NIGHTMARES, PART 2
Disclaimer: The official disclaimer is contained in part 1. Basically, it says that this fic contains yaoi! Consider yourself forewarned. Thanks to Tsunomon 2, whoever you may be, for thinking up Merzuna! This one's not so angsty, just my take on what happens to Merzuna after the rape.
~~~~~~
...He was here...he was coming for me...
My nightmares were seeping into real life...Merzuna...here...in Odaiba...
I had to run. The house wasn't safe anymore, the school wasn't safe, the park wasn't safe.
But I didn't know where to go. I ran out of the house through the window...I thought I saw Merzuna hiding behind the front door. I bolted out of the backyard and into an alleyway, where I could swear I saw Merzuna waiting for me at the other end...The one place he couldn't follow me for long was in the city...
I staggered out into the maze of streets, fear beginning to cloud my already dulled senses. I urged my tired limbs to go faster; behind every pair of sunglasses, every trenchcoat, every window I saw the sinister coal-black eyes staring back at me.
"Go away!" I hissed, knowing that no matter what I did the eyes still followed my every move...Reeling in panic, I tried to go down to the subway, seeking refuge from the ever-growing sense of terror rapidly growing inside of me.
Walking up to the ticket machine, I placed my fare into it and, hands shaking, ripped the ticket out from its slot. I ran aboard the train and it got underway. I slumped into a seat, and glanced around furtively...good...no Merzuna...I drew my knees in and rested my chin on them, slowly rocking back and forth in my seat.
A conductor made his way through the crowded train and began inspecting tickets. I got mine out and held it up as he walked up towards me.
"Tickets, please, have your tickets ready...thank you, sir...thank you...thank you..."
I felt a tug at my ticket, but for some reason my fingers refused to let it go. I stared at them and willed them to open, and then I looked up at the man...
Staring back at me was the face of Merzuna...
I blacked out.
~~~~~~
I squinted against the light that greeted my eyes as I came to. Right away I knew I was in a hospital.
"I think he's coming to," said a female voice.
I sat up and looked around. In the room with me were two lab-coated people, one female, the other male.
"Hello," said the man. "I'm Doctor Fujiyama. You suffered a case of stress-induced shock, but you should be okay now. The train attendant brought you over, and we'd like to run a few tests and then we'll release you."
I nodded. Train attendant...Merzuna? Was I seeing things again? A thousand questions ran through my mind as the doctor poked, prodded, jabbed and scanned me. Within the space of a few minutes the always-efficient Japanese medical system received some of my body fluids just so they could be sure that I was okay.
"We'll be back when the tests are complete, Mr. Kamiya."
The doctor and nurse retreated, and I sat in bed, wondering just who the mystery train person was, when he walked in. My heart froze...
"M-Merzuna-san?"
Standing in the doorway was the same Merzuna that had haunted me in my dreams, that had raped me all those years ago...why was he here, and why had he brought me to the hospital?
He silently walked over and sat down next to my bed, taking off his glasses and uniform coat.
"So...you're finally awake. I was wondering how you'd react to seeing me again, and I must admit I expected that reaction. But you have nothing to fear from me anymore. Several years of the Japanese prison system have ensured that I'm no longer a depraved, child-molesting individual, they have turned me into a model productive citizen."
A great, shuddering sigh escaped his mouth and he paused. This wasn't the same Merzuna that I encountered. He no longer possessed the energetic and scheming undercurrent to his voice; now it was a dead monotone. His eyes were no longer bright and cunning; they were dead and glassy. Instead of his trademark reading glasses, he wore thick bifocal lenses. Gray had begun to seep into his hair, which was now a crew cut and not the ungainly nest it had been. Something told me that I didn't have anything to fear, that he had, indeed changed...
"I don't expect you to forgive me for what I've done to you, Taichi," he continued. "Because I don't deserve it. I may very well have done permanent mental harm to you, and I apologize for that."
That's for sure...
"However, now that you're here, I may as well explain to you just what happened. First of all, the reason that I ...well..." He sighed. "...it had been a depressing time for me. My wife of four years had recently left me after I had become obsessed with a certain student..." He glanced at me.
It had begun strangely to sound like one of his old Calculus lectures...except now his voice was just a drab monotone, no life to it whatsoever.
"Well, as you may have figured, after the fact," He carefully avoided using the word 'rape.' "I was arrested and there was a speedy trial, which naturally ended in my conviction and sentencing to life. Of course, in the process, the prosecution had short-circuited a law and, after a lengthy appeals process, I got out by merit of this technicality."
God bless the legal system.
"But, of course, no one wants to hire a convicted rapist, even if he does have several degrees in mathematics. I searched everywhere for work after I got out, but eventually I lost my house, car, and everything but the clothes I was wearing. I became very miserable, and finally, one night, decided to end my life."
At this point I was actually beginning to feel sorry for this poor fellow...no wife, no job, no life...
