"Lana? Are you even listening to me?"
Hawke returned from her persistent, internal qualms about Leliana and turned to her little sister.
"What?" she asked, eyebrows raised, having not been listening to a word Bethany was saying as she chatted animatedly while they walked through the Chantry together.
"I said, I think we should check the gardens," Bethany repeated, wondering why she seemed so distracted. "The Revered Mother told me that Sister Leliana hasn't been seen all morning. Sometimes she talks walks around the Chantry Garden's though. We should go see."
Hawke swallowed over the lump in her throat then give her sister an uncertain nod.
"Ok..."
She had a feeling she knew why Leliana had been avoiding the Chantry all day. I'm not the only one who broke some rules last night. Feeling slightly relieved that she might not have to face Leliana at all then, Lana pulled herself together. Bethany gave her a suspicious stare, clearly noticing something was off now. Her sister never looked this uncomfortable before. Her flawless exterior had cracked open, revealing something that looked suspiciously like insecurity and obvious anxiety. She looked... flustered. It was as though she was in a whole world of her own. She could see Lana's eyes dart around the Chantry nervously, staring up at the statues of Andraste with a look of guilt on her face as though she was nothing more than a common sinner being brought to justice.
"Are you... sure you're alright, sister?" Bethany asked again, her eyes narrowing. Her elder sister had been extra quiet all day. It was so not like her. Normally she joked and teased (almost relentlessly so). Today though there was definitely something up.
Lana half shrugged and nodded again. "Fine," she said lightly, though not as convincingly as before, still looking up at the statues of Andraste that were overlooking the congregation of morning-time prayer givers and Chantry initiates.
Bethany continued to stare at her for several seconds then shook her head. Her concern made no difference. If something was wrong with her sister, she wasn't exactly going to tell her, was she? Hawke tended to keep her worries to herself, away from any of her family. In fact the only person she had ever really opened up to was her father Malcolm, but after his death she seemed to believe she had no one to turn to, feeling everyone depended on her rather than she depended on them. Lana was the 'suffer in silence' type normally. Sometimes it did her more harm than good, but why would today wouldn't be any different?
"Look," Bethany began quietly, pushing open the heavy side door to the Chantry and leading them out into the gardens, "I know you don't feel comfortable here, Lana, but just do this for me... Please? Leliana's stories are really interesting and...I-I feel much safer with you here."
Hawke sighed, "I know, I'm sorry. Don't worry, little sis. I have my daggers ready, just say the words. I'll kill any Templars that look at you sideways."
Bethany glared at her. "The funny thing is I don't even know if you're joking," she replied, sighing and shaking her head. "You and Father are so alike sometimes it's scary."
Lana chuckled and ruffled her little sister's hair.
"Shall I start calling you 'Sweat Pea' too?" she teased.
Bethany sung a hand out to hit her with, which Hawke dodged with a giggle.
When the two of them had exited the Chantry, Lana took a deep breath of fresh air as her eyes adjusted to the blinding sunlight. She hated how claustrophobic the Chantry always made her feel, with its overpowering incense feeling as though it was polluting her lungs and almost choking her into submission. Regaining her composure, she followed Bethany along the thin, rickety path that winded through the exquisite gardens. She glanced around their stunning surroundings anxiously, hoping and almost praying to The Maker himself not to catch a glimpse of that familiar red-headed woman who, like the Chantry, also took her breath away, though in quite a different, more inappropriate manner.
Hawke dragged her feet, causing Bethany to reach out and take her hand, leading her towards a row of rose bushes in the distance. There were birds tweeting overhead, flying gracefully through the clear blue sky. Lana found herself momentarily distracted from her preoccupations, her brown eyes following a particularly small looking bird as it glided gracefully after its mother, dropping ever so often as it learned to fly. A beautiful, relaxing voice was singing somewhere nearby, entrancing Lana so much that it lessened her anxiety for a few blissful moments, sending a chill of satisfaction through her body.
