"Hey HG!" Claudia's friendly greeting finds her as she walks to her car a few days later and she turns in time to see Myka's attention snap towards her. "We're playing a few rounds of cards in the clearing over there, want to join us?"
"I would love to, but I can't," she replies to the girl, but her attention is on the woman beside her. "Nate picked up some things in town and we're having a special dinner tonight." She watches the way Myka's hopeful gaze dulls and her next words hold duel meaning. "I'm sorry." The young girl's face turns wistful, but she takes in the disappointment on Myka's face and waves off the apology with a grim smile, heading towards the field alone.
Discontent floods through Myka and yet she still drinks in as much of Helena as she can. Stepping closer she inquires quietly, "You can't get out of it?"
The soft pleading tone makes her angry in a way she doesn't entirely understand. "No Myka, I can't 'get out of it'. He is my husband and at some point I do have to spend some time with him, like it or not." Her words are icy and she regrets them as soon as Myka steps back as if stung. She starts to apologize, but the other woman is already shaking her head, muttering words of understanding even though she won't look Helena in the eye.
"It's fine," Myka maintains as she walks away, "I'll see you later, alright?" And Helena is nodding even though Myka isn't looking and she just watches her for another moment before steeling herself and continuing to her car for dinner.
"There you are!" The words are exclaimed with an air of relief and Myka looks down over the edge of the train car roof where she's been sitting, not technically hiding, for some time. "You missed the game. What are you doing up there?" Claudia asks, staring up at her, "The train's almost ready to go."
There's no good way to answer her and the two remain quiet, Myka resuming her stare across the yard at the second train, at a certain car whose lights had been blown out over an hour ago. "Nothing," the soft reply comes finally, "Just getting some air." One more look and then she's moving swiftly down the car stairs, breezing by the young girl with a muted apology.
If only her breakfast plate held all the answers, Myka thinks cynically as she stares at it, absently pushing the food around. She is resolutely not looking up, not wanting to see Helena at the moment and tired of dodging Pete's concerned stares. When the accented voice she hasn't heard in two days sounds across the table she glares at her untouched food. HG is asking Claudia if today would be a good time to work on the remote they've been tinkering with, the one that will supposedly collapse the big tent satisfactorily. Claudia beams with affirmation, turning to the brooding woman and asking if she'd like to come too.
A tense smile and terse, "I don't think so," is all Myka can manage before she's clearing her plate from the table and striding away. She sighs internally and heads for the wooded land beyond the circus setup, counting silently to herself. She's reached two fifty two when she hears harsh footfalls behind her and she runs her hand through her hair, already dreading the coming exchange as she turns.
"What is the matter with you?" are the first words out of Helena's mouth and she watches Myka visibly bristle.
"What's the matter with me?" she asks incredulously. She'd regretted her petty outburst as soon as it'd happened, but Helena's first words to her in so many days had her back on the defensive. "Are you serious?"
HG tosses her hands in the air with irritation. "I'm sorry I couldn't be with you the other night, but what was I to do? I thought you understood that this could never be, not to the extent we want."
"Why not?" she fires back petulantly and she hates herself and the pathetic way her fingers have started to shake.
"Come on, Myka." HG's tone is disparaging. "You are smarter than this."
The words inflame the tall woman and she glares hotly. "Smarter than what? Smarter than wanting to be with the woman I love? Sorry, guess it's just a gut reaction of mine. I'll try harder to suppress it." The words are snide and Helena rolls her eyes.
"You're being childish," she volleys back, ignoring Myka's protest. "Things are what they are and there's nothing to be done about them." She can tell Myka is gearing up for another passionate response so she digs, "We didn't all run away with the circus when life didn't suit us. We made choices," a pause, then her tone softens. "I made choices."
Myka laughs, bitter and disbelievingly. "So that's it then. Life is what it is and when it doesn't work out you won't even try to change it."
"What do you want me to do? What am I supposed to tell him?" Helena's incredulous tone turns mocking, "Sorry dear, but I've fallen in love with the gorgeous aerialist in your circus and we'd like to be together now, no hard feelings?"
