A/N Nate's part. i kinda like it actually. some of it at least.

It was her birthday. He was supposed to hide in the kitchen. Or not hide; because she wasn't suppose to look for him. He was supposed to come, when Lily had told her that he was there. He heard footsteps on the stairs. He went out, slowly.

"Natiiiie!" Serena ran to him, hugged him so hard that he could hardly breathe. He loved it when she called him Natie.

He looked at her. "You know what? I'm going to live here until my parents get home!" He had been so happy, when his mother had told him, he loved being with Serena. Serena screamed of happiness. She kissed him on his nose – he almost blushed. She took his hand – he didn't want to let go ever again.

"You going to sleep in my room, and then it's going be like we are married!" Nate looked at her, did she really say that?

"Are you going to marry me?" Serena smiled.

"Yes Natie!" Nate blushed and hugged her.

He had been on his first date with Blair. He lay in his bed. Smirking. It was a bad habit he got from Chuck. It had been good, really good actually. Though Blair scared him a little. She didn't say it out loud, but she had the idea that they were getting married someday. He didn't tell her that he already knew who he was going to marry and it wasn't Blair.

He stared out of the window. He didn't smirk anymore. He was bored. He knew who he really wanted to be with. A blonde beautiful girl. But he couldn't call could he?

As he thought of it his phone rang. "It's Nate. Hallo? Anyone there?" She didn't say anything. He smiled. She didn't want to hurt Blair. He knew that.

"I'm coming over S." He smiled. Not smirking, but smiling. He was going to be with her. He couldn't say it. But he loved her. He really did.

"Did you know i love your laugh?" He couldn't hold it anymore. It was the middle of the movie. They had seen it a million times, but they watched it like first time every time. He noticed that she blushed. He knew that she had grown from blushing, or at least he thought so.

"No i didn't." He could see that she wanted to say some more, so he let her. "Did you know i love everything about you?" She looked at him. He just looked back. He didn't know what to say. She continued: "Did you know i just wished this moment would stay forever?" From one moment to the other she started crying. "I just want to be with you forever. No Blair. No Mom and Dad. No school. No problems at all. Just you and me. 'Cause you know what Natie? You are mine. And i'm yours."

He wanted to kiss her and tell her that it was true. The honest truth. Because he was hers. And now he knew she always was his.

The tears were all over her face. He tried to remove them all. But he couldn't. Instead he hugged her. "Don't cry Serena. Don't cry. Serena. Look at Me." She looked at him. "You are right. I'm yours. I will always belong to you. Not Blair and you know that. No matter what happens i'm yours. Okay?" She nodded.

"Come here. Lay with me." He wasn't sure how she would react. She lay with him. He smiled. She was really amazing. He could hear and feel she was falling asleep. He fell asleep with a huge smirk on his face.

Blair and Nate. Nate and Blair. It was right wasn't it? He knew it was. But sitting in front of Serena – and Chuck – and smile like this was the best time of his wasn't. He knew that she put on the smile for Blair. She loved Blair.

He knew that Blair got this sick idea with Serena and Chuck. He couldn't see it. How could Serena, the most amazing girl he had ever known, end up with Chuck? He hadn't told Blair he thought that. Mainly because Blair hadn't told him her idea of having them together.

They whispered. He hated when they did that. And lately they actually had been whispering a lot. Not that he was supposed to notice. Blair was talking to him and he tried to look as interested as possible. She was looking at them. Chuck whispered. Blair asked him about something, he just nodded. All the sudden Chuck sat back on the chair, not looking happy at all.

xxx

He got a little tired of it. Her laugh. He liked her. Of course he did. And the laugh was cute – like really really cute. But he knew she was only laughing because she had a little too much to drink and tried to impress the old and important people at Eleanor's birthday, because she always tried to.

Serena and Chuck had been talking through the whole thing. They seemed to get along – all of the sudden. Not that he minded. It was good for her that she didn't only have himself and Blair. But that the other person was Chuck, maybe wasn't such a good idea.

He walked over to her. "Want to dance?" She looked up. She looked at him and he saw how beautiful she looked that day. She nodded and rose. She took his hand. He didn't want to let go of it. And for some reason it looked like she understood.

Blair was laughing behind him. "You got the girl with the laugh." Serena was whispered. He smirked.

"I didn't get the girl with the laugh i love."She blushed. He loved when she blushed. It looked good at her. Maybe he only thought that, because he never had seen her blush with other than himself.

The music got slower. She wanted to leave, he knew that. But he wouldn't let go of her. She went closer to him.

