"You're putting me where?" Yuffie's voice was nearly shrill. She slapped her palms down on Tseng's desk and leaned over it, glaring at the older Wutaian. Tseng's hands were folded neatly on top of an invoice from Rufus Shinra. He gazed at her calmly.
"Into protective custody. You will be escorted to one of the company's old safe houses, where you will remain until the threat is neutralized," the Turk said smoothly.
"Like hell I will," Yuffie snapped. "I'll be perfectly safe at the bar. Tifa and Cloud live there and in case you forgot," she took a breath, then screamed, "we defeated Sephiroth!" Tseng pursed his lips.
"No, I have not forgotten. However, Cloud and Tifa cannot be expected to drop everything going on in their lives to guard you every moment of the day," he replied. Unfolding his hands, he pressed a button on the phone on his desk. "This is the wish of Lord Godo, and President Shinra agrees that this is the best course of action given the circumstances."
Not a moment later, the door opened. Elena and Reno walked in, standing a few feet behind Yuffie. Elena held her arms professionally by her sides, while Reno jammed his hands in his pockets, slouching.
"Yo," he murmured, winking at her. Yuffie, who had turned to watch their entrance, spun back around to glare at Tseng. He held up a hand, silencing her.
"My Turks are appropriately capable of safe-guarding you. They have been trained to handle these exact types of situations, and will be able to spot possible threats much more quickly than even Cloud could," Tseng told her. Yuffie scowled. Before the events involving the Remnants, she would have dismissed this claim. However, the Turks had proved their resilience and determination and had redeemed themselves in the eyes of AVALANCE, if not the rest of the world.
"Elena and Reno will escort you to Seventh Heaven. It is currently vacant. You will have one hour to gather what you cannot live without and then you will be taken to the safe house. Do you have any questions?"
"Yeah, how fast do ya think you are?" the ninja asked impishly, her body tensing. Tseng sighed.
"Your father has authorized the use of reasonable force to ensure that you comply," he said, somewhat grim. Yuffie's jaw dropped.
"He WHAT?" she screeched. "When I get back to Wutai, I'm going to use his femurs for chopsticks!" Behind her, Reno snorted, his shoulders shaking from suppressed laughter. "Don't make me call Reeve. I'll have the whole of the WRO on your asses in an hour." Reno chuckled.
"Who d'you think funds the WRO, sugar?" he remarked.
"Reno," Tseng chided. He flicked a meaningful glance at Elena. The blond Turk stepped forward and gently placed her hand on Yuffie's elbow.
"Yuffie, he's doing what he can to protect you. When you fought Sephiroth… he worked in the open, left a trail of bodies behind him. It wasn't hard to figure out where to go next." She smiled gently, like an older sister would. "And you kicked his ass. But these guys work in the shadows. They're secretive and sly. We may be different now, but it was once our job to think and act like them. You've already been taken once, and they can do it again. We can make sure that doesn't happen. Let us help you," she implored. Yuffie allowed Elena's beseeching words to sink in, then threw her hands in the air in defeat.
"Fine! Ugh, you damn Turks…" she grumbled. "I suppose I can't tell Tif what's going on?" she mumbled miserably.
"Unfortunately not. If any of your friends knew our plans, the information could be tortured out of them. To prevent harm from coming to them, they must remain in the dark," Tseng explained.
"Can I text her once I'm there? Just to let her know I'm okay?" she asked, her voice noticeably smaller.
"No. They might be able to trace the call and discern your location thusly," the leader of the Turks said.
"Of course," the ninja muttered. "I knew being so awesome would come back to bite me in the ass one day." She spun around, poking Reno hard in the chest. "Before we leave, you are getting me a corn dog from Third Street." And in a huff, she left Tseng's small office.
"Keep her safe," Tseng ordered his Turks. Elena nodded tersely and spun on her heel, hurrying after Yuffie.
"Sure thing, boss-man," Reno drawled. "Enjoy your tea." He smirked to himself and turned before he could see the older Turk's eyes narrow at his underling.