Tears spring to Myka's eyes but she glares through them defiantly. "Don't do that. Don't you dare make light of this. That's not fair."
"Fair? Myka, I'm not making light of anything, I'm being realistic."
"You're being realistic or are you just running scared?"
"Scared?" her tone is incredulous, "I'm terrified!" She pulls her arms around her stomach and digs her fingers into her sides to stop her shaking. "I'm terrified of the way you own me so completely, I'm terrified of what will happen if my husband finds out, and most of all I'm terrified of the day he sells the circus for another business scheme because I don't know how I'll ever live without you now."
The other woman's countenance softens, but she doesn't move to comfort Helena just yet. "This isn't you, I know it's not." Myka's tone is fierce with surety and Helena wraps herself tighter to ward off the pull of it. "You are strong and brave and not nearly as helpless as you're trying to play."
"I'm not strong, I caved," HG cries. "I let myself be suffocated by a society I can't abide, I'm married to a man I don't love, and I'm living a life I can't stand."
"Do you think I'm handling things any better?" Myka tugs her hand through her curls again. "It kills me knowing you're in there with him and I-"
"Don't you know I'd rather be with you?" Helena interrupts with a shout of frustration. "That I lie awake, night after night inwardly screaming for your presence, every fiber in me longing for you and it's tearing me apart!" Her manner turns subdued, the fight leaving her drained. "Being here was supposed to relieve me of my farce of a life but I'm still a moth trapped in a jar that I can see through, but can't escape. You are the first breath of fresh air I've had and I can't let myself take it in. Don't you see, I'll take you and turn you to poison with my lungs. I already have done. I see the way the jealousy is eating at you and it'll turn you hard and bitter before long."
"You said it was worth it," Myka argues with her. "You said that night was worth a thousand unhappy days, what's changed?"
"Unhappy days for me, darling. And I'll live them willingly, but that isn't what I want for you-"
"Maybe you don't get to decide that." Myka silences the woman with her interruption. "I know my own mind, Helena. I know what I want, I know the cost and I'll pay it as many times as needed if it means having you with me as often as possible."
"I'm not worth it," HG argues softly and Myka huffs out a breath of disbelief before wrapping the small woman up in a tight embrace. The tender hold makes Helena tear up and she repeats her statement, shaking her head when Myka holds tight. "You'll see I can't be enough for you and you'll hate me for it."
Closing her eyes at the impassioned declarations Myka gives her a moment before speaking. "You forget that I know you. I see you and despite what you say I know that you are good and loving and kind." The woman in her arms releases a broken sob but she keeps talking. "I'm not going anywhere," she promises, "So get off your cross and just let me love you."
The words are pleading, but firmly spoken and Helena just stares at her for a long moment. Finally a watery chuckle escapes her and she nods before eyeing the woman narrowly. Brushing a hand across her face she attempts to compose herself, effort wasted when Myka brushes stray strands of hair behind her ears and she soaks up the touch greedily. "Don't say I didn't warn you," is all she manages after that and Myka merely shakes her head in response, pulling the woman's head to rest on her shoulder comfortingly.
They stay quiet like that for a long time, each one processing different words and emotions. Helena is the first to move, taking a small step back. Myka is suddenly looking at her like she's figured out the answer to a long suffering puzzle and HG furrows her brow. "What?" she finally asks, intrigued by the adoring quality on Myka's face.
"You said you love me," Myka says with an awed tone.
"You said it first," HG deflects instinctively. A crooked smile softens her stance and the playful tug on their tethered hands makes her chuckle. "It seems you introduced me to your place of endless wonder and within it I found the rarest of creatures. Something I wasn't sure could exist to the extent I hoped for, but it does and I found it in you. I love you, Myka Bering," she whispers and Myka beams with glistening eyes.
"I love you too," she murmurs and Pete would tease her mercilessly if he saw the way she melted into Helena when the woman presses their mouths together.
