A Torchwood Christmas Carol
a Torchwood story
by RoadrunnerGER
Disclaimer: The usual, the BBC owns them, unless they are willing to give them as Christmas present to us. A Christmas Carol is written by the adored Charles Dickens. This is to honour both of them and the actors playing our favourite characters so well.
A/N: Oi! Thank you for your wonderful reviews. I'm happy if you like it. Here comes Ghostie Numero Uno LOL and to say it with Evan Sherman's words: "So keep on wondering." :D Have fun with the chapter and happy Second Advent. Enjoy!
Special thanks to my beta reader JantoFan.
For my dear friend Blucougar.
The First Of The Three Spirits
It had not been enough comfort. A single blanket never was enough, no matter how soft it was. So Jack returned to his office. Alone in the Hub Jack did not know exactly what he should do with himself. His nerves were too shaken to do more paperwork and with everyone gone he had no one to talk with. There was not a single alert and Myfanwy was not back yet from her nightly flight.
Jack, you're pathetic, he thought to himself as he retreated to his office.
Slumping into his big office chair behind his desk he got a metal box out and opened it. It contained a stack of photos, some of them so old that they started to fade. Others were newer and a few were modern, from within the past couple of years.
In whatever state they were, Jack actually did not need them to remember the people they were showing. The people he left because they loved him… and he loved them back. He could not afford love.
Getting annoyed by staring at the reminders of his past Jack threw the photos back in the box and put it away.
"Damn it, Doctor!" he cursed to himself. "You were supposed to show up for fuelling the Tardis on the Rift and take me with you! You were not supposed to send me odd messages and babble about spirits coming to haunt me! We're not in Dickens's novel! We're in Cardiff!"
Right now his chamber did not appear to be a refuge rather than a hiding place. It did not feel comfortable and so Jack stayed where he was. Still without boots and with loosened braces he could also relax in the office chair. Exhausted by his fight with the Millennium Bugs and paperwork but left too agitated by the Doctor's visit he leaned back and tried to get order in his thoughts. Jack had thought that he would not be able to rest, but before he even knew it he fell asleep in his chair.
In his dreams he found himself at a place he had not seen for a very long time, not even when sleep took him back to long lost or buried memories.
Fresh air washed over his face, carrying the scent of the sea. Deep did he inhale the salty breeze, revelling in the moment. The sun was shining, dipping the seemingly endless beach into bright light. In the distance, right on the shore, was a peculiar agglomeration of buildings, not unlike a termite hill. Feeling the warm sand under his bare feet made Jack feel at home.
And then he realized that he was home. This was Boeshane, the Boeshane Peninsula, his home in the 51st century.
Jack shuddered in his sleep. Still caught in his dream he could not check on his watch. Its hands steadily changed their positions precisely like they were supposed to do and switched onto one minute to one in the morning.
The beach in Jack's dream stretched wide along the ocean's shore. Sea birds were squawking above him and a few gulls were gliding on the fresh breeze. The dunes were covered by patches of weed swaying in the wind. It was such a peaceful day.
Someone called his name.
So Jack turned around to see who was addressing him, just to face a boy in light cotton clothes in sun bleached sandy tones. Dark curly hair covered his head. And his eyes… oh, those eyes…
Accusatorily they looked up at Jack. That startled Jack back into awareness. The beach faded into the background, making room for only the boy.
"Gray?" Jack panted in disbelief, puzzled, as the grandfather's clock in the corner of his office struck one.
"Hello, big brother," the boy said, confirming Jack's suspicion.
"Gray!"
Catapulting himself out of the chair Jack reached out for his younger brother, but Gray stepped aside quickly and Jack hit the floor with a thud. He looked up at the boy beside him indignantly.
"Don't tell me that hurt," Gray grumbled. "That's nothing compared to what I went through. You didn't think that the invaders would spare me just because I'm little? They didn't."
Jack's look changed to one of trepidation. He knew what was coming. Now he would find out what happened on that fateful day on the beach.
"Run, Dad said. Take Gray. Keep him safe." Gray's face was a mask of his pain caused by betrayal. "When you let go of my hand they had a walk-over. They took me."
Jack remembered. No, no, Dad. Come with us. He choked on unshed tears.
"I'm sorry, Gray. I… One minute, I was holding your hand… I don't know when you let go. I didn't notice. I thought you were there, just behind me… but you weren't." His voice failed him. "I… was searching for you, shouting for you over and over again. I retraced my steps, hoping to find you. I ran all the way home."