"I went down to the subway when it was deserted and waited for the train to come, thinking to throw myself in front of it as it came, which would hopefully be a quick end. However, I mentally calculated several things in my head and eventually came to the conclusion that if I did so, I would merely be severely injured and the rest of my life my life as a cripple. I became despondent - my brain refused to let me even try to commit suicide - so I checked myself into a mental institution."
"I was diagnosed as having severe manic-depression and was interred for a period of six months. I was put on...oh, I think 13 different medications, psychiatric counseling, and the last, or so I've been told, electroshock therapy session in Japan." He attempted to laugh, and it came out as a mix between coughing and barking - either way, it was rather humorless. He cleared his throat. "Through the infinite patience and kindness of my cousin's heart, I was given an entry-level job as a train conductor. I would say it's not much, but at least it pays the bills, except it doesn't. I expect that I will have enough money for about six months before I will have to cut back on either medication, rent, or food...a tough decision, ne?"
"So, in short, you have nothing to fear from me, Taichi. I simply do not have the life left in me to begin to even entertain the thought of coming for you. I used to be a Calculus teacher, happily married, and now after one brief fit of tainted passion, here I am, suffering from manic-depression, with a job that doesn't even make ends meet."
"Why are you telling me this?" I croaked.
"Because it is exactly five years to the day that I raped you. I can see that your subconscious has not let you forget. You still carry the burden of the act upon your shoulders, and so too does Matt, I would assume - he was not one for letting people get hurt if he could protect them. I have a feeling that ever since it happened he has felt inadequate because of that one time that he did not keep you from harm."
"Don't fear me anymore, Taichi, there's nothing left inside of me to inspire that sort of thing." He drew in a long, deep breath, stood, and made for the doorway.
"Wait!" I called. He turned and looked over his shoulder, and I couldn't help but feel a twinge of sympathy for this person. "Merzuna...I...forgive you."
A tear spilled out onto his face, and he simply turned and walked away. It was true - this was no more a person to incite terror in me or anyone else. I stared after him for a long time when I was suddenly struck by a thought.
Matt...
I immediately called for the nurse, who brought me a phone. I dialed up the cell phone number and waited impatiently as it rang.
"What?" A very irritated Matt was on the other line, with the sound of an engine going at full tilt in the background.
"Matt! It's me, Tai!"
"Tai!" The engine died down. "Where are you? I've been looking everywhere for you!"
"In the hospital."
"Are you all right? What happened?"
"It...Merzuna..." I drew in a breath. "Long story, Matt, but I think I'll be okay from now on."
END
Disclaimer: The official disclaimer is contained in part 1. Basically, it says that this fic contains yaoi! Consider yourself forewarned. Thanks to Tsunomon 2, whoever you may be, for thinking up Merzuna! This one's not so angsty, just my take on what happens to Merzuna after the rape.
~~~~~~
...He was here...he was coming for me...
My nightmares were seeping into real life...Merzuna...here...in Odaiba...
I had to run. The house wasn't safe anymore, the school wasn't safe, the park wasn't safe.
But I didn't know where to go. I ran out of the house through the window...I thought I saw Merzuna hiding behind the front door. I bolted out of the backyard and into an alleyway, where I could swear I saw Merzuna waiting for me at the other end...The one place he couldn't follow me for long was in the city...
I staggered out into the maze of streets, fear beginning to cloud my already dulled senses. I urged my tired limbs to go faster; behind every pair of sunglasses, every trenchcoat, every window I saw the sinister coal-black eyes staring back at me.
"Go away!" I hissed, knowing that no matter what I did the eyes still followed my every move...Reeling in panic, I tried to go down to the subway, seeking refuge from the ever-growing sense of terror rapidly growing inside of me.
Walking up to the ticket machine, I placed my fare into it and, hands shaking, ripped the ticket out from its slot. I ran aboard the train and it got underway. I slumped into a seat, and glanced around furtively...good...no Merzuna...I drew my knees in and rested my chin on them, slowly rocking back and forth in my seat.
A conductor made his way through the crowded train and began inspecting tickets. I got mine out and held it up as he walked up towards me.
"Tickets, please, have your tickets ready...thank you, sir...thank you...thank you..."
I felt a tug at my ticket, but for some reason my fingers refused to let it go. I stared at them and willed them to open, and then I looked up at the man...
Staring back at me was the face of Merzuna...
I blacked out.
~~~~~~
I squinted against the light that greeted my eyes as I came to. Right away I knew I was in a hospital.
"I think he's coming to," said a female voice.
I sat up and looked around. In the room with me were two lab-coated people, one female, the other male.
"Hello," said the man. "I'm Doctor Fujiyama. You suffered a case of stress-induced shock, but you should be okay now. The train attendant brought you over, and we'd like to run a few tests and then we'll release you."
I nodded. Train attendant...Merzuna? Was I seeing things again? A thousand questions ran through my mind as the doctor poked, prodded, jabbed and scanned me. Within the space of a few minutes the always-efficient Japanese medical system received some of my body fluids just so they could be sure that I was okay.