She's alone in the tent when HG enters so she sees her immediately from her vantage point atop the ladder of the trapeze. The woman walks to the base and looks up, since there's no show for hours the lights are off, making it dim with only the sunlight casting warm colors from the outside in. "What are you doing up there?" Helena questions, eyes not able to make out her lover's expression.
"Waiting for you," comes the easy reply and Helena rolls her eyes. She recognizes the playful tone Myka is using and is fairly sure no good will come of it.
Shaking her head she calls back, "You'll be waiting a long time if that's where you plan on staying."
Myka swivels herself around so she's lying down and only her face beams down at her in the dim light. "What? You scared?"
HG nods her head this time even though she's certain Myka can't make the motion out. "I see what you're trying to do and it won't work. I am not coming up there," she reiterates firmly. "Why don't you just come down here?"
"Too easy," Myka retorts then sighs as they fall into silence. After a long moment her face betrays her and she breaks into a smile, silently counting in her head. Her smile widens when she hears the noise of irritation from below and she holds a chuckle in.
"You're really going to make me come up there?" Hands on her hips HG is the picture of exasperation. "What if I fall?" The casual reply of, "You won't," has her rolling her eyes again, even as she chucks her shoes off, bare feet toeing the dirt. "I hate you," she calls out, pulling herself up onto the ladder. Disliking the nervous feeling in her stomach she climbs in defiance of it, resolutely looking only at the rungs in front of her.
"Yeah, yeah." Helena can make out Myka's smile now and she glares back to it which makes the woman laugh. "Stop whining, I know you're just dying to see what it looks like from up here."
She is not looking down. The first time her gaze strays from the ladder rungs she halts and grips the support tightly. Myka speaks softly now, only a few feet above her. "Look at me," she instructs, then repeats herself when Helena doesn't budge. Finally their eyes meet and she smiles reassuringly, holding out her hand. "You're so close, just a couple more steps up and I've got you."
Huffing out a loud breath HG grits her teeth and moves her hand up a rung, one foot following and then the other. A moment later Myka's firm grip encircles her wrist and as soon as she's pulled herself up onto the platform she meets Myka's grin with one of her own, her fear disappearing. "Hi," she says exuberantly and Myka laughs brightly.
"You did it," she announces proudly and tugs Helena close to her. The other woman hums in agreement and does a quick sweep of the tent, proud of herself when she sees the distance below.
Upon confirmation that they are still alone she looks back to Myka and smiles. "Hi," she repeats, almost a whisper this time then tilts her face up, making them both laugh when she nuzzles her nose to Myka's before kissing her softly. After a minute the tenderness of their embrace threatens to overwhelm her so she pulls her mouth away and buries her head in the crook of Myka's neck, placing soft kisses on the skin under her mouth. "I missed you," she says, her voice still a whisper and she feels an answering kiss placed on her temple. She lingers there another moment before pulling away and looking upwards, then stumbles back a step and gasps at seeing how close the roof of the tent is. Turning slowly she takes in a three sixty view of the large expanse, Myka's arms securely around her waist. "It's amazing," she breathes out, stunned eyes turning to the woman behind her who is looking at her with an expression she can't quite place. Her unasked question must have shown in her appearance because Myka blinks, shaking her head as an unsatisfactory answer.
Instead, the aerialist reaches to the side and pulls one of the metal trapeze bars off its resting station, her posture becoming challenging. "You want to come flying with me?" she asks the now wide eyed woman.
Stalling as best she can, Helena frowns and asks, "Getting me up here isn't enough for one day?" Beneath her question lies the much deeper fear that she won't be enough, or contradictorily that she has already become too much to the woman before her. That this beautiful woman will ruin herself for Helena who is not worth it, who can't be worth it, but she doesn't voice these thoughts, only smiles through them, willing herself to be just what Myka needs in this moment.
Ducking under Myka's arm she backs herself onto the swing, raising her eyebrows and grasping the lines on either side of her head daringly. The aerialist just shakes her head fondly before repositioning her more to one side and making sure her grip is tight.