Suddenly Bethany's voice brought her back to reality.
"Oh, look! There she is!... Leliana?"
Lana's heart jumped into her mouth. Her eyes dropped from the sky immediately and settled on a vision of beauty a short way ahead, singing softly as she tended to some kind of twisted and gnarled root in the corner of the gardens. She realised then whom she had been listening to. Another shiver ran through her, not unlike the last one. Maker, she sure can sing! Golden rays from the early morning sunshine illuminated the pale skin and bright red hair, creating a breathtakingly beautiful image. Sister Leliana turned at the mention of her name and smiled kindly at Bethany, cutting off mid song much to Hawke's dismay. Her bright blue eyes flickered to her left then, finding Lana's brown ones staring back at her hesitantly. Her smile faltered slightly. Trying to hide her surprise, she distractedly brushed a lock of hair away from her face and dropped her gaze, bending back down to tend to the seemingly-dying roots at her feet. Don't do that! Lana cursed silently, watching, as even the thick Chantry robe Leliana was wearing seemed to cling to her curves in such a way that caused Hawke to become mesmerized by her perfect figure. Bethany felt Lana's hand tighten around hers.
"Be nice," she hissed in warning, taking her sister's muscle spasm as an act of dislike. All Hawke could do was nod, tearing her eyes away from Leliana's behind with great difficulty. She shrugged, staring down at her little sister in a what-have-I-done-wrong kind of way. Bethany rolled her eyes and sighed, dragging her along with her then, ignoring Hawke's seemingly reluctance.
"Good morning, Sister Leliana," she greeted her cheerfully, halting a little way off. Sister Leliana dusted herself down and straightened up, forcing a smile on her face as she stared down at the young, beaming girl before her.
"Hello, Bethany," she said kindly, in her sweet, gentle voice. "You're looking lovely today as usual. So pretty! I'm sorry I was not at the Chantry like we usually planned. Truth be told, I completely forgot that we had agreed to meet today."
Bethany giggled, "Oh, I wouldn't worry. We found you in the end, didn't we?...I think you know my sister Lana don't you, from last night?"
Leliana's eyes flickered to Lana's then away again, almost afraid to meet her gaze. She nodded slightly, dropping her line of sight with a timid smile, trying not to betray her true worry. Yes...Yes they had definitely gotten to know each other last night. Lana smirked, despite the obvious discomfort of the situation, as she saw a faint blush rise in Sister Leliana's cheeks. She knew they were both imaging similar scenes from the previous night, one very naughty one in particular.
Leliana glanced back up at her discreetly, silently questioning her with a raised eyebrow. You told her?
"I...told her we had drinks together," Hawke offered, after taking her fill of the woman's momentary embarrassment.
"Ah..." Leliana replied, clearing her throat. She tried to pull herself together. "Yes...Of course. It's...a pleasure to see you again, Lana."
This time Hawke couldn't hold back her smile. I'll bet it is. She bowed her head, trying to hide a small grin that was playing on the corner of her lips as she scuffed the ground with her feet. Maker, this is awkward. Leliana looked back at Bethany again, who was observing her sister's sudden... shyness? This was a first. Then she realised Lana was smirking, trying not to laugh at something instead. Bethany groaned.
"Anyway," she continued, nudging her sister in the ribs tactfully to try and make her behave, "I begged Lana to come along today to hear some stories with me. I hope that's alright."
"Oh...No, that's fine," Leliana replied, smiling at her, determinedly not looking at Hawke. "You know, it's such a nice day today that I wouldn't mind staying outside. What do you think?" The idea of sitting face to face with Lana inside, having to meet those enticing chocolate-brown eyes with both of them knowing what happened, made her shiver nervously.
Bethany smiled, "Of course! What a great idea!"
"We can take a walk around the gardens if you like?" Leliana offered. When Bethany nodded excitedly she took her hand and began to lead the way, pretending Lana wasn't there. "So, which story would you like to hear today then?"
