I laugh at the pure stupidity of what we just did and what Edward is still doing, laughing because we are like two little kids. I laugh at the pure bliss I am feeling right now, and I laugh because I can't quite believe I have this amazing man in my life and that he is mine. Mine.
"Trusted units... rates of about... We've just closed the deal for a million pounds..." Wow. A million pounds. Think of all the clothes you could buy with a million pounds... I could get that new Gucci dress in every colour. I could get every designer bag in that little shop on the corner of my road. I could get the new-
Wait... Did I just hear my na-
"Bella? You haven't said anything yet today, what's your input? What do you think about the cost?" What do I think about Lacoste? Finally a question I understand and can answer!
"I think Lacoste is a great make. Sometimes a bit exspensive but when you get the right colour and style it can really make someone turn from trashy to classy" I smile, proud of my efforts which quickly get shattered when the room of people start laughing and Mike puts his face in his hands.
"The cost Bella, not LA-coste." Mike tells me. Oh.
Well... I. Ergh I'm so embarrassed. I look around the room and see people giggling but trying to stay professional. The only person who doesn't seem to be giggling is Edward. He is full on roaring with laughter.
He's such an arse.
"Bella, can you leave please? You're dismissed from the meeting, I'll see you in my office in 15 minutes. Thank you" The whole room is silent as I sit there stunned for a few seconds. Dismissed from the meeting? I've never been dismissed from a meeting before! I must of really messed up this time. I nod my head once and start to collect my things. I look over at Edward who gives me an apologetic smile, I return it and then walk out as Edward starts to talk about something, I once again, know nothing about.
I'm such an idiot.
Since I spilled all to Edward just under a year ago at Alice's, he's been helping me try and understand my job. I seemed to be doing great for the first few weeks of his 'training' and every time I would do well in a meeting Edward would give me £50 to go shopping with. He's such a sweetheart.
But recently, we've been occupied with... other stuff. Eachother.
I REGRET NOTHING.
We even did it in Alice's bathroom. I giggle to myself remembering the memory as I sit down at my desk and ponder on what to do. My thoughts drift as I pick up a pad and a pen and start to doodle.
Since that night at Alice's things have changed. Alice is now one of my best friends, along with Rosalie, which is great. It's lovely to go shopping with girls instead of just with Jacob. He sometimes tags along when he isn't busy with work and the girls love him. And my relationship with Edward is as strong as ever.
Work is never a problem with me and Edward. We stay professional at work. We are, if you will, just friends at work. I like it that way. We both do. We need to have some 'rules' about our relationship and a line between it and work.
Edward got two big promotions within a year, and as he slowly rises to the top, I seem to be slowly sinking - INTO THE DEPTHS OF HELL! Work's getting harder. I'm getting into more and more trouble! And to make it worse, lunch hours have been cut by 10 minutes so I can't do as much shopping as before!
I look down at the paper and realise I've been pressing to hard with the pen, that it has started to rip. I'm so angry at myself. Why did I ever think I could take on this job? For the 5 years I've worked here I've been scraping through, and now there's no room to scrape. I've worn out my time here and I can feel it in the pit of my stomach that something bad is going to happen. I can sense it.
I slam my pen down on my desk just as Edward comes into view. He sits on the spare chair next to me. Yes, spare chair, with his rising comes a new office. His own office.
He places his hand on top of my balled up fist and takes a deep breath. Sitting silently for a few seconds and begins to speak.
"Bella, I need to see you in my office." He says as he lets go of my hand and walks towards his office. I smile to myself, he's probably got a present for me to make me feel less nervous about this meeting with Mike in 5 minutes. I almost want to skip to his office but remember that everyone can see me. All eyes are on me. I knew this dress was worth £250. I flash them a smile and they return it after a few seconds, seeming reluctant to do so.
I wonder what he has brought me!
The new top from Chanel I wanted?
Eh, probably not.
The necklace I wanted?
Possible.
Oh my god what if- what if he is going to- going to propose? He's going to propose isn't he? And everyone knows, that's why they were reluctent to smile back at me because they didn't want to give it away!
Oh my god!
He's going to propose... in his office. Well the bastard could of picked a more romantic setting... maybe he has decorated his office with roses and balloons and diamonds!
Oh my god the ring! THE RING BETTER BE THE SIZE OF TITANIC OTHER WISE SHIT WILL GO DOWN. I CAN'T HAVE A REA- I stop my thoughts as I reach his office and see there are no roses. There are no balloons. There are no diamonds. He's not down on one knee.
Maybe he'll have rose petals be released from the ceiling so they'll be falling down on us as he proposes. I smile at him, where he sits behind his desk and I shut his office door while slyly looking up at the ceiling.
Damn! No net full of rose petals.
What kind of lame arse proposal will this be?
He hasn't said anything and the look on his face is strained. I shake off the bad vibes I'm getting and make my way to the chair placed in front of his desk.
"What's up?" I sit and smile at him trying to ease the tention.
He takes another deep breath as he closes his eyes and places his thumb and index finger on the bridge of his nose. "What's up?" he echos "Just about everything Bella"
The only thing I can say is "oh" He seems so stressed. I've never seen him this stressed, not even before he had his big meeting a few months ago to get the job he has now. Working beside Mike.
"Well whatever it is, you need to make it quick. You know I will always be here to listen to your problems babe, but I have a meeting with Mike in" I check my (Tiffany) watch "2 minutes. And I know he is already pissed at me so I can't be late." He's silent for a minute. A full minute goes by and he doesn't say anything.
"Okay, well..." I'm having trouble deciding what to say next and go with "We'll talk at lunch okay, but I have to go see Mi-" He cuts me off just as I'm about to get up from the chair.
"No you don't. You have to stay here. I- He- He" Edward stutters. He what? He needs to move the meeting? He had a family emergency? He.. he died? Did he die in the last 15 minutes? Oh my god!