"Ready?" Myka asks, checking the woman's expression after she hears her confirmation. Apparently satisfied her lips quirk upwards and she holds the bar with both hands next to where HG is sitting. Then she lifts her feet off the platform and they're swinging in a long arc towards the middle of the arena. Helena yelps but the noise quickly gives way to laughter as the momentum carries them back towards the platform. Myka works her weight to make their next swing bigger then lifts herself up to sit next to HG facing the opposite direction. The jostling makes HG hold tighter to her side of the line, but she's beaming as Myka meets her gaze. The swing continues slowly back and forth in arcs that become shorter each trip, the air whooshing around them the only noise as they stare at each other.
The seasoned trapeze artist breaks the silence and murmurs, "Hi," against Helena's lips before they're kissing, only their lips connecting them until they break apart then come together again and again.
Helena isn't sure how long it's been since the swing has stopped, suspending them in midair, but the next time they break for air she looks down then back to Myka quickly. "How are we," she trails off, noting the gleam in the woman's eyes and shakes her head. "No way." Myka just nods in affirmation and kisses her again.
Pulling back just far enough for their lips to keep touching Myka mumbles, "It's way better than trying to climb down the ladder, trust me."
"I do," Helena replies just as softly, their eyes meeting as unspoken meaning flies between them.
Her smile is gentle when she asks, "Ready?" and Helena nods though her hands tighten around the swing contradictorily. She watches Myka take one hand off the swing, bringing it up to brush a short piece of HG's hair back behind her ear. Then her eyes flutter shut as those fingers trail from her ear, down her neck, scratching over her pulse point before Myka is kissing her again. This time the kiss is slow and pulling and Helena barely has enough clarity to register Myka's hand covering her own on the line before it's loosened and they're falling. Instead of screaming she gasps and they hit the net faster than she would've thought. Before she can blink Myka's body is covering hers, mouth wet as it finds her own and she's pulling at her lips again, lazy and heated. Helena moans into the kiss, her body arching up even as she pulls Myka closer to her.
"Yeah, I'm not sure boss. I can't say I've seen your wife, Helena, at all today." The unnecessary volume of Pete's words would have been enough to part the couple, but the meaning behind them has them leaping apart in a blur. Helena's eyes are wide as she curses and wipes lipstick off Myka's face before running her hands shakily through her own hair in an attempt to straighten it out. They have mere seconds before Pete is walking hastily towards them, eyes so wide it would've been comical if not for the situation. "Fudge," he whispers loudly, using their long agreed upon code word for danger and motions behind him to where Nate has just entered the tent. Myka smoothes her hair back shakily and turns to reassure the woman next to her but she appears not to need the comfort.
"Darling," HG calls across the ring happily, climbing out of the net gracefully. She reaches his side and smiles winningly at him. "What are you doing here? Myka here was just showing me some of her gravity defying feats."
The man at her side lifts his eyebrows appraisingly. "Really? A private showing, hmm? How did you get so fortunate?" His niceties carry an oily tone and Myka sincerely hopes Pete has his maturity boots on today as several clever things she could say spring to her own mind. "Actually," Nate adds, "how did you get on that thing, surely you didn't climb all the way up there?"
"Heavens no," HG dismisses, hand waving to the net. "I pulled myself up onto it. It's very bouncy," she relates, smiling like she's let him in on a secret and hoping he doesn't ask for a demonstration for she is not sure she could actually do said movement.
Luckily he merely laughs and pulls her to him. "I'm sure it is." Walking them over to the net he runs his hands over it before musing, "Of course it doesn't allow for much risk, does it?" Everyone is silent and he misinterprets that for misunderstanding. "I mean, your flying tricks aren't so impressive when it doesn't really matter whether you fall or not, right?" He laughs like he's uncovered a great circus secret and Myka stares at him, trying to discern whether he suspects something or is really that much of an ass. "I mean, what's life without a little risk? And I've heard of some shows where these safety measures are done away with completely. Raises the stakes which raises the entertainment value, I believe."