Hawke followed a little way behind them, her eyes burning into Leliana's back, so much so that she was surprised the woman couldn't feel it. Or maybe she can, she thought to herself. The Chantry sister seemed to stutter more than usual, her poise having been shaken slightly by Hawke's mere presence. Lana's imagination went off on an adventure of its own as she listened to Leliana's soft Orlesian accent recall the tale of Alindra and Her Soldier for Bethany's benefit. She couldn't help but replace the male and female character's faces in her head with that of her own and Leliana's, remembering how Leliana's beautiful singing voice had captured her attention earlier, just like Alindra's had grabbed the attention of the soldier in the story.
Only after an hour or so when they had settled beside a little lake that ran through the Chantry Gardens, did Lana's awareness to her surroundings return. Leliana's voice was so captivating that she almost forgot to be nervous while listening to her. She placed herself down on a nearby rock then, shaken more than she would ever care to admit after having listened to Leliana talk about Orlais and subtly refer to the life she had lived there. She could tell the woman missed it dearly from how longingly for spoke of it. Makes me wonder what she's doing here, Hawke thought to herself then.
Bethany asked a few questions interestedly, before wandering off around the edge of the lake, skipping carefully in between the pebbles, leaving Leliana and Lana alone for the first time since last night. The Chantry Sister cleared her throat uncomfortably and approached the riverbank, gazing down into the trickling stream absentmindedly, still refusing to look at Hawke. The way they'd left things between them last night didn't exactly make it easy to start up a conversation out of thin air. It was clear that both of them couldn't wait to leave that windmill after having such passionate, breath-taking sex. Either of them could have cut the growing tension between them with a knife it was that apparent.
Leliana could feel Hawke's eyes on her back again. She had been sure the woman was observing her as they walked along the path earlier. Her words had occasionally become muddled and she had found it difficult to keep her voice steady while telling Bethany stories. Suddenly Lana appeared beside her, hovering behind her a little, hesitantly. They stood, almost shoulder to shoulder. She was so close, close enough that Leliana could feel the heat emanating off her, could smell her sweet scent that brought back distracting memories of last night. A shiver travelled the length of Leliana's spine, hearing Hawke's gentle, calming breaths. Lana glanced out into the distance with her, following the Chantry Sister's gaze.
"You thought I'd tell her?" she asked quietly, finally breaking the tense silence, staring out at her little sister in the distance. She was on the other side of the riverbank now. Leliana swallowed hard, still not looking at her, watching Bethany pick up a stone and chuck it into the river with a splash. Several torturous seconds passed between them, broken only by the light, chirping of birds nearby. Both women stood side by side, determinedly not looking at each other for fear of what would happen if they did.
"Why did you come here, Lana?" Leliana whispered hoarsely then, ignoring Hawke's question. Lana's jaw tightened. Why did I come?
"Because my sister asked me to," she answered simply, not pressing herself for more detail for fear of what she would find. Several more tense seconds passed between them.
"She's asked you to come before and you've simply said no," Leliana countered, still looking at Bethany in the distance, who was now scooping up handfuls of water and sprinkling them gently over some nearby flowers, smiling peacefully to herself.
"True."
Leliana turned to Hawke then, unable to keep her eyes away any longer. Lana reluctantly met her stare, both of them fighting with the desires that had risen in them last night. "So why now?" the Chantry Sister persisted, feeling as though she already knew the answer. Hawke shrugged.
"I... I don't know..." She replied, half-shrugging. When Leliana said nothing she added, "I guess...If I was being entirely truthful... a part of me wanted to see you again."
Leliana swallowed over the lump in her throat, seeing the genuine look in the woman's soft brown eyes. She had been afraid of this. She wrestled down the warmth rising inside her again, that longing to hold her in her arms once more, to be touched like she had been in that windmill. But it wasn't right. She had to fight it now. This was the life she had chosen for herself. She didn't want to become that person she had been in Orlais again.