By the time they reached the entrance to the building, Yuffie had cooled down a bit. She was still irritated at the whole situation, but she really didn't feel like being knocked out and dragged to some underground compound in the mountains, or whatever the Turks had planned for her.
Elena walked beside her, long legs easily keeping stride with the ninja's bounding steps. Reno lagged behind, humming tunelessly and swinging his EMR.
"So, why you guys?" Yuffie asked. "I mean, why are the Turks babysitting me and not someone more expendable, like the army?"
"They're expendable now? Thinkin' like a Turk, midge," Reno called from behind.
"Can it," Elena sang. "Like I said, we're trained for this sort of thing. "It's what we're good at. Tseng picked Reno because he can keep up with you, and I can keep a lid on Reno," she said cheerfully.
"What about Rude?" Yuffie wondered. "Isn't he usually attached to your hip?" Beside her, Elena chuckled.
"Hah! Rude encourages every bad habit that Reno's got. They'd have you chain smoking and stripping through the streets before the end of the week," she said with a smirk.
"Aw, don't be so harsh, yo!" There was a feigned hurt in his voice. "It'd probably take about two weeks to crack her walnut."
"You'd have better luck with Cloud - his screws are more loose than mine," Yuffie said with a grin, biting down a giggle as a picture of Cloud running nude through the streets of Edge flitted through her mind. He's already got cross-dressing under his belt; she bet she could get him to strip after a few good shots.
As they exited the building, Elena guided them toward a very plain, nondescript blue sedan. Reno stepped ahead of them, fishing in his pockets. Frowning, he thrust his hand into his other pocket. While he searched frantically for the keys, Elena sashayed past him with a smirk on her face, twirling the missing keys. His blue-green eyes widened.
"Wha- Hey!"
"You're a terrible driver," she quipped. "Open the door for Yuffie." Reno made an indignant noise while the ninja grinned widely at him, placing her fists on her hips.
"You heard her," Yuffie crowed. "Open my door, turkey slave!" Grumbling, Reno yanked the door open and resisted the urge to pick the little ninja up and toss her into the vehicle. She slithered into the back seat and he slammed the door. He opened the passenger side door and as he tried to slide in, his hip collided with Yuffie's shoulder. There she was, in his seat, grinning like a cat.
"You're bony, turkey. You should have a corn dog too," she said, barely containing her laughter. Reno spluttered, more annoyed than angry. He cast a helpless look at his co-worker, who was staring straight ahead and trying very hard not to laugh. "Into the back seat, man servant." Scowling, he slammed the door and flung himself into the back seat, growling to himself.
"So this is how it's going to be. An estrogen party until the Bones are bones. Awesome."
Yuffie had only an hour before their departure. The bar was, like Tseng said, devoid of anyone. She threw her clothes into a few duffel bags, along with some miscellaneous items for entertainment, grabbed her Conformer, and picked up all of her Materia, and then took all of Cloud's. She figured it was a life-or-death situation and that he would understand. Besides, she had full intentions on returning it, whenever her exile ended. Reno poked his head into her room, glancing around with sharp eyes.
"No corn in here, turkey," she told him.
"You're hilarious," he said sarcastically. She stuck her tongue out at him. "Just making sure that you're not leavin' any notes for blondie or Mega-Tits or the Bones to find." Yuffie frowned at him.
"Chill, ye of little faith. No note, see?" She swung her arms around for emphasis. Reno narrowed his eyes and peered around suspiciously, satisfied with the lack of paper scraps or pens.
"Just hurry up, will ya? Third Street is twenty minutes away an' you're wastin' time on useless things like clothes," he complained.
"Blech! I hope you packed some clothes, old man. If I get one look at your saggy bits, I'll have to poke my beautiful eyes out," she said with a grimace.
"You'd be blinded by their perky, firm glory anyway, so yer eyes would be useless," he boasted, waving a hand dismissively and turning to walk away.
"As if. Here, make yourself useful and carry this," she told him, tossing a duffel bag at him. He caught it reflexively, falling back a step from its weight.
