Hey, English.

I know I'm the last person you probably want to hear from, especially since I pretty much spammed your phone with messages while we were dating. I've already apologized for that, but this time I have something important to say. I want you to hear me out.

First of all, you can be honored to know that you were my first love. My only love, actually. You don't exactly meet too many guys when you're one of the last people on your planet. I'm not telling you this so that you'll feel sorry for me and take me back, because Striders don't need pity, and I gave up trying to get your affection long ago. My only hope is that it explains some of my past behavior.

I also would like to remind you that despite my AR's bullshittery, my plan was originally to take things at a snail's pace with you. I knew that if I was too straightforward, moved too quickly...you would leave. And leave you did. Or you would've, had I not decided to break up with you thinking it would hurt less if I did it. I was wrong, by the way. It still hurt. Then again, I guess I'm wrong pretty often for a genius.

I don't know what else to say, really. I had this long, elaborate speech planned out for you, but I somehow managed to forget it all. I guess I could say... I'm sorry? I'm sorry for loving you. I think that sums it all up. I'm sorry, Jake English, that I loved you more than I was apparently supposed to. I'm sorry that you were my everything, and 'm sorry that I felt the need to remind you of that fact more often than I probably should have. I guess I just got a little carried away.

The truth is that I let my insecurities get the best of me. I kept wondering if I was paying you enough attention, so I did what I thought would make you happy. I kept texting you, sometimes just to say that I loved you, so that you wouldn't forget. When you didn't reply right away, I just kind of assumed that either I'd done something wrong and maybe you didn't know how to reply to my stupidity, or my phone didn't send the message. So I sent you some more to apologize, for what I must have said or for my phone, whichever it was.

When I found out that you were ignoring me...I'm not going to lie. It hurt a lot. I'm not bitter, though. Because instead of manning up and talking to you about it, I went and bitched to AR about it. Maybe if I had actually confronted you, I'd still be able to call you mine. That is, if you decided to answer me for once in your goddamned life.

Wow. Okay, maybe I am bitter. It's not like I don't have a reason to be, though. You broke my heart, Jake, and I'm probably never going to love again. That sounded a lot more melodramatic than I intended, but it's true. My odds of falling for anyone after you are...for the sake of sparing you a shit ton of decimal places, I'll just say pretty fuckin' small.

I mean, look around us. Not a lot of other options, Jake. And I'm not exactly Mr. Perfect. Who else is ever going to tolerate my angsty bullshit? You obviously couldn't.

Honestly, that's probably why I fell for you in the first place. There was no one else, so I tricked myself into thinking that I loved you. If only I could trick myself back into thinking that I didn't.

I don't know what else I can say other than that I'm sorry, and that I may or may not be over you. Bye, Jake. For good, I guess.

-D. Strider