"Those creatures," Gray spat, "they lived to torture. They kept us just on the verge of life. I'd lie there, hemmed in by corpses, praying to become one. Because you... let go... of my hand, remember?"
Now tears were streaming over Jack's face. "You're right. I let go of your hand!" he sobbed. "It was the worst day of my life!"
"I believed you'd come, but you never did. How long before you gave up, hm? Months? Years? Decades?"
"I searched for you for years."
"And now I have found you." The boy's voice was harsh. "I take it that the Doctor announced my appearance."
"You're one of the three spirits?" Jack asked incredulously.
"Yes, I am." He scowled at Jack darkly and growled, "I'd rather you'd go straight to hell."
"But?" Jack murmured hesitantly.
"But you'll get that chance to change. I don't have to like you to do what has to be done."
Jack could hardly see Gray through the veil of tears in his eyes. Blinking a few times rapidly he cleared his sight and gasped. The boy standing over him looked exactly like Jack remembered him, with the light sandy clothes, the dark curls and the dark brown eyes.
The latter looked at him accusingly and Jack lowered his gaze under their intensity. It was his fault that Gray had been taken. He let go of his hand. All he had had to do was to hold his little brother's hand and pull him to safety. But he let him down.
Shame coloured Jack's cheeks. It was inexcusable. If only he could change it… but maybe he could?
"Is that why you are here now?" he asked, his voice hoarse. "The Doctor spoke about a chance to change and rescue. Can I go and save you now?"
"No," Gray destroyed Jack's hopes.
"Then why are you here?"
Gray looked him over from head to toe. How he crouched on the floor, gazing up at him pleadingly Jack offered a pitiful sight.
"Take my hand," Gray told him, extending his right hand. "Don't let go."
Not for the life of me, Jack thought and reached for the offered hand, grasping it firmly.
At once Jack's world began to spin rapidly, pulling him into a maelstrom that threatened to suffocate him. Jack could not see Gray in the whirling energy that reminded him of the time vortex, but he could feel his hand in his own that threatened to be pulled out of his grasp. Clinging to it as strongly as he could Jack hoped that the twirling would end soon.
Then he was thrown to the ground and hit it painfully. His arm was twisted as he refused to let go of Gray's hand. Jack groaned. It felt as if he dislocated the limb.
"You should've done that back on Boeshane," Gray whispered menacingly and pulled his big brother to his feet. He was surprisingly strong for his size. Gray appeared to be the little boy of eight years Jack had lost when he was twelve, but he had some disturbing qualities on himself.
Slowly regaining his senses Jack looked around and found himself in a familiar house.
"Mom?" he blurted out, rushing toward the woman standing by the stove and running right through her. "What?" Confused he looked at her and at himself, then at Gray.
"Didn't I tell you that they won't be able to see us?" his brother taunted. "Poor Jack."
Surprised Jack looked at his brother as he called him by his new name.
"Dad!"
Jack was rendered speechless and that happened quite rarely.
Behind his father two boys entered the room, Gray and he himself. Gray ran to the sink and opened the tap to hold his hands under the stream of water while Jack's younger self pulled back a chair to sit at the kitchen table.
"Hey, young man!" his mother shouted. "Don't you forget something?"
So he dutifully stepped to the sink and drew a little water for his hands.
"They're clean now, Mom!" he shouted and sat down beside his brother.
"Yeah, sure, sweetheart," his mother teased and put the bowls of foot on the table. "Here we go."
She sat down with them and they started their meal with their father taking a portion first, then mom serving the kids before she helped herself to her dinner.
"Mom?" Gray said. "Why don't we celebrate Christmas?"
"That's an old Christian holiday we simply don't celebrate," their father told him. "We already had that discussion."
"But Ranga told us that what is most important about Christmas is the that the family is together, that you honour it," Gray pouted. "You always say that family is sacred."
"Yes, Gray, that is true, but it still is different."
"Why? Can't we have a family party when the Christians celebrate Christmas?"
"Why should we comply with the customs of a minority?" their father asked in an amused tone.
"You were so insistent, Gray" Jack said. "You shouldn't have annoyed Dad."
"That's what you're saying now, Jack?"
"Well, what good would it…?"
Jack's words died in his throat as he heard his younger self say, "Gray is right, Dad. Mom? It would be so nice to have a holiday to celebrate."
"And it would have nothing to do with you two getting presents, huh?" their father said.