He's met with silence again and when Pete sees the way Myka is staring daggers at him he laughs nervously. "Ha! Good one, sir. Not that an audience full of children wouldn't be a great demographic for an accidental death, but there are actually some pretty harsh laws involving safety regulations. Lame, I know, but that's the way it goes. Not that it wouldn't be fun," he adds unconvincingly.
HG laughs airily but her posture is tight. "He's only joking. Your act is perfect as it is and we wouldn't want anyone getting hurt, of course."
"Of course not," Nate demurs quickly, "It's just slightly less impressive, that's all." Myka visibly bristles and he can't help but track his gaze up her long legs before adding, "Think of all the added ticket sales with such a daring act on our roster."
"Think of all the bad publicity about a circus whose performers keep dying during shows," Myka voices coolly into the tense atmosphere. It's all she can do to not rip his arm away from where it's wrapped around Helena's shoulder and her hands are fisted with the effort.
The circus owner's face is thoughtful as he considers, but ultimately the potential dollar signs win over common sense. "Let's try it without them next show, just see how it goes. I have all the faith in the world it'll work out, besides you haven't fallen during a performance yet. It'll be great." His tone is excited despite the horrified look on everyone else's face. Without listening to another word he turns and beckons for Helena as he leaves the tent.
"He's bluffing," Helena says to the stunned performers, but she is pale as a sheet, dark eyes trained on Myka fearfully.
"He suspects," Myka intones darkly, "that's why he came looking for you here."
Dread trickles icily down her spine and Helena wraps her arms tightly against herself to ward it off. "I'll talk him out of it," she promises, but gets no response from either trapeze artist, especially Myka who is staring after Nate, challenge in every bit of her unyielding posture as if he's thrown down a gauntlet.
Helena redirects Myka's attention, stepping close to her and palming her face gently. "He doesn't know, he couldn't," she utters assuredly. "I'm going to go and talk some sense into him. I'm not letting you, either of you, go up there without that net," she says firmly with a glance to Pete. Eyeing the tall woman Helena sighs, Myka is still made of stone. When she turns to Pete he's seemingly finding the colored striped tent walls fascinating so she simply presses a soft kiss to Myka's temple and hurries off to find her husband.
The tent is quiet for a long time, both performers processing the last fifteen minutes. Finally Myka turns jerkily to meet her partner. "I'm so sorry," she says thickly. "I didn't want you dragged into this. Thanks for warning us he was coming, I owe you-" she breaks off as Pete just waves his hand and she opens her mouth to argue her point until he interrupts.
"I'm not worried, your girl seems like she's pretty persuasive." Having someone else refer to Helena as hers makes Myka's heart flutter and the ball of longing inside her grows. She nods though she still feels guilty and it takes a moment for his unusually serious question to penetrate her mind. "Are you sure you know what you're getting into?"
She almost laughs, like any of this had been approached with sense and reasoning. No, she doesn't know what she's doing. Yes, she's more certain about an affair she's having, with an enigmatic woman who causes her utter loss of control, than she has any right to be.
All of this is answered through her jumbled, "Yes…well no, but…" She shrugs and sighs and he thoughtfully holds back a chuckle at the rambling. The confidence he's used to seeing comes back to her stance when she finds her answer and with the words he knows his partner is a done deal, even if she is still unaware. "I know I can't stop this thing between us. Not even if I wanted to."
He nods in acceptance, "Then you have nothing to be sorry for." He can't seem to stop the next words out of his mouth, only half kidding when he says, "Although if you really want to make it up to me you could always let me know when you two plan on having a repeat performance of those net shenanigans that were going on earlier." He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively and doesn't bother dodging the expected blow to his shoulder. She heads out of the tent and he jogs to catch up to her, flinging an arm around her shoulder. "Come on, it's the least you could do. Besides I hear that net is very bouncy."
