I Can't Believe It's Chapter Two!

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[On the streets of London.

Anthony: (Wandering annoyingly until he crashes into a building, he then looks up) Ow ... that ... REALLY hur-- OOOOOOOHHHH! (Spies an abnormally hot girl sitting in the window) WOW! She looks shockingly like Sweeney Todd's wife in that thought bubble he conjured up while stealing my song! (Smiling with a twitching eye)

Johanna: (Stares down at him) Oooh! A boy! I sure hope he's not one of those crazy sailors that wander the street singing a specific maiden's name! (Sings to her birds)

Anthony: (Grapples some dirty, begging prostitute lady) Do you know her? (Points at the Johanna sitting in the window)

Beggar Woman: (Flinch) That's my daughter ... her name's Johanna -- Judge Turpin won't let her go! (Sniff)

Anthony: (Throws the woman away in a fit of happiness) Cool!

Beggar Woman: (Head stuck in a garbage can) City on fire! (Weep)

Anthony: (Sings) I feeeeeel you, Johanna! I don't have any relation to your problem, but I wanna sound heroic!

Judge Turpin: (Whips open door and points) YOU! Shut up and come in! (Tempting) I have candy ...

Anthony: (Merrily) O'kay! (Walks in)

Judge Turpin: (Slams door shut) You know, women are very sexy.

Anthony: That's awesome! (Not listening) Where's my candy?

Judge Turpin: (Smashes a vase over Anthony's head)

Anthony: Ow! What the frick was that for? (Rubs head)

Judge Turpin: You don't feel anything. I feel her, Anthony. I feel her. (Drool)

Anthony: ... How did you know that's what I was saying? HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME? (Points)

Judge Turpin: (Points at Anthony's shoulder) I read your name tag, and NO DOUBT I'D HEAR YOU SINGING ABOUT MY BELOVED WARD, YOUNGIN'. Beadle, dispose of him!

Beadle: (Counting his fingers with his tail swaying) ... Wha-- (Cough) Oh! (Waddles to Anthony and pulls him by the ear out onto the street. He then starts puncturing his eye with a cane) HERE'S YOUR CANDY, BUDDY! Go away or me and my homie Turpin are going to eat your brains! (Wandering eye drifts off to the left)

Anthony: Yeah? Well ... Well ... You're ugly! (Gets up and runs away)

[Meanwhile ...

Sweeney Todd: (Angrily playing DS) DAMN PUPPY! I JUST FED YOU YESTURDAY! (In his own rage, smashes the DS screen on his forehead until it breaks)

Mrs. Lovett: Um ... O'kay! Well, we should really get going!

Sweeney Todd: To where exactly?

Mrs. Lovett: I dunno. But don't you want to explore London?

Sweeney Todd: Actually ... I don--

Mrs. Lovett: (Interrupts) Great! Let's go!

[Gradually.

Sweeney Todd: (Spots the Beadle in a crowd of clueless people staring at a kid with a wig) Sweeney ... kill ...

Mrs. Lovett: (Smack) Are you stupid? There's too many witnesses!

[Flashes to a TV.

Mrs. Lovett: (Standing in a happy version of London. She stares at the television viewers -- children) Hello boys and girlies! Can you tell me how many witnesses of the Beadle's death there are? (Big smile, big silence. Stare, stare)

Children: (Say an insanely large number)

Mrs. Lovett: That's right! An insanely large number! Yay! (Claps)

[Anyway ...

Sweeney Todd: (Weirded out) ... What was that?

Mrs. Lovett: (Blink) ... What was what?

Sweeney Todd: (Nervously) Ah-haha ... never you mind, love.

Toby: (Throws a bottle at Sweeney)

Sweeney Todd: (Gets hit in the eye and it bounces into his hand) OW, WHAT THE FU-

Toby: (Sings) Buy Pirelli's Miracle Elixi--

Sweeney Todd: (Interrupts rudely) HELL NO! YOU JUST HIT ME IN THE FRECKING EYE WITH IT. DAMN. AND -- (Sniffs the bottle) IT'S JUST PISS ... WITH UNICORN BLOOD.

Harry Potter: (Stands there all surprised-like)

Mrs. Lovett: ... HARRY POTTER!

Harry Potter: ... A DEATH-EATER.

Mrs. Lovett: ... HARRY POTTER.

Harry Potter: A DE-

Signor Pirelli: (Interrupts) I'ma da kind of da barbers, who-a dare-a say my-a elixir-a is-a piss-a?

Sweeney Todd: ... I do sir. My name is Sweeney Todd. And MAAANNNNN does your elixir stink. You nasty fraud!

Signor Pirelli: ... I SHAVE-A THE POPE ...

Sweeney Todd: ... Yeah, uh. Cool ...

Signor Pirelli: HEY. Is-a that sarcasm-a I smell-a in-a your-a voice ... a?

Sweeney Todd: You smell sarcasm? What are you? Some kind of alien? Leprechaun?

Signor Pirelli: A-no. I'ma Italian-a. (Thumbs up)

Sweeney Todd: (Not buying it in the least) ... Ah, sure. Whatever you say, Mr. Leprechaun!

Signor Pirelli: THAT'S-A IT. I-A CHALLENGE-A YOU-A TO A SHAVE-A OFF-A!

Sweeney Todd: (Cracks knuckles) O'right ... Who'll be the poor, innocent victi-- I mean the lucky subjects today?

Beadle: Ooooh! I know! I know! (Throws two random guys in) Yeah!

Narrator: And before the author decides to get into full detail of the weird Italian Kazahkstani lathering someone's face actually thinking he can defeat every fangirl's dream, Sweeney Todd, in a face-shaving contest. Sweeney ... whoops his ass. Surprise, surprise.

Signor Pirelli: ... What? No fair! The narrator didn't even give me a chance to shave the guy!

Narrator: ... THEY KNOW I'M HERE! (Runs screaming, holding head)

Sweeney Todd: (Walks over to the Beadle) ...

Beadle: Hey! Mister Sweeney! That was cool, man! I should be one of your customers one day! Because you don't look suspiciously like Benjamin Barker, the father of Judge Turpin's ward! And you don't look like the type of guy who would butcher a fat man like me and have his womanly partner bake me into a pie!

Sweeney Todd: (Cheerfully) Eheh. Yup! You can come anytime! (Sprints off gleefully ... full of evil ... glee ... yeah.)

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TO BE CONTINUED...

Rant: What the hell? I ended it at a very odd moment.
Well, that's all I got done at school. Shush!

By the way, thank you for the reviews. I'm glad to know

people are enjoying the story. It's not my greatest, I

have higher potential.