DEO VOLENTE

CHAPTER 2
ONLY IN DREAMS

DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately, I don't own LOST. If I did, it would still be on the air until the day the last actor died.

Beep… Beep…Beep… Beep…

He rolled his chair over to the computer.

4… 8… 15… 16… 23… 42… Execute.

The timer flipped back to 108. He walked into the kitchen to make himself a cup of hot tea. While it was making, he opened the closet door to discover the vaccine he had been injecting into his bloodstream for the last three years. He walked towards the record player and popped in "Dharma Lady" by Geronimo Jackson. As it was playing, he did some work on his exercise machine, and then drank his cup of tea. When he finished th—

"Hello, Desmond." A soft, but eerie voice uttered from the shadows. Desmond jumped. He hadn't seen or heard anybody since Kelvin died – since he killed Kelvin. He looked around The Swan for the intruder, but failed to see anyone.

"Who is it?" The Scotsman asked the air. "I said, 'Who's there'!" He repeated angrily.

"My name is Benjamin. I'm here to help you."

"Benjamin…" He repeated under his breath. "Where are you?"

"I'm afraid that doesn't matter. What does matter, Desmond, is your wife and son."

"Wife and..." He began. "I'm not even bloody married! I don't have any children!" He was yelling now, "Who the bloody hell are you?"

"You might not believe it, Desmond, but I'm your friend." The voice told him. "And I'm here to help you. Help you leave."

This caught his attention. God, he wanted to leave. More than anything. He wanted to see her so badly. He missed her.

"What do I need to do?" He asked, cooperatively.

Ben laughed. "Wake up!"

My eyes opened. There was that dream again! Why did I keep having this dream? What did it mean? Ever since I left the Island…

"James…?" She asked tiredly.

"Yeah?" I responded.

"You alright?" She turned to me and looked me in the eyes. She was in that serious mode, the one you can't fight your way out of with a few snappy one-liners or a cute nickname.

I sighed. "I had the dream again." Kate tensed up at my words. "The one where I—"

"Where you're Desmond." She looked at my chest. "Back in the hatch." She paused to look me in the eyes again. "On the Island."

I sighed and rolled over. "You know we have to, James." She continued. "We can't just leave them there. Who knows what they're going through? Maybe Jack never stopped Locke. Maybe he's still there. Trying to leave. We can't let that happen. We have to go –"

"Don't say it." I scowled. "Don't you dare." I rolled back over. She was still staring at me. "You remember the last time you left? You thought we needed help. You thought you needed to save us! And guess what!" I stopped to glare at her. "Juliet died."

Kate frowned. She was always teary-eyed when I mentioned her. When I mentioned my real love. When I mentioned Juliet.After Frank landed the Miracle Plane in Fiji, no one knew what to do with themselves. I was so fucked up without Juliet, and Kate was fucked up without Jack, and… It just happened. We needed someone. It's been four months since it all ended. But… It never really did end. No one was happy. I didn't know what to do with myself, so I just drank. Kate felt it was her damn duty to get back to that godforsaken island. Richard actually bought his own private island in the Caribbean – he was that damn homesick. The little baby Aaron was scared to death of his really mother, and only wanted Kate. So Claire started doing drugs and even started slitting her wrists. Frank got shot in some bank robbery down in Texas. Poor bastard only made it six weeks after that... Miles was the only one of us who was actually happy. Apparently son of a bitch dug up Nina and Pablo's graves and snatched up all their diamonds. He sold 'em for something like eight mil'. Bastard didn't share shit with the rest of us.

"I'm sorry…" I said. I didn't mean it. "I mean it." She kissed me. It felt wrong. All of this was just' wrong. I wasn't supposed to be with her, and she wasn't supposed to be with me. I pulled away. She stared at me again. She was thinking' 'bout something'. She was worried. I looked back at her. I couldn't' stand it no more. I can't be with her! I don't even love her anymore! I love Juliet.

I got outta bed.

"What're you doing, James?" She said, her voice shaking.

"Gettin' dressed, the hell's it look like I'm doin'?" I said coldly.

"Where are you going?" She demanded.

"I don't care. Anywhere. Anywhere but here." I stopped putting my trousers on. I looked at the ground for a while, then turned to Kate. I glared, "Away from you."

Her eyes widened, and she started to bawl like a baby. I felt bad, but I needed to do it. It was the only option. The only way to get away from her.

I got in my car, and drove to the airport.