"No, sir," both boys replied at the same time.
"I tend not to believe that," he chuckled and their mother smiled lovingly.
"You thought differently back then," Gray said. "You've lost your ability to enjoy the simple things."
"That's not true!"
"Yes, it is, and I'll show you. Take my hand… and don't let go!"
Jack did not want to leave. Longingly he looked at their parents and the peaceful scene around the kitchen table before he grabbed Gray's hand and was pulled back into the vortex. When the spinning stopped and he was able to draw a steadying breath again Jack was trembling. Hesitantly he looked up and found himself standing in the living room of a tiny apartment. At first he did not know where he was, but then he heard a tower bell and darted to the window.
"Big Ben!" he panted. "We're in London!"
"What's so exciting about London?" Gray wanted to know.
"I don't know…" Jack really was not sure. London should be as good or as bad as any place he ever was and still he felt a little more like home here. For a moment he watched the passer-bys down on the street. Judging by their clothes fashion they were in the early 20th century. In the 40s to be exact, Jack noticed when he spotted an advertisement. And suddenly he knew where he was.
Hearing the key turn in the lock he spun around.
"Jack?" a young female voice called out. "Jack!"
Jack recognized the voice, but even though he knew whose apartment this was he could not remember having been there. Slowly he walked toward the voice when suddenly a black lighting darted past him.
"Hello, Jack," the young woman in the hall greeted the black cat sitting to her feet.
Meow!
"Yes, darling, I know you're hungry." Smiling at her pet she went to the kitchen and put some food on a plate that she sat down in front of the cat.
"She's calling her cat Jack?"
"Yes, she does," Gray said. "And it's all the more sad because the cat is female."
"Then why call her Jack?"
"Because you," he poked his finger in the captain's chest, "where not there to celebrate Christmas with her!"
"That was not my fault!" Jack shouted angrily. He looked back at the young woman, seventeen years old, in her second year away from home, who now sat on the sofa. Her dark hair was pinned up in a big roll on the back of her head and she smiled sadly at the cat in her lap.
"Oh, Jack. I know you didn't have a choice, but what would I give if you could be here now." The cat purred and she chuckled. "Yes, Jack. I'll go to my parents to celebrate. We'll go to church and have dinner…" Her voice trailed off and she wiped at her eyes to dry them from first tears.
"Oh, Estelle," Jack whispered. "You're so beautiful. I loved her at first sight, you know, Gray?"
"Yeah, I know. Just a pity that you didn't realize that."
"I did… Nothing lasted back then! Promises were always being broken!" Now Jack's voice broke as he tried to convince his brother with little success.
"You keep telling yourself that and you'll go mad."
"Wartime, Gray. I had to fight in the war. What should I have done? I couldn't return to her. How could I live with her, knowing that she'd grow old and die?"
"She grew old and died anyway," Gray told him. "But maybe her life would've been happier with you in it. She always enjoyed your visits when you pretended to be the son of the Jack she believed to know back then."
"I couldn't do that to her!" Jack shouted. "I couldn't know that she would never marry anyone else! She was supposed to find a man and live happily ever after!"
"Problem was that you were that man for her, Jack," Gray said wryly.
Jack had grown silent. Sadly he watched Estelle play with her cat.
"I never meant to hurt you, Estelle," he murmured, wishing she could hear him. He wanted to hold her, tell her that he would never leave her…
"Time to go," Gray said. "Take my hand… and don't let go."
Only reluctantl Jack took Gray's hand, knowing that he would take him away from Estelle.
"I love you," he said to her just before he was dragged into the spinning vortex.
With each time the travel seemed to become worse. Jack staggered into their new location. Stunned he recognized the central Hub, but he could also see that they still were in the past as Gordon Rothery went along the walkway to the board room. The rest of the team was in there already, laughing and drinking.
"Now look, Jack!" Gray said without any cheer. "A Christmas party!"
Oh, yeah. It was a Christmas party. Jack remembered that it always was a joy for Alex and the others to turn the board room into a madhouse, hanging up mistletoe and streamers, bows of fir branches and holly, and Christmas ornaments. As far as Jack was concerned he never needed an excuse like mistletoe to kiss someone. He partied with them as long as it did not go too far. Hell, he even ended up in bed with one or another of them at different occasions.
"But you never truly lived, Jack," Gray said as if he was reading his thoughts. "C'mon. Go watch!" He gestured up to the board room and reluctantly Jack climbed up the spiral staircase.