"Like guarding you for the next goddess knows how many weeks isn't useful enough. What's in the bag anyway, princess? Bricks?" Yuffie stood up and turned around, holding an enormous cat that more closely resembled a small leopard than any domestic feline.
"A cat box, litter, and food for Jezebel," she replied happily. The giant cat mewed loudly, though Reno thought it sounded more like a roar.
"She'll be fine here. You're not bringing her," Reno said, his eyes narrowed. Yuffie glared at him.
"I am so. I don't go anywhere without Jezebel, and she'll destroy the place if I leave her; she'd be heartbroken," she said stubbornly.
"Absolutely not. I hate cats," the red-head protested.
"Good, I'm sure she hates turkeys, too," Yuffie snapped.
"Put the cat down and let's go."
"Make me!"
"What in the name of the planet are you two arguing about?" Elena came up behind Reno. "Ooh, a kitty!" She shouldered her colleague aside and made a beeline for Yuffie and her cat, a wide smile on her pretty face. Reno groaned in defeat, feeling his testosterone drop a little further.
"I'm gonna murder Tseng."
A half an hour later, they were ensconced once more in the blue sedan with the heavily tinted windows. Yuffie was happily consuming her third corn dog, Elena was carefully picking her way through a pothole-ridden section of the road, and Reno was reluctantly sharing the back seat with Jezebel. The gigantic at seemed to adore him, despite Yuffie's earlier declaration. She purred loudly and curled up against his side, depositing her massive head into his lap.
"Hey Reno, I got a question for ya," Yuffie said.
"Shoot, princess," he said absently.
"Do you like seafood?" The Turk furrowed his brow. What an odd question.
"I guess. Don't really-" Then, Yuffie turned around and opened her mouth, showing him a wad of chewed corn dog and mustard.
"Thee? Thood!" She swallowed the mouthful and snorted in a very un-princess-like manner.
"You're gross, yo," he said. He tried to sound disgusted, but his laughter escaped anyway.
"Ha, like you're one to talk. You're going to pull that on Tseng as soon as you can," Elena chimed in, a grin on her face. Reno smirked, but he couldn't deny it.
"I expect full credit for that, turkey," Yuffie said.
"Oh, sure. I'll add a disclaimer while I'm dodging bullets," he muttered.
"Aw, I'm sure he just wants to keep you on your toes in your old age," she consoled.
"Tseng's older than I am, kid," Reno smirked.
"I'm not a kid," she pouted. And what is it with you guys, anyhow? Cloud says Tseng looks the same as he did ten years ago."
"We're actually undead; we'll never age," the redhead intoned gravely.
"Spoilers, Reno," Elena warned, a grin on her face.
"I knew it. That explains Vinnie; Cloud owes me ten gil," the ninja affirmed.
"Your vampire boyfriend? No, Hojo explains him. That maniac never came near any of us, yo," Reno said, shuddering at the thought of the mad doctor.
"So if you didn't get any mako exams, then what keeps Tseng so pretty-boy?" she asked.
"Makeup," Reno answered seriously. Elena rolled her eyes.
"Turks aren't just random people plucked off the streets. I mean, they can be," she amended, glancing back at Reno. "They've got to pass pretty stringent health and DNA exams, and fall within certain parameters." She winked at Yuffie. "We've got really great genetics."
"So you're all just naturally pretty, smooth skinned people?"
"I knew you thought Tseng was pretty. I saw the way you leered at him," Reno teased.
"Prettier than you, turkey," Yuffie responded. "Chocobo-head showed me a picture of Tseng; I want his secret to keeping crow's feet away!" She tugged at the corners of her eyes.
"We're like a good fabric softener - we're wrinkle-free," Elena laughed. They were so absorbed in their conversation that they didn't realize that they'd arrived until the blond flipped the shifter into 'park' and turned off the car. Yuffie stared out the window, her expression mildly horrified and wholly unimpressed.
"This is the safe house?" She got out of the sedan and stared at what she thought was the least safe looking building she'd ever laid eyes on.