"Did he die?" I ask. "He's dead isn't he? I can't believe he has died! And I just saw him! He was so young an-"
"He hasn't died Bella!" Edward interrupts abruptly "Mike had to go to an emergen-"
"Family emergency?" " I interupt this time.
"No Bella!" He shouts. I'm taken back by his temper. "This is hard enough! Just sit and listen okay?" He is still shouting and I sink a little in my chair.
"Okay." I say quietly looking down.
"Mike had to go to an emergency meeting. Wilhelm communications called him out to a meeting about the 456 deal." So my meeting has been moved then? Why is it so hard for him to tell me thi- My thoughts get cut short as he begins to speak again.
"He asked me to have this meeting with you, me being his" He makes air quotations as he says " 'wing man' I was the only one who has the" again with the air quotations "power"
Power? What power?
"Bella this is one of the hardest things that I'm ever going to have to do. And I'm so, so sorry. And I fucking wish I didn't have to do this but it's my job and- He- I- You're fired."
"What?" He ignores my question and carries on speaking, using a more professional tone.
"You have until the end of the week. In that time you'll need to finish off uncompleted projects and clean out your desk... if that's even going to be possible." He gives a little chuckle trying to lighten the mood.
Lighten the mood.
LIGHTEN THE FUCKING MOOD. I've just got fired! By my boyfriend! I have two days, just TWO days left of my job. I don't even want to stay here. What are they going to do? Make me stay here until the end of the week? I don't think so!
"You know what, I don't even want to fucking stay!" I shout.
"Bella, please don't get angry a-" He starts.
"Don't get angry? DON'T GET ANGRY? I've just lost my job Edward! And to make it worse, I've just got fired by my boyfriend! I'm cleaning out my desk NOW and I'll be gone by lunch! You and Mike can go fuck your job! You big bloody mean workaholic!" I shout and flail my arms about. I stamp out the room while slamming his office door behind me and storm all the way over to my desk.
I snap my head to my left and see Lee from resources staring at me.
"What are you looking at?" I ask him rather rudely.
"I- I-" He stutters.
"Why don't you be a good boy and get me a cardboard box?" I patronise him. He replies with a yes and hurries off. No more than a minute he is back at my desk with my box.
"Thanks." I say as I snatch it off him and start chucking everything I can find in my box.
I didn't mean to be a bitch to Lee and the guilt starts to make it's way through my body and just before he walks away I catch his arm. "I'm sorry Lee. It's just been a tough 5 minutes. I'm really sorry." I give my best apologetic smile and he returns it.
"I know. It's fine. And hey, good luck with everything. It will get better soon." And he walks away.
I carry on chucking stuff in my box as Edward comes up to my desk.
"Bella you're making a scene" He starts. "You need to compose yourself"
I look in my box and pick up a strange item I've seem to accidentally place in there. What is it? A hole punch? The hole punch isn't mine... it is now. I place it back in my box and turn back to my desk.
"I'm sorry. Do you think I wanted this..."
This stapler's mine now.
"...I told Mike that I shouldn't and he just said..."
This is a nice mouse mat. Mine! I don't even have a computer, I have a laptop, but I'm sure I can use it as a... coaster or something. I place it in my box.
"...Look I'm sorry okay Bella? I don't know what you want me to say or do?..."
Pen pot is now mine.
"...Fine. You can ignore me. I don't care. This is my job and I want to do it properley."
"What's that suppose to mean?" I ask facing him.
"It means that unlike you, I care about my job" He replies in an almost whisper.
"Ergh! You are unbelievable! Get me while I'm down ey? 'Hey my girlfriend just got fired and I did it L-O-L, let's get her even more by belittling her infront of everybody!"
"I didn't belittle you!"
"Bye Edward. Tell Mike he can do my incomplete projects!" I shout as I exit the office.
Walking the streets of London seem to calm my temper. With my cardboard box under my arm I glance around. The sun is shining which seems odd in October but I don't mind, in fact it makes me happy. I smile to myself as a red double decker bus speeds pass me on the road to my right. London is a really beautiful place. I'm normally to busy looking at the shops rather than the actual scenery. And to my astonishment I make it back to my flat without shopping. I'm not carrying any bags, I didn't even peak at a shop. I giggle as I unlock my front door. Once inside I place the box full of my office stuff on the side and walk through to the kitchen to stick the kettle on for a cup of tea.
"Jacob?" I shout. He booked the week off work. I hear a muffled 'yeah' coming from his bedroom and walk through to knock on his door. Once hearing it's okay to come in, I walk in and see Jacob sitting on his bed on the phone. He puts his finger up indicating he will be a minute.
"Yep, okay... sure sure... I'll do it!... I know it's been a week but I will... I'll-... I'll do it right now. Okay. Bye.. love you too. Bye." and then he hangs up.
"Oooo. Was that lover boy?" I ask as I climb up onto his bed and sit crossed legged opposite him.
"Yep." The wide grin spreads across his face. Jacobs been dating Luke for 9 months now. They met at the gym and soon enough they were going on dates. Then staying round each others flats. And then they were officially a couple. Luke is the sweetest person I've met. I wouldn't even have pictured him as Jacobs type, his blond spiky hair is different from what Jacob normally likes, he's 5"8 with piercing blue eyes and when I mentioned this to Jake one night while eating take out pizza and watching Eastenders he gave a rough chuckle and replied 'You can't help who you fall for Bells' and carried on watching the telly.
"So what's up? What do you need to do? Do you need help with it? You know I'm here to help you with anything Jakey." I smile at him. I'm in an awfully good mood for a girl who just got fired from her job.
"Actually, I do need to speak to you."
"Go ahead."
"Okay well" He starts "Luke and me... we want to live together." I squeal as the words leave his lips.
"Oh my god! That is amazing. Is he moving in here? Us three are going to have so much fun! Oh my god!" I stand up and start to jump on his bed while singing 'Jake's in love! Jake's in love!' in no particular tune. "Join me up here Jake! This is exciting stuff!"
"Bells, me and Luke want to live together... just me and him." As he says this I stop jumping. Of course they'd want to live together just the two of them.