It's late by the time Helena comes around, finding Myka and Claudia both loading up some gear into an already packed train car. Claudia not so much helping as hopping around gloating about how well the remote HG helped her with worked to dismantle the big tent. When the girl sees her nearing she runs up and relates her success, grinning widely and slapping her palm to HG's before leaving the two with a wink Myka is sure she doesn't want to interpret. She throws the last few things in the car, unsuccessfully avoiding looking at the woman next to her. Her head has been whirling all day, imagining each and every remote scenario it could come up with, leaving Myka utterly confident everything would work out and then in the next minute certain that it would all come to ruin.
With nothing left to pack she picks the last items off the ground and hands them to HG. "You left your shoes by the ladder in my tent." Helena takes them, all the while studying the woman before her with curious eyes. Finally coming to a decision she uses her free hand to snag Myka's fingers, pulling them around to the backside of the train.
"Stop thinking and just breathe, Myka," she instructs calmly, dropping her shoes and running her fingers over the soft skin at Myka's wrist soothingly. The woman looks at her defiantly until her skin registers HG's gentle administrations and she releases the day's tension with a large sigh. "That's better," Helena says and simply smiles at her until Myka can't help but match her expression with a laugh. She dimly registers the way she can be coaxed out of a bad mood with just one look from this woman and needily pulls Helena closer.
"He's agreed to keep the net," HG relates gladly. "I reminded him of the fines he'd incur if the authorities found out and that was enough to convince him." Her fingers play with the top of Myka's shirt, tickling the skin underneath with their movement.
"Sure, fines would be the worst," Myka agrees before adding, "you know, right above killing the aerialists." Helena's mouth twists at her words but Myka doesn't seem to notice. She's too focused on the way Helena's hair feels on her fingers as she coaxes it behind elegant shoulders, only to have it fall back in place framing sharp cheekbones again. "You really don't think he knows anything?" The question is voiced quietly; she's unsure now about how covert they've been. Claudia and Pete seemed to have caught on rather quickly, but they are her friends, maybe it wasn't so obvious to others.
Helena's hands move to scratch light patterns atop Myka's collarbone as she speaks. "Darling, if he had the slightest idea I'm sure he'd lock me up and throw away the key. Not that I'd need a key," she can't help adding cheekily. "Not to mention that agreeing to keep your safety net would be the last thing he'd do, so no I think our secret is safe."
Myka absorbs the information, coming to agree with HG's deductions. "How safe?" she asks thoughtfully after a moment and Helena's eyes narrow suspiciously at her change in tone.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean," she murmurs in HG's ear and the woman fights to retain her senses, "It's a very long trip to the next city."
"Mmmm," Helena hums regretfully. "It certainly is. Speaking of, I'm loath to part from you, but the trains are packed and we'll be leaving shortly."
"Exactly. Which is why I asked just how safe you think we are?"The words are spoken between light kisses to the sensitive skin beneath her ear which is why it takes Helena a moment to understand what Myka is getting at.
"Oh," is all she manages at first, quickly trying to figure out a way to fulfill Myka's wish. "I don't know if," is all she has to say before she sees Myka steeling herself up and she kisses her hard to erase the stiff posture. "I'll try," is all the aerialist is left with when HG leaves, that and the infantile feeling of longing she's unable to shake.
The train is loaded, steam already pouring out of the engine, but Myka stands outside by the rear stairs. It's not until the wheels start to move on their tracks that she finally gives up and hops onboard. She feels like an idiot and bites her lip in frustration the whole way to her car.
As soon as she opens the door she stops in surprise, quickly ducking her head and letting a slow blooming smile take over her face. Helena is lounging on her bed in the glowing candlelit room, comfortably thumbing through a book while she waits.
When she sees Myka's surprise she just smirks. "You didn't really think I'd have such a hard time escaping, did you?" Her tone is wounded, but Myka only grins in response, quickly shutting the door behind her and locking it firmly.
"I should've known you'd be able to con your way here," Myka allows fondly and the other woman preens theatrically.