It was an old warehouse just outside of Junon. Half its windows were missing and the other half were broken. The metal sides were heavily rusted, though it looked as though shoddy attempts at patchwork had been made over the years. The roof visibly sagged and weeds surrounded the whole complex, jutting up through the concrete. Bits of scrap metal and wood, even a few deflated tires, littered the property. She looked at Reno and Elena, who had exited the car and were staring at the dilapidated building before them with a certain look of fondness.
"It look like it'll give me tetanus before it'll keep me safe from anything," the ninja deadpanned.
"That's the idea," Elena replied with a grin. Reno produced a small remote from the inside pocket of his jacket and pressed the first grey button. One of the garage style doors opened with surprisingly little screeching.
Elena slid back into the sedan, Yuffie and Reno following suit. She drove them right into the warehouse, parking directly under a giant mechanical claw with a magnet in the center. Behind them, the loading door slowly began to close. The three of them sat in silence, waiting for the door to shut.
"Is the claw going to take us to another dimension?" Yuffie asked, breaking the silence. She had turned herself around in the passenger seat to stare out the back window.
"You'll see," Elena said. Once the door had closed, Reno pressed the second button. With a great groan and a shudder, the floor beneath them began to move down. Yuffie let out a little gasp of excitement and pressed her face against the window. Below them, the floor opened up, allowing the platform to continue its descent. When it finally stopped, Elena put the car in reverse and pulled off of the platform. Reno pressed the second button again and the platform began to ascend to its original position. Elena shut the car off once more and Yuffie scrambled out of it, taking in her surroundings with wide brown eyes. They were parked in an underground garage. It was plain and grey, the plaster chipping in a few small spots. There were gas cans, presumably full, on a metal shelf on one side of the garage, along with a variety of tools, tires, wires, and plugs. Elena and Reno climbed out of the sedan, followed by Jezebel, who leapt out lightly and padded over to Yuffie. The blond Turk put her arm around Yuffie's shoulders and looked at the only door in the room.
"We'll let the big, strong man unload the car, and us delicate flowers can explore and pick the best rooms for ourselves," she said cheerfully. She opened the door and ushered Yuffie inside. Jezebel followed them, her long tail disappearing around the doorframe.
"Delicate flowers my ass," Reno grumbled, popping the trunk open. He'd gotten his ass handed to him by Yuffie more times than he cared to admit, and he knew for a fact that Elena had a certain predisposition for breaking bones at horribly gruesome angles. Those two were about as delicate as one of his homemade bombs.
Yuffie and Elena passed through a laundry room with an enormous washer and dryer, a folding table, sorting bins, and hangers.
"This is one of President Shinra's preferred safe houses. It's fully stocked with everything you could need," Elena explained. "And when it was decided that this is where we were bringing you, we had it freshly stocked and updated to suit you a little better." She opened a door, and Yuffie walked through into a kitchen.
Bright and big, the room looked like it belonged in a grand mansion rather than a safe house. An island in the center had a flat stove top. Above that, pots and pans hung from a rack that dropped down from the ceiling. There was the biggest French door style refrigerator that she had ever seen, a dishwasher, and a trash compactor. A giant mixer sat on the counter, along with a large toaster and a food processor. Double ovens were mounted into the wall. Barstools sat around the island, and a table and chairs occupied the far end of the kitchen.
"Sweet Leviathan," Yuffie whistled, running her hand along the marble countertop. "Ol' Rufus didn't spare any gil, did he?"
"Most of this was put in by his father, years before his death. Apparently, though, most of it was tastelessly decorated. Rufus redesigned a lot of it, but left the kitchen mostly intact," the Turk said. "There's just about everything you need to make whatever you want." Elena tapped the freezer with her foot. "Including a nice supply of corn dogs." Yuffie smiled. She liked Elena; maybe her time here wouldn't be all that bad.