"God, I'm so stupid! Obviously you want to live by yourselves. You don't want annoying me getting in your way." I say as I jump off his bed and make my way into the kitchen.
"We've actually found a place." I nearly drop the cup I'm holding "We found a place a month ago..." He knew all this time and he never told me "We were meant to move in a week ago..." He carries on "But I couldn't find a way of telling you.."
Just be happy for him Bella. This isn't just about you. So you've lost a job and a flat mate all in one day, just be happy for him.
I take a deep breath as I turn round and put my arms around him "I'm so happy for you guys!" I fight back the tears. I take another deep breath and then turn back around to finish my tea.
"Why aren't you at work?" He asks as we sit down on our couch. Maybe I should of lied, but I didn't want to lie to my best friend and he's the only one I can talk to right now.
"I- I got fired today" He gasps "By Edward." He gasps even louder. It's only as I say it now that the full effect of what has just happened to me takes it toll. And I can feel the sadness, angst and anger flood through my body and the tears start. "Of course... Edward was just... doing his job" I say in between sobs. "But it was.. humiliating Jake. I shouted at him... I told him and Mike to go.. fuck their jobs... I shouted.. I stomped around... Oh god, what have I done?" I put my head in my hands as Jacob pulls me into his side and just holds me.
"Well by law they should have given you notice... do you want me to sue their arses?" He asks.
"They did give me notice... but there's no way I'm sticking around to finish 'incompleted projects' with everyone knowing that I've been fired... everyone looking down on me! And I shouted at Edward and I was horrible to him." I cry harder as I feel my phone vibrate. Who the hell is that? How dare they call me at a time as tragic as this!
I see Edwards name flashing across the screen and start to panic.
"What do I do?" I ask Jake.
"Whatever feels right. If you don't want to talk to him, then don't. If you do, then pick it up." He smiles at me and when I press the green button and put the phone to my ear, Jake winks at me as he walks out and back to his room.
"Hello Edward." I say composed.
"Are you okay?" He asks cutting to the point. I fight back the tears as I reply "Yes I am perfectly fine thanks very much."
"I'm not going to sit here and apologise Bells" What? He doesn't have the decency to apologise to me? "I was just doing my job. We said we were going to keep it professional at work, and as much as it pained me to fire you... I had to. I hope you understand." Everything he's saying makes sense. I was the one to say we should be professional at work. And he was only doing his job. It shouldn't be Edward I'm angry at. It should be Mike.
"I'm sorry I shouted at you."
"It's okay. You were upset and angry, it's understandable."
"Jake's moving out" I need to talk to someone I can get upset to about this. I would talk to Jake about this, but I can't make him feel bad about wanting to move things forward with his boyfriend... it's more than I'm doing with mine.
"I'm sorry about that. Him and Luke moving in together?"
"Yes. I'm happy for him. I'm just upset I'm losing my best friend." I wipe a tear that is making it's way down my cheek.
"You're not losing your best friend babe. Look, I'm in Starbucks... and I have a present for you." A present? A smile spreads across my face. "Come and meet me. I'll be upstairs with your coffee. Okay?"
"Okay. Bye"
"Bye." I put the phone down as I make my way to the bathroom to sort my face out. Around my eyes is red, but nothing I can't fix with a bit of foundation. I apply some blush and a pink lipstick and grab my bag. I pick my shoes up and make my way to Jake's room. The door is already open and I lean against the frame as I put my high heels on.
"I'm going to see Edward" He smiles "He's got me a present" We both smile.
"Have fun!" I hear as I walk out the door.
When I arrive at Starbucks I make my way upstairs looking for Edward. As I reach the third step from top I scan the room quickly and spot Edward talking to a girl with slick blond hair. Her eye make up is jet black, she has blood red lips, wearing a top which is clearly trying to amplify her breasts. To make her look even more trashy she's wearing a skirt that is so short it looks more like a belt rather than a actual skirt and to top it all off, fish net tights.
Great. So he's got me a prositute for my present? How thoughtful.
I finish walking up the last few steps and make my way to the corner of the room where Edward and Prozzie are sitting.
"... Look, I'm very flattered and all, but I am in a happy relationship and I-" Prozzie cuts him off.
"Don't try to kid and kidder baby" Just as she is about to lean forward I make my presence known.
"Hi!" I say cheerily "You're in my seat, so if you wouldn't mind moving, that would be lovely." I smile at her. Yeah - I'm showing this bitch.
She takes one look at me and then turns back to Edward, raising her drawn on eyebrow she says "Her. Really?"
Edward opens his mouth to speak but I get there first.
"Yes. Me. And I'd like you to move." She doesn't move. In fact her hand touches Edwards leg as she says "Come on." And winks. Okay, I didn't want to have to do this... but bitch Bella is about to show her face! BRING IT! "Also, everyone can tell that 'Chanel' skirt of yours is a fake. The seeming isn't the same, they use a darker pink and don't even get me started on that badly made logo. Another tip, what you're wearing" I move my finger up and down signalling her outfit "it's great if you are meaning to look like a prostitute but, I have a sneaky feeling you think that actually looks good. Darling, it doesn't. Why don't you go find some men to have sex with so you can get some money to buy a personal shopper and decent clothes. Okay?"
They both sit there stunned in silence and after what feels like hours she gets up with a huff, her plat form boots making a loud stomping sound as she walks away.
"Hello Sweetie" Edward says as he smiles and stands up to quickly kiss me. I smile and say 'Hey' as I sit down and take a sip of my coffee.
"I know you're dying to see what I've got you" Edward leans round his chair to get my present that is in his coat pocket which is hung around the chair "So let's just cut to the chase yeah?"
I place my cup down on the table and clap my hands together excitedly and close my eyes. I hear a rough chuckle as I feel the object being placed into my hand.
"Is it a puppy?"
"... No."
"Is it a bike?"