"This is wrong, Lana," Leliana replied coldly, finally managing to say the words she had been holding back last night. "It should never have happened. This is as far as it's going to go."
Hawke snorted, and shook her head in disbelief, staring out at their surroundings. "Do you take me for a fool, Leliana? Forgive me, but it sounds as though you're trying to convince yourself."
Leliana hesitated, "I..."
"You came looking for me, remember?" Lana continued, glaring at her then, seeing where she was trying to go with this. Leliana's resolve faltered, her face falling as she knew Hawke was right.
"I...I know I did and...I-I'm sorry," she said sadly, her eyes fixed firmly on the ground, ashamed of how reckless she had been.
"Not just once, Sister, but twice," Lana reminded her further, feeling a sense of injustice. "And even while I was on a date with another woman." The shame and filth was growing in the Chantry Sister's veins then, just as surely as anger was rising in Hawke's. She couldn't understand why she was the one getting rejected after having not even made any advances in the first place.
"I know," Leliana whimpered. "But...It's not going to happen again, Lana." Her voice was more firm this time. She finally got the courage to stare back into the woman's eyes.
"What isn't?" Hawke pressed jokingly, "The flirtatious advances or the sex?"
"Sshhh!" Leliana admonished, glancing around them nervously. She sighed, realising they were still very much alone thankfully. Bethany remained a safe distance away, chasing after a butterfly, giggling to herself, and the bushes nearby provided them with some limited cover. If anyone rounded the corner though they could hear every word they were saying. "We shouldn't be talking about this here."
"Don't tell me you didn't enjoy it," Lana continued, oblivious to the danger. Sister Leliana turned back to her then.
"Would you believe me if I said I didn't?" she asked timidly, a playful grin appearing on her face. Hawke grinned back.
"Not at all."
The Chantry Sister giggled a little against her will. "You don't lack for confidence I see."
Hawke shrugged. "I'm just that good, Sister," she teased, her eyes burning fiercely as though daring Leliana to contradict her.
Leliana giggled again, rolling her eyes. I can't argue with her there. Her expression became sombre once more then, her resolve strengthening. She pushed fond recollections of last night to the back of her mind for what seemed like the millionth time today.
"Lana, listen to me...I'm devoted to The Maker, to the Chantry. You know I can't have a relationship with you."
Hawke smirked at her, beginning to run a hand up her arm flirtingly. "Who said I wanted a relationship?" she asked, a cheeky glint in her eyes.
Leliana's breath caught. She glanced down at the gentle fingers sliding along her sleeve, fingers whose touch had been so magical last night in that windmill, taking her to places that even Marjolaine's hadn't before. Don't think about her. She took a shaky breath, trying to ignore the overpowering effect Lana had on her. Every part of the woman's being seemed to demand Leliana's attention, whether she wanted to give it or not.
"You...you want what comes with one," she whispered back, losing herself in those mischievous brown eyes, seeing the desire rise in them. "And I've already broken my vows once, Lana. I will not do it again...So you should stop this chase you have going before it truly begins."
"I thought you didn't take any vows," Hawke challenged, her smirk becoming wider. She had her exactly where she wanted her. Her hand ran further up Leliana's arm, then along her shoulder, beginning to caress her exposed neck. She touched the side of her face then, caressing her cheek, knowing she was driving the Chantry Sister crazy with desire by just being this close to her. Leliana hesitated, caught off guard by the sheer boldness of her.
"I-I meant morals," she said then, correcting her poor choice of words, feeling flustered now. The gentle fingers caressing against her face swept her off to another world then, just as they had done last night. She closed her eyes, momentarily forgetting that they were still in the Chantry Gardens, and that anyone could be watching them. They weren't exactly completely hidden from view here, but because of that she found herself wanting it more. The danger enthralled her, as it had always done in the past. There were several seconds of silence, with only the gentle flow of the river nearby.