She wandered over to an open doorway and gasped, bouncing on the balls of her feet before sprinting into the next room. The living room was spacious, but cozy. Large bookshelves filled with volumes lined the far wall. A large, solid oak entertainment center housed a truly huge flat-screen television. When she opened the doors on either side, she found them packed with DVDs and video games. A surround system was hooked up: two enormous speakers sat on the floor, and each corner of the room had a smaller speaker mounted to the ceiling. The deep red couch was enormous and comfortable looking. Yuffie confirmed this as she launched herself onto it, executing a perfect belly flop. Upon closer inspection, it was revealed to be two connected sectionals, creating half a square. In the space between the ends of the couch was a matching ottoman and an oaken coffee table. Various paintings hung on the walls, and she sat up as she recognized some of them. Da Chao at sunset, the Pagoda, a blossom tree.
"There were a bunch of portraits of Rufus, but Reno and I figured you'd appreciate these more." Elena's voice interrupted the silence.
"They're really beautiful," the ninja murmured. "Who picked them out?" Elena shrugged.
"I don't know. Reno and Rude flew out here last night with a few… upgrades. I guess they picked them out of a storehouse or something." Yuffie's eyes lingered on the painting of Da Chao and she felt a pang of homesickness. She never felt this way at the bar, but she suspected that it was because she knew she could leave whenever she wanted. Blowing a raspberry, she walked away from the painting.
"Where are the bedrooms?" she asked, spinning to face Elena.
"Down the hall. We picked the middle room for you. Reno and I will be on either side," the blond said.
"I told Tseng you'd be safer if you slept with Laney while I stood guard, but he didn't appreciate my creativity," Reno drawled as he walked into the room. He dropped several bags, letting them fall haphazardly. Elena scowled at him.
"Because Tseng is smart. And be a little more careful with my bag," she sniffed. "I'd hate to see the gun shoot a hole in it. It's new."
"Tch, carry it yourself, then." He walked back to the kitchen and retrieved his own bags. "And I'm not touching that giant pinwheel of yours with a ten foot pole, princess," he announced. Yuffie rolled her eyes and shouldered past him.
"Crybaby," she muttered. Reno shrugged, then grinned at Elena.
"Ready for vacation?" She crossed her arms.
"While neither you nor Yuffie are bad company, I wouldn't call this a vacation," she said archly.
"Aw, why's that? Too little Tseng?" he teased. She picked up her bags and blew her hair out of her eyes as she straightened.
"Too little sand and too few shirtless blonds," she replied.
"I could take me shirt off," the redhead offered helpfully.
"I drink with you every Friday, Reno. Nothing I haven't already seen. You might kill Yuffie, though," she pointed out.
"Women have been known to swoon at the sight of me," he considered.
"More like they have a heart attack and die," Yuffie commented, bouncing into the kitchen with her Conformer in her hand. "Move over, I don't want to get old man turkey blood on my pretty weapon." Reno's eyebrow twitched.
"Why would you throw it at me?" Rolling her eyes, Elena grabbed his arm.
"She means you're hogging the whole path." She pulled him out of the way and Yuffie hopped past him. Jezebel trotted out of the kitchen and wandered down the hall. Yuffie followed her pet and ducked into the second room.
The large, dark walnut four poster bed against the center of the far wall was decorated with a forest green comforter and matching pillows. The dresser, mirror, and nightstand were all the same rich walnut colour; combined with the green and ivory wainscoting on the walls, it pulled the room together in a cozy, warm glow. In the corner of the room to the left of the door was a large, squashy black armchair with a matching ottoman. Beside that, a couple of bookshelves stood; they were only half full, which pleased Yuffie. She'd brought some of her own books to read.
She set her Conformer down, propping it against the wall, and moved to the bed. Jezebel had perched herself on it, bright green eyes fixed loyally on her mistress. Yuffie sat down next to her and threw her arms around the big cat.
"This is home for a while," she whispered. Sighing, she flopped down, her legs dangling over the edge. Jezebel stepped up and laid down on her, eliciting a grunt from the ninja.
"You're not a two pound kitten anymore, yanno," she breathed. Jezebel curled her tail around her body and nuzzled her head between Yuffie's breasts. Sighing in defeat, she tucked her hands behind her head and wondered what Cloud and Tifa were doing.
