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Once again, Big Time Rush does not belong to me.

Kendall's P.O.V.

I had apparently fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, Logan was shaking my shoulder, trying to get me to wake up.

"Kendall!" I hear him yell. I didn't feel like getting up, so I ignored him. I could hear him sigh, obviously fed up with my stubbornness. "It's James," he said simply.

I bolted straight up at his words, narrowing my eyes when I heard him laughing.

"This is not an appropriate time to be laughing, Logan. Now, you said something about James. What about him? Is he alright?" I ask, trying my best not to sound too frantic.

"I'm assuming he's fine. His doctor came when you were asleep; he said that he wanted to tell us what he found out. He didn't seem too upset or hesitant to tell us that, so from what I know, that at least means that James is alive."

Oh, thank god. I can at least calm myself down a little now that I know that information.

"So wait, he didn't actually tell you anything about what he found out?"

"No, but before you freak out, he said that after you woke up, he wanted us to meet with him in James' room."

I wanted to leap out of my chair and run to James' room, but I didn't want come off as too hysterical.

"Yes, we can go see him now," Logan said, I'm guessing he must have noticed my distress.

I gave him a small smile, silently saying thanks.

As I got up and made my way to James' room, I couldn't help but think of all the negatives that could come out of the situation. Being my panicky self, I can't think of any of the positives.

When I got to the door, I put my hand on the handle and then paused, not knowing if I could go in there without having another panic attack.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked over to see that Logan was giving me a knowing look. "It'll be fine, Kendall. You can do this, just open the door and go in," he said. Yeah, I wish it could be that simple.

"Yeah, okay," I said as sighed, opening the door to see James awake and chatting with the doctor.

They both looked up to see who the guests were, and as soon as James saw it was us, he looked down at his lap, a light blush covering his cheeks.

"Ah, it's good to see you've finally woken up," the doctor said, getting up out of his chair and coming to me, shaking my hand.

"Yeah, sorry about that," I said, letting go of his hand. "What did you... what did you find out? Is it anything serious?"

I glanced over to where James was, noticing that his face had gotten a darker shade of red.

"To answer your question, yes and no. No in the sense that it's not life-threatening, but yes in the sense that your friend here will have to make some changes in his lifestyle if he wants to stay out of trouble."

"Does James… does he already know?"

"Yes, actually. I told him right before you came in here, but would you like to know what we found out?"

If it means knowing how to make sure he's safe when he comes home, then yes, I want to know everything.

"Yes, please. I think we all do."

"Do you all want to sit down? I've learned that usually people take news better if they're sitting down."

We did, but, much to my reluctance, we were one chair short, resulting in me having to sit on the edge of James' hospital bed.

"Well, we ran some tests, and we found out that he has a combination of two things, BPPV and Ménière's disease, in which both of them are the subjective variant."

"I… I have no idea what those are, can you please explain?" I asked, because I really had no idea what he was talking about.

"Well, to put it simply, he has developed a severe case of vertigo."

"Oh, um… okay then. What's the… what does the abbreviation stand for?"

"It stands for 'Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo'. And common symptoms include nausea, visual disturbance – which is the difficulty to see or read during an 'attack' – and feeling faint or fainting, which is what your friend had happen. And as for the other one, that has almost the same symptoms, but it's more centered on hearing. For some, sounds can become distorted and they might develop or experience an unusual sensitivity to noises. It… can also result in hearing loss, and if the disease worsens, hearing loss can progress, or get worse."

"So you're saying that James might… become deaf or nearly that if his case is severe enough?" I ask, starting to feel panicked again.

"I'm afraid so, yes. We tested him to check if that would happen, and we couldn't find anything out. The only advice I can give you on that is to just watch out for the symptoms. And if he starts having an attack at home, I want one of you to read this simple set of rules out to him," he handed me a paper that had a quite long, but simple, list of rules on it. "Those will help him be relieved of his symptoms, but if it continues, just repeat that list once or twice more. Do you have any other questions?"

"When can James come home?"

"He can go home tonight; all I need is for his paperwork to be signed. I'm guessing you're the legal guardian?" He turns to my mom, and she nods. "I need you to come with me and we'll get it all signed and done. He'll be free to go home after that."

My mom got up, taking Katie with her so she could leave the four of us alone.

As soon as the door closed, James cried out, "I'm so sorry you guys. I never expected any of this to happen."

I realized I was still on the bed, so I decided to get off and sit in one of the chairs that had emptied up.

"You don't have to be sorry, James. None of this was your fault. You can't help that your body decided to do this to you," Logan said, trying his best to keep James calm.

"I… I guess you're right, Logan. I know that I can't physically help it, but I can't shake the feeling that it's my fault. That I brought this upon myself."

"You did nothing of the sort, James," Logan looks at me, a mischievous smile coming onto his face. "You know, I think Kendall has something to say to you that'll take your mind off of the situation. I'll just take Carlos and leave you two alone."

"No! Logan, don't!" But it was too late, he had grabbed Carlos and was out the door, leaving James and me in an awkward state of silence for a few moments before James spoke up.

"What's he talking about, Kendall? What do you have to say that will take my mind off the situation?"

"I… can't tell you that, James. I'm sorry if Logan got your hopes up or something."

"Please, Kendall? What do you have on your mind that's so hard for you to tell me?"

He was looking at me with a saddened expression, one that I couldn't ignore. I can't lie to him, so I guess I have to tell him.

"Okay… I'll tell you. But you have to promise not to get mad or start hating me or anything of the sort. I couldn't deal with that."

"I promise, Kendall, you can tell me anything. I can't think of anything that you would say that would get me to hate you."

"I hope so," I say as I take the seat closest to his bed, looking him straight in the eyes. "The thing is… I'm gay and I'm in love with you."