Disclaimer: I own nothing but some Rick Springfield on Record.
See very long A/N at end.
Kurt is sitting on the bleachers on the football field trying to wrap his head around Finn's death. When his dad got the call it was like suddenly the world had stopped turning. Why Finn? Why not someone else (not like he would wish this on anyone) it wasn't fair. Finn was the only one that ever truly had his back even before they became brothers Finn was there for him. They may have had their differences but when it came down to what really mattered Finn had his back. He tried to hold it together for Rachel cause he knew this hit her the hardest, he felt bad because he knew that they would never get the chance that they truly deserved. It killed him to watch the strongest woman he knew crumble to pieces. What hurt the most there was nothing that anyone could do. The only one that could put her back together was Finn and he was gone. "Damn it why." He shouts to no one in particular as the tears fall harder and harder.
"You're the only one she's got." I hear Finn say as he takes a seat on the bleachers.
"Finn?" no it can't be I must be dreaming.
"I know we've had our differences in the past and I am sorry that I was such a jerk to you in the past. You know I never really knew what family meant until my mom married your dad. I'll admit I wasn't happy at first when our parents announced they were getting married, it wasn't because of you it was I didn't want to have to share my mom with anyone else. You taught me a lot Kurt, you taught me that it was ok to be myself, you taught me acceptance. For that I thank you. You showed me what a real family is like." I can see the hurt and emotion in his eyes.
"Thank you Finn it means a lot for you to say that. I know I did not make it easy on you." I tell him thinking back to when he moved in and I tried to decorate our room.
"I want you to make a promise to me that no matter what happens in this world don't ever change you are perfect the way you are." He tells me as he gets up.
"Where are you going? What about Rachel?" I ask him hoping he has the answer.
"I don't know but know that I am still with you. As for Rachel I want you to make me a promise. I want you to take care of her you are the only guy I trust with her. I know she is not taking this well at all and I need to know that she will be ok." I give Finn a nod and like that he is gone.
"What the hell?" I whisper shaking my head. That was so real it was like I was really talking to him. I must be losing my mind if I am talking to a dead guy. I look up to the sky and smile knowing that the day just got a bit brighter. I get up from my seat and walk off the field. I pause and just for a minute I swear I can feel his presence.
Mc. Kinley High auditorium.
Puck is sitting on the stage playing his guitar; it was the one thing that kept him from losing his mind. Finding about Finn messed his head up bad he had never dealt with something like this before (Ya, his pet goldfish died when he was eight) but that was different. Losing Finn was like losing a brother. No matter how many times I messed up he was still my bro which was pretty cool seeing as I made out with both of his girlfriends and he could've easily kicked my ass for it but, in true Finn fashion he just told me to go to hell. I get up and kick the chair feeling the anger in me rise. I was pissed how could you just leave us dude?
"You think I wanted this?" I hear a voice from behind me say.
"What the hell dude?" I say in shock not sure if this is my mind playing tricks on me or what.
"You think I wanted to leave you guys like this?" I hear the anger in his voice.
"Why didn't you fight?" I ask him trying to keep myself from blowing up. I know I really have no right at all to be pissed it's not like he asked for this.
"You think I didn't fight dude I fought my damnedest to be with her, to be with you guys. I'd give anything to be here with you guys, hell I'd give anything just to see her smile again." I can hear the emotion in his voice when he says the last part, which kills me because while I may be pissed that he left its Rachel that hurts the most. She gave everything to Finn mind, body, heart, and soul for what….just to have it all ripped away in a blink of an eye. God I really am a selfish ass.
"I'm sorry….I guess I just don't know how to deal with it. You were my bro man and now you're gone and it hurts like hell. I always thought the next time that we would be here would be for you and Rachel's wedding not your memorial service." I go to punch the wall when Finn stops me.
"Don't it's not worth it I get it you're pissed so am I…I'm pissed because I will never get to see her smile, never hear her laugh, and I will never get to tell her how I truly felt about her. So I need a favor from you…in my top dresser drawer there is a letter addressed to Rachel I want you to go get it and give it to her. You need to be there when she reads it because after she reads it she will need you more than ever and when she is done I want you to give her this." Wow is all I can think of. I nod my head and take the ring from his hand.
"I will do whatever you ask of me." I tell him and as quick as he returned he is gone.
"What the hell?" I say to myself as I am left holding a ring. Was it a dream? Was it real? I don't know all I know is that I have something that needs to be done. With that thought Puck runs out of the auditorium and over to Finn's apartment.
Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time
Rachel decided that she needed to go for a walk and clear her head it had been an emotional week for her and she couldn't stand to be in that hotel room anymore. She had somehow had found herself on the doorsteps of Finn's apartment not sure of how or why she got here. Maybe she was hoping that this was all a nightmare and he would be on the other side of that door waiting for her but…. she knew that was not the case Finn was gone and there was nothing she could do to bring him back. She places her hand on the doorknob and opens the door. Hmm…that's weird he never left his door unlocked she thought to herself. When she walks in she instantly bombarded by his scent which is almost too much for her to bare. She takes a look around the room and sees the pictures hanging on the wall. Some of his dad, some of his mom, and some of him and Kurt. As she turns to shut the door she is face to face with his Letterman jacket. She takes it off the hook and inhales his scent it is a mixture of leather and the cologne he used to wear in high school. It is almost too much as she sheds a single tear she resists the temptation to put it on just to feel him again, instead she places it back on the hook when she sees something fall out of the pocket. She picks it up it is the lyrics to the song they wrote when they were in New York and inside is a picture of them from when they first dated. She grabs the jacket and sits on the floor and begins to read the lyrics which, takes her to a time when things were simpler.