"Her room is cleaned out and Jezebel is gone," Tifa groaned. She flopped down on Cloud's bed. She'd received a message from Tseng earlier, stating that Yuffie had been returned to the bar. Tifa had met Cloud outside of the city last night to fill him in. Together, they rode back into Edge.
Upon their arrival at the bar, they found it empty. Yuffie was no where to be found. Cloud patted Tifa's back awkwardly. Of course he was worried about the peppy ninja as well. She was like a little sister to him. But he had also fought beside her, and he knew that she was capable of taking care of herself. The knot hadn't yet been tied that could hold her down. For all her boasting and general clumsiness, she truly was a great ninja. She was also the keeper of Leviathan, a very powerful summon.
Cloud sat up quickly and crossed his room, opening the box that held his Materia. Scowling, he withdrew the small slip of paper and read it.
"Cloud, what is it?" Tifa asked, moving to stand next to him. He showed her the paper.
"'Thanks for the Materia, Chocoboy! Gobble gobble!'" she read aloud. She frowned. "Why would she take your Materia? And… gobble gobble?" Cloud pressed his lips together in a grim line.
"I have a feeling we should ask the Turks," he hissed. "Come on."
It didn't take them long to get them to where they were now - looming over Tseng.
"Where is she?" Cloud's voice was too calm, Tifa thought. Tseng should be concerned, if he were smart, though Tifa admired the Turk's ability to remain impassive.
"I assume you're speaking of Yuffie. Is she not at Seventh Heaven?"
"We wouldn't be here if she were," Tifa said hotly.
"True enough, I suppose. Have you tried the corn dog stand that she was raving about?" he asked mildly. His voice was smooth and all lies, and Tifa's patience was thin enough.
"You're a slimy piece of work, you know that?" Tifa snapped, clenching her fists. "Your people were the last ones with her. You're responsible for her." Tseng sighed.
"Let's assume for a moment that I know where she is. Were that the case, I would be inclined to tell you that she is safe and guarded at an undisclosed location for her protection." He stood and clasped his hands behind his back. "However, I do not have any further information on your friend. For your safety, I advise you to cease your search for her."
"Stop looking for her? Are you out of your mind? She's our friend!" Tifa fumed. "She'll be safe with us."
"Like she was safe when the Bones of Wutai took her from your bar two weeks ago?" Tseng countered, a hint of anger in his voice. Tifa bit her lip and Cloud smouldered beside her, wishing he had brought First Tsurugi with him. Tseng sighed. He took a sip of tea from a thermos on his desk, and it calmed him somewhat. "My apologies. That was… too far." He turned to stare out the window of his office.
"She is the princess of Wutai. I'm sure it's easy to forget. You eat, drink, and live with her. I am under the assumption that she doesn't act like a princess. But her ancestors were emperors and empresses, true rulers. She is next in line for the throne, and she was specifically targeted." Tseng turned to face them. "Her father wants her kept safe just as much as you do. He has the money to do so, and we have the resources. For her safety and for yours, it would be wise to stay uninformed."
Tifa opened her mouth to say something, but Cloud touched her arm. She spun to look at him. Imploring blue eyes found hers and he shook his head just slightly. She sighed and brought her other hand up and brushed her fingers over his. Then she rounded on Tseng.
"You had better hope that wherever she is, she stays safe," she warned, pointing a gloved finger at him. "Or I'm calling Vincent." She whirled around and stormed out of the room. Tseng looked at Cloud, his eyes just slightly wider than usual. With the barest hint of a smile, the ex-SOLDIER turned and left as well, clicking the door shut quietly.
Tseng sat back down at his desk and took another drink from his tea, a larger gulp this time. He hoped that Elena and Reno did their jobs. Vincent Valentine was probably the last person on the planet he wanted breathing down his neck. He was an ex-Turk, and he was old school. Tseng suppressed a shudder. He didn't want to think about what Valentine could come up with if any harm befell the ninja.
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