Disclaimer: Nope, don't own...

A/N- so...I've decided to continue this story...cause I'm obviously crazy...I figure each chapter is gonna be pretty short, which hopefully means I'll end up updating more often! Yay! I figure the story is going to be pretty angsty at times, so you've been warned! But yeah- a happy ending is pretty much a must with me so it shouldn't get too bad? Anywho, I think I've rambled enough now so wish me luck and enjoy!

This chapter doesn't really have Steve, but he's mentioned...a lot. He's in the background...Oh, and Tony is doing that self sacrificing thing he likes to do so much...

In all the ruckus that follows their return to the base of the Underground Avengers (as Tony has dubbed them in his head), he manages to slip away unnoticed.

Or at least mostly unnoticed, he's pretty sure it was Peter that had followed him down the hall, only to stop once he realized Tony was just heading to one of the bed rooms. He certainly doesn't expect Peter to start trusting him now, not even with Cap's return.

He figures he has a few moments before everyone comes rushing in to demand answers, once they're done testing Steve and making sure that he didn't come back tainted.

That he didn't come back as some sort of servant to Tony.

Luke hadn't thought he'd heard that.

So, he has a few minutes to himself before they burst in demanding answers that he will have to give, if only for the chance to remain near Steve. For a little while at least. He cannot remain there long.

There's an old computer in one corner of the room, Extremis could hear it from the other room and while Strange has the building safe guarded with magic, Tony doesn't need it to reach anyone outside.

He opens up a connection quickly, lies down on the bed and lets himself go. Immersed in lines of code and information and alerts, he feels almost at home, almost like himself again.

There had been a brief moment, standing next to Carol, while everyone surrounded Steve when he walked through the door that he had felt at home. Like the old days, when his family had been the Avengers.

Those days are long gone though.

He breathes deeply through his nose and steels himself for what he's about to do.

There's a moment of dizziness and disorientation as he pulls a part of himself away, a part of his memories and hides them so deep within the old, never used computer, that it would take forever to find, if one didn't know exactly what to look for.

Then he throws as much protection and encryption at it as he can.

The computer makes a low humming noise and then goes silent and Tony continues to lay there for a little while longer.

Osborne will never find this section of his mind, of this he is sure. Surrounded by magic and people he still trusts after every thing that has happened, this part of him is safe.

But he still cannot stay much longer, on the off chance that Osborne figures out how to track him through Strange's magic.

"Tony?"

He peels his eyes open to blink blearily up at Carol. There's a worried frown on her face, so he forces himself to sit up and appear normal. These downloads take more and more out of him. Both literally and figuratively.

"Are you alright?"

He forces a smile, brushes his hair out of his face and adjusts his shirt.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?"

She raises an eyebrow and enters the room, closing the door firmly behind her. Arms crossed she stares him down and he forces himself not to fidget under her gaze.

"I thought you would still be in there with Steve." He says instead, standing and making to exit the room but she blocks his way.

"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about."

Tony sighs and steps back as Carol pushes him back over to the bed. Instead of towering over him like he thought she would, she takes the seat next to him. It looks like Ms. Marvel is just as tired as he is.

"So, none of us can figure it out," Carol glances over at him. "How Steve remembers every single one of us, except you. And I get this feeling that that is on purpose."

This is not a conversation he would want to have with anyone, but if it has to be someone, he supposes Carol is the best candidate for it. She's one of his oldest friends and has her own share of problems, so maybe this won't end in a screaming match.

"I made a trade." Tony rubs his damp palms on his pants and tries to decide how to phrase his explanation. "The world needed Steve," he needed Steve. "So I traded something small to bring Captain America back." And it had worked. He still can't believe it actually worked. Steve is alive.

"He has essentially no idea that you exist and you're okay with this?" Carol's voice rises as she stands. Tony feels the frustration swelling in him that he's suppressed throughout this entire thing. All those months of planning, of sneaking around and searching- of bargaining and selling his soul…

"Of course I'm not okay with it!" Tony realizes he's close to yelling and the walls are very thin. He would bet everything he has left that there is a crowd of people waiting outside of the door. He breathes, in and out, centering himself and reminds himself that it's all worth it. When he speaks again, his voice is subdued.

"I'm not okay with it, but maybe someday I will be." He runs a shaky hand through his hair and tries to ignore the disbelieving look he's receiving. "I brought Captain America back, Carol. I brought Steve back." He searches her eyes and tries desperately to make her see that even if Steve doesn't remember him it's all worth it, every single moment of it just to have him back.

"Tony,"

"You don't know how much it hurt," He interrupts. He has to say it now or he'll never say it. "I- I didn't drink but I was so close, because it just didn't feel like it was worth it anymore." He knows Carol understands that feeling.

"And so I traded something small to bring him back." His hands close over his eyes and he tries to rub the tiredness and moisture out of them. "And this way, he doesn't have to deal with all the crap that comes with knowing me." Or with loving him.