"I am all yours for the duration of this terribly lengthy journey, all thanks to my quick wit and silver tongue."
She's rolling her eyes even as she laughs, wiping the smug expression off Helena's face when she suddenly leaps onto the bed, toppling the surprised woman down in the process and kissing her solidly.
"Well, I suppose that answers the question of how we could pass the time," Helena quips as they stare at each other, lips a breath apart. And Myka kisses her again, effectively shutting her up for quite some time.
The steady movement of the train rocks them where they lay tangled together, languid in the afterglow of the last few hours.
Myka pulls her fingers through Helena's smooth hair, twisting silky strands around her fingertips before letting them fall and starting over. "Mmm, you're going to put me to sleep if you keep that up." Helena's words are a throaty purr from where her head lays on Myka's chest.
"So sleep. I like playing with your hair," Myka returns, tugging the section in her hand playfully.
"I don't want to waste any of my time with you by sleeping," she states indignantly and shifts pointedly in Myka's arms, drawing a theatrical sigh from the woman. HG just smiles up at her from her new position, turned more onto her stomach, chin resting atop her stacked arms over Myka's chest. When her attention is caught by a darkening bruise at the base of Myka's neck she thumbs over it gently, pressing a kiss there when Myka shivers at the motion. "I love you," she murmurs, words barely intelligible as they're pressed into soft skin but Myka hears them and thrills inwardly.
"Yeah?" she says softly and then clears her throat even as it tightens painfully. "Well good. I'd hate for this love affair to be one sided, not nearly as much fun-"
She's cut off by Helena's kiss but decides this disruption of her rambling is ok and smiles against the woman's mouth.
Their timing is off by a split second so that when Myka flips off her perch she misses Pete's hand and plunges, the audience crying out in collective alarm. They are easily set at ease when they see her standing in the middle of the net with her hands on her hips, looking up to Pete who's waving at her as he swings and the crowd laughs and applauds.
Helena draws in a sharp breath when she sees Myka miss her target, one hand gripping the bench underneath her tightly, the other coming to rest upon her collarbone. She relaxes with the next beat, Myka is already literally bouncing back but she still doesn't take her eyes off the woman.
Because of her focus she doesn't notice that her moment of panic has caught the attention of the man next to her, Nate turning his head at her worried gasp. He eyes her confusedly, following her line of sight to the still performing aerialist who is back to stunning the crowd. If Helena knew her husband was watching she would have schooled her expression, would have looked away from the gorgeous woman dressed today in shiny silk and green tulle. She would have responded to his quip about being faint hearted, when truthfully she hadn't even heard him speak at all. Instead she stayed blissfully captivated and ignorant of Nate's darkening countenance as Myka continued to fly high above.
Helena watches Myka depart from the tent after her act, silently cursing the fact that she was stuck for the duration of the other performances. She startles at Nate's hand on her arm, grip bruising as he yanks her up from her seat and out of the arena. As soon as they get to a secluded area he shoves her, making her stumble in surprise.
"They wanted your input on costume ideas, did they? Did you help her figure out how fast she could be stripped out of one? I bet you had a nice long chuckle over that clever ruse, you deceitful little whore."
Helena recoils at his angry words, but braces up fast. She had subconsciously known it would come to this and she refuses to back down now. Her mind is too busy trying to work out how he found out to answer him, but she quickly decides it doesn't matter and only just manages to hear his next sentence.
Nate rails on when she says nothing in her own defense. "I knew you had something of an infatuation towards her, but I told myself it was nothing. It's a shame I changed my mind about the nets, it would've been a truly fitting end for her in that performance today."
Her eyes narrow, but she shakes her head pityingly. "Don't kid yourself. Had you stuck to your guns they wouldn't have gone up and tonight's show would have been short a thirty minute act."
"And I would have fired them for it. Of course now they're fired regardless so I'm short an act anyway."
"I didn't expect you to be so petty," she lies. "Just because I've found someone I actually care about you're going to let the best act in the circus go, just like that."