"Bella you are holding it in your hand, you can obviously feel it's not a bike or a puppy. Just open your eyes and look for yourself." I open my eyes and see a flat square black box with a thin silver ribbon wrapped around it that's tied into a little bow. My hand slowly pulls the ribbon off and then I open it. I gasp as I'm greeted with a dazzling silver necklace. There's a diamond charm placed at the bottom and it's in the shape of a heart. I blink several times just checking that I'm really seeing what I'm seeing.
"I-" I'm stunned into silence.
"Here, let me put it on you." Edward gets up from his chair, takes the necklace out the box and then ever so lightly places it around my neck. I feel a light kiss placed just under my ear and then he is gone and sitting opposite me again. My hand goes up to the necklace and I fiddle with it with my fingers.
"I love it Edward. Really. Thank you so much."
"Only the best for you my dear." I give a little chuckle and pick up my coffee. We talk about Jacob moving out, and Edward reassures me everything will be just fine, and that I may enjoy living on my own. And as I think about redecorating and rearranging my furniture I do get pretty excited.
I could have colour schemes.
I could buy that painting from the little antique shop around the corner that I wanted but Jacob hated.
We talk about Alice and how she is applying for a new job.
We talk about Emmett and Rosalie's wedding plans.
We laugh about the girl here when I arrived who we have named 'Lozzie the Prozzie'
And then we sit in silence sipping our coffees and enjoying each others company.
"Edward, can I ask you a question?"
"You just did." He smirks but I ignore it. I want to be serious for a minute.
"How long have we been together Edward?" He looks confused. "Just answer the question."
"One year in a week and one day." He replies. "What, did you think I forgot?" Once again he smirks and raises his left eyebrow.
"Nope. Now here's the actual question." I take a deep breath, scared of asking the question. Scared of the answer I'll recieve. "Why have you never said you love me?"
He's silent. Frozen.
He shakes his head and continues placing his cup down on the table.
"Um-" He coughs. "I could ask you the same question." He responds.
"What? You think that I'm going to be the first one to say it! That's not what happens in relationships! Boys always say it first! What if I said it and you didn't say it back? Then I'd be all embarrassed and flustered and I wouldn't be able to live!" Maybe I'm exaggerating - expect I'm not. That is what would happen. My life would end.
"I'm sorry, it's just- Bella, this- it's- It's just hard for me to, you know, say my feelings like that... be as open as that."
"We've been together for nearly a year now and we are still in the same place as we were when we first got together. Don't you want to move forward too?"
"Of course I do!"
"Move in with me!" Blurts out my mouth before I can stop it. Word vomit. Word vomit. I take a look at Edwards face. Okay, I may actually vomit. I MAY ACTUALLY VOMIT. Why am I such an arse?
"Okay forget what I said! I didn't mean it! I was just messing around. HA! The look on your face. God, priceless... Yeah." Edward doesn't buy my excuse.
"We haven't even said- You want me to move in with you? Really?" He doesn't let me answer. "Let's do it!" What?
"What?"
"Let's do it! It's perfect timing. Jacobs moving out of your flat. I would have to pay my rent next week for another 6 months, you don't have a job anymore so the rent will be hard to pay-"
"You want to live with me because it's perfect timing?"
"No! I want to live with you because I want to. I want to make you breakfast in bed and see your face every morning and other cheesy crap." He smiles and I chuckle. He grabs my hands in his from across the little table in between us. "It being perfect timing is just an added bonus."
"Okay! Let's do it! Wow. I feel like a grown up."
"I'm flying Jack! I'm flying!" I repeat after Kate Winslet. I hear Edward chuckle from behind me and my arms find their way back to the side of my body and I spin on the ball of my foot to face Edward who is sat on the couch..
"Why are you sitting down there laughing at me? You should be up on this table with me singing 'come Josephine on my flying machine, singing up she goes, up she goes'" I jump down from the table landing on Edward with a thud. "If we were in the middle of the Atlantic ocean with only one door, would you let me have it?" I ask.
"No, I'd take it for myself and leave you, and if there wasn't a door, I'd use you to lean on" I laugh as I make myself comfortable on Edwards lap. His arms find there way around my waist. "and don't expect me to be saying all that 'you're gonna die an old lady warm in her bed' crap. You'll get a simple 'bye bitch' and that's that." I laugh again as I turn my body round to straddle him, my arms wind up around his neck.
"You don't mean that" I say kissing his cheek "You'd be saying a big speech about how winning that ticket was the best thing to happen to you as it brought you to me" Edward gives a rough chuckle as I place soft kisses along his jaw.
"Sure babe, I'd make that crap up for you" He says.
"Thank you." I place a kiss on his lips and lean my forehead against his. "Just a shame you don't look like Leonardo DiCaprio ay?" I smirk and he smirks right back at me.
"What a great way to try and get into my pants."
"We'll have none of that when I'm here kids" Jacob says as he brings a box into the living room "Which won't be for long. That's the last box." I remove myself from the position I was in as it's incredibily awkward sitting in a position like that with your best friend around. Jacob told me two days ago he was moving in with Luke and this evening is when he leaves. We had a night in last night, just us two and a few pizzas. It was the perfect going away night. Talking until the early hours of this morning, reminiscing about good times we've had living together. We had a cry. We watched a few movies. And then we got some sleep, finally going to bed at 4am.
We woke today at 11am and for hours we packed up, cleaned up and sorted out his stuff and placed all the boxes into the living room. We both started giving his room a furrow clean but around 4pm I got bored, I had no money to go shopping, so I left Jacob too it and went into the living room and turned on Titanic and texted Edward to come over. No longer than half an hour he was here.
"How are you getting all this stuff to your new flat?" Edward asks.
"Luke's friend Seth has a big van which will fit all these boxes in, it's just moving all these boxes from here down to the van that's the problem." He better not be thinking of me helping. I've done my bit. I helped as much as I am willing. Lugging boxes is not my kind of thing.
"When's the van getting here? I'll help you move them all down, if you'd like? The more people helping the faster it'll get done." Edward says.
