.
Appalled, Briar stepped in, "Bull crap, you know-"
But then, she started falling asleep on the spot.
"Uh-oh, looks like Briar fell asleep." Maury replied.
"I'm certain she's like that after her one night stands." Hopper smirked.
"Don't worry, I have just the trick." The host said.
But then, Maury brought out his trusty airhorn again. With one single press of the red button...
*HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!*
Briar couldn't wake up. He thought a blowhorn would do the trick for the second time, but apparently, it didn't work this time.
"Okay, so that's out of the question." The host muttered.
"You ever tried screaming at her ear?" Hopper suggested to him.
"No, but I might as well give it a shot." Maury rolled his eyes.
Maury decided to scooch over to Briar's face close up. With a deep breath, he shouted.
"WAAAAAAAKE UUUUUUUUP!"
However, Briar was still snoozing off. Blowing a blowhorn and screaming at her face didn't do the trick, so what other object could be used to wake her up?
"Oh, I give up!" Maury cried out, "Does anyone in the audience have anything that can wake Briar up?"
Suddenly in the audience, a skinny hand was raised up in the air. The host noticed this, and pointed the guest out. The guest happened to be white, had blonde hair, suspenders, glasses and an egg-inspired crown on the top of his head.
"You over there with the Urkel physique and glasses, come on the stage." Maury said as the skinny nerd came up to him, "What's your name?"
"My name's Humphrey Dumpty and I was enrolled in Ever After High alongside Briar, Hopper and Sparrow." Humphrey stated, "I think I know a way that would wake Briar Beauty up?"
"What's that?" Maury raised an eyebrow.
"The sound of music," The nerd replied, "I got some music stored in my iChapter. Maybe that'll wake her up."
"All right, well plug it in and let's see how that works." Maury replied.
Suddenly, Humphrey turned on his trusty iChapter...
...
...which had a battery out signal popping up on the screen.
"Oh shit, my iChapter's dead." Humphrey sighed.
Upset, shocked and stunned, everyone fell down anime-style because of this. While everyone was down, Humphrey had more bad news to share.
"Bad news everyone, I forgot the battery." Humphrey sighed again, "Good news is, I just saved 15% insurance by switching to Geico! Bonus!"
Eeyup, just so you know, there's gonna be a 2-part chapter. Next chapter will be Sparrow Hood's side of the story, and the revealing of the DNA test! Who do you think will be Briar's father: Hopper, Sparrow or neither?
Until then, feedback's appreciated, my fellow fairy tales!