"Do you still mean what you said that night?" He had to keep himself from laughing. How could she think he didn't mean that anymore? He could see in her face that she wasn't sure anymore.

"Of course i do Serena. I will always mean that." She looked thoughtful. "You wild party is soon over." She laughs a little, he smiled, god he loved that laugh.

"See that's the laugh i love. But i will come over tomorrow. If it's okay with you?" She just nodded. He hoped she would say something, but she didn't.

He heard the doorbell. He was about to leave to Serena. But outside the door Blair stood. More beautiful than he had ever seen her.

"I thought we might could go on a little picnic?" She smiled to him. What could he say? No sorry Blair I can't, I was just about to leave to your best friend to stay there all day. Maybe tomorrow? He knew he couldn't. He wished in that moment he was Chuck. Chuck wouldn't have cared about it and just left.

"Actually Blair. It's not good right now." He knew it wouldn't work, but he missed his alone time with Serena. He made a note to himself saying he should never say that to anyone – especially Chuck.

"I'm sure it can wait." Blair started. His battle was lost. He took his jacked and they left – hand in hand.

"Nate." He told himself. "How – can – you – be – so – stupid?" He bumped his head into the wall for every word.

He threw himself at the bed. Blair had told him she loved him. He – as the boy he was – had panicked and said he loved her back. It wasn't like he didn't like or care about her. He really did. But he didn't love her. Or maybe he did? He had never felt love before had he? Yes he had. He had loved Serena when they were kids – he was almost sure about that. On the other hand. What was love when you were four?

He felt really bad about himself. He was sitting at the Waldorf, listening to how bad Serena had gotten over the last few weeks. Of course she had partied a lot. But apparently it had gotten worse. She didn't leave her room. Something – he thought to himself, someone – had broken her down.

Blair told that when she had called Serena the night when Nate had told her he loved her – she made it sound like it was him that said it first, which was completely untrue – she had sounded strange and far away.

Now – while they were sitting there – she was home alone. The weather was awful. But he knew that Serena wouldn't call for help.

"Maybe you should call Serena?" He said to Blair. She nodded.

Serena was scared. But she said she was fine. Apparently Blair only called her because he told her to, because she didn't seem like she cared that much. He made a fast decision and got up.

"Goodnight." He said and left. He thought he heard Blair shout after him, but he had more important thing to do.

He knocked on the door. He was wet. Minutes – or what felt like it – later she finally opened the door. With a pan in the hand. She started laughing. He smiled.

"Are you going to hit me with that?" he pointed at the pan. She couldn't stop laughing. "I'll take that as a yes." He smiled.

"Can i get in? It's a little... wet out here." She let him in. Her laugh was over. He didn't like the mood it made on both of them. He wanted to hug her. She probably wanted to kick him with the pan.

xxx

"You suck cooking, did you know that?" She looked at him. "You always have."

He smiled. "Sunshine? You suck too!" She laughed. It felt good being relaxed. Even though he knew she wasn't happy that she liked being happy.

She tasted it on the food. He smiled."Hey. You got something... right there." He touched her. Right there beside her lip. He almost got chills and he couldn't help it but smile. Being around Serena always got him in another mood than when he was with Blair, much more light and smiling.

"Do you take that? And then we can go see a movie?" He smiled, with his hands all full of their bad tasting food.

"Sure Natie." He almost jumped of happiness. He didn't remember the last time she had called him that. But it felt good. Really good.

xxx

"How did you know anyway? That i was home alone i mean." She sat in the couch with her feet on his lap. He tried to look at the movie. She looked at him.

"I was with Blair. I can't believe she didn't come here. It was so obvious you were scared." She was happy, he could see that. He wanted to hug her. But he couldn't. Could he?

"Can you keep a secret?" He looked at her. The sound of the movie was gone. Or at least he didn't hear it.

"Sure i can Natie." He knew she wasn't going to tell anyone. He trusted her.

"I'm happy Blair didn't come here. I just wanted to be with you." He was ashamed of saying it, he wasn't sure why, it wasn't because he never thought of doing it, but doing it apparently was different. She hugged him.

"I'm happy too. I'm happy you came." She whispered in his ear. She looked at him. Right in to his eyes. He looked at hers. They were saying the words, the mouth didn't say. He wanted to kiss her, he wanted to so badly. And then she started crying.

Now he was the one hugging her. Just like that night. He kissed her hair, still hugging her. "Serena. It's okay. Remember? You're mine! And I'm yours! Just the two of us." He took her face in his hands. Looked into her blue eyes.