"I don't think I can stay away from you, Leliana," Lana breathed finally, glancing down at the woman's lips in anticipation. Leliana's breath caught.
"Well... I'm afraid you'll have to try," she whispered back defiantly, opening her eyes. Hawke was inches away from her now. Their bodies were pressed together before she even realised.
"Kiss me," Hawke whispered, leaning in slowly, closing the lingering distance between them.
"Someone could be watching," Leliana breathed back, her heart beating wildly as she stared down at Hawke's lips hesitantly, feeling her mouth water. This was insane! It was broad daylight!
"I don't care...Just kiss me..."
Leliana felt herself lean in momentarily, wanting nothing more than to taste Lana's lips once more. Suddenly, before they touched, she came to her senses. She reached up and reluctantly took Lana's warm hand from her face and lowered it with her own. She squeezed it tightly then, staring at Hawke seriously now. "No...I'm a member of the Chantry, Lana. I believe The Maker brought me here for a reason."
"And what reason is that?" Lana asked, sceptically. She had never had much faith in The Maker herself, especially when He apparently told her not to have sex when she clearly wanted it more than anything like Leliana seemed to right now. She was sure that this was no ordinary woman before her. After all, since when had an ordinary woman been able to peak her interest this much? No. Sister Leliana was more than she was letting on to be. She was hiding her true self behind The Maker and his Disciples. I'd stake my life on it.
Leliana's face seemed to change at her question. A tortured look appeared in her eyes and worry lines creased along her face. She suddenly looked a lot older than she was, and a lot more strained than she had been only moments ago. The woman released Hawke's hand and turned away from her, approaching the water's edge. She became lost in the flowing river once more, trickling along gently, sliding over the little pebbles beneath it and rippling downstream.
Curious, Hawke followed, hovering beside her once more and observing her face as Leliana refused to look at her.
"Why do you look so sad all the time?" she asked gently, remembering the Sister's face as she had drunk alone at the tavern last night. Leliana's expression hardened then, almost instantly. She shook her head.
"I don't want to talk about it... what happened to me," she said, her soft Orlesian accent wobbling a little.
"So that's why you're sad?" Hawke guessed, "Because of something in your past?"
Leliana's tortured look intensified. "My past has nothing to do with it," she lied, cursing her slip up. "Please don't try to get inside my head, Lana. It's not going to work...I'm not going to tell you anything."
"Yet you told me that you're lonely," Lana reminded her, referring to their conversation over a glass of wine in the tavern last night. Leliana's blue eyes met hers then and Hawke could see the same helplessness that had been there yesterday, seconds before the woman had kissed her unexpectedly. There was an emptiness in them, but one to which Leliana would never acknowledge, and Hawke felt reluctant to pry no matter how much she was tempted to. The woman's face turned impassive. She exhaled.
"I think you should go, Lana..."
Hawke hesitated. She bit her lip. "I think we should talk about this, Leliana...about what happened between us."
"There's nothing to talk about," Leliana snapped, turning away again.
"Wait!" Hawke exclaimed in an urgent whisper, grabbing her arm before she could walk away. She spun her around. Both their breaths caught as their faces hovered together, inches apart. Lana's mouth watered in anticipation, her eyes darting down at the Chantry Sister's sweet mouth. Leliana glanced down at Lana's lips momentarily as well, before meeting her brown eyes again. She could see the confusion in them, the hurt, and instantly wished she could explain to Lana properly the reasons for her seduction and her rejection, but she didn't have a real answer herself. Hawke shook her head slowly. "I don't understand, Leliana. Why did you go to such lengths yesterday to seduce me, only to reject me today?"
Leliana pulled her arm free and ran it through her hair, flustered. She backed away. "I-I...Don't question me! I am a woman and I reserve the right to be inconsistent."