"Getting here at half 5" I check my watch. Only 5 more minutes? He will be gone in less than half an hour. Jacob continues "That would be great. Thanks. There aren't that many boxes, so shouldn't take that long." Jake smiles and sits down on the chair which is surrounded by his boxes. I look at them, reading the labels on all of them. 'Clothes' 'Clothes' 'Bedroom stuff' 'Bathroom Stuff' 'Memory Box'
I feel tears threaten to spill over, as my cheeks begin to heat up. He is going. He is really going! He is leaving me! How could he leave me? I hear a beep outside and wonder if it's Seth and Luke and my internal questions where answered when Jacob confirmed it was them.
"Right then! Let's shift these boxes!" Jake jumps up from his seat, as he says this he goes over to the door, opens it, and places a box in front of it to keep it from closing.
"Bells, there are a few heavy boxes, not to patronise you or anything babe, but we can take those ones and you can tak-" I cut Jacob off.
"No! I am not helping you leave me! You are nothing but a big leaver! YOU LEAVERER!" Before storming out the room I push over a box. Well, that was my plan. It turns out I just so happened to pick the heaviest to try and knock over. I can see from the corner of my eye that Edward is trying not to laugh and I huff, deciding to try a different box. SUCCESS! I push the box labelled 'Clothes' and it crashes to the floor and I stomp off into my room, making sure to slam the door.
That wasn't slammed loud enough for my liking.
I re open the door, and slam it again, making sure it was slammed extra good. Happy with my final attempt I flop down on my bed and wallow in my own self pity.
He is leaving. I knew this was coming, but he is really leaving me. My best friend. Jacob the leaver.
How long have I been laying here now?
Half an hour? An hour? And no one has even checked on me? No one has come to comfort me. I check the time on my watch and see it's 5.31.
Two minutes? That's not possible. I've been in here for ages... AGES I TELL YOU.
I roll across my bed to my night stand and grab my ipod, I shove my earphones into my ears, wincing as it hurts, and flick through until I find Van Morrison. I've always loved the feeling that music gives me. It fills me with such contentment, and while I'm listening to a song or an album, nothing else matters. It's just me, the music, and the emotions the music makes me feel. I roll onto my back and close my eyes and let my music take over me and my mind fills with happy memories of me and Edward dancing on Alice's deck.
Why do I feel so heavy? Oh my god, I'm sinking aren't I? I've left the tap on or something, it's filled up my flat and now I'm drowning and because I'm concentrating on this inner dialog I'm not swimming. WHY DO I FEEL HEAVY? Great, I'm going to die and I ha- what was that?
'...some one like you... worth while.. you... satisfied.' Is that Edward? NOT POSSIBLE I AM DROWNING. '.. some one excatly like you' Okay. That was Edward. Why is the bastard not helping me while I'm drowning? I knew it! He really is using me to lean on isn't he? He's not getting me a door like Jack did for Rose!
I feel a kiss placed gently on my lips. "You're not drowning." I hear Edwards chuckle in my left ear and another kissed placed on the tip of my nose, my eyes immediately open. Edwards laying on top of me, leaning himself up with his fore arms. His face inches from mine, and his body weight on top of me making me sink back into my bed sighing happily. There's just something about being so close to him. So intimate in the most innocent of ways.
"Pfft. I know.. just testing you." I knew what I said didn't really make sense, being still half asleep, I didn't care much to correct myself either. I kiss him and wrap my arms around his shoulders. He lowers down on top of me, his head resting on my chest, listening to my heart beat and patting the beat on my hand which is laced with his. We lay there together quietly. Van Morrison playing softly for me and I don't care about anything. I don't care that Jacob has probably left now. I don't care that I'm jobless. I don't care about anything but Edward. The next song to be played is 'Have I Told You Lately' realising that Edward can't hear the song I use my free hand to take one of the ear buds out and place it in Edwards ear wanting him to share this song with me. I feel him smile against my chest as he recognises the song and as Van Morrison starts singing we both join in. We sing quietly at first and then we get louder and louder until we are shouting the chorus at the top of our voices. I don't manage to finish as I'm laughing which is making it hard to not only sing, but breath also. I laugh at the pure stupidity of what we just did and what Edward is still doing, laughing because we are like two little kids. I laugh at the pure bliss I am feeling right now, and I laugh because I can't quite believe I have this amazing man in my life and that he is mine. Mine. I feel Edwards head move and I'm met with his piercing eyes.
He never fails to make me lose my breath.
He's still laughing at us, and I watch stunned at his beauty and not just physical beauty, but the beauty that seeps through when he is totally free and happy like this. I've looked at Edward before, of course I have, but never have I looked at him quite like this. For the first time in our relationship, I'm really seeing him.
I like what I see.
I love what I see.
He is the man that accepts me. He is the man that is always there. He is the man that knows me more than any one.
He is my best friend.
I don't know how long it's been since he has stopped laughing, but he isn't any more and the music is no longer playing. He's staring right back at me with his eye brows raised as if questioning me, silently asking me what I'm thinking and if I'm going to share it with him.
I take a second to debate this, making a quick list of pros and cons in my mind.
Why I should tell him:
Pros: I want to.
Cons: There aren't any.
"I love you Edward." I whisper. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my body while saying the words I've so desperately wanted to for months. The weight being lifted, both literally and mentally. Edward rolls off me and lays at my side, his eyes closed shut, and as I watch him I know he can't say it back, and it doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. His lips move every so often as if he is wanting to say something but decides agasin't it. His forehead is creased and his eye brows are furrowed. I smile to myself, he looks so cute and confused.
"Edward, you don't have to say it back, but I just had to tell you." Huh. I guess I won't die from embarrasment like I first thought and said to him in Starbucks. This time I roll on top of him placing my little hands on his cheeks. His face relaxes just a fraction but I can still see something written on it, I can't quite place it but I decide to shake it off, he's probably just confused, or... something. "I understand it's harder for you... why that is I don't know... but I understand." I kiss him once and watch as his lips turn up into a smile. I change the subject because I don't want Edward to feel like he has to say it back to me even if he doesn't mean it."So, has Jacob gone?" I hop up of the bed and hope he hasn't. He didn't even say goodbye properly.