"We'll be back when the tests are complete, Mr. Kamiya."
The doctor and nurse retreated, and I sat in bed, wondering just who the mystery train person was, when he walked in. My heart froze...
"M-Merzuna-san?"
Standing in the doorway was the same Merzuna that had haunted me in my dreams, that had raped me all those years ago...why was he here, and why had he brought me to the hospital?
He silently walked over and sat down next to my bed, taking off his glasses and uniform coat.
"So...you're finally awake. I was wondering how you'd react to seeing me again, and I must admit I expected that reaction. But you have nothing to fear from me anymore. Several years of the Japanese prison system have ensured that I'm no longer a depraved, child-molesting individual, they have turned me into a model productive citizen."
A great, shuddering sigh escaped his mouth and he paused. This wasn't the same Merzuna that I encountered. He no longer possessed the energetic and scheming undercurrent to his voice; now it was a dead monotone. His eyes were no longer bright and cunning; they were dead and glassy. Instead of his trademark reading glasses, he wore thick bifocal lenses. Gray had begun to seep into his hair, which was now a crew cut and not the ungainly nest it had been. Something told me that I didn't have anything to fear, that he had, indeed changed...
"I don't expect you to forgive me for what I've done to you, Taichi," he continued. "Because I don't deserve it. I may very well have done permanent mental harm to you, and I apologize for that."
That's for sure...
"However, now that you're here, I may as well explain to you just what happened. First of all, the reason that I ...well..." He sighed. "...it had been a depressing time for me. My wife of four years had recently left me after I had become obsessed with a certain student..." He glanced at me.
It had begun strangely to sound like one of his old Calculus lectures...except now his voice was just a drab monotone, no life to it whatsoever.
"Well, as you may have figured, after the fact," He carefully avoided using the word 'rape.' "I was arrested and there was a speedy trial, which naturally ended in my conviction and sentencing to life. Of course, in the process, the prosecution had short-circuited a law and, after a lengthy appeals process, I got out by merit of this technicality."
God bless the legal system.
"But, of course, no one wants to hire a convicted rapist, even if he does have several degrees in mathematics. I searched everywhere for work after I got out, but eventually I lost my house, car, and everything but the clothes I was wearing. I became very miserable, and finally, one night, decided to end my life."
At this point I was actually beginning to feel sorry for this poor fellow...no wife, no job, no life...
"I went down to the subway when it was deserted and waited for the train to come, thinking to throw myself in front of it as it came, which would hopefully be a quick end. However, I mentally calculated several things in my head and eventually came to the conclusion that if I did so, I would merely be severely injured and the rest of my life my life as a cripple. I became despondent - my brain refused to let me even try to commit suicide - so I checked myself into a mental institution."
"I was diagnosed as having severe manic-depression and was interred for a period of six months. I was put on...oh, I think 13 different medications, psychiatric counseling, and the last, or so I've been told, electroshock therapy session in Japan." He attempted to laugh, and it came out as a mix between coughing and barking - either way, it was rather humorless. He cleared his throat. "Through the infinite patience and kindness of my cousin's heart, I was given an entry-level job as a train conductor. I would say it's not much, but at least it pays the bills, except it doesn't. I expect that I will have enough money for about six months before I will have to cut back on either medication, rent, or food...a tough decision, ne?"
"So, in short, you have nothing to fear from me, Taichi. I simply do not have the life left in me to begin to even entertain the thought of coming for you. I used to be a Calculus teacher, happily married, and now after one brief fit of tainted passion, here I am, suffering from manic-depression, with a job that doesn't even make ends meet."
"Why are you telling me this?" I croaked.
"Because it is exactly five years to the day that I raped you. I can see that your subconscious has not let you forget. You still carry the burden of the act upon your shoulders, and so too does Matt, I would assume - he was not one for letting people get hurt if he could protect them. I have a feeling that ever since it happened he has felt inadequate because of that one time that he did not keep you from harm."
"Don't fear me anymore, Taichi, there's nothing left inside of me to inspire that sort of thing." He drew in a long, deep breath, stood, and made for the doorway.
"Wait!" I called. He turned and looked over his shoulder, and I couldn't help but feel a twinge of sympathy for this person. "Merzuna...I...forgive you."
A tear spilled out onto his face, and he simply turned and walked away. It was true - this was no more a person to incite terror in me or anyone else. I stared after him for a long time when I was suddenly struck by a thought.
Matt...
I immediately called for the nurse, who brought me a phone. I dialed up the cell phone number and waited impatiently as it rang.
"What?" A very irritated Matt was on the other line, with the sound of an engine going at full tilt in the background.
"Matt! It's me, Tai!"
"Tai!" The engine died down. "Where are you? I've been looking everywhere for you!"
"In the hospital."
"Are you all right? What happened?"
"It...Merzuna..." I drew in a breath. "Long story, Matt, but I think I'll be okay from now on."
END