"Surely you don't expect me to keep your little slut around. I'm not even sure I can keep you around, not after I've seen what you'll do for a long pair of legs in a shiny costume."
Black seeps into the corners of her vision and her voice turns steely. "You don't get to talk about her like that. Insult me all you like, but leave her out of this."
His eyebrows hike with incredulity. "Me leave her out of this? You and your whorish ways are what brought her into this, not me. As far as I'm concerned she'll be dropped from the train in the middle of nowhere and that'll be the end of it. And that's me being charitable."
She scoffs at the idea, but attacks his first statement instead. "You can make your way to every small town brothel you desire but I'm the whore. Charming, I wasn't aware of that double standard in our marriage." His palm flies fast at her face and the slap echoes loudly.
Helena holds a shocked hand to her face but stands tall. "Well you're certainly making a great case for yourself."
"Would it matter?" he questions and her silence is all the answer he needs. He's still feeling a little shocked at this turn of events. She'd never complained about his philandering before, maybe this was just something she needed to get out of her system. He attempts to talk some sense into her. "Come on now, HG. We've had an easy arrangement going this long, don't tell me you want to give everything up now for a pretty face who'll drop you as soon as I mention selling and dismantling her precious circus."
"Not everyone approaches their life as a business deal," she spits out and ignores his exclamation at her next words. "She loves me and it doesn't matter what you do now, if you fire her I'll leave too. Either way I'm not going to be your wife of convenience any longer, it's over."
Something in her last sentence flips a switch and he grabs her arm, roughly pulling her along with him. Helena struggles futilely the entire way, growling with rage when he deposits her inside their train car. "It's over when I say so, I sincerely hope a night to yourself will clear your head."
She can scarcely believe that he is failing to understand the situation and tries to get through to him again. "It doesn't matter how many nights I spend here, with or without you. I love Myka and I'll never belong to you the way I do to her. You're crazy if you think I'm going to back down quietly, why don't you just let me go and we'll figure something out like rational people?" While she talks she notices him pocketing the door key but wisely says nothing about it. "I don't want the money or the deeds to anything. I'll just go quietly, painlessly."
He shakes his head and moves for the door. "You can wipe that look off your face. I'm well aware that you can break out of here without a key, but I assure you I'll have my men watching your aerialist all night, along with anyone else in her company so it would be a useless endeavor, my dear."
This finally brings a worried expression to her face and his eyes gleam when he sees it. Her appearance toughens and she spits out, "One of them so much as touches her and I swear I'll kill them." Something in his countenance changes at the ferocity in her voice while he stands in the doorway. She doesn't understand the look he's giving her, but it's forgotten when he speaks again.
"If you know what's good for you, your attitude will be better in the morning." He leaves the room then, locking the door behind him with a muffled promise that they will speak in the morning.
The fury at her helplessness has her shaking enough that she has to sit down, the desire to pick the lock and warn Myka making her twitch with its pull. She knows Nate will make good on his promise to have them watched though, and it is this thought that keeps her in the car, though it doesn't stop her from smashing a vase angrily against the door.
It's early the next morning when the door to the car opens and Helena, feeling and resembling something like a caged wild animal, looks up crossly when Nate enters. He looks down when his shoes crunch on the broken glass. "Am I correct in assuming a night alone did nothing to change your feelings?" The woman merely glares at him and he shakes his head in response. "That's unfortunate."
"So you're just going to keep me locked up, is that the plan? Or maybe send me back to London in defeat, hmm?" Her tone is scathing but it doesn't wipe the satisfied look off Nate's face so she adds fervently, "I told you before, I don't care what you do to me. I love her and there's nothing you can do that will change that." A look of confusion slips onto her face as her husband's smugness only seems to grow at her words.
"It's endearing the way you are so unafraid of what I will do to you." He smirks and she stands still as the implication of his words settles then she's off like a shot, pushing past him and sprinting to the tallest tent of the circus, the one that is now enveloped in billowing smoke.