"Why do you keep saying that?" She asked him. He felt like the world broke. She said what he had been thinking for months now. But he did mean it – didn't he?

"I'm sorry" He looked down as he said it.

"You shouldn't be sorry Nate!" He felt like she was screaming – maybe she was.

"But I'm dating Blair. It was stupid coming here." He said. Still looking down. He didn't want to face her eyes, because he knew she could see the lie in his. He didn't regret coming here at all.

She got up. "How can you say that? How can you say it was a bad thing you coming here? You know what?" She started crying again. "You keep saying you are mine! But you're not Nate! You're Blair's. You keep acting like you care about me. But you told Blair you love her. Why don't you love me? How can you say that I'm yours, when you don't love me?"

He looked at her. He didn't know what to say. He opened his mouth and closed it again. She was right. He wasn't her. She wasn't his. The pain that came realizing that was awful

"You can sleep on the couch tonight. And then you better go tomorrow. We just go back. Let's just pretend this never happened. We are just Serena and Nate again. Friends. Bestfriends. Brother and Sister." She turned around. Left him sitting there. He wanted to scream after her. But he didn't, he just looked at her.

xxx

Something pushed him, not hard, but enough to wake him a little up. "Natie wake up. I'm scared. Can't i sleep here... with you?" He didn't answer her. He didn't know what to say. But she lay down with him. Just like that night. It felt good.

"I'm sorry. For what I said earlier. It was mean and rude and stupid. And i'm sorry. You're my Natie." She said it slowly. She was afraid.

"It's okay." He talked as slowly as her. "You're right about everything. Except one." He wasn't sure if he should say it. But decided that he should. "I care more about you than any other person. I always have and i always will." He smiled when he said it. She went a little closer to him – didn't she?

xxx

"Are you sleeping Natie?" Her voice was far away, he wasn't sure if he was dreaming. She punched him – didn't she? Then she kissed him. Just a little kiss, she barely touched his lips. He wasn't sure if he was dreaming. But it filled him with happiness.

He woke up early. Serena was sleeping. She looked beautiful with sun in her hair. He wanted to surprise her. A really good morning surprise.

He got up and after making sure she was still asleep, he went to the kitchen. He remembered everything Eleanor told him about the breakfast. He sucked at cooking – he knew that, but he really wanted to make this work.

"Natie?" He heard her whisper. It was his call. He took a tray and put on the breakfast.

"Morning sunshine," he said as he walked in.

"Did you make that?" She sounded really skeptical. But he knew she didn't mean too.

"Why? Don't you think it taste good?" He laughed. They both understood. Neither of them could cook. It would be a surprise if it tasted good.

She ate the food - and she ate it fast. "It was good! How did you learn that?" She was surprised.

"Eleanor taught me. She wanted me to wake Blair up with breakfast. I though i would try on you first." He smiled. In that moment he realized he shouldn't have told her about Blair.

"You should do it." She said after a moment with silence.

"Nope. Let's this be our thing. Our secret." She looked at him. Was it pain in her eyes?

"I kissed you." He had risen and was about to go what with the empty plates, turned around and lost the plates to they broke into splinters.

"What?" He wasn't mad or anything. Just confused. It hadn't been a dream after all.

"I know it was wrong. I know should tell you. But i can't lie to you Nate." He didn't know what to do.

"What were you thinking Serena?" He couldn't help but smile a little.

She blushed. "You don't want to know." He sat down beside her. He shocked his head and laughed.

"Serena you are crazy. But you are the most amazing person i have ever known!" He said and he saw she started to blush again. He smiled at that and ran his hand through her hair. And then he kissed her. She kissed back. It was over fast. But it didn't make it less amazing.

They talked the rest of the day. They didn't talk about what happened or anything important, they just talked.

"So?" Chuck said. Nate raised his eyebrow.

"What?" He knew what Chuck was going to say. He had an awful idea that Chuck knew – everything. And he has right. Chuck smirked.

"You slept at Serena's place." Chuck enjoyed this. Nate smirked.

"And what if I did?" He was happy that he never blushed, and when he did, he didn't blush that much, because at this moment he would probably blush. He had slept at his girlfriend's best friends place. Not that it was that wrong. But Chuck knew he had a thing for Serena – and Nate knew he loved her – and they had slept on the couch – together.

"Are you going to tell Blair?"Chuck smirked.

"I'm guessing Serena already did."He said. Not thinking more about it.

He kissed Blair. She kissed back. He heard at knock on the door, but since Blair didn't do anything, he didn't care.

"Blair?" Serena was standing in front of them – with something that could look like a little Chuck smirk – they were too much together. "I don't want to interrupt, but we are going shopping today right? Otherwise i'm going to a party with Georgina."

