Grace

By Fidelius Charm

Summary: The wizarding world abandoned religion, but I knew in that moment Hermione wasn't about to do the same. Even if she's considered a walking sin.

Note: Thank you all for your wonderful reviews! I am Roman Catholic myself and was surprised about the religious aspects that revolve around the wizarding world despite it all being a giant paradox and felt it had to be addressed somehow.

Part II: Faith

I wanted to be considered the faithful one: faithful to my studies, faithful to my friends, faithful to my causes and beliefs, always so faithful. But faith requires a certain level of naivety, and I've seen too much to blindly follow the humble shepherds to the land of plenty.

I'm too skeptical, too cynical, too beaten and broken to maintain full faith in anything these days, not even my closest friends Harry and Ron. It's just too hard after losing so much, I can't trust them to stay with me forever; it's just easier to push them away, to push everyone away.

Except God.

I believe, with all of my heart, that God is watching over us. I also firmly believe that the war is some kind of punishment for being who I am, and continuing to pray for forgiveness, a forgiveness, which I most likely will never receive. But I can't help to try to be loved by the one being who would be able to love me unconditionally despite all of my flaws.

But one flaw makes me unlovable, I am a witch, witches get hung not loved. I try so hard to be a child that God would love, I try to be giving and humble and loyal and true, even though I do not know if it gets me anywhere but I've devoted my life to trying.

That's why I decided I was going to help Fred. After George died…Fred just wasn't the same. His passion for life had left him, his devotion to everyone and everything he loved died with George on that cold December evening. Fred lost that gleam of excitement that you could see in his eyes when he was masterminding a prank, he was a shell of a once great wizard and an even greater friend. Everyone missed him, especially himself. He tried, for a very long time to be his old self, but his jokes weren't funny, his pranks were uninventive and usually unsuccessful, he had lost his spark. But the worst blow of all came when Fred was forced to close the joke shop. Without George to manage the money Fred couldn't maintain the once popular business. Fred was lost after that, he couldn't forgive himself for losing the last living part of his twin. He just stopped trying.

And he almost gave up on living.

It was the most horrifying moment of my life; I had planned on surprising Fred with a cauldron full of his mother's pumpkin seed soup due to Mrs. Weasely request to check up on her son. I arrive to find the door unlocked, the entire flat in shambles, and Fred Weasely, pale, malnourished, tear stained and defeated on his bathroom floor with a muggle gun in his hands. I had sat with him for the rest of the day holding him and crying; it was all I knew how to do. We eventually both made it out alive, and I thanked God for the huge gift. I still do.

I moved in with him, to make sure he was never lonely. Tried dragging him out of our gloomy, memory ridden flat to make sure he was never bored. I tried to make him see that life was worth living. Nothing ever worked, he never spoke a word to me, but I couldn't give up on him. I wouldn't let the war have another causality that I could have prevented. So I stayed, and I fought against the wall he had constructed around his once open life. And in six months I have barely made a scratch and I was slowly becoming drained. But I had my want of God's love to keep me going, and I visited one of His houses of worship to remember why I tried so devotedly.

"Fred I'm leaving for a bit! I'll be back in an hour!" I called from the front door, slipping on my high-heeled boots, "Do you want anything from the grocery store?"

There was a silence, and then I heard the shuffle of feet on the wooden floor of the living room and waited for Fred to appear in the doorway. He arrived within seconds and shook his head no in a way that let me know he most likely wanted some strawberry milk. I smiled slightly, confirming his wish.

"I'll see you in an hour then." I said grabbing for my jacket and bag.

I didn't wait much longer to exit, closing the bright red door behind me. I threw my jacket on and made my way down the three steps to the sidewalk. I took a deep breath, looked back at the flat, and walked east towards Holy Trinity, the church I had been attending for the past six months. I looked straight ahead, just wanting to get there as soon as possible. I noticed the construction of the new park was almost finished, which would be great for the neighborhood. I couldn't help but smile slightly, I remembered having a park two blocks away from my old house. It was nice, a stable place to enjoy growing up. Just the thought made me want to cry. My parents would bring me to the park every Sunday after Church.

I had finally reached my destination, and quickly climbed the stairs and entered the humble church. I passed on the Holy Water and took my normal seat five pews up on the left side. Sister Lynn greeted me brightly and asked how I was, I told her fine, just like I do every week, and she gives me a concerned smile. Then I waited for mass to start, so I began to pray the rosary. I kneel, bless myself, and begin my futile attempt to be heard.

Mass starts as it always does, and Father Noah welcomes everyone new and old to experience the love of God. I try not to cry, because if I can get through his opening welcome without a problem I'll be all right for the rest of the mass. The older man continues and I listen intently.

"…A reading from the Gospel according to Luke."

I listening intently and recognize the reading immediately. But today Father Noah sounds different, more alive, as if he is trying unusually hard to get the meaning of the gospel across.

"…So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened…" I look up briefly to see the priest looking directly at me, I immedately divert my gaze.

I spend the rest of the mass staring at the wooden pew in front of me, listening. When the eucharist was being given out I almost stood to receive the host. I want to be like the rest of the congregation but I know, deep down, I can never be.

I am the modern day Judas.

Except for the fact I betrayed God unintentionally. I didn't think of the consequences embracing my powers would come with. But betrayal is betrayal no matter what the circumstances. It doesn't require consicousness to commit. The mass ends and Father Noah blesses us and tells us to live our lives as God would want us too. And I know I must continue to try my hardest to earn the love of God because in a time of war, He's really all you can depend on to be there.

I want to save Fred, and all of my friends. I want to say it's because my life wouldn't be the same without them, but really it's because my life wouldn't be the same without God. I feel my hands shake, and salty tears begin to well in my eyes. It isn't fair, there are so many people who have locked God out of their lives yet he would continue to love them, but I, a faithful, devoted, determined follower, will be damned to hell and denied the light of God because of who I am. It just isn't fair. I can't hold back the tears that are threathening to drown me, I begin to sob.

(Don't get me wrong. I don't want anyone's pity, I made my choice when I left for Hogwarts almost ten years ago. I just wish it didn't come with so many consequences.)

"Hermione?" I hear a familiar voice from behind me call. I turn to see Fred, who, after six months of silence, has spoken his first word.

I have lost faith in the people who love me.

But my faith for the one being who could never love me goes on.

Faith can be a funny thing.

(Faith is maintained with Naivety)

Gwinna: Thank you so much for your very helpful review. I myself went back to PoA and found the exact spot you had mentioned. I'm a bit ashamed that I didn't have knowledge of that, but that you for pointing it out!

Comments? Suggestions? Flames? You know which button to click!

The Third and Final Part should be out soon!