"I'm afraid so" I'm just about to start complaining "But don't start stropping okay?" Don't start stropping? Who does he think he is! My dad? Jacob is my best friend and he has just moved out and didn't even say goodbye, I can-
"I've got you a present"
"A present?"
"Yes Bella, a present."
I narrow my eyes at him forgetting my internal rant about Jacob leaving and now questioning his motives. I got a present just two days ago, and now he has brought me something else. What's he trying to get out of me?
"What have you done?" I question. Edward bursts out laughing.
"I haven't done anything Bella, I just wanted to get you a present. Now get dolled up - not that you need to, because you are beautiful - and I'll be back in an hour to pick you up." He comes over kisses me and then starts to walk out, but not before stopping at the door, looking back and saying "Wear your scarf" winks and then leaves. I hear the door shut and stand there dazed for a second. What could he have possibly got me that requires me getting 'dolled' up?
I ponder over everything that it could possibly be, from going out for dinner to whisking me off on holiday. He wouldn't take me on holiday without telling me... would he? How could he take me away without me having clothes?
"This is what I'll do" I say allowed to myself while I walking over to my closest and open both doors. "I'll pick out the biggest bag I have and put as many outfits as I can in it - that way I'll be prepared. The bag will match my outfit and it will be perfect!" Edward will just think it's a normal handbag with my normal things in it, but I'll know. I'll just act surprised when we turn up at the airport and say it's a coincidence that I have this many outfits with me. "I'M A GENIUS!" I shout to myself while throwing my hands that are in fists up into the air.
I have a bad feeling though about my plan, Edward always knows when I'm lying, I don't know how he does it, but he knows. Maybe I'll practice my reaction. I quickly look at my watch, I have fifty minutes. I can do this! I can practice for ten minutes and then start getting ready.
I jog over to my full length mirror and stand up straight looking directly at my reflection.
Action!
"Edward... why are we at the airport?" I take a look around "Oh. my. god! You are taking me on a holiday? I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING!" My hands flail around my face and I wipe a pretend tear off my cheek. "Oh my god!" I repeat. That doesn't sound right. "Oh my god!" I say again but lower my voice. I could use some more work.
For the next 3 minutes I stand in front of my mirror practicing my speech, getting my facial expressions down to a T. He'll be fooled. I'm like Angelina Jolie.
I glance at my watch checking the time once again, I still have 2 minutes left of practicing but I think I have my technique down, so I look around my room and grab the first object I find. It's my shoe. I hold it up to the mirror and smile, and wave to my walls "Thank you, thank you" I say "I'm so honoured to have received this award for my amazing fashion sense AND my amazing acting skills. It really does mean everything to me that I got 100% of the votes and that I now own Gucci. I'd just like to thank my Mother and Father for believing in me. My wonderful best friends Jake, Alice and Rosalie who couldn't be here tonight, regrettably, and last but not least, my beautiful boyfriend Edward" I wink at the hanging picture on the wall of me and Edward "I love you babe! Thank you so much everyone!" I give a little wave as I step out of view of the mirror then shout "LIVE FROM NEW YORK IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!" I laugh at my stupidity as I chuck my shoe on the floor and walk over to my wardrobe once again. It only takes me ten minutes to decide what outfit to wear and only five minutes to decide what shoes go with it and I'm changed in a matter of twenty minutes. I puff my hair out a little, apply coat of light pink lipstick, wrap my scarf around my neck, spray my new Coco Chanel perfume on my neck and I'm done! With five minutes to spare. I literally high five my self and I walk out into the living.
A deep feeling of lonliness sweeps over me as I take in the silence and the emptyness. Jacobs jumper isn't across the arm of the sofa, his plant which was by the window has gone, he's taken his cushions. Every thing that was Jacob in this flat has gone - now it's just my stuff.
I walk over to the window sill. "Look at you poor things all on your own without Jacobs stupid orange candles." I say as my hand sweeps across my cream candles all on their own. "Don't worry little guys, I'll buy you something so you don't look so lonely." There's a flood of emotion that comes over me and I don't know whether to laugh, cry or just sit and stare at nothing and wallow in my own self pity once again. I know I haven't lost Jacob really, but there is something in my mind telling me that he will forget all about me, which is stupid because me and Jacob have been friends for ages and I know he isn't like that but I can't help but feel it. He's off living with his boyfriend who loves him and I'm stuck here, on my own, without a job and a boyfriend who is too scared to tell me he loves me.
Does Edward love me? I try to fight back the thought that rises but it's too late, 'If he loved you Bella he would of told you by now' Here I am, in my mid 20s in a relationship that isn't going any where. Is there any point?
Of course there is a point, I love him. I love him. I love him.
But he doesn't love me.
He does... doesn't he?
"I DON'T KNOW IF HE DOES OR NOT. BRAIN STOP THINKING NOW YOU ARE PISSING ME OFF!" I shout out loud in frustration.
I hear someone clearing their throat and I whip my head round towards my front door. "Bella... who are you talking to?" I hear Edward ask from the other side of the door.
Great. Now I look crazy.
"Um, no one" I make my way over to the door and open it "just practising for, you know... stuff." I smile. He smirks and kisses me. I full on swoon like an idiot when I smell his aftershave and it takes me a few seconds before I snap myself out of it. I grab my keys from the side board and we make our way out my flat.
It's not until we are walking down the street, hand in hand, five minutes away from my house I realise I forgot to pack a bag for the surprise holiday. Shit! What am I meant to wear if he does whisk me away?
It takes another minute to realise that we are walking and I doubt we would be walking to the airport. He's not taking me away.
Damn! I was looking forward to that holiday in Barbados.