"Inconsistent?" Lana repeated, frowning, "Yes, I suppose that could describe it. You barely even know me, Sister, but surely you must have noticed I'm a not person who likes to be used, inconsistently or not!" Hawke replied, shaking her head, her jaw tightening in frustration at the weak answer she had been given.
"I... I... I don't know what to say..." Leliana whispered helplessly, frowning with sadness. She had definitely been the one to initiate things between them. She had definitely kissed Hawke first, rather than the other way around. Yet, why? It was a question she simply had no answer to, at least no answer she was willing to give.
"You don't need to say a thing, Leliana. Your body language says it all," Hawke replied, almost seeing the inner battle the woman was having with herself inside. Leliana shook her head, inhaling deeply, trying to regain her composure.
"My time in the cloister is supposed to be a time of contemplation, Lana, not deceit and lies. I had enough of that in my old life. I need to occupy myself with thoughts of The Maker, and other... more worthy pursuits."
"'Worthy pursuits'?" Hawke snorted in disbelief. "...And what does that make me, Leliana? Unworthy? I certainly seemed worthy of your time last night."
Leliana sighed, staring at her with sad eyes. "Please...Just... let me go, Lana. I would hate to hurt you."
Lana shook her head. "I don't think I can," she whispered, staring at her intensely. "And I don't think you want me to either."
Leliana sighed in defeat. "Then I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed."
Without another word she walked away towards Bethany before Hawke could stop her. She exhaled, staring after her, knowing this wasn't over. She didn't much like being used like that. No matter what Leliana said, she knew the woman was lying to her, and more importantly to herself. That look in her eyes gave her away, no matter how much she wanted to bury it. Hawke waved at her sister, who had threw her a questioning look after Leliana decided she was leaving. She saw Bethany glance at Sister Leliana in confusion before waving back to her elder sister and walking with her to another part of the garden. Fuming, Hawke turned away and made her way out of the Chantry Gardens, walking through the Chantry itself and pushing open the heavy wooden doors a little too forcefully as she exited the religious dwelling into the real world once more.
Lana knew instantly where she was heading, relieved to have finally gotten that first meeting over with between herself and Sister Leliana, even though it had been something of a disaster. She began walking in the direction of the Lothering Chantry, deciding to kill some time there. Bethany would know to meet her here. It was where she usually waited out her story telling sessions with Leliana. Maker, I don't even know why I bothered going to day. Bethany did ask me but...I mean, I suppose I could have said no...Maybe I should have. Lost in thought she pushed open the door to the tavern and took up her usual stool at the bar.
"What'll it be, ma'am?" the bartender asked, scrubbing a dirty mug in his hand with an equally dirty-looking cloth."
"A pint of ale," she answered, brought back from thoughts of momentarily. She threw a few coins onto the counter and lifted the mug to her lips, taking a few much needed sips, feeling the froth tickle her nose. Swallowing with a satisfied groan, she placed the mug back onto the bar and wiped a hand across her mouth, allowing her thoughts to fall on Leliana once more.
The woman had been very adamant that the events of last night would just be a onetime thing, yet every time Lana looked into her eyes she saw unmistakable desire there. It was clear that Leliana regretted what she had done, and truth be told a part of Hawke did too. They had both went against their better judgements in sleeping with each other, but there was definitely something else drawing them together against both their wills. It was torturous, yet only Lana seemed to have succumbed to it so far. Leliana it appeared would take some flirting to make her see that this was what she really wanted. This is not over, Lana said to herself. She could see why Sister Leliana was holding her off, afraid of Chantry repercussion...but no one had to know but them. Lana smiled to herself then. She had held back today, as best she could, afraid of how Leliana would react. Now that she knew deep down that Leliana's resolve was hanging on by a thread, she wouldn't be able to stay away even if she tried. Hawke smiled to herself mischievously, remembering how flustered Leliana had gotten at her touch. She took another sip of her ale, remembering the events of last night once more. She longed for a repeat more than anything. Leliana wasn't the only one who could play the seductress. Tomorrow, the real fun begins...