Memory Lane 2
Author: lemons
Pairing: B/F
Rating: R, eventually
Disclaimers: I own nothing but the clothes on my back and my student loan.
I make no profit from this or my student loan would be paid off by now.
Feedback: Please, oh, please!
"Yeah, B, I guess I knew this was comin'." Faith sat down beside the older girl. She was scared of the conversation ahead of her, but she knew they needed to clear the air if they were going to beat that sadistic wanna be preacher. She began to bounce her heels against the crypt in a rare display of nervousness.
Now that Buffy had opened up the discussion she wasn't sure how to proceed. She had so much anger still toward Faith. She knew they needed to be a united front to lead the pack into battle, but she wasn't sure if she could get over being victimized by someone she had trusted so much. Since coming back to life Faith had crossed the blonde's mind quite often. The whole time she was meeting clandestinely with Spike in her mind she was playing out her relationship with the younger slayer.
Of course, that would the little relationship that couldn't. Nothing had actually ever happened between them, but Buffy had wanted it to. She thought that Faith had wanted the same, but with her turning all evil Buffy had realized that she was wrong. And now here they were, sitting on a crypt, next to the Hellmouth, facing an apocolypse neither was sure they would be able to stop.
"I don't really know where to start Faith, but I think it's important that we, I don't know, work some of this stuff out before we can lead anyone," Buffy stated simply. "You're the leader, B, not me. I'm just a little muscle along for the ride." And Buffy knew that was how Faith had always felt. Never the leader always the one led around or astray, whatever the case may be. Had Buffy ever really listened to any of Faith's advice on slaying? Or even let her take the lead on anything. Sure, maybe, she indulged the younger girl, but she never took her seriously as a slayer. Buffy was THE slayer and that had been the end of the discussion.
"Faith, I know this is hard, for both of us, but I want to do it right this time. I need you to be with me on this. If you aren't then we will lose." The seriousness of Buffy's plea caused Faith to raise her head and look at her counterpart. She hadn't thought Buffy would admit to needing anyone, let alone her evil sidekick. Wait, she wasn't even the evil sidekick anymore, that was Willow, the creepy ass Wicca who tried to end the world.
So what was Faith, how did she fit into this band of buggered? Angel was the ex-evil vampire with a soul looking for redemption, so no luck for her there. And Spike, well he had a soul and all, but he would always be a pansy poet at heart. And there was no way she was going to try writing verse and being a ponce. She couldn't be the heart of the group that would always be Xander. So she really couldn't see a place for herself at all. "B, I came to fight. Once we kick the ass of this TV movie demon of the week, I am outta here, so whatever you say goes, cool?" Faith said this with her usual bit of cocksureness that she could fall back on whenever in doubt.
"No, it isn't cool. God!" Buffy retorted, the pitch in her voice rising as she spoke, "I need you to be a slayer, like you were born to be. Don't you get it? For once, I am asking you to embrace your destiny. Be who you were meant to be Faith!" She refused to let the younger girl off this time. They had both grown so much over recent years she couldn't make the same mistakes and lose her shot with Faith again. The girl had to know that even though Buffy was still angry, the blonde believed in who Faith had become. She could see the violence in Faith's temperament was gone. She wasn't as tightly wound as when they were teenagers. The bottom line was Buffy needed Faith. The question left unanswered was did Faith still need Buffy?
"How can you ask me to be something I'm not. I'm not you, Buffy, and I never will be," Faith whispered to the wind. "I will never be good like you. I'm not all sugar and spice. I will always be puppy dog's tails, y'know."
"So, that's it, you aren't me. That's your answer. That is such a fucking cop out Faith. You do know that don't you?" Buffy was challenging the girl now. "I don't want you to be me." As she finished the sentences she jumped off the crypt turning to face the other girl. "I only want you to be you. Please Faith, I know you can do this. I believe in you."
"Oh, that's rich, B. You believe in me, since when? Since you told me you would kick my ass if I apologized. Huh? Since you visited me so times in prison? Not once, B. You forgot about me! You had all your little groupies and your fuck buddies and left me to rot. So now I am supposed to believe you. You didn't believe in me then and you surely don't now. Just let me do my thing and I will be out of your life for good."
Faith didn't want to be saying these things to Buffy, but she had held everything in for so long. It just seemed to flow out of her and onto the older slayer. She wanted to tell Buffy how much it would mean to her if she really did believe in her. That everything in her life up to this point would be worth it, if only what she was saying were true.
"I don't want you out of my life. I need you, Faith."
"I will do whatever you tell me to, but I won't take shit from you, B. Don't tell me you care after all this time. Let's just keep this honest, okay?"
Buffy looked into Faith's eyes, she didn't see the normal hardness behind the brunette's eyes that had been there in the past. She saw an uncertainty and vulnerability. She knew Faith wanted to believe her. Buffy just needed to give her a reason.
"Faith, I do need you. More importantly than that I want you here. I am sorry I didn't come see you. It was just so hard to think about the past. I just wanted to walk away and forget that you had ever existed. But I couldn't. Everything I did, every time I would laugh or cry you were there in my head. Below the surface of everything I did." The girls had maintained eye contact the whole time Buffy had been talking. The older girl reached out and held the younger's hands in her own and spoke with a pleading tone. "When Willow brought you through the door I didn't even have to turn around to know you were there. I knew when you reached the outskirts of Sunnydale. I felt it, you can feel it too, right?"
Faith slowly shook her head to the affirmative. "Faith, I feel you, always. I feel you in here." She brought the younger slayer's hand to rest upon her own heart. "You are in me and I can't let you go this time. I won't. So please talk to me, share everything with me. Because I so want to share my life with you."