"I thought we'd go for dinner at that new restaurant in town. There's a band playing there who have received really good reviews as well as the food that is apparently really good also." He smiles and I smile back at him. "Is everything okay?" He asks. How does he always know when I'm not okay.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Jolly even" he raises his eyebrows at me "Let's not do this now okay?"
"Why?"
"Drop it." The tone of my voice must of told him to stop pushing me about this and he mumbles an 'okay' as his thumb rubs little circles on the back of my hand. I didn't want to be as harsh as I was being, but Edward has obvouisly gone to a lot of trouble for tonight and the last thing I would want to do it ruin it.
"I'll have the steak please, medium rare, with chips, not potatoes. Thanks" Edward hands his menu back to the waiter.
What do I want? What do I want? Hmm. I ponder for a few more seconds before I decide on the seared scallops with lemon and hand my menu back to the waiter.
The place is lovely. The lighting is low but not that low that you can't see what you are doing. Candles are placed on every table and scattered all around the restaurant. The colour of the walls is a deep, rich red colour that matches the red on the chairs and the gold of the tables really makes me feel like royalty. I feel like I'm in a kingdom or something. There's soft classical music playing in the background and a few couples swaying slowly on the 'dance floor' The dance floor being a space in front of a little stage which I'm assuming is for the well reviewed band.
It's silent for a moment as we both sip our wine. He looks deep in thought as he studies a picture hanging on one of the walls and I can't help the little buzz I get in my tummy as I watch his eyes flicker a little. He's so gorgeous. Creases form on his forehead and his eyes shift colour ever so slightly. He's thinking.
What is he thinking about?
Is he thinking about us? Is he going to break up with me? No, no he won't break up with me he loves me.
Does he?
YES!
Really?
I don't know!
"So today I was talking-" I feel bad interrupting him but I have to get this out now.
"I'm sorry but I lied earlier. I'm not okay and we need to have this talk because the other day when I tried to have it we ended up moving in together without actually clearing anything up and I can't sit here and wonder any more" I take a few well deserved breaths.
"Bella, calm down" He smiles at me "I'm here and I'm listening, so take as long as you want, I can clearly see this is upsetting you quite a bit." He grabs my hand from across the table.
Okay. How to start?
"Okay... thank you." That's a good start. Now to move on. What do I say? Now I'm scared. Oh god, why did I say anything? Oh god, oh god, oh god.
No. I have to do this. Come on Bella you can do this! Man up... or something.
"What are we doing Edward? Why is it so hard for you to tell me you love me? Is it because you don't? Because if that's the reason then okay I can't force you too, but I need to know. Do you even want to move in with me or were you just saying that? I haven't even met your parents yet! Why? But most importantly, why on earth are you wearing those brown shoes tonight? I thought you threw them away when I told you how awful they were. Babe, I love you and everything and you have very good fashion sense normally... but those shoes. Honey, they need to go. They remind me of something Mike would wear." His lips turn up into his famous smirk and I giggle a little feeling good about the change in mood and thankful I've got everything out.
"I wear these shoes because I like them Bella, they are comfy, convenient and they cost me £200." Really? £200 pound for those? What was he thinking?
"Look, I can't wait until the end of dinner now that you are worrying. I need to do this now. Let's go." He stands up, his chair makes a high pitch noise as it scratches along the stone floor, this gets the attention of a few people and they shoot Edward a glare. He doesn't seem to notice though as he comes round to my side of the table pulling my chair out which makes the same noise as his and him and I get another round of evil glares.
"Edward we can't just leave when we have just ordered! Are you mad?" I say quickly getting flustered by his actions.
"I can't wait to do this anymore Bella. You are doubting our relationship and I need to sort this out and I need to do it now. So please stop worrying and get up" As he says this, his hands grab my shoulders and he carefully stands me up "I'll pay for the drinks" He motions to the waiter to come over "And everything will be fine." He smiles at me then turns to the waiter to explain that we have to leave immediately and that we are terribly sorry and that we will pay for the drinks, and if need be, the meals too. I'm shocked for a moment as I try and take in everything that has just happened in the last 2 minutes. What is he doing? Why is this so urgent that we can't even eat dinner? Where is he taking me? Is he giving me my present? I wonder what it is... can't be jewelry, he brought me that the other day. Hmm. I shake my head to get rid of the thoughts about presents and see Edward handing over money to the waiter. We both apologise to the waiter, named Pedro, again and Edward takes my hand as we walk out the restaurant.
The 15 minute walk to my flat passes quickly as we talk about anything and everything that comes to mind and in that 15 minutes I totally forget the fact that something is going on.
"Pack an over night bag. I just gotta make a few calls." He tells me as I open the door and he gets out his mobile. I walk off feeling slightly dazed, over whelmed with confusion. "Oh and Bella?" I look around to face Edward, his phone is next to his ear and he smirks "When I say an overnight bag, I mean an over night bag not a suitcase" I flip him off as I walk out the living room.
"Hey Alice, change of plans.." I hear Edward say just as he closes the living room door. Why would he close the door? I don't think about it too much as I pack a bag. Okay I lied. That's all I can think about. Why would he close the door? Why is he talking to Alice? What the hell is going on? I'm more confused about this then I was while watching an episode of Doctor Who!
With my bag over my shoulder I walk back into the living room.
"...get Jake to." Edward looks up at me and seems panicked for a moment. "I gotta go... yeah she is... okay... okay.. OKAY! Alice stop talking!... okay... bye. Love you too.. bye." He hangs up and smiles at me. "How much did you hear?"
"Not enough. What's going on?" I ask huffing a little. I'm annoyed now. I've never been the one to like being kept in the dark about things, I don't think any one likes it. "There is something happening and I want to know" again I huff and in return get a smirk from Edward. Him and his bloody smirk.
"You aren't going to tell me are you?" I ask.
He shakes his head and for the third time I huff. "It's good to see you actually packed an over night bag and not a weeks worth of clothes. Congratulations" He claps his hands and I giggle.