Blair looked up. "Was that today? I'm done in two seconds." She ran upstairs and left Nate with Serena. He realized he hadn't been alone with her since that weekend.

"Hi Natie." She smiled.

"Sunshine." She blushed. "Don't I get a hug?" He opened his arms, it was actually meant for a joke, but she hugged him. "I'm yours." he whispered in her ear and then he let her go.

"You're crazy," she laughed as Blair came down. He wanted to nod; yes he was crazy, crazy about her.

"Are you ready S?" Serena got up.

"Born ready. See you later Nate." He looked after them, or more her, he had forgot how amazing she was, her smile, her laugh which he loved so much. He was out of his mind.

He sad with his mother on his right side. On his left side was Blair, she was holding his hands. Beside Blair was there an empty place, Lily was mad at Serena for not showing up at the right time. But he knew – unlike Blair – that Lily never had expected Serena to be there at the right time. Because she never was.

He heard the door open behind him. But didn't look, Blair would kill him, if he did. The music started and everyone rose. As the bride came in – she looked beautiful – he looked around, to see if Serena had arrived. She had. She was sitting – standing – in the back with no one else than Chuck. She looked gorgeous in the gold dress, more beautiful than Blair. He was jealous that Chuck was standing with Serena.

She kicked Chuck when the wedding ceremony was over. He didn't know if he wanted to laugh or kick Chuck too. Blair gave Serena a look that said everything; Blair thought Serena and Chuck finally got together, he wasn't sure if he thought so too.

xxx

"She looked amazing. Don't you think S? I really wanna look like that to my wedding. Or maybe even better. What about you S?" Blair was talking and talking. He wasn't sure if it was good or not, he was happy that he didn't have to talk himself, but he would like her to be a little quite.

Nate looked at Serena. He was happy it just was the four of them. He knew that they were placed far away from everyone else, because they always did something stupid. But they couldn't help it. That was who they were.

"Are you taking notes?" Serena whispered to him.

He laughed. "I think i have to." Serena laughed - he would never get tired of it.

"Champagne?" a waiter came with glasses. Serena looked around, just to see that no one was looking.

"Yes thank you. For all four of us." The waiter put down four glasses.

"Are you guys ready to freak out?" Nate took a glass and gave one to Chuck. At the same time Serena took a glass and gave the last glass to Blair.

"Cheers!" They said as loud as they could without anyone noticing. The glasses clinked.

xxx

"Come on!" Serena was laughing.

"Serena you're drunk!" Blair looked blaming on her. "So are you guys!"

Chuck got up. Nate followed him. "Come on B! It's going to be fun!" Serena smiled to Blair as Chuck and Nate came over to her.

Blair got up from the chair. "Only to look after you three." Serena laughed as she hugged Blair.

"This way!" She took his hand; he was happy, he felt like he flew as she showed the way to bar. "It's in here!" She opened the door. It was a big room, with a big bar.

"We're going to have so much fun!" She giggled.

Chuck went behind the bar. A big grin came across his face. "Yes we are!"

He wasn't sure how or why, but Blair left. Chuck left a little after with the message,that he had another party to attend to – or maybe he was going to find a random girl, he wasn't sure, maybe both.

So there he was. All alone with the girl she loved. He didn't know why he didn't leave with Blair. But he was happy that he didn't.

Serena found champagne in the bar. She walked around on the bar talking about nothing. He sat on a chair. She laughed. He laughed. She sat on the bar.

The cork flied of, they laughed. "That never happens to me!" He joked. She laughed. He loved it.

"That's okay. You're still a man in my eyes." She moved from the bar to his lap.

"Serena."He said with a warning in his voice, but he didn't stop her. She kissed him. He kissed back. He couldn't help. She couldn't help it. She kissed him, again more passionate this time.

He was with Serena in a way, he never thought, he was going to be with her.

When he woke she was gone. He didn't even now what to do. The love of his life had left him after they had been together, in a way he had never been with anyone before. She, he girl he loved, took his virginity and left.

Serena had left for boarding school, out of the blue. She hadn't said goodbye to anyone – not even him. It was right after the wedding. Nobody knew why, not even Lily, but she never said that.

He knew it was because she didn't love him back. She might like him a little, but she loved Blair and she didn't want to hurt her. She left because of him. Because she had been with her best friends boyfriend. Her best friend loved her boyfriend, but she didn't.

He wished he could just forget about her and move on, hand in hand with Blair, the girl that wanted him. But he never did, she was always there.