The conference table served as buffet and in the middle of a collection of different foods sat a big turkey. It smelled deliciously, almost too good to be true. A memory flashed through Jack's mind right at the moment that he heard Gordon say, "You didn't use the leaves of the Amorum Fertilus in the hothouse as spice, Lillian, did you?"
"No, I didn't," Lillian replied. "Just what would you do if I did?"
"After eating the bird… I guess I'd try to catch and eat you," Gordon teased.
No one really missed the furtive glance Lillian now threw at Jack, except Jack himself.
I don't recall her reaction, Jack wondered. But I still know what we did later that night…
His thoughts trailed off. He watched Lillian how she was talking with her co-workers, laughing, drinking, having fun. They all were in a great mood and for once the Rift did not disturb the party.
It demanded their attention two days later. It had been bad and when they returned to the Hub they were five instead of six. They carried one of their own down to the morgue.
Jack sighed as he watched himself and his former team mates party. Lillian was beautiful. She had a long mane of dark red hair and green eyes, moved like a cat and was a brilliant scientist in addition. Sometimes Jack had wondered why she did not have a boyfriend or an admirer or two. That night after the party they had shared his bed and that was not due to her using the herbal aphrodisiac as spice for the turkey like Gordon had accused her. Oh, she really moved like a cat, sometimes even like a snake.
"You slept with her and never realized," Gray suddenly startled him out of his memories.
"What?"
"You never realized that she was in love with you, Jack."
"With me? Lillian wasn't in love with me." Surprised Jack turned his gaze back at Lillian who now stood beside him, having a glass of champagne and flirting animatedly. "No, she wasn't. We always argued. I was quite surprised that she came to bed with me that night."
"Oh, really? Hm… but she did it because she loved you. And you treated her just like any other shag. Two nights later she died because she wasn't concentrating properly. Because she was too preocupied with whether you were ok… because she loved you, and you never even noticed her."
Like a fish on dry land Jack opened his mouth to tell Gray how wrong he was when Jack caught a look at Lillian how she beamed at him when he happened to turn his back on her.
"Oh, my god," Jack sighed and shuddered. Could he have prevented her death? It was not the first time he asked himself that question. He asked himself that every time someone died, but…this was the first time he ever had any real doubt that he was blameless.
"Yeah, Jack. That's what you could have done in a different way. She died because you were selfish, not seeing her real feelings for you."
"Can we go?" Jack asked. "I understand now. You won't need to show me more."
"Oh, really? You think you can chicken out?" Gray teased. "Like you did with Lillian?"
"I didn't chicken out!" Jack said. "I just didn't assume that it's so serious for her."
Gray snorted with mock amusement. "You're self-centred and self-torturing." For a moment he just watched Jack. "So you don't want to see the Christmas you spent away from your friends in order to chase the Doctor… and put the hand he lost in a jar? They were really put out. Suzie, Toshiko and Owen had a party for themselves… if you can call it a party. You really don't want to…?"
"No! I don't want to see it!" Jack suddenly snapped, grabbing his brother's shoulders. "I remember the events you showed me clearly!"
"Obviously not clearly enough," Gray stated calmly. It was odd for a child to be the voice of reason.
"It hurts, Gray! It hurts every bloody day to know that I couldn't hold you! That I won't be able to ever hold anyone! I'll lose them all! And it rips my bloody heart out!"
"If you think that then you didn't understand yet what we want to tell you," Gray told him sadly. "Take my hand."
So Jack grabbed the outstretched right hand of his little brother and held it tight.
"Don't let go!" Gray ordered.
Never again! Jack thought as he was pulled into the vortex and the air was pressed out of his lungs.
"Where did you bring us now?" Jack panted when he regained enough of his senses. Looking around he realized that they were in the vaults of the Torchwood Hub. In one of the cells to be exact. "Gray?"
Frantically Jack turned around at his younger brother when he sensed his hand pull out of his grip. So he grasped it harder, wanting to stop Gray. But the boy just stepped through the security glass while Jack's fist slammed against it as Gray retreated to the opposite wall.
Jack was devastated. Once more he could not hold his little brother. Again he let go of his hand. Now he stood behind the unbreakable glass, his palms pressed against it, trying to reach out for his beloved brother.
Helplessly he had to watch how the figure faded into darkness.
"Gray!" he screamed, hammering against the glass wall of his cell, but his brother was gone. Tears streamed over Jack's cheeks and he slid down the glass wall to come to sit on the cold floor.
tbc…