TBC
"Yeah, B, I guess I knew this was comin'." Faith sat down beside the older girl. She was scared of the conversation ahead of her, but she knew they needed to clear the air if they were going to beat that sadistic wanna be preacher. She began to bounce her heels against the crypt in a rare display of nervousness.
Now that Buffy had opened up the discussion she wasn't sure how to proceed. She had so much anger still toward Faith. She knew they needed to be a united front to lead the pack into battle, but she wasn't sure if she could get over being victimized by someone she had trusted so much. Since coming back to life Faith had crossed the blonde's mind quite often. The whole time she was meeting clandestinely with Spike in her mind she was playing out her relationship with the younger slayer.
Of course, that would the little relationship that couldn't. Nothing had actually ever happened between them, but Buffy had wanted it to. She thought that Faith had wanted the same, but with her turning all evil Buffy had realized that she was wrong. And now here they were, sitting on a crypt, next to the Hellmouth, facing an apocolypse neither was sure they would be able to stop.
"I don't really know where to start Faith, but I think it's important that we, I don't know, work some of this stuff out before we can lead anyone," Buffy stated simply. "You're the leader, B, not me. I'm just a little muscle along for the ride." And Buffy knew that was how Faith had always felt. Never the leader always the one led around or astray, whatever the case may be. Had Buffy ever really listened to any of Faith's advice on slaying? Or even let her take the lead on anything. Sure, maybe, she indulged the younger girl, but she never took her seriously as a slayer. Buffy was THE slayer and that had been the end of the discussion.
"Faith, I know this is hard, for both of us, but I want to do it right this time. I need you to be with me on this. If you aren't then we will lose." The seriousness of Buffy's plea caused Faith to raise her head and look at her counterpart. She hadn't thought Buffy would admit to needing anyone, let alone her evil sidekick. Wait, she wasn't even the evil sidekick anymore, that was Willow, the creepy ass Wicca who tried to end the world.
So what was Faith, how did she fit into this band of buggered? Angel was the ex-evil vampire with a soul looking for redemption, so no luck for her there. And Spike, well he had a soul and all, but he would always be a pansy poet at heart. And there was no way she was going to try writing verse and being a ponce. She couldn't be the heart of the group that would always be Xander. So she really couldn't see a place for herself at all. "B, I came to fight. Once we kick the ass of this TV movie demon of the week, I am outta here, so whatever you say goes, cool?" Faith said this with her usual bit of cocksureness that she could fall back on whenever in doubt.
"No, it isn't cool. God!" Buffy retorted, the pitch in her voice rising as she spoke, "I need you to be a slayer, like you were born to be. Don't you get it? For once, I am asking you to embrace your destiny. Be who you were meant to be Faith!" She refused to let the younger girl off this time. They had both grown so much over recent years she couldn't make the same mistakes and lose her shot with Faith again. The girl had to know that even though Buffy was still angry, the blonde believed in who Faith had become. She could see the violence in Faith's temperament was gone. She wasn't as tightly wound as when they were teenagers. The bottom line was Buffy needed Faith. The question left unanswered was did Faith still need Buffy?
"How can you ask me to be something I'm not. I'm not you, Buffy, and I never will be," Faith whispered to the wind. "I will never be good like you. I'm not all sugar and spice. I will always be puppy dog's tails, y'know."
"So, that's it, you aren't me. That's your answer. That is such a fucking cop out Faith. You do know that don't you?" Buffy was challenging the girl now. "I don't want you to be me." As she finished the sentences she jumped off the crypt turning to face the other girl. "I only want you to be you. Please Faith, I know you can do this. I believe in you."
"Oh, that's rich, B. You believe in me, since when? Since you told me you would kick my ass if I apologized. Huh? Since you visited me so times in prison? Not once, B. You forgot about me! You had all your little groupies and your fuck buddies and left me to rot. So now I am supposed to believe you. You didn't believe in me then and you surely don't now. Just let me do my thing and I will be out of your life for good."
Faith didn't want to be saying these things to Buffy, but she had held everything in for so long. It just seemed to flow out of her and onto the older slayer. She wanted to tell Buffy how much it would mean to her if she really did believe in her. That everything in her life up to this point would be worth it, if only what she was saying were true.
"I don't want you out of my life. I need you, Faith."
"I will do whatever you tell me to, but I won't take shit from you, B. Don't tell me you care after all this time. Let's just keep this honest, okay?"
Buffy looked into Faith's eyes, she didn't see the normal hardness behind the brunette's eyes that had been there in the past. She saw an uncertainty and vulnerability. She knew Faith wanted to believe her. Buffy just needed to give her a reason.
"Faith, I do need you. More importantly than that I want you here. I am sorry I didn't come see you. It was just so hard to think about the past. I just wanted to walk away and forget that you had ever existed. But I couldn't. Everything I did, every time I would laugh or cry you were there in my head. Below the surface of everything I did." The girls had maintained eye contact the whole time Buffy had been talking. The older girl reached out and held the younger's hands in her own and spoke with a pleading tone. "When Willow brought you through the door I didn't even have to turn around to know you were there. I knew when you reached the outskirts of Sunnydale. I felt it, you can feel it too, right?"
Faith slowly shook her head to the affirmative. "Faith, I feel you, always. I feel you in here." She brought the younger slayer's hand to rest upon her own heart. "You are in me and I can't let you go this time. I won't. So please talk to me, share everything with me. Because I so want to share my life with you."
TBC