~ Of flowers and red wine ~
Summary: A story about forgiveness, redemption and peonies. Dan and Blair.
a/n: Hope you enjoy this installment and please remember to review!
xxx
Days passed by and she couldn't find even a tiny bit of interest to make the effort and actually participate to something. She was procrastinating with her tasks, avoiding communication with externals and trying to overcome the withdrawal she had had again since the damn party. Her thoughts had strayed as if she didn't control her mind; a mix of something surprisingly powerful and yet disappointing and depressing.
Her only companionship these days has been Dorota and that was because the maid demanded her attention constantly and wouldn't leave her focused on her thoughts for long.
If Chuck had noticed, he didn't mention.
Not that he was much around anyway. Most of the time he was out, trying to ensure he earned more and more money and power over the world. It was unsettling to think that not long ago she used to be very similar to him.
Blair's thoughts strayed again, trying to pinpoint the moment she had changed; the moment when all this had started to seem futile and idiotic. She couldn't place it on an exact occasion, however she knew this transformation had began when she had started being friends with Dan Humphrey.
She drank the rest of her tea and swallowed the remaining slices of her cake in quick bites. After a minute of trying to resist nausea, she made her way to the bathroom resigned.
xxx
It was the day that the newspaper had a very surprising article that Blair's disposition perked up somewhat.
The headline read: "The last few days of innocence" to be turned into a movie.
Which of course didn't say much until she noticed his name mentioned in the paragraph below.
Author: Daniel Humphrey.
Of course he would go and turn out to be successful, of course he would. She scoffed inwardly. She leaned over the newspaper eager to read the accompanying text.
After five minutes she had memorized it all.
He was coming back. In New York, to supervise the shooting of the movie based on his latest book.
She felt elated although she didn't understand why. She would most probably not run into him in those 2 months he was staying – she didn't visit Brooklyn anymore, although she doubted he would stay in his former flat after his great success anyway. Plus, even if she met him, he wouldn't spare her a second look after the way she had treated him a year ago.
It wasn't as if she wanted to see him again either. She had enough guilt stored inside her to last for a lifetime. She was afraid to meet him after all this time; if he was empty or sad she would feel even guiltier, and if he was happy she would be even more depressed.
No. She wouldn't try to meet him for her own sake. In fact, she would ensure she stayed inside for the duration of his stay just to make it certain.
Blair took a sip of her coffee and ate a bite of the pumpkin pie. She concentrated on swallowing and took another sip of coffee. She ate successfully the rest of the pie until the door opened four minutes later and Chuck stepped into the room.
She hurried to the bathroom at once.
xxx
She didn't stay inside.
On the contrary; she had taken to roam all over the streets of Manhattan in the hopes of running into the shooting, in spite of her silent promise to herself.
She was desperate to see him again, to try to explain why she had acted that way, to reason with him and make it up to herself or both. She was so focused on the effort of locating him, that she hadn't thought exactly what was her motive or her ultimate goal; what she wanted as an outcome of the encounter.
Did she want to be friends with him again? Most certainly.
Did she want him back? She couldn't answer that.
All she knew those days was that she wanted to - actually had to - see him again just this once.
She was barely in the house and only went back at night in order to get some sleep and start all over again the next day. Sometimes she dragged Dorota with her on the streets and sometimes she didn't.
Blair wondered if Dorota actually suspected the reason she was so many hours outside – wandering in the streets. She hadn't told anyone but her maid was bound to find out eventually. She didn't complain once however. She just made sure to provide Blair with large breakfast, especially the days on which she didn't escort her out.
In her forlorn hope to find Dan Humphrey, she had barely had any signs of bulimia after breakfast, although each night that she came back with zero results on her futile search, she visited the bathroom more often than not.
XXX
It was the eleventh day of her attempt to find him that she got desperate and depressed all over again.
Since she had woken up this morning, she had this bugging feeling that she would run into him this day, that she would see him even from afar. Her hopes had been up and her adrenaline was rising throughout the day, until the night fell and she had remained yet again with no sign of him. She gave way to tears this afternoon and she couldn't even place the reason behind them. She wasn't certain why she wanted to meet him so desperately. She didn't hold the impression that everything would be magically fixed if she did.
She started walking around without a purpose or destination; resigned and focused again on her thoughts. Her tears had drained from her face, her vision felt blurry and her mind was hazed. It was a wonder she wasn't hit by a car or didn't fall onto any stranger. She stopped walking after a while although she didn't mean to do that. She looked up to see where her steps had led her.
455 Water Street. Brooklyn.
She felt her lips curl up in the corners into a sad smile. She entered the building and got up the elevator to the apartment No 6 without second thoughts. When the doors of the elevator opened, she was astonished that had entered the loft yet again without knocking or unlocking the thing. It felt like she invaded the owner's privacy, although she wasn't aware if the place was rent or even sold after Dan's departure last year. Blair proceeded to the kitchen looking around with sorrow and grief, because every corner held a different memory and all of them were either happy or meaningful.
Everything seemed as it had been before; like time hadn't moved at all since she last was in this house. Her stare embraced the room, scrutinizing thoroughly every corner, while her fingers traced the surface of the counter in which they had sat many times enjoying homemade waffles or pancakes and morning coffee. Strangely enough there was no hint of dust on it. As soon as she made this thought she heard noise and lifted her head instantly.
There he was. Dan Humphrey had just stepped out of what she knew to be his bedroom, dressed in plaid shirt and blue jeans. His face held the remains of a smile which faded at once when he spotted her.
They locked eyes and it was as if nothing else existed in the world; as if no time had passed since she had last been with him. Astonishment, joy, guilt, regret, despair, hope and remorse were some of the feelings that emerged inside her at once. Only the first one of those reflected in his eyes however, among others which she didn't bother identifying. They hurt even when she couldn't name them.
Another person came out behind him and Blair shifted her stare to them. It was a beautiful young woman who was smiling, as Dan had been before he saw her. The fact that they had shared a smile over something she didn't know made her feel instantly jealous and she decided she couldn't bear it, however she didn't make a move to go. She felt lonelier that ever before and she lived the scene as if she was isolated behind an invisible barrier.
She wasn't there; she didn't live that.
The spell was lifted as soon as the other woman whispered something to Dan and he shifted out of his trance. He broke the eye connection and turned for a second to the woman reassuringly. Blair didn't bother hearing what he said. As soon as he lifted his stare of her she made a run for the lift and when finally the doors closed behind her, she collapsed inside the elevator feeling empty and abandoned.
He didn't run after her, but to be fair, she didn't expect him to.
xxx
a/n: So, how was it? You liked, loved or hated it? Please let me know. It's been a while since I started this story and I would like to know if someone still follows it. I know it is quite depressing but it needs to be done this way at this point. Let me know your thoughts please.
On another note, I understand that my updating dates are all over the place, but I would like to assure you that ALL of my stories will be completed eventually. I won't abandon them even if it takes some time for me to update them. I'm doing the best I can at the moment. Bear with me please
Victoria