My white Chanel shoes catch my eye while I'm giggling. Will these go with my outfit tomorrow? Maybe I should change them to my blue ones to go with my blue top that- I jump a little as I feel Edwards hands on my cheeks, he leans his forehead on mine and I take a deep breath. Something important's about to happen I can feel it.
"You scared me." I whisper. I don't get a worded response, instead Edwards lips press agaisn't mine lightly again and again and again, each kiss soft and meaningful like he is trying to tell me something without words. My hands find their way around his neck and I step into him, getting a little closer. His lips leave mine and he begins to speak. His eyes stay closed and I close mine too not wanting to look weird if he suddenly opens them.
"You're so precious Bella. You know that right? You mean so much to me, and it kills me that I waited this long- I've made you doubt our relationship and that fucking kills me. Please know that you're everything to me Bella. I can't have you thinking that I don't care about you as much as you care about me" He kisses me again and I mumble an 'I know' agaisn't his lips which gives him the advantage to sweep his tongue into my mouth. My hands grab at his collar as I push myself flush agaisn't him as he moans and his fingers find their way into my hair. It's my turn to moan as he gently tugs my hair. My hands find their way to the buttons on his shirt and I start to undo them quickly because I don't have the patience to tease. His shirt falls to the floor and just as he is about to start on my top, the buzzer to my flat is heard.
"Fuck sake." Edward says in a frustrated whisper "That'll be the taxi"
"Can't we just send him away" I say as I kiss down Edwards neck.
"Afraid not." He kisses me once more and then moves away to put his shirt back on. For the fourth time tonight I huff spin around to pick up the phone for the buzzer.
"We'll be right down" I say into it and then hang up. Edward takes my bag as we walk down the stairs, out of the flat and into the taxi. Edward tells the man an address which is about a 5 minute drive away and I stop myself before thinking to much about it. I'll find out soon enough, I'm too concentrated on Edwards hand that is placed at the top of my leg, his thumb is making small circles and as I turn my head towards him he is looking straight at me and smiling. I smile back at him and place my hand on top of his.
I shut the door of the taxi as Edward pulls out his phone. "Hey. Where are you? ... Okay... I'll text you." He hangs up on whoever he was talking to and takes my hand as he leads towards a block of flats.
What's going on?
Edward opens the door and we walk up a set of stairs and then he stops outside the only door here and turns towards me.
"Bella.." he takes a shaky breath, before he continues he wraps both his hands around my right one "This past year of my life has been the most amazing year. You make me a better person. We don't rely on each other, but I need you in my life. And I know I should of done this a lot sooner, and I've been an idiot, I know that, but I'm doing it now and- and- ah fuck. Wait! Let me just open the door," Oh my god! He's brought us a flat? "pretend this isn't happening, I want it to be like the movies." We both burst out laughing as he quickly turns around and opens the door slightly. I can't see anything which annoys me for a spilt second. He returns back to his position and I place my hand back in his and smile up at him. "When you asked if we wanted to move in together the other day... well, I was already kind of planning it. I brought this flat a few weeks ago for us and I've had Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie and my Mother helping me for the past two weeks to make this flat perfect for you and me. I was going to bring you here on our one year anniversary, but I thought it would be nice to spend it here." He uses his foot to kick the door open and turns around as he laces his fingers with him. We walk in and I gasp at how beautiful it is, and stop in my tracks as I take in my surroundings.
"Oh, yeah I know the lights are on and there are candles lit but, just ignore that flaw for the moment. I wanted you to walk in and the room be full with candles a light, but Alice and my Mother said that was a stupid idea because you would want to see your new flat..." He rambles and I can't help my smile get even bigger.
The living room is painted in a light grey colour, with purple patterned wall paper covering two of the walls. The sofas are black with purple cushions. There's a glass coffee table in the middle on the room on a black rug. Edwards telly is in the corner of the room, on top of a small black cabinet. I spot all his records on many shelves above a record player and smile when I realise Van Morrison is playing softly.
He leads me through each room. The kicthen is smaller than the one back at my flat, but big enough for the two of us. It's colour scheme is red, silver and white which, even though if someone told me they had those colours for their kicthen I would have laughdc, it works. It works well and it looks lovely. We walk into another room which is green and white. Edwards piano and guitar are placed in here along with all his books. I'm assuming this is his special room. I'm not jealous he gets his own little space. I'm not jealous at all...
We walk down a little hallway and into our bedroom. The room is painted cream, and on the walls are pictures of our families and pictures of us together. There's a king sized double bed decorated with golden sheets, covers and pillow, all in different tones of gold.
"This is the best bit" Edward says as he walks over to a door in the corner of the room. I never even realised it was there, but I'm intrigued and I walk over and stand next to Edward. He opens the door and I gasp and place my hand over my mouth.
"I- oh- How- I'm speechless!" I just about get out and I walk into the white room with blinding lights. There's a full length mirror. There's so many draws. There's so many hangers. There's so much space! "You got me my own walk in closet? It's not even a closet... it's a room. It's a full sized room. For just my clothes.. you know me so well!" I run over to Edward and jump on him. I wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. "I love this so much. I love the whole flat. Thank you for doing this for us. I love it Edward. I really do. You're so perfect." I kiss him and he walks us out of the closet, through our room, through the kitchen and into the living room where he turns off the light. The candles flicker behind my eyes and I break away from Edward so I can see how beautiful it is. It's breath taking. The candles, Van Morrison still playing. It's perfect.
"Thank you Edward." I kiss him again and this time he breaks away. This man is really bloody strong, I think as I wonder if I'm getting heavy for him yet. Maybe I should try and get down, even though I'm totally loving this position. He stops my attempts at trying to get down and I forget about it because if he is okay like this, I never want to leave this position.
"I love you Bella." I stare at him wide eyed. He actually said it! HE ACTUALLY SAID IT. Happy dance happening in my head. "I love you so fucking much." And then he drops me down on the sofa. I'm shocked for a moment but the shock quickly changes to lust as Edward joins me on the sofa and leans down on top of me.
"Everyone will be here in an hour. How about we christen as many rooms as we can until they come?"