Nationals New York.
I had just got done telling Finn why we could not be together, which was probably a huge mistake but…I knew that we could not be together. I hear them announce New Directions I look over at Finn who gives me a smile as I take a deep breath as I take my cue. As I begin the song I know this is going to be the hardest performance I have ever done. Not because it's nationals but because of the deeper meaning of the song.
Face to face and heart to heart
We're so close yet so far apart
I close my eyes I look away
That's just because I'm not okay
But I hold on I stay strong
Wondering if we still belong
I take a few steps out on to the stage never taking my eyes off him. I had never felt more exposed than in this very moment. Him looking at me like he is looking into my soul and he can see my fears. As we move closer I find it hard to keep my composure. Cause I want nothing more than to run into his arms and tell him I am a fool and that I love him.
Will we ever say the words we're feeling
Deep down underneath it
Tear down all the walls
Will we ever have a happy ending
Or will we forever only be pretending
We will always be pretending
I find myself getting lost in the words and his voice. It's like we are the only ones in the room and nothing else matters. Every step I take towards me pushes me closer and closer to the edge. I know in my heart that I can't stay away anymore. There we are standing there face to face as the song ends. I can see the love he has for me in his eyes and it is in that moment as our faces move closer and closer until they touch that I know that we are meant to be and nothing is going to stop us.
"Rachel!" I hear a voice that strangely sounds like Puck's but why would Puck be here. As I slowly open my eyes sure enough Puck is standing right in front of me.
"Puck! What are you doing here?" I quickly get up from the floor.
"Finn wanted me to give you this." He tells me pulling an envelope out of his pocket and hands it to me.
"How did you…." I ask confused
"Just read it." He tells me taking a seat on the couch. I take the letter and open it. Not sure of what to expect.
Dear Rachel,
I know that you are wondering why I haven't spoken to you in over four months and I know that you are also pissed at me for it as well. There are some things that I need to tell you and maybe just maybe you might understand. Ok, so here it goes when I first met you I thought that you were loud and very controlling but…then I got to know the real Rachel the one that no one else got to see. The girl who had fire in her eyes and passion in her heart. The one that no matter how stupid she made herself out to be fought for what she believed in no matter how high the stakes were. The one that stole my heart to first day I laid eyes on her. You see Rachel the reason why it took me four months to finally see you was not because I didn't love you or want to see you. Because god I wanted to see you, hold you, kiss you. It was because that day at the train station was the biggest regret of my life I should've gone to New York with you maybe we'd still be together who knows, instead I let my stupid pride get in the way and pushed you away. I made a promise to myself that if I ever got the chance to hold you I would never let you go but….that didn't work out very well now did it? Ok, wow I'm just rambling now see I'm not very good at these things at all. I guess what I am trying to say is that Rachel Berry you are it for me. There is no other woman who will ever have my heart like you do. What I told you at Mr. Shue's wedding I meant it I still do you and I are endgame there is no one on this planet for me but you and I for you. Rachel I love you and I always will. One day we are going to find our way back and when we do I am never going to let you go. I love you from now until I take my last breath even then I will still love you. Ok, this is like the longest letter I have ever wrote come to think of it this is the only one I have written.
Love Always,
Finn
I let the letter slowly fall out of my hands. I feel like the air in the room has been sucked out of it and there hangs the deathly silence that I feared. I turn to Puck who is just standing there.
"Here." He says handing me the ring that Finn proposed to me with.
"How…did you get this?" I ask him as the room begins to spin.
"Finn told me to give it to you." Puck tells me with sympathy in his eyes. I slowly nod my head not sure of what to say. "So…what was in the letter?" As soon as the words have left his mouth I lose it.
"You want to know what was in that letter I'll tell you. He basically just poured his heart out to me and there is nothing I can do. I wish I could turn back time and tell him that I was a fool….a fool to ever leave….a fool to think that our love was strong enough for me to leave. I should've never got on that train…I should've never left him at Mr. Shue's wedding. I should've told him that I love him and I never stopped but…no I chose New York over him thinking that one day we would be together. Now he's gone and all I have left his this letter and this ring. I hate him Puck…I hate that he left without saying goodbye….I hate that he sent me to New York….I hate this pain in my chest that will not go away…you want to know the worst of it I hate that I will never be able to tell him that I love him again." I had finally reached my breaking point and let everything that I had held in out. I feel Puck's arms wrap around me. I try to get away but he just holds me tighter as my tears fall.
"You Just told me." I hear a voice say to me.
A/N: Thank you guys so much for the reviews you are way too kind. Originally this was going to be a one-shot but after giving this some more thought I have decided to make it longer, I think there is a lot more to tell of this story and this is also become my therapy as how to deal with the passing of Cory.
Few things you need to know about this story Rachel will not be with anyone else. I think that by putting her with another character other than Finn would feel very wrong. Like Finn told Rachel in season 4 they are endgame and that is the way it will be. Secondly the only main characters that will be focused in this will be Kurt, Puck, and Rachel I think these three were a huge part of Finn's life, I may add Mr. Shue and Quinn later on but for now this is how it is.
Ok so I have a few more chapter's written. I was wondering if any of you would be interested in out takes of this story. I have two written one is Kurt's reaction to death of Finn and the other is Puck's reaction. Would any of be interested in reading these if so I will get them posted